Getting back with your ex? Here’s what therapists want you to know (2024)

FAQs

How do you know when your ex is truly done with you? ›

One of the questions that couples often ask when they first start therapy is, “Can we actually fall in love again?” The answer is a resounding “Yes, absolutely!” But it doesn't happen easily or accidentally.

There's no emotional connection

If you're not sharing what's on your mind, it might be a sign that you no longer want a deep connection. Similarly, if you've found that the usual fun banter between you is gone, or it's difficult to have engaging conversations, your bond could be getting weaker.

To tell your ex, you can meet in person, and tell him face-to-face, but you can also send an email, text messages, write a letter, Skype or Facetime, or talk on the phone. Each of these options has its own benefits (and drawbacks), so finding the one that fits you is important. Write down what you want to say.

If your ex is trying to contact you, or maybe even trying to speak to you at weird hours, then it might be a sign they still think about you. Another big sign is social media. If they somehow didn't get rid of you, whether, via an unfriend or a straight block, it might mean that they miss you.

You receive a lot of mixed messages when you begin wondering about your chances of getting back with your ex. Depending on your age, the type of situation you are in or your marital status, your chances of getting back together run from ten to sixty-five percent.

How do I know if my ex misses me? ›

Couples therapy can tackle the full range of relationship issues, from minor disagreements to major problems in communication. It's never too late to seek help from a qualified therapist. Even if you feel your relationship is too broken for repair, you'd be surprised how much therapy can help.

Therapy can last anywhere from one session to several months or even years. It all depends on what you want and need. Some people come to therapy with a very specific problem they need to solve and might find that one or two sessions is sufficient.

When looking at the timeline of breakups, many sites refer to a “study” that's actually a consumer poll a market research company conducted on behalf of Yelp. The poll's results suggest it takes an average of about 3.5 months to heal, while recovering after divorce might take closer to 1.5 years, if not longer.

“If your ex is still in contact, and is no longer pining over you, blaming you or stalking you, they're probably over you,” says Tessina. “If your ex is ready to be friendly, especially with someone new you are dating, then they're definitely over you.

What do dumpers feel during no contact? During no contact dumpers initially feel a sense of relief that the relationship is over. Then they start getting curious about why their ex never called. Then they start stalking the ex on social media to see how they are doing without them.

Can time apart fix a relationship? ›

Taking time apart can allow you both to think about the issues in your relationship, cool off, learn new coping strategies, and come back together with a different lens or perspective that can be difficult to have when you're together and actively fighting through your issues.

According to experts, it's totally possible to fall back in love with someone you used to date, and the reason why makes sense. "Once you love someone, unless your respect for them is destroyed, you can always love them again," Susan Trombetti, matchmaker and CEO of Exclusive Matchmaking, tells Elite Daily.

Genuine love is profound—it does not come and go every now and then; it is something that is likely to last over time. This does not mean that love cannot fade away, but even when it does, it leaves some scars, or rather potential feelings that can flourish if and when the environment is conducive.

Don't be an attention seeker: Avoid begging for attention—do not do something just to make your ex feel jealous. Even if you wish to grab his attention, do not make it an overt and desperate act. For instance, unless you are comfortable going out on dates, do not go just to make it apparent to your ex.

If you want to make a guy regret losing you, avoid talking to him for about a month after the breakup and focus on improving yourself instead. For example, join a club, try out a new hobby, hang out with friends, or reconnect with someone you've lost touch with.

Loving an Ex Is Normal

The love you once shared for your ex just doesn't fade away overnight, and that's something you have to be patient with yourself about. Studies show that, when relationships end, people may deal with depression, PTSD, anxiety, and other mental health issues.

You might have heard the line, “An ex is an ex for a reason.” Which is technically true. Never has a breakup occurred without some sort of rift, no matter how maturely you've worked through it since then. However, sometimes the reason your ex is an ex is entirely fixable.

How do you know your ex doesn't miss you? ›

The results showed just 15% of people actually won their ex back, while 14% got back together just to break up again, and 70% never reconnected at all. But although it sounds like a small number, a few success stories showed how it is possible to work things out if you put the time and effort in.

In fact, a hefty 60 percent of couples report getting back together again, per (opens in new tab)Psychology Today (opens in new tab).

How Long Does it Take After a Breakup to Get Back Together Your Ex? In most cases, couples get back together within 1-6 months of the breakup. This statistics only includes couples who stayed together in a long term relationship after getting back together. Here's a chart with more details on this.

Because the truth is, during no contact with your ex, they will start to miss you no matter what. What they do with that feeling is dependent on their personality. If you were dating an incredibly stubborn person, it might take months before your ex gives in and reaches out.

Sometimes, people are still thinking about their Ex for months, or even years after the relationship ended because of lingering insecurities or comparisons they're making — even subconsciously. This is often true when your Ex has moved on before you have.

Yes, toxic relationships can change. But that comes with a very big if. A toxic relationship can change if and only if both partners are equally committed to overcoming it with lots of open communication, honesty, self-reflection, and possibly professional help, individually and together.

The American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists reports an overall success rate of 98%. The success of couples therapy and other factors contributes to a decreasing divorce rate in the United States. Today, counseling can indeed save and strengthen a marriage.

You're less interested in spending time together: When a relationship loses its spark, you may spend more time with your friends than your partner. You may even find that you're very easily annoyed by them, causing you to punish your partner or avoid each other altogether.

How do you rekindle a relationship with your ex? ›

The number of recommended sessions varies by condition and treatment type, however, the majority of psychotherapy clients report feeling better after 3 months; those with depression and anxiety experience significant improvement after short and longer time frames, 1-2 months & 3-4.

The Termination Stage is the final stage of counseling, but is just as important as the initial phase of counseling.

How do I know it's time to end therapy? A positive sign that it's time to end therapy is if the client feels they've accomplished the goals they first set out to achieve.

While everyone's ex is different, the No Contact Rule does increase the likelihood of your ex missing you and wanting to come back. In essence, it will show them that you are not available for them whenever they want you and that you have your own life to live.

Regardless of the nature of your question, know that ex-couples getting back together after a breakup are more common. Some couples may get back after a few weeks or months, while others go apart only to find a way to be together after years of living separately.

How do you ask for a second chance relationship? ›

“I'm not over it and I'm not ready to be friends.” “I wish you the best, but I don't think we should be in contact.” “This will be the last text I send you, please respect this boundary.” “Separation is what I need right now, so I'm not going to talk to you anymore.

Rules And Boundaries For How To Speak To Your Ex

Adding a little humor to the conversation can take off some of the edginess and awkwardness. Think about ways to make some small talk before you start the call. Ask your ex questions about things you know they're passionate about and use it as an ice breaker.