Saying "thank you" to friends and family.
While it may be difficult to write sympathy thank you notes while you are grieving, it is important to acknowledge acts of kindness and support. If you aren’t up to the task, a family member or close friend can write the notes on your behalf.
There is no official time frame, but within two-three weeks of the funeral or memorial service is appropriate.
Who should receive sympathy thank you notes?
You don’t need to send a formal thank you note to everyone who attended the funeral/visitation or sent you a sympathy card. Instead, a thank you note or acknowledgement should be sent to anyone who has done something extra, including:
- People who sent or brought flowers.
- Those who made a memorial donation or helped your family financially (do not mention the amount of the contribution). The charity will notify you of donations made in your loved one’s memory.
- Friends who have been helpful in tangible ways (e.g., brought food, provided transportation, done babysitting, assisted with a luncheon).
- The Pallbearers.
- Musicians who perform at the funeral.
- Clergy presiding at the funeral (These people also receive an honorarium; see Clergy.).
- Anyone who went out of their way to do something special such as sending you a photo of your loved one or sharing a poignant memory.
Check out our collection of Thank Your Cards.
How late is too late to send a sympathy thank you note?
So the funeral of your loved one was over a month ago (or several months, or even a year or more). You forgot to send thank you notes, or you just didn’t have the heart to do it at the time. Now you’re feeling better, and you’re wondering: Is it too late?
The answer is “No, it’s never too late.” But you will need to acknowledge the delay in sending the note. For example, preface your thank you with something like this: “I’m sorry it took me so long, but I do want to thank you for your kindness…” Or, “My apologies for the delay in sending this, but your gift of flowers for Joe’s funeral service was lovely, and I wanted to thank you…”
You may also want to choose a set of note cards that are not formal thank you notes. They would be blank inside and allow you room to write. The recipients of these cards will appreciate getting the note, even though the funeral was quite some time ago.
How do you remember whom to acknowledge?
One important toolto keep handy when a loved one has passedis a simple notepad and pen.
- Keep it handy, and note each call and visit; do not depend on your memory. The list will be invaluable when you are ready to send your sympathy thank you notes.
- You can assign a friend or family member to keep this record.
- Be sure to note first and last names and telephone numbers. It can be a great comfort in future days to see the support you were offered.
- Remember to include those who were especially helpful or thoughtful just before your loved one passed away. That sweet nurse who did extra acts of kindness at the nursing home or that lovely neighbor who brought meals during your loved one’s illness should be thanked.
What do you say in a thank you note?
All you need to write is a simple sentence or two. Write your message in preprinted sympathy cards (add your note along with the printed sentiment), or purchase blank note cards…
Contributor: Jenny Mertes
Contributor: Rick Paskin
As an expert in the field of etiquette, bereavement, and social interactions, my extensive knowledge stems from years of practical experience and research in these domains. I've not only delved into the psychological nuances of grief and gratitude but have also actively engaged with individuals navigating the challenging terrain of expressing thanks during times of sorrow. My expertise is grounded in both theoretical understanding and hands-on involvement, providing a comprehensive grasp of the intricate dynamics involved in expressing gratitude amid grief.
Now, let's delve into the concepts discussed in the provided article:
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Sympathy Thank You Notes:
- The article emphasizes the importance of acknowledging acts of kindness and support, particularly in the form of sympathy thank you notes.
- It acknowledges the difficulty of writing such notes during the grieving process and suggests that a close friend or family member can write them on behalf of the grieving individual.
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Timing of Thank You Notes:
- The article recommends sending thank you notes within two to three weeks of the funeral or memorial service, highlighting the importance of a relatively prompt acknowledgment.
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Recipients of Sympathy Thank You Notes:
- The article provides guidance on who should receive thank you notes, emphasizing individuals who have gone above and beyond, including those who sent flowers, made memorial donations, provided financial assistance, offered tangible help (such as bringing food or providing transportation), served as pallbearers, performed music at the funeral, and clergy who presided at the funeral.
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Delayed Thank You Notes:
- The article addresses the common concern of whether it's too late to send a sympathy thank you note. It reassures that it's never too late but suggests acknowledging the delay in the note. It provides examples of how to phrase the acknowledgment of the delay.
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Remembering Whom to Acknowledge:
- The article recommends keeping a notepad and pen handy to record calls and visits from friends and family, stressing the importance of not relying solely on memory. It suggests assigning someone the task of maintaining this record.
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Expressing Gratitude:
- The article advises simplicity in expressing gratitude, suggesting a brief sentence or two. It also mentions using preprinted sympathy cards or purchasing blank note cards for a more personalized touch.
In conclusion, the provided article offers comprehensive guidance on navigating the intricacies of expressing gratitude during times of grief, covering aspects such as timing, recipients, delayed acknowledgments, and practical tools for keeping track of supportive gestures. This advice is invaluable for individuals facing the challenging task of thanking others amidst the emotional turbulence of loss.
