What Is the Psychology of No Contact on the Dumper? (2024)

FAQs

What Is the Psychology of No Contact on the Dumper? ›

The psychology of no contact on dumper is a coping mechanism to help you think hard about what went wrong and how you could be a better person and a potentially better partner to the next person who will come along. Instead of thinking about your ex, you have to focus on self-improvement and healing.

What do dumpers feel during no contact? During no contact, dumpers initially feel a sense of relief that the relationship is over. Then they start getting curious about why their ex never called. Then they start stalking the ex on social media to see how they are doing without them.

Cutting off contact with the Dumper often triggers a “reaction,” because it means that the Dumpee takes back their power. They are signaling that they don't want to be dependent anymore. Some Dumpers don't like that and will make an attempt to get their power over them back.

The average breakup pundit would have you believe that with the no contact rule there would be a significant shift in how often they reach out to you. Turns out that the majority of exes don't reach out to you during no contact. And we know that close to 90% of the individuals who read this article will be the dumpee.

Men revealed that no contact after breakup, made them realise the importance of their ex. This proves that no contact rule male psychology does work. Male dumper psychology is such that if you do not contact your ex until 60 days post break up he will come back to you.

Generally speaking, some dumpers regret their decision to break up only weeks after the incident. Other dumpers need years to feel that way. And some never even arrive at the final stage of dumpers remorse. Instead, they move on to someone else — be it a rebound or not.

Yes. Though most may not admit it, all of us are narcissists to varying degrees. We all would want to be seen as irresirtably desirable to people have either dumped or were dumped by us. We all would love to see them crawling up to us and seemingly begging us to take them back.

Both the dumper and dumpee experience a range of emotions after a breakup. Dumper's remorse doesn't happen in all relationships, but there's a good chance that your ex experiences some uncertainty and regret after ending things.

If a secure attachment ex broke up with you, they are much more likely to move on from the breakup quickly compared to the other attachment styles. They have so much fortitude and self-confidence that they understand that there is much more to them as individuals aside from their relationship.

When you are looking at why the dumper is acting cold towards you one possible explanation is that it might be a defense mechanism to stave off feeling sadness or shame. Remember, human beings are very pain averse and that's doubly true for emotional pain.

Do dumpers never come back? ›

If you average all the reputable research on the ex recovery process and chances of getting your ex back, there's about a 43.5% chance your ex will come back without doing anything. Those aren't exactly betting odds. That means six out of ten times you're probably not going to get your ex back.

Stage one: your ex is calm and assured of his decision. This typically lasts three days to a week. In stage two, he is worried after he doesn't hear from you. Stage three: he gets angry after he realizes he's being ignored, which hits at two to two and a half weeks post-breakup.

1. What is the success rate of no contact? The success rate of this rule is usually almost as high as 90% because the person who has broken up will inevitably contact you for one of two reasons.

It is definitely OK not to respond to an ex. In fact, in many circ*mstances, you might find that it's best you don't respond, especially if it was a toxic relationship.

Typically, evidence suggests the dumpee normally faces more pain and they certainly do suffer the most intensity of emotions. That being said the dumper rarely escapes pain free.

Many people stay in touch with their ex even after a breakup and that makes them lose that importance. Your ex, who has already taken you for granted, will not value you if you continue like you were together. The best way to make him or her regret is that you limit your contact and find ways to stay in sight.

We've seen a lot of male dumpers come back when they've seen their partners exhibit healthy behaviors like trying to get over them. But it's not always as simple as having the male dumper ask for them back. In 90% of our successes our clients have had to reach out and move up the value chain with their exes first.

In most cases, if you give your ex enough space, they will at some point miss you. Of course, that doesn't necessarily mean they're going to get on their hands and knees and beg for you back. For some the “missing emotion” can be fleeting. For others, all consuming.

Why do dumpers reach out years later? ›

Why Do Exes Reach Out Years Later? There are several reasons why ex's reach out years later, including they are just checking up on you, they want to offer a sincere apology, or they are jealous of your happiness.

In short, yes, but their grief is going to be different because if the dumper is an avoidant they've come up with all these coping mechanisms to suppress how they're feeling. Think of it like a more agonizing process that on the outside might not look like they're grieving at all.

The first and most obvious reason why your ex tries to hurt you after a breakup is that they still have feelings for you. This is why they contact you, make it difficult for you to move on, and try to make you stay in touch with them.

2 or 3 months after the breakup the dumper starts to feel low and lonely. Now they're dealing with loneliness and starting to embrace their feelings. This is the moment that a dumper starts to realize the consequences of their actions, even for bad or for good.

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Maybe they're pissed off. Your ex could also just be protecting themselves from any unwanted emotions — perhaps they fear that if they respond, they'll re-open their breakup wounds. Or they're just playing games by ignoring you, which is a typical response from toxic exes.

When relationships end and there are unresolved issues, an ex may orbit to show the other that they still have interest. To prevent their ex from forgetting them or getting over them, they keep their name popping up on their social media. Orbiters may be trying to establish hope for a future connection.

“No contact” could make him question what he thought he did right. He'll doubt everything from his attractiveness and bedroom skills to his jokes and romantic gestures. He might fixate on every little error he made while you were together, adding to his feelings of regret and insecurity.

The no-contact rule refers to cutting off all contact with an ex following a breakup, and it's the best method for moving on from an ex. No contact should last for a minimum of 60 days, and it includes no texting, no calling, and no interacting on social media.

Is going no contact manipulative? ›

“No Contact” attempts to control & manipulate your spouse. It does NOT form a healthy relationship. “No Contact” is a way to try and control another person. And it is not what forms a healthy relationship going forward.

Bhonsle says, “While experiencing the no-contact rule, the man might go through anger, humiliation, and fear, sometimes all at once. Depending on the time of day, the man could feel any of these individual emotions or all of them together.”

If the relationship was good and the breakup response was decent by no contact being implemented soon enough, the odds are about 70%. So the best-case scenario of the No Contact Rule is a 70% success rate in getting an ex back.

Plan how long you want the no contact period to last.

4 weeks is generally considered to be enough time for your ex to change their mind about the breakup if they're going to do it. That being said, follow it for as long or short as you feel is right. Whether you want to set an exact date to end on is up to you.

While 30 days is a good rule of thumb, everybody is different. Some people move on really fast after a breakup, while other people take a long time. If 30 days pass and you still aren't ready, it's totally okay to extend your period of no contact.

If 30 days have passed and your ex has not reached out to you, then you should give him or her their space. Every break up is different and no written rule says that it's a 30-day cap. Some people can go for 3 months with no-contact.