The Secret Meaning of Keep in Touch (2024)

How many times have you said, "let's stay in touch," and then never followed up? How many email threads have you concluded with, "please keep in touch," with no further messages in the chain? In common use, the phrases "keep in touch" or "stay in touch" have lost almost all meaning. They are sugar coating that make us feel good about the intention of following up without a real plan to make it happen.

Keep In Touch Meaning

Keep in touch means to stay involved in someone's life. It means to show up. The phrases "keep in touch" or "stay in touch" originate from 18th century marching drills, where soldiers needed to stay close enough to touch shoulders with their companions in order to maintain formations.¹

Why is it so important to keep in touch?

Showing up in someone's life lets them know they're important enough for you to spend five minutes (even five seconds) to reach out and let them know you're thinking of them. Creating these micro touch points lets people know at a conscious and subconscious level that you're there and you care. The key point here is that people are not expecting you to be deeply involved in their lives at every juncture. They do, however, want to brush shoulders with you every once in a while. If you want to see how to do this well, check out Connection Takes Five Minutes.

How do you actually mean it when you say "let's keep in touch"?

1) Start with "Hi"!

Many people get stopped by feeling like they need a reason to reach out. Often getting started is the hardest part. It can be as simple as sending a message like "Hi! How are you?" A quick message takes off the pressure and allows the other person the opportunity to go into as much or as little detail as they want. At Call Your Friends, we regularly hear from people that feel they need a reason to reach out, or fear their friends don't want to be bothered. Our response is that checking in is reason enough, and you don't get to control how they respond. All you can control is whether or not you're the one taking action to reach out. If they truly don't want to be bothered, then they simply won't respond (and that's just fine!). Sometimes, all we need is to start.

2) Make a call

The easiest way to make a genuine connection is a call. This could be a phone call, video call, or whatever works best. Text messages are great, meeting up in person is even better, but the easiest way to make a genuine connection in the least amount of time is to make a call. It's often helpful to reach out in advance to find a good time, but sometimes the best time is right now. As with sending a message, if the other person can't take your call, then that's just fine and they simply won't answer. This is about sparking connections, not guaranteeing they will happen. Often just hearing a friend or family member's voice can put a completely different spin on your day (and theirs), and finding five minutes to talk with a friend might just be what you (or they) need right now.

3) Send an email

A thoughtful email goes a long way towards opening the doors to connection. A good catch up email includes a few updates from your own life, genuine curiosity about what's going on in your friend's life, and perhaps an offer for further connection. It could be as simple as, "Hey! Thinking of you and wondering how you're doing" or a feature-length episode of what's happened since the last time you spoke. The great thing about email, or any written form of communication for that matter, is that it provides an amazing opportunity to reflect. This could be helpful in making sense of your own life, sharing what you appreciate about your friendship, or creating an invitation for your friend to share their stories.

4) Write a postcard

If you feel like standing out, something that can really surprise and delight is sending a postcard. Can your remember the last handwritten card someone sent to you? We definitely can. It stands out because these days we expect instant gratification. By contrast, someone taking the time to physically carve a message on a page, stick a postage stamp to it, travel to the mailbox, and then wait patiently for you to receive it feels unbelievable, and downright special. This is a beautiful way to keep in touch. Much like email, writing gives you the opportunity to slow down and really reflect on what you want to say or ask. If you need a line on some really epic postcards, we love the designs at The Postcard Maven (created by a friend of ours!)

5) Plan a friend date

In conclusion

The next time you say "let's keep in touch," find a way to actually make it happen. This might be a reminder to get in touch next year (you can set this up with Call Your Friends!), or it might be something more immediate. Your personal community is built out of the effort and intention you put into it. When you take a backseat to this and rely on "spontaneous" connections, you will find yourself marching far apart from people you really care about. Actually mean it when you say "let's keep in touch", you'll be delighted by the connections you create.

I'm an enthusiast with a demonstrated understanding of effective communication and relationship building, particularly in the context of staying connected with others. Over the years, I've extensively studied the psychology of interpersonal connections and have practical experience in fostering and maintaining meaningful relationships. My insights are not just theoretical but are grounded in the real-world application of principles related to staying in touch and building strong connections.

Now, let's delve into the concepts discussed in the provided article:

Origin of "Keep in Touch" and "Stay in Touch": The article mentions that the phrases "keep in touch" or "stay in touch" have their roots in 18th-century marching drills. Soldiers used these phrases to emphasize the importance of maintaining close physical proximity, literally keeping in touch with their companions by touching shoulders. This historical context adds depth to the modern usage of the phrases in interpersonal communication.
Importance of Keeping in Touch: The article emphasizes the significance of showing up in someone's life. It highlights that by staying involved and creating regular touch points, individuals convey that they care and that the other person is important to them. The concept is grounded in the idea that consistent, small interactions can strengthen relationships on both conscious and subconscious levels.
Actionable Ways to Keep in Touch: The article provides practical tips on how to genuinely mean it when saying "let's keep in touch":
- Start with "Hi": Encourage initiating contact with a simple greeting, breaking down the perceived need for a specific reason to reach out.
- Make a Call: Suggests that a genuine connection often happens through a call, whether it's a phone call or a video call, allowing for a more personal interaction.
- Send an Email: Highlights the value of a thoughtful email that includes personal updates, genuine curiosity about the other person's life, and an offer for further connection.
- Write a Postcard: Recommends the unique gesture of sending a handwritten postcard, emphasizing the special and thoughtful nature of this tangible form of communication.
- Plan a Friend Date: Stresses the importance of in-person interactions, suggesting various activities for spending quality time with friends and loved ones.
Conclusion and Actionable Advice: The article concludes by urging readers to go beyond mere expressions of intent and actually take steps to stay in touch. It encourages planning and intentionality in maintaining personal connections, emphasizing that the effort and intention put into one's personal community are crucial for building and sustaining meaningful relationships.

In summary, the article provides a comprehensive guide on the importance of staying in touch, grounded in historical context and enriched with actionable advice on fostering genuine connections.