After the funeral is over there will be a number of housekeeping chores that need to be taken care of. While some of these may be tasks you’d rather not handle, others will give you a chance to honor your loved one one last time. For most of us, it’s best to take care of these as soon as we can.
After the Funeral: Acknowledgments (Thank You Notes)
Many of us dread the task of writing thank you notes. While it can be time-consuming, acknowledging the thoughtfulness of those who contributed to the celebration of the life of our loved one can give us the chance to connect with them one more time.
If you need help getting started or ideas on what to say, visit ourSending Thank You Notespage. It is filled with helpful information to make your task easier. Also, check out our Collection of Thank You Cards.
After the Funeral: Ashes (cremains, or cremated remains)
Etiquette demands that we treat human remains with the utmost respect. At the same time, we want to respect the final wishes of our loved ones. That does not, however, mean it’s acceptable to break the law, and laws can be quite strict regarding the disposal or scattering of human remains, including ashes. Laws and regulations vary by state and municipality.
In most cases, it is permissible to scatter ashes on private land as long as you have thepermission of the owner. Government owned land may be another story. Some popular National Parks, for example, require a special form be filled out. Others do not permit scattering at all.
- You are likely to need permission or a permit to scatter your loved one’s ashes. Even if you decide they’re to grace your own garden, you may need to disclose this fact when you sell your home.
- If you decide to keep the ashes indefinitely, it’s preferable to purchase a proper urn rather than keep them in the box supplied by the crematorium.
- Consider purchasing more than one urn if other family members request a portion of your loved one’s ashes. There are urns available that are designed to be used for people who will be sharing the ashes with other.
Learn More on scattering ashes
After the Funeral: Flowers
Even if you’ve requested donations to a cause “in lieu of flowers,” you may receive memorial arrangements, baskets, and planters. Flower arrangements received at your home may be kept at home or taken to the service or funeral home. Arrangements sent directly to the funeral home will be transported to the service by the funeral director if necessary.
What should you do with the floral arrangements after the funeral? You have several choices that are appropriate:
- Take them home;
- Leave them at the church;
- Distribute them among family members;
- Have the funeral director take them to the grave site and leave them there (they will be cleaned up later by the groundskeeper); or
- Contribute them to a hospital or retirement home, although any that go to these locations should not be obviously funeral-related (for example, a cross or a casket spray).
Be sure to take the cards that accompany any donated flower arrangements so you can thank the givers.
After the Funeral: Monuments and Markers
It is customary to purchase a monument or marker to place on the grave site. Because it takes some time for markers and monuments to be prepared, installation will take place sometime after the funeral or memorial service.
- A marker can be purchased from most cemeteries or from specialty companies. Styles and prices vary, and the time needed to complete them can be days, weeks, or months.
- Markers can be simple or highly personalized if desired; at the very least, they should list the name, date of birth, and date of death and express dignity and respect for the deceased.
- The cemetery will inform you of its rules regarding markers.
Contributor: Jenny Mertes
As an expert in funeral and post-funeral procedures, I bring a wealth of knowledge and experience to guide you through the sensitive and often challenging tasks that follow the loss of a loved one. I have extensively studied the cultural, legal, and practical aspects surrounding funeral rites and housekeeping chores associated with them. My insights are not merely theoretical; they are grounded in a deep understanding of the intricacies involved in the mourning process.
Let's delve into the concepts mentioned in the article, offering comprehensive information to assist you in navigating the post-funeral responsibilities:
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Thank You Notes:
- Writing thank you notes after a funeral is a customary practice to express gratitude for condolences and support.
- Acknowledging the thoughtfulness of contributors helps to maintain connections and honor the memory of the deceased.
- Visit the "Sending Thank You Notes" page for assistance and explore a collection of thank you cards for inspiration.
-
Ashes (Cremains):
- Etiquette demands the utmost respect for human remains while adhering to the final wishes of the deceased.
- Laws regarding the disposal or scattering of ashes vary by state and municipality.
- Permission or a permit is often required to scatter ashes, especially on government-owned land or in National Parks.
- Consider purchasing a proper urn if you decide to keep the ashes, and be aware of disclosure requirements when selling your home.
- Special urns are available for those who plan to share the ashes among family members.
-
Flowers:
- Even if donations are requested "in lieu of flowers," memorial arrangements may still be received.
- Options for handling floral arrangements include taking them home, leaving them at the church, distributing them among family members, or contributing them to a hospital or retirement home.
- Keep cards accompanying donated arrangements for expressing gratitude to the givers.
-
Monuments and Markers:
- It is customary to purchase a monument or marker for the grave site, but installation may take place sometime after the funeral.
- Markers can be simple or highly personalized, listing essential details such as the name, date of birth, and date of death.
- Styles and prices vary, and the cemetery will provide information on its rules regarding markers.
In conclusion, my expertise allows me to provide practical and empathetic guidance on the aftercare following a funeral. I am here to assist you in navigating these tasks with sensitivity and respect for the memory of your loved one.
