Unpopular opinion: Being too kind can be dangerous.
To talk nicely, act thoughtfully, and care about others are all traits of a kind soul. But too much of everything is bad and for some of us, these traits become less of good behavior and more of a dangerous habit.
Kindness can become toxic when making others comfortable becomes a priority and boundaries get faded. This mindset results in trying to keep your relationships conflict-free and to achieve that overly-kind people will let their boundaries get stepped over to keep it peaceful.
But the thing about being overly-kind is that it is easy to put on a show for a few days, weeks, and even months but it does not last forever. One way or another you come to a point where you know that the show cannot go on and you break. Therefore in order to prevent this, certain boundaries must be set before it’s too late.
““No” is a complete sentence.”
― Annie Lamott
In my experience, this issue has been a very big part of my life. Just because I couldn’t differentiate being kind from setting healthy boundaries, I’ve found myself in many situations, and circ*mstances that I didn’t want to be part of. These endless loops of toxic kindness have resulted in me staying in unhealthy relationships, letting other people control my life, and not saying no, where every single cell in my body wanted to say so.
But also these experiences have taught me ways of not poisoning yourself by being too polite. I’m still working on healing from this behavior but using these methods has helped immensely. I went from feeling like I had to please others to know that life does not work that way.
Do you also want to have a healthier relationship with yourself and others?
There are 3 steps to follow:
- Respect your boundaries
- Speak up
- Avoid being a people-pleaser
“Givers need to set limits because takers rarely do.”
