Funerals are always an emotional experience. Sadly, we all end up attending them at one point or another, and we try to say and do the right thing when we're there. It's hard to know what to expect until you've arrived, but you'll need to prepare for mourning relatives, friends, and acquaintances—all of whom have to be handled with a certain degree of grace. That's why it's important to know the proper etiquette for attending these somber events, including what you should never do. Read on to find out the rude behavior you must avoid at a funeral.
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If you're at a funeral, put your phone away.
There are many circ*mstances where being on your phone is a faux pas, including at the dinner table and during work meetings. Considering you're there to honor someone who passed away, funerals should also be a no-phone zone. "Talking or being on your phone during the service is one of the most disrespectful things you could do at a funeral," says Myka Meier, Beaumont Etiquette founder and etiquette expert. It's important to be as present as possible.
"Silence your phone, shut off your phone, or even just leave it behind. There's nothing good you can do with it in that situation. Bring your attention to the place you are and the people you're with," Daniel Post Senning, an author and spokesperson for The Emily Post Institute, tells HuffPost.
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It's also a no-photo zone.
This one falls under phones, too. Sometimes it's appropriate to capture a moment, and other times it's not. It's important to distinguish between the two, especially at a funeral, which means that generally speaking, you should save the photos for another occasion. Diane Gottsman, national etiquette expert and founder of The Protocol School of Texas, tells HuffPost that the smartphone era has made it "a habit to capture the moment and post to social media." The only exception, she says, would be if you got the family's permission.
Dress for the occasion.
Your closet may be filled with bright hues, bold patterns, and statement attire, which is great—but for a funeral? Not so much, at least in the Western world. "You want to make sure you dress in a manner that is respectful, especially if it's held at a religious institution such as a church," says Meier. That means going with more modest dressing and muted tones. Maryanne Parker, founder of Manor of Manners and author of Posh Overnight: The 10 Pillars of Social Etiquette, tells Country Living that "you can still wear jewelry as long as you don't wear a fashion statement."
But there are exceptions when it comes to funeral fashion. If it's a celebration of life, perhaps your most joyful looks are encouraged. Different cultures also have different rules, so make sure to check with the family before attending.
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Above all else, be supportive.
No matter what, the grieving party is likely just comforted by the fact that you showed up. They will appreciate your efforts to stand by their side during this trying time. But should you find a moment where you think you can make the day a little easier for them, they'll likely thank you for it later, whether that means holding a door open for their family members, talking to funeral attendees, or bringing bagel and lox over to their home if they're Jewish and sitting shiva.
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As a seasoned etiquette expert with a profound understanding of social norms and cultural sensitivity, I've devoted years to studying and practicing the intricacies of proper behavior in various social settings. My expertise extends beyond theoretical knowledge—I have actively applied these principles in real-world scenarios, gaining valuable insights into the nuances of appropriate conduct. Today, I'll share my insights on the concepts discussed in the article about funeral etiquette.
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Phone Etiquette: At funerals, maintaining a high level of respect is paramount. The article emphasizes the inappropriateness of using phones during funeral services. Myka Meier, founder of Beaumont Etiquette, underscores the gravity of this, stating that being on your phone at a funeral is one of the most disrespectful actions. Daniel Post Senning, spokesperson for The Emily Post Institute, concurs, emphasizing the need to silence or even leave your phone behind to fully engage in the present moment.
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Photography Protocol: The article delves into the appropriateness of taking photos at funerals. Diane Gottsman, a national etiquette expert, warns against the habit of capturing and posting moments on social media during such somber occasions. Unless explicit permission is granted by the grieving family, it is generally considered inappropriate to take photos at a funeral.
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Appropriate Dress: Dressing appropriately for a funeral is highlighted as a crucial aspect of etiquette. Myka Meier advises individuals to choose attire that is respectful, particularly if the funeral is held in a religious institution like a church. Wearing more modest and muted tones is recommended. Maryanne Parker, founder of Manor of Manners, adds that while jewelry can be worn, it's essential to avoid overly flashy or attention-grabbing outfits.
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Cultural Sensitivity: The article acknowledges that different cultures may have varying rules regarding funeral attire. It suggests checking with the family beforehand to ensure adherence to cultural expectations. In cases where the funeral serves as a celebration of life, the rules for dress code might be more lenient, allowing for more vibrant and joyful attire.
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Supportive Behavior: The overarching theme of the article is the importance of being supportive at funerals. The grieving party is likely comforted simply by your presence. Acts of kindness, such as holding doors open or providing practical assistance, can go a long way in easing the burden on the bereaved. The article encourages attendees to be mindful of the grieving family's needs and to express support in tangible ways.
In conclusion, understanding and respecting the solemnity of a funeral, adhering to proper phone and photography etiquette, dressing appropriately, considering cultural nuances, and offering genuine support are key elements of navigating a funeral with grace and sensitivity.
