How to Convince Your Ex to Give You a Second Chance (2024)

Here’s how to ask your ex to give you a second chance and start a fresh relationship. Reconciliation involves learning and growing forward.

The good news is that manybreakups aren’t permanent. In fact, if you can convince your ex to give you a second chance, you might rebuild your relationship into something stronger and healthier than before. These seven tips will help you convince someone you love to give you a second chance.

These tips are inspired by a reader’s email.“I would do anything to get her back, anything,” says Terry on How to Decide if You Should Reconcile With Your Husband. “I screwed up our relationship, I made mistakes that I regret so bad. Now I wish I could go back to the way things were. What do I do? How do I get her back? I just need to convince her to give me a second chance. I know I can prove my love and commitment if we get back together. Advice?”

Here’s the first step: find ways to gently detach yourself from your need to convince your ex to give you a second chance. The truth is that you don’t need reconciliation to happen. You don’t need your ex back in order to have a happy life. It’s very important for you not to place your happiness on someone else’s shoulders. Don’t give a relationship, experience, possession, place or anything that power in your life.

The healthier you are emotionally, spiritually, physically and socially, the greater your chances of convincing someone you love to give you a second chance. True growth and healing is your first goal. Everything else will fall into place after that.

If you can get to a place where your happiness does not depend on whether or not your ex gives you a second chance, then you will be open to whatever happens. And that is true freedom, joy, peace and love. That’s the first and more important tip on how to convince someone you love to reconcile. These seven additional tips are just icing on the cake…

7 Tips for Convincing Someone to Give You a Second Chance

One of the most important tips for reconciling is to give your ex time and space to breathe. The more you call, text, email and contact her, the more she’ll pull away. The trick is finding the balance between wooing her romantically and giving her time to miss you. This can take some thought – especially if you aren’t even sure that reconciliation is a good idea. Read Is It a Good Idea to Get My Ex Back?

1. Apologize for your role in the relationship and breakup

Apologizing for your actions and attitudes is a simple, powerful way to make up with your ex. You’re both in pain, you both may feel defensive, scared and confused – but a sincere apology without excuses or rationales is the first step towards convincing someone to give you a second chance. Take it a step further by sharing what you actually learned from the breakup. Is your love stronger – and why? Are you more convinced than ever that you’re meant to be together? What do you regret about the breakup, and how can you use your newfound wisdom to convince your ex to take you back?

Here’s what I’d like to hear from my husband if we had an argument that led to a breakup:“I’m really, really sorry that I hurt you. I wish with all my heart that I didn’t do “X”, but I did. I can promise you it will never happen again because I learned __________ from that experience.”

2. Discuss the reason your relationship broke up

If you had a physical or emotional affair, your ex deserves answers. Share some details of how and why the affair happened – such as how it came about and why you know it’ll never happen again. Talk about ways you and your ex can ensure it doesn’t happen again. Pinpoint the reason for the breakup, and discuss ways to protect yourself from it happening again.

Don’t avoid the difficult discussions or painful moments. Do not brush her questions away, even if you feel painfully uncomfortable. One of the main things I hear from women is that men don’t want to talk about stuff. This tip for reconciling with your ex is one of the most important – and one of the most difficult. Be honest about how you feel and what you think. If you don’t know what to say, tell her that. If you don’t know how to convince her to give you a second chance, say so. Share what’s on your heart.

3. Change your lifestyle

Are you clear about why you broke up? If not, listen to what people are telling you. Were you working too much, spending too much money,or not around enough? After you figure out why you broke up, make changes in your life that solve that problem. For example: if you cheated on your ex, you can no longer do the things you did. Of course you can’t cheat again – but you also lost your freedom to go and do whatever you want. If you really want to convince your ex to give you a second chance, you have to acceptnew limits and boundaries. You can’t go out for drinks or dinner with women, or hide your computer or phone passwords from your wife or girlfriend. If you want tomake up with your ex, your life has to be an open book..

You need to rebuild trust by being open to reasonable requests regarding boundaries and behavior. If you don’t know what this means, consider couples therapy or marriage counseling.

One of the biggest obstacles to getting back together with an ex is lack of communication. Sometimes, an ex simply doesn’t want to talk about the breakup or the relationship, and you’re forced to move on without further communication. If this describes your situation, you might find How to Heal Your Heart Without Relationship Closure helpful.

4. Talk about how your lifestyle and relationship has changed

How are you different now? Share how your life, habits, and perspectives will be different after you make up with your ex. Ask your ex what changes she would like to see in your relationship.

When you’re trying to convince someone to take you back, talk about the changes you’ll both need to make. But, be very careful not to blame her for the relationship problems. If you want to save your relationship, you’ll both need to change in some way. You need to learn new ways to communicate and be together as a couple.

Make this part of your apology! When you’re figuring outhow to convince someone to give you a second chance in a relationship, you have to be honest, real, and humble. Apologize for your part in the breakup; not only is saying “I’m sorry” good for your soul, research shows that apologies repair relationships and help to facilitate forgiveness.

5. Don’t just talk

Part of the reason it’s difficult to convince your ex to take you back is that talk is meaningless. You can talk until you have no words left, you can repeat yourself over and over, and you can write everything until you’ve used every letter of the alphabet a million times. It’s meaningless, useless – especially if you and your ex have had these problems before.

So, how do you convince your ex to take you back by going beyond talk? By going into counseling, reading books about relationships, and changing your habits to reflect your commitment to your ex. And, when you’re thinking abouthow to convince someone to give you a second chance, keep learning what she thinks about the breakup. Don’t assume you know why she’s mad or what you did wrong. Ask sincere questions about the breakup, and listen between the lines. Watch her face and body when she talks to you; look for nonverbal cues that show hurt, pain, or grief.

6. Listen carefully to your ex’s words

No matter how difficult it is, try to hear your ex’s thoughts and perspectives all the way to the end. Don’t try to convince her to think or feel a different way. Listen intently – without interrupting – until your ex has nothing else to say about you, your style of love,or your relationship. Put your feelings of guilt, remorse or pain aside. Your shame and regret shouldn’t bethe focus of attention when you’re trying to save your relationship.

Convincing someone to give you a second chanceis about setting aside your own viewpoint and trying to see your relationship from your ex’s perspective. If you’re dealing with painful thoughts or addictions, a therapist can help you work through your emotional issues.

7. Lighten up! Show your love in a creative, personal way

A fresh bouquet of flowers – such as Benchmark Bouquets’ Joyful Wishes – is not the most personal or creative way to say “please give me a second chance.” But, flowers are classy and cheerful. You may not be the most creative person you know, but flowers is a traditional way to say “I’m sorry” and ask someone you love for forgiveness.

How to Convince Your Ex to Give You a Second Chance (2)

If you often send flowers, consider something different instead. A bouquet of balloons, perhaps, or an edible bouquet of chocolate roses or cherry blossoms. What you send isn’t as important as reaching out in a personal, loving, affectionate way.

It’s also important to be honest with yourself and your ex. Talk about the fact that rebuilding your relationship won’t happen overnight, especially you betrayed your ex. Sometimes it takes weeks for wounds to heal and fade into memories. Healing and reconnecting with someone you love takes time, energy and effort – but it’s worth it if you really want to make up.

How do you feel about asking your ex to give you a second chance?