Generosity Burnout: 3 Signs You’re Giving Too Much (2024)

You’re one of life’s givers.

You’re generous; you like to brighten someone’s day, lighten their load or promote their learning. It gives you pleasure to help too, just like the research says.

But, lately, you’ve begun to feel tired. Not just a bit worn — but soul-suckingly fatigued. Your normal good humour has taken a hike. In its place, you feel an unfamiliar beat of resentment.

It’s all give, give, give. Where’s it going to end? When is someone — anyone — going to do something nice for me?

Givers will keep giving when they’re running on empty. They’ll sacrifice their own needs — like eating well, exercise and friendships — in order to look after others or do the right, selfless thing.

But when it lands here, you need to be careful. It’s easy to slip into the Red Light Zone for burnout which, unchecked, can blow out into depression.

“Give, but give until it hurts.” ― Mother Teresa

There’s no questioning the worthiness of Mother Teresa’s ideals — but I can’t roll with the hurting thing. I’ve seen too many people burned out by their own goodness.

Generosity burnout is an occupational hazard in the caring professions but it also shows up in stretched families, where there are high needs or one person is carrying the heaviest load.

More broadly, anyone who works hard, is charged with (or wants to) help or support others and struggles to say “no” can fall victim.

The three key signs to watch for are:

1. Exhaustion you can’t shake.

Constant physical and mental exhaustion, even the weekend fails to refresh. People often report not wanting to get out of bed, feeling like they nothing left to give. You feel pulled in too many directions, like you can’t get off the conveyor belt.

2. Feeling detached from and cynical about the people you’re helping.