How long should it take for a man to call after a first date? (2024)

Calling after a date is clearly a complex affair. The message that I am trying to send here is that if you’re interested call, if you’re not interested say it straight out at the end of the date or call and say you aren’t. It’s karma and it’s respect. I don’t think it is a remotely elaborate thing for someone to know these things about calling. It’s basic. And if the woman reads the signs, she can save herself energy and move on, or enjoy the start of a new relationship.

I agree with NML – a phone call one way or another, within a reasonable amount of time is simple respect. And just by the way, Brad – *I* still write thank you notes…

Just-Me-Jen – You tell ’em!
Inkedweezel – Emails aren’t the same as phonecalls but it is a positive sign of interest. Emails are however the type of communication that people spend a lot of time trying to read between the lines and see things that may or may not exist. But in the overall sense it’s good! I suggest giving her a call the day after the email. If you continue dating her, always make sure that telephone or face to face outweighs emails and texts as these are often misconstrued. Good luck!

If I had a good time on a date and I want to see him again, I tell him when we say good bye. I like to get a call the next day or two. Email is ok but follow up call to reserve me is required or I move on. When I get just emails and texts, I don’t think he is that into me and maybe just stringing me along while he checks out his other options.

Hi Nick. It is difficult to say if something is wrong. It depends on whether she gave a specific time to call back and whether you sensed if she was genuinely blowing you off. However, that said, I would not call her back yet and see if she calls. Sit on your hands if neccessary. She could very well have been genuinely busy so I wouldn’t panic. The main thing is that you’ve initiated contact and I would play the waiting game.
What to do if you don’t hear back from her? Well if you haven’t heard back from her after a day or two, you can either chalk it up to her not being interested and move on or you can call her. If you do call her, don’t show tension and instead start by saying that you felt you should call her back as you had become concerned after she didn’t call you back after saying she would. Ask her if everything is OK. This her get out option. She either comes clean and says she’s not interested or she’ll apologise and explain why she hasn’t returned your call yet. Whatever you do – don’t be agressive and don’t be confrontational.
I suggest waiting a day or two before you decide whether to call. Good luck 🙂

It is appropriate based on the date. If you both had a really good time, there should be nothing wrong with calling her this evening. My word of caution is that if you have projected that you are intimidated, she may not know what to make of the date. I don’t see anything wrong with calling her tonight as it’s your opportunity to show your interest and to move things forward. Don’t continue to be intimidated as it’s not nice for the person on the receiving end. Good luck!

I have a question … I went on 2 dates and both went really well … I got a text msg the day after our date and I texted him and got a reply later in the week … but we had no plans to hang out again and he hasn’t called … should I call or just assume it is a no go and move on???

Ooh, that is a toughie lukcb8. It’s always difficult not knowing the ins and outs of the date to be definitive…however…this guy sounds a bit vague… If you’ve been on two dates it stands to reason to assume that this guy was interested enough to go to a second but he isn’t making much of an effort now. My gut is for you not to call and get on with your life.

i went home with a guy i met through mutual friends and never expected to see him again after that night – but the next morning we really hit it off, spent the whole day together, went out again the next night and have been in touch every day since…until today. nada. he’s not long out of a serious relationship and i’m trying to make sure he doesn’t feel crowded, but how long do i wait to hear from him before i give up? or is a day or two of silence no big deal at this stage?

Hi TNB. Sorry for the slow reply. It sounds like he is running hot and cold which isn’t a good sign. If something terrible has happened to distract him it is one thing, but even then, it’s not the hardest thing to pick up the telephone. He is allowing you to think that something is wrong. He sounds like he is quick out the gate and very into the chase. If more than a couple of days passed, I would consider it a big deal and it’s because he has changed tack. It’s a bit late to play the silence card after doing the opposite initially.

i met a guy 3 nights ago, at a friends gathering. we really hit it off first guy ive liked in ages. he got my number but didnt say when he would call, last night i recieved a text message from him, but it wasnt for me, saying something about work- so i knew it definately wasnt for me! I wrote back who is this( not knowing the number was his at the time but found out it was him). but he never replied. Am i being silly waiting around for his call?

Hi Christy, I wouldn’t wait for his call. It can be difficult to gauge what is taking place in this situation but I don’t advise waiting around for any man’s call when you’ve only just met him. It allows you to build castles in the sky before you really know anything about him. I feel a bit dubious about this guy as he texts you by ‘accident’ and then doesn’t reply when you ask who it is. Yes he could be embarrassed but if he hasn’t called by now, I’d chalk it up to ‘Yet another experience’ and move on. I definitely don’t think you should waste another drop of thought on him.

I recently went on my first date, four days ago. I thought we hit it off pretty well, or at least that was my impression. He spoke of coming to see me, about taking me to the movies, and of coarse we had a semi-make out session. (I knew this guy from years back.) On my way back to my car he tells me he is going to call me “a lot” I have yet to hear from him. I text him two days later to thank him, but I have yet to hear from him. What should I do?

Dawn – I would be wary of this guy. He sounds like all talk and no action and unless some dire emergency has come up, he has already failed to deliver on his words and you’re only 4 days in. Nobody has so little time that they can’t even reply to a text. I would get on with your life and not worry about whether or not he’s going to call, as he doesn’t sound like he’s worth it. The fact that you’ve known each other for a long time makes it worse.
Citygirl – This guy sounds really fishy. I don’t know if it’s because you know his sister why he thinks he can get away with it, but this guy is blowing hot and cold. Whilst you shouldn’t expect him to drop his whole life for you, but he is another guy who doesn’t deliver on his words. It sounds like you’re doing most of the work and he doesn’t sound worth it. Him wanting to get to know you is not the same as being interested in forging a relationship. Rather than complicate your friendship with his sister, I would date guys that aren’t related to her. By him saying that ‘something always comes up’ it screams of a guy who is emotionally unavailable and not looking for a relationship. He can’t even commit to calling you! Always remember – guys who give mixed signals are not worth the headache and they signal trouble. I don’t think he’s interested, at least not enough to warrant you expending any energy on him. Sorry!

hi,
my friend’s brother saw me one day and showed some interest and my friend is really interested in hooking us up together. this guy asked her to tell me that he’d love me to have his number. she did gave me his number and i called and left him a voice mail approx. 2 weeks ago and he told my friend that he’ll call me back but he never did as of yet. first, he said that my number didn’t appear and as soon as my friend text him my number he’ll call he even set the exact day that he’ll call but i haven’t heard from him. whenever my friend brings up the subject or a message from him i play cool and neutral showing that i’m not waiting for his call. if he calls fine if not then it’s his loss. but what should i do? should i call him/text him, ask my friend how come he never called me back yet or don’t even bother and move on??
thanks

While it’s a noble effort to create a conversation about this and to offer advice, I’m afraid there is no true science to this. I read the entire thread, and I’m sorry to say that most of the people who have posted here, myself included, are pretty much in the same boat. We’re screwed. My situation isn’t much different. Five days ago I went on a really wonderful date with a woman I met online. The date lasted six hours, we ate, we laughed, we drank, we held hands, we walked, we made out, and we embraced. It ended with her telling me that she’s busy during the day but we could always meet up in the evenings. She reminded me that I have her phone number and her email addresses and that I should use them. I let the next day after the date pass completely, and contacted her the second day after the date in the late afternoon. I left her a nice voicemail and sent her a quick and simple email within the space of twenty minutes. Three days have now passed since I tried to make contact, and she’s vanished.

I had a first date with this guy on Tuesday and had a great time. We chatted over drinks for four hours. I had an email in my inbox by the time I got home with him saying he had a great time, hoped I got home ok, but no asking for a second date. I replied the next day with an equally short email expressing how I had a great time too. He emailed back, I emailed back, he emailed back…so now it’s Friday and he hasn’t called. What in the heck does this mean? …this is confusing.

lucky4elle – pick up the phone otherwise this is in danger of slipping into a weird email thing, a habit often perpetuated by emotionally unavailable men that want to keep you at a distance. The other option is to ensure that there is a point of action with your email that puts him in the position of having to respond back with a new arrangement to meet up or a time to call. I have no idea what you guys are emailing back and forth about but someone needs to ‘take action’. You are in mixed signals territory and be careful of setting the tone – your short reply may have been perceived as abrupt and closed. But more importantly, now is the time to make a change to what has been happening – It can be as simple as ‘We should stop emailing like this – when is a good time to call?’ or suggest doing something. Otherwise, I can’t really see the point of these emails and they are open to tone and misinterpretation.

Went on a first date with a guy I met online. It went well and next thing we knew a dinner date turned into chatting until 12 in the morning at the restaurant. It ended with a passionate but PG rated kiss. The next day he sent me an email asking how my day was and saying he’d had a great time. I responded that I, too, had a great time and jotted a quick sentence about my classes that day. It’s now been 5 days since the date and 4 since he emailed. I haven’t heard a peep. Do you think Easter weekend could have slowed the process and I should give it a bit longer or should I just chalk it up to “he’s just not that into me”?

This is a tricky one… I’m going to err on the side of caution and say that Easter could very possibly have impacted. Obviously if you don’t hear from him by the end of this week, then it’s more than Easter and for whatever reason, he’s not interested. Out of curiosity, if you logged onto the dating site, how long is it since his last log in? That’s a good indicator. If it’s within the last three days, I’d be cautious. If he had time to log in, he had time to call or email. Aside from that, I suggest reserving judgment for the moment however don’t make the mistake of burning up your time and energy thinking about him. Carry on as normal and remember that if he’s not interested, it’s his loss. Also, as a cautionary note, whilst email is handy, there is no substitute for getting on the phone. It is better to set the tone from the outset otherwise a habit ensues where they think they can manage you via email… If you use email, particularly in the early stages, ensure that the ending isn’t closed and needs to ideally ilicit some sort of reply.

i went out with a guy for 2 dates…he is very busy after the 1st date he called after i msgd him but hours later to make plans for the 2nd date…the 2nd date he called me sayin ill be there in 10 min b ready…i was surprised how he showed up he said i told you last night we were going out today if i say something i do it…i liked that….anyways we had fun the 2nd date…i am so into him…and i can tell from his eyes he feels something too…he is very busy though…he dropped me off sayin ill call you …i left him a msg 1hr later thankin him and sayin its like i know u since ages…def gotta c u b4 u go on holiday…coz he is flying soon…i just show him that am comfortable and that u dont need to be someone else with me thats why i left him a msg like that…anyways he actually never replies to msgs so this time again he dindt…we went out on tuesday its thursday now…didnt hear anything…i cant read this guy i dont get it…he doesnt reply but does appear infront of my door…its so strange…maybe he cant multitask…or likes to takes things slow…he did say he is so busy this week he is busy from 7 am until 9pm so i dont blame him but still what do i do? is he into me? or what…

Maya, I’m always wary of anyone who goes on about something. He is suffering from Those Who Doth Protest Too Much syndrome. He repeatedly tells you that he is a busy person so that he begins the process of managing down your expectations so that he can control the pace of the relationship. You can’t read him because he doesn’t want you to. He’s inconsistent, he blows hot and cold, and he almost wants to make you feel like the fact that he just shows up is the most important thing. But remember that nurturing of different forms starts from the beginning and I would be very careful around a man that behaves as he is doing as it’s a sign of things to come. Proceed with caution….Men that behave in this manner are rarely interested in having a bonafide relationship with you. They like everything on their terms when it suits.

i’ve been on a few date with a guy i like, but we haven’t really had the ‘what kind of relationship is this’ talk yet. he seem really interested and affectionate when we are together, and i don’t think he’s seeing anyone else.
but when it comes to phonecall and comunication, i am unsure. it takes him a while to call me after a date, and it seem hard to make plans. mixed signals? is he really busy or just not into me?

Sorry for the slow reply! I would err on the side of caution and call it mixed signals. How long is a while? Are you talking several days or more than a week? If you do have ‘the talk’, it is important to ascertain that he will be calling on the regular. A lack of communication so early in the relationship is a red flag and it is important that you confront the issue at some point soon, rather than it form the basis of how he’ll operate in the relationship. Oh and nobody is that busy – when people claim that they’re super busy, it’s a smoke screen for keeping their distance.

it’s been about 4 days, so less than week. but i don’t want to get into the habit of calling him and looking needy. am keeping busy and not wait around. but i heard he recently got out of a serious relationship, which i am thinking has something to do with this…though usual rebound behaviour is the opposite. i know i need to take a step back and also be more patient. but that is so hard when i like the guy! thank you for your respond.

This guy that I’ve been knowing since very little, has been attracted to me for the past few years. We finally hooked up, had a few dates then hit it off. We talked the mornin after and made plans; that he didn’t follow through with. The next day now, still no returned calls or txts????? Was it too early for sex? The sex was great tho. Could it be because he’s knew me since I was young and a lil weirded out or that he has satisfied his attraction and is jus a sex asshole. I do have this tendacy to be sortta rude and shy when it comes to touching and feelings. But we had sex??? Like what hell, he is defintely a freak with fetishes… why such the drastict silence, when we coulda had sex again and possibly a realtionship. I know I’m hott…. he practicly chased me for years. Is he gay??? Or did he use me manipulate me and then ditch me…OMG, I’m freakin out. And I don’t kno how to call it; let alone if its worth it HELP!!!

Hi, I went out on a first date with a guy that I am interested. I was told that the man should contact you within a couple of days to let you know that he is interested. However, I contacted him and asked him what he thought of the date the day. But, I contacted him at almost midnight. I feel like he may have liked me, but I am worried that I may have messed things up by making him think that I was eager. Because I sent this text, does this mean that I messed it up for myself?

hi,
I went out for a coffee date with a guy I met online. We are both middle aged and had been emailing for 2 weeks before we met-nothing heavy, but I was impressed as he was super polite and very respectful. I have let him take the lead and do the pursuing. The coffee was great and at the end he said he would contact me as wants to see me again. We really connected, but are both a bit shy. That was 2 days ago, and I have heard nothing-should I be worried, or is he just being cautious? Should I contact him?

Alder, don’t contact him. He said he would contact you, let’s see if he is worth his word.

Hi,
so met this guy at a bar on saturday night, and we really hit it off and danced all night… we exchanged numbers, and its now thursday and I haven’t heard from him. Usually I’d be quick in saying ‘he’s just not that in to me’ but we’d had a conversation that night about how the guy has to do all the work, and that I had his number and could phone him. Ordinarily I would NEVER get in touch with a guy first. Is he a player or does he have a fair point? Thanks

ok so i didnt really go on a date i was with a friend and we havent seen eachother in years..so we hooked up and at the end of it he said that he will call me but i know hes not relationship material but the friends with benefits doesnt hurt…im just wondering how long it will really take for him to cal

I went on a clean first date with a guy 2 weeks ago. He asked me out. He was very respectful towards me and polite. He has been married before and has children. He has an extremely busy physical job and doesn’t get a day off for a long time. The next day he called me but I missed his call as I was busy at work. I tried calling him back straightaway but he didn’t answer. Instead, I sent a text saying that I enjoyed last night, but I was busy and we will talk soon. I didn’t hear from him for 5 days. I called but no answer, So I sent a small text saying hello, he replied back soon saying that he was sorry but he was extremely busy at work and hadn’t been given a day off. Another week has passed. No calls nothing. I have not tried calling or texting him. What do I do next? I don’t know whether his interested?
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I’m not sure if you still check this thing, but I found you on a Google search but I just don’t know what to think about this guy I met. We met two Saturdays ago (it’s Tuesday) randomly at a Waffle House late night (I know, classy right? We joked about it) and ended up talking for hours until his friends left and I drove him home. We kissed that first night actually and he asked out for a date. Originally he asked me to go to a baseball game a couple days later with some friends of his, but then he said he wanted to take me out just the two of us that Monday night. I said yes and he kept saying that night how beautiful I was and how I seemed to have everything together (I’m a teacher, have my master’s, like football…haha) and how he couldn’t believe I was even talking to him—-not all self-degrading, but cute and complimentary. Anyway, so we went out last Monday and had a GREAT date…. we talked for hours about everything at the restaurant, then he drove me home and walked me to my house and as he was saying goodbye, we started making out and didn’t stop for a few hours… there was an obvious physical connection. He said he couldn’t wait to see me again, and we still had plans for the baseball game the following night. The next day it rained like crazy though and we cancelled and caught up on sleep. Then I asked him if he wanted to come to trivia on Thursday night with my friend he had met at Waffle House and he said yes…. but Thursday night he cancelled because he was told that day he had to fly to D.C. in the morning for the weekend. He told me thursday night he’d call me this weekend. Then he texted me friday mornning and said he’d call me that night “perhaps.” Well, I didn’t hear from him all weekend, or all day monday, until I gave in and texted him yesterday to tell him i was in a huge accident this weekend and i hope he had a better one than i did. I got short responses asking if i was ok, and that his weekend was lame. Well I waited until last night to text back again and said something about letting me know if he wanted to hang out again soon or not. (I figured i had nothing to lose since i hadn’t really heard from him in 4-5 days.) He said he did want to hang out soon and for me to let him know when. I responded for him to let me know because i had already broken the dating rules, winky face (ha). He replied with an lol and said he’d call me tonight…. we’ll see if he does. But I am confused…. why didn’t he call me for 4 or 5 days?? After a GREAT date, and two separate (but foiled) plans to hang out afterward…. I know he was out of town all weekend, but he couldn’t bother to send a text?? I was alllll excited last week after our great date and there was an obvious connection, so I don’t get it. Thanks for your help… and sorry for the long explanation. haha.

Ok..So this guy called me on a Friday night wanting to go out on a second date on Saturday (Sunday was Mother’s Day). I told him I was not sure I could make it because I had to study for a test during the weekend and had to work at night. He was very cute and told me if I had any free time he could quickly make plans to see me. The next day I felt like I had brushed him off so I left him a voice mail message to call me. Then…he never did. I spent all Saturday thinking we might hook up but never heard back from him. After I didn’t hear from him for a few days I thought he might have lost his phone. But then, he called me on Wednesday morning when my voice mail box was full so he didn’t leave a message or didnt text me either. So, no explanations why he didn’t return my message that Saturday. Two days later I called him on a Friday night and could hear a bunch of females on the background, so I did not have the guts to talk about what had happened, because I did not want to be drama if he was having a good time. I got so nervous I ended up hanging up on him which makes me look like a weirdo (yikes)…He called me right back after the hangup but I didn’t hear cuz I was driving. Now, three days have gone by and I just really do not know how to act. I liked him and I think he liked me but it got awkward. Also, we both are just getting out of serious relationships. What should I do next? I would like to talk to him but do not want to be rejected again

Im after some advice. I met a guy on-line (seems to be the norm these days), we sms’d one another for a few weeks as he was away working. We finally met up on Saturday night, had dinner, talked realy well, had breakfast the next morning which felt very comfortable – as we were both heading in our separate directions we hugged one another and kissed each other on the cheek. Since then I have heard nothing – before the date we used to sms one another around 10 times per day! Is it up to me to send an sms or should i leave it up to him?

He told me this way before the date. He said he was looking for a serious gf and the next two wks he’s working double shifts. I think I’m gonna wait to see if he makes the next move, but I def. won’t stop my life for him.

Ok I went out with this guy I met. Had a great time. Good dinner Great drinks and then we went and talked for about a few hours. During this time we made out for a while things got a little intense and he grabed my breast and proceeded to kiss them. I called it a night. Had a wonderful time and he kissed me good bye. After that he said he would chat with me later? How long should I wait for that to happen? Should I worry that things went to far? I was very comfortable with him. Help I really like this guy? Should I leave it alone and wait for him to call me ?

I met a guy who was interested & asked for my number. he tolde his phone was turned off & I haven’t heard from him; I want advise.

Hi, met a guy a few months ago, i was living away and had come back for a party he was at nothing more until…went back to a wedding last week met again-really liked him and had heard he’d been asking about me, kissed… and now Im away again for two weeks. We said we’d meet when I get back… but he hasn’t been in touch while I’ve been away… its a week now!!! What does that mean? I thought he really liked me….. and me him …AAGHHH!!

i recently have started having a “thing” with this guy. weve been texting for ages, he has told me he likes me and that hes keen to pursue something, however he lives in another state (only for a couple more months then he comes back home to this state). he comes back most weekends and holidays, and i recently just saw him on the weekend. he came over to watch a movie, we chatted for ages, laughed and even ended up kissing,. however, a week has almost gone by and i still havent heard from him. what does this mean? should i text him?