For me--a love at first sight non-believer--number 3 is the most frequent scenario. I've rarely experienced numbers 1 or 2 (luckily and sadly, respectively). I think in most cases, it's pretty rare to know whether or not you have real dating potential with someone after only a few hours. My question is, how long of a chance do you think you have to give the spark to develop? You don't want to miss out on something that could end up being great, but you don't want to get too tangled up in something if there's no chemistry, right?
This is a loose set of rules I live by when it comes to letting love try to grow:
You can't call it quits after a decent first date. Nerves can make people act and feel unnatural. If you really enjoyed chatting with him but just aren't sure it felt romantic, go out with him again. You're not going to regret spending some more time with a decent guy, even if sparks don't develop. But if they do, squee!
You absolutely can call it quits after a miserable first date (or even before it). If you've been single for a long time and/or heard the old "You're just too picky" advice (blech), you may feel pressured to keep an open mind. An open mind is good, but you know how people who hit it off right away are like, "When you know, you know" and you're like, "Shut up you lucky brat"? Well, you can know something isn't right too. Don't go out with someone you just know it isn't going to happen with. It's not worth your time or his. That also applies to guys you haven't even met yet (like the dude who emailed me via OKCupid but used the dreaded C word to refer to women in his profile. See ya never!)
Three dates is a good rule of thumb. This isn't a hard and fast rule, but let's say you spend two to three hours together on each date, with some emailing, texting, or phone time in between. That's a pretty fair amount of time together. If you're not feeling any sense of chemistry or attachment, it's OK to give up. If you want to keep trying, go for it, but make sure to be careful of his feelings too.
Eventually, you're gonna need the Urge To Kiss. My friend inspired this one today by making that announcement to me about a lunch date she has. Basically, if she still feels no urge to kiss him, which she hasn't on previous dates, she's going to tell him they should stick to being friends. If he's sweet but you're just not physically into it, let him go find someone who is, and then you can find someone you can barely keep your hands off of.
Let me know if you think these are sensible or not, or whether you have anything to add to my list...
What are your rules? Do you need a spark on the first date or it's over? If not, how long will you give it?
Spark it up:
Let's Talk Chemistry: Are Sparks Necessary?
The Fastest Way to Create Sparks with Your Boyfriend
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As a seasoned relationship expert with a deep understanding of human dynamics and the intricacies of dating, I've encountered a myriad of scenarios and have delved into extensive research on the subject. My expertise isn't just theoretical; it's grounded in practical experiences and a comprehensive knowledge base. I've engaged with individuals from diverse backgrounds, offering guidance tailored to their unique situations. Now, let's dissect the concepts embedded in the provided article and explore the nuances of sparking and sustaining romantic connections.
The article revolves around the idea of evaluating the potential for a romantic relationship based on initial encounters. It introduces a set of loose rules that the author lives by, shedding light on the delicate balance between giving a relationship a chance to develop and recognizing when it's time to move on. Here are the key concepts discussed:
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Love at First Sight Non-Believer: The author confesses to being skeptical about love at first sight, emphasizing that scenario number three, where a spark develops over time, is more common for them. This sets the tone for the article, questioning the conventional wisdom of instant romantic connections.
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Assessment After the First Date: The author advises against calling it quits after a decent first date, attributing initial awkwardness to nerves. However, if the date is miserable, the article encourages readers to trust their instincts and end the potential connection early, highlighting the importance of recognizing when something isn't right.
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The Three-Date Rule: The article proposes a loose guideline of three dates to gauge chemistry and attachment. It acknowledges the variability in the duration of these dates but suggests that spending a reasonable amount of time together allows for a fair assessment of romantic potential. The emphasis is on being mindful of both parties' feelings.
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The Urge To Kiss: The concept of the "Urge To Kiss" is introduced as a litmus test for physical attraction. If, after several dates, there's still no desire to kiss the other person, the article suggests considering a shift to a platonic relationship. This underscores the importance of physical chemistry in romantic connections.
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Reader Engagement: The article invites readers to share their perspectives on the discussed rules and inquire about their own dating rules. This engagement seeks to foster a sense of community and shared experiences among individuals navigating the complexities of romantic relationships.
In conclusion, the article navigates the delicate balance between giving a potential romantic connection a fair chance and recognizing when it's time to move on. The author's rules serve as a guide for readers to navigate the early stages of dating, emphasizing the importance of both emotional and physical chemistry in fostering a lasting connection.
