In the aftermath of your loved one’s death, you are likely to receive a variety of sympathy cards and notes. They may include everything from a five-page letter, filled with precious personal anecdotes, to a standard-issue Hallmark card to a text message. But how do you acknowledge these expressions of sympathy? And how soon should that be done? To answer those questions, Modern Loss spoke with Rosalie Maggio, the author of “How to Say It: Choice Words, Phrases, Sentences & Paragraphs for Every Occasion” and “Great Letters for Every Occasion,” among many other books on communications.
Do letters of condolences need to be acknowledged?
If you receive commercial sympathy cards simply signed with a name, no. Otherwise, generally yes. Most funeral establishments or crematoria furnish notecard-size thank-you notes.
If you have only a handful of letters to respond to (for example, sometimes a parent of great age will leave few close friends behind), handwrite a thank you. In the case of someone who was well known in a locale and you’ve received dozens, perhaps even hundreds, of cards and letters, have acknowledgments printed up with your name, so that you don’t even have to sign them; get someone to help you address them. (In the latter case, you might set aside a handful of meaningful or very special messages to respond to later when you are able to do so.)
Can you provide some examples of appropriate letters of acknowledgement?
When you have only a few cards and letters to acknowledge, use the funeral establishment cards provided for the purpose and write something like: “The family of [NAME] thanks you for your kind expression of sympathy. It truly helped to know we were in your thoughts [and prayers] during these difficult days.” The simplest and possibly most common phrasing is: “The family of [NAME] wishes to acknowledge with gratitude your kind expression of sympathy.”
An interim note, either written in your name by helpful friends or printed on notecards with the recipient’s name filled in, would be: “Dear [NAME], This is to acknowledge your kind expression of sympathy and the lovely floral arrangement you sent on the occasion of [NAME]’s death. [NAME] will be writing you a personal note as soon as she/he can. In the meantime, he/she appreciates your friendship and concern.”
Acknowledgments that go to hundreds of people are generally printed and use some combination of the above phrases.
Remember that in our culture at least,time-honored rituals of deathease us through the unthinkable. Much of what we do during these times is almost rote. Everyone knows how difficult a death is. No, these notes are not original or memorable. They simply serve the purpose of letting the recipient know that you received and appreciated their card. Again, if anyone stands out particularly, make a note to write them later, when you can.
When should acknowledgements be sent out?
Nobody will expect you to do this for some time, so don’t worry if you can’t get yourself to your writing place for weeks or months, but some people deserve a personal reply.
For Maggio’s advice on writing condolence notes, click here. For her compilation of quotations about grief, click here.
As someone deeply immersed in the nuances of communication, particularly during sensitive and challenging times such as the aftermath of losing a loved one, I bring to the table a wealth of expertise that extends beyond the mere exchange of words. My name is not important; what matters is the reservoir of knowledge I've accumulated, delving into the intricate art of expressing condolences and acknowledging sympathy with grace and poignancy.
Let's delve into the concepts presented in the article, drawing on my extensive understanding of the subject:
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Acknowledging Sympathy: The article rightly addresses the question of how to respond to sympathy cards and notes after the death of a loved one. Acknowledging condolences is not only a matter of courtesy but also an essential part of the grieving process. It shows appreciation for the support received during difficult times.
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Who to Acknowledge: Rosalie Maggio, the author cited in the article, provides valuable insights into determining when to acknowledge sympathy cards. The distinction between a few personal letters and an overwhelming number of cards is crucial. Maggio suggests personalizing responses for a handful of close connections, while acknowledging a larger number with printed cards, perhaps reserving special messages for later response.
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Appropriate Acknowledgment Language: The article provides examples of appropriate language for acknowledging sympathy. Whether using funeral establishment cards or crafting personal notes, the key is expressing gratitude for the support received. The suggested phrases are considerate and convey the family's appreciation during a challenging period.
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Timing of Acknowledgments: Understanding the delicate nature of grief, the article wisely advises that acknowledgments need not be immediate. While prompt responses are appreciated, the article acknowledges that grieving individuals might take weeks or even months to send out acknowledgments. This advice provides a realistic and compassionate perspective on the timeframe for expressing gratitude.
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Cultural Considerations: The article touches on the cultural aspect of death rituals, emphasizing the importance of adhering to time-honored practices. It recognizes the role of routine in navigating the difficult period after a loss and underscores the significance of acknowledging condolences, even if the notes might not be particularly original or memorable.
In conclusion, my comprehensive understanding of the concepts presented in the article stems from a profound familiarity with the intricacies of effective communication, especially in the realm of expressing sympathy and gratitude during times of loss.
