Day 10: Give Yourself a Break! (Published 2021) (2024)

The Challenge

Are you as kind to yourself as you are to others? Take a self-compassion break. Ask yourself, “What do I need right now?” Then, do something nice for yourself: Take a walk or a hot bath. Call a friend for support. Adopt this mantra: “I’m going to be kind to myself. I accept myself as I am.” Being good to ourselves makes us more likely to adopt healthy behaviors.

Why Am I Doing This?

Lately, I’ve heard from a lot of readers who are berating themselves for gaining weight or exercising less during the pandemic lockdowns. But it’s important to remember that almost everyone struggled during this past year. Shaming yourself is counterproductive. A large body of research shows that when we give ourselves a break, and accept our imperfections — a concept called self-compassion — we’re more likely to take care of ourselves and live healthier lives.

Self-compassion is rooted in centuries of Buddhist tradition, but it has more recently been subjected to rigorous scientific review. Numerous studies have shown that self-compassion is strongly linked to overall well-being. Practicing self-compassion can reduce depression, stress, performance anxiety and body dissatisfaction. It can lead to increases in happiness, self-confidence and even immune function.

At its most basic, self-compassion is treating yourself as kindly as you would treat your friends and family. But about 75 percent of people who find it easy to be supportive and understanding to others score very low on self-compassion tests and are not very nice to themselves, said Kristin Neff, associate professor at the University of Texas at Austin who has pioneered much of the self-compassion research.

“It’s a misguided notion that if I’m hard on myself and self-critical, it’s going to help me and motivate me to make changes in my life,” Dr. Neff said. “It does the opposite. When you shame yourself, it makes it harder to make positive changes in your life.”

In her new book, “Fierce Self-Compassion: How Women Can Harness Kindness to Speak Up, Claim Their Power and Thrive,” Dr. Neff explores new ways we can practice self-compassion. One of the simplest places to start is to ask yourself, “What do I need right now?”