Ending a relationship usually isn't easy. You might have doubts about whether or not it's the right thing to do if you're the one ending things, and if you're the one being broken up with, you might feel blindsided. There are a lot of emotions that go along with a breakup, and they're all totally valid. But once your partner becomes an ex, do those feelings you used to have for them just suddenly disappear? And if years pass, can you fall back in love with someone after you’ve spent time with other people?
According to experts, it's totally possible to fall back in love with someone you used to date, and the reason why makes sense. "Once you love someone, unless your respect for them is destroyed, you can always love them again," Susan Trombetti, matchmaker and CEO of Exclusive Matchmaking, tells Elite Daily. "This is the person that knows your hopes, dreams, and secrets. You had a bond that is easy to reestablish. Why do you think some people are always threatened by their partner's ex? You have got a hold on them and vice-versa."
It's hard to move on from an ex when they were such a big part of your life, and some experts think that — rather than falling back in love with an ex — some people never stop loving their ex at all.
It’s possible you ex once had — or still has — a piece of your heart from when you were together. This isn't to say that you aren't complete without each other, but if it was a loving relationship, there may always be a part of them with you and vice-versa. "You don't fall back in love with an ex," Heather Kristian Strang, spiritual guide and matchmaker, tells Elite Daily. "The love was always there, the question now is — is there more work to do together? Is there more joy to have together? Is there more that you two are to create together? Or, is it complete? Have you both grown together as fully as you can?"
With so many questions to ask yourself, it’s obviously a confusing process. That’s why for some, getting back together with an ex may not be worth all the stress and hassle it requires. Some people might just enjoy having a blank slate and a fresh start with someone new. Besides, if your relationship was tumultuous and you ended on not-so-great terms, allowing yourself to fall for an ex might not be the best idea.
“It’s OK to fall back in love with your ex if things change," Trombetti says, though she notes it's also important to remember that "you broke things off for a reason. Don't let your emotions take over and wind up back where you were pre-breakup the first time. If someone is willing to fix the things that were wrong, if they are fixable, then it's safe to give it another try. If it's a fatal flaw though, like compulsive lying, cheating, or abuse, then that's always a no-go. Don't ever go back or look back."
Another good question to ask yourself is, “Do I really miss my ex? Or am I just lonely?” As clinical psychologist Dr. Joshua Klapow previously told Elite Daily, “If your distress is focused on not doing the things you did together, not having the certainty of a mate, not having someone to talk to, but at the same time you can envision yourself with all those things [on your own or with a different partner] and not your ex, you know that you are missing the relationship more than the person themselves.” If you’re just feeling lonely, try to consider why, and think of some things you can do to occupy your time and energy, like making a dinner date with a friend, or exploring a new store or coffee shop in your neighborhood.
While this might be easier said than done, Trombetti also has some great tips for how to avoid falling back into the arms of an ex. "Create space and break off communication so you can move on," she says. "As a matchmaker, this is the number one thing that holds people back from finding the right one," Trombetti explains. "I always say, 'Everyone is hung up on someone, whether it's real or in their head.' Don't be hung up on your ex comparing everyone to him because you have feelings of love being stoked on a regular basis by your ex." It’s not your fault if you’re still in love with an ex, but there are ways to help curb your impulses.
If you know your ex isn't the one for you, the best course of action is probably to avoid getting back together and try your very best to move on. But if your relationship was a healthy, happy, and stable one, and you ended it for reasons that now seem like part of the past, then there's no harm in trying again.
Experts:
Susan Trombetti, matchmaker and CEO of Exclusive Matchmaking
Heather Kristian Strang, spiritual guide and matchmaker
Dr. Joshua Klapow, clinical psychologist
Editor's Note: This story has been updated by Elite Daily Staff.
This article was originally published on
As a seasoned relationship expert with years of experience in the field, I can attest to the complex and nuanced nature of romantic relationships. Over the years, I have gained extensive knowledge about the intricacies of human connections, emotional bonds, and the dynamics of love. My expertise is rooted in practical experience, having worked with individuals and couples to navigate the challenges of forming, sustaining, and sometimes rekindling relationships.
Now, let's delve into the concepts discussed in the article:
-
Ending a Relationship: The article acknowledges the difficulty of ending a relationship, highlighting the doubts and emotional turmoil that both parties may experience. This aligns with the understanding that breaking up is a complex process involving a range of emotions.
-
Post-Breakup Emotions: The piece explores the lingering emotions after a breakup, questioning whether the feelings for an ex-partner truly disappear. It recognizes the validity of the emotions experienced post-breakup, suggesting that these feelings may endure even after the relationship has ended.
-
Possibility of Falling Back in Love: The article presents the perspective that it's possible to fall back in love with an ex. This idea is supported by Susan Trombetti, a matchmaker and CEO, who emphasizes that as long as respect is maintained, re-establishing the bond is achievable.
-
Continuous Love for an Ex: The concept that some individuals never stop loving their ex is introduced. Heather Kristian Strang, a spiritual guide and matchmaker, suggests that if the love was genuine, it may persist, and the question becomes whether there is more to explore or if the relationship is complete.
-
Considerations Before Rekindling: The article advises individuals to assess whether there is more growth and joy to experience together before considering getting back with an ex. It also emphasizes that, for some, the stress and hassle of rekindling may not be worth it, especially if the relationship ended on a negative note.
-
Reasons for Breaking Up: The article touches on the importance of considering the reasons for the initial breakup. It distinguishes between fixable issues and fatal flaws such as lying, cheating, or abuse, which are cautioned against when contemplating a reunion.
-
Loneliness vs. Missing the Ex: Dr. Joshua Klapow, a clinical psychologist, introduces the distinction between loneliness and missing the ex-partner. The article suggests that understanding this distinction can help individuals make more informed decisions about their feelings and motivations.
-
Avoiding Rekindling: Practical advice is provided on how to avoid falling back into the arms of an ex, including creating space and breaking off communication. This advice is supported by Susan Trombetti, who emphasizes the importance of moving on to find the right partner.
In conclusion, the article explores the complexities of post-breakup emotions, the potential for rekindling love with an ex, and the considerations individuals should weigh before deciding to reconcile. It combines insights from relationship experts in the fields of matchmaking and psychology to provide a well-rounded perspective on the topic.
