Can't Be Alone Under the Mistletoe - mltrefry (2024)

Chapter 1: Seems like everyone but me is in love

Chapter Text

December 5th

It was wet. Not snowy, not even slushy, just wet. Which was typical of a tropical December, but it didn’t mean that Stede didn’t long for snow. Sometimes, back before the separation (and subsequent divorce), he and Mary would holiday a little further North, where it would almost always snow for the holidays. At least until Louis was three and pitched a fit so hard over how much he hated the snow that they agreed it really wasn’t worth it.

Still, Stede found that despite knowing only tropical holidays for the majority of his life, he missed the snow.

Maybe he could go North this year. It would probably be better than the alternative.

But traveling alone was probably slightly more pathetic than attending the holiday celebrations alone. So while the idea of avoiding all that nonsense was really appealing, the inevitable explaining it to so many strangers was not.

No, I’m not meeting family or friends, I’m avoiding them.

Yeah, that would probably get a lot of raised eyebrows and judgmental looks. Stede’s had enough of those to last a lifetime.

His mood soured his usual enjoyment tied to walking down the main street in December. The lights still twinkled, and there was still a festive tune playing from somewhere. But between the rain and the invite pressing in on his mind, Stede could barely pay them any mind. He barely paid attention to where he was going, his feet leading him on muscle memory alone to the doorstep of the pub he was heading into.

Another holiday tune hit him, but he could only offer up a heavy sigh as he closed his umbrella and dropped it into the communal stand by the door.

Stede didn’t even have to lift his head from his epic mope to see where he needed to go. Having gone to the same booth in the same spot every Thursday for so long, he vaguely wondered if it was off-limits to other patrons.

He slid into the seat, tilted his head back, and closed his eyes.

It was a lot more than a few seconds, but still not a terribly long time, before he heard someone slide in across from him.

There was a beat of silence that stretched a bit, more than a few seconds.

“sh*t, you’ve had a day, haven’t ya?”

Stede opened his eyes to glimpse Ed across from him and couldn’t help but grin just a little bit.

Stede loved Ed. Loved him far too much, for far too long. Not that he always knew what it meant, that warm feeling in his chest every time Ed smiled or pouted or just breathed somewhere in Stede’s vicinity.

He’d met Ed when he was separated, back when he still clung to the belief that he was bi instead of utterly gay. Back when he thought he and Mary would come to miss each other, because she was lovely and kind and his very best friend and they loved each other dearly. Before he understood the difference between loving someone and being in love with them.

Stede was definitely in love with Ed.

He hated it sometimes, this time being one of them. He had been having a fantastic sulk, after all. Now he could only smirk.

“What gave it away?”

“Oh, I dunno. Just usually, you hear the ol’ Christmas songs start up, and you’re at least humming along. Look more like I do this time of year.”

Stede snickered. “Well, I guess the spirit hasn’t hit me this year yet. Give it time.”

Ed narrowed his eyes, frowning with a slight tilt of his head.

“Yeah, usually the spirit’s got you the day after Halloween.”

“Well, it missed me this time. Or took an early vacation.”

“Stede.”

“What?” He huffed, sighed, half-collapsed against the table between him and Ed. He peeked up at his friend as he rested a hand in his hair and watched the concern grow on Ed’s face.

Funny thing about being so painfully in love with someone: you become a bit obsessed with them. The Stede of three years ago had commented how Ed’s beard was fantastic for hiding behind. Then he got to know him, and now Stede could see all the micro-movements behind the facial hair. It didn’t hurt that Ed’s eyes were also so expressive.

“What’s goin’ on, man?” Ed asked softly, so much so he was barely heard over the din.

“It’s Mary’s year with the kids,” He said just a little louder than Ed had spoken.

“Yeah, well. ‘S never mattered before, has it?”

“Except… she’s not sticking around here, you see. Doug’s family… he hasn’t been home for years, and since he and Mary are married-“

“Without the proper wedding,” Ed cut in with a smirk.

Stede couldn’t help but mirror it, if only for a moment. “Without the proper wedding, yes. They agreed that to keep the peace, it would be best if they went to see his family this year.”

“Well, that sucks,” Ed said, someone behind Stede catching his attention. Probably a waitress, given he held up two fingers with a wink and a nod. He turned back to Stede, Ed’s foot lightly kicking his under the table. “Look, you knew it was going to happen, right? That Mary would take the kids outta town one of these times? Better that it happens now instead of after more years of your thing under your belt. Gets you used to it.”

“Maybe so,” Stede agreed with a sigh. “I don’t begrudge her - them, really - their plans. If I had any desire to see my family, I’d probably do the same.” He scoffed, “But then, that would mean my parents would need to acknowledge my existence, which they paid me a very large sum to make sure they could do exactly the opposite of that.”

“So this is a whole ‘lonely at Christmas’ thing?” Ed asked, gesturing at Stede’s person.

To which Stede groaned before slumping face down on the table in an overdramatic gesture.

“He okay?” He heard the waitress - a new one whose name Stede had yet to catch - ask as a bottle was set down by his head.

“He’ll be fine, luv,” Ed dismissed. “Just having a time of it.”

“Aren’t we all,” She retorted with a slightly flirtatious tone.

Stede saw green.

It’s not like he could blame her, but he couldn’t have ever brought himself to flirt with Ed like he’d watched so many people do.

In the nearly three years they had known each other, Stede had lost count of the phone numbers Ed received when they were out together. He didn’t even want to contemplate the offers Ed likely got when he was alone. Stede had also suffered through watching Ed start to date a few questionable people, even though it never really lasted.

Jealousy was something Stede had come to accept he would feel a lot of for the rest of his life. Be it because of those audacious enough to have Ed’s attention in that way or of Mary and her new life. Or even of the people Stede worked with.

Which, of course, reminded him of why he was so miserable in the first place.

He lifted his head and sat back up as the waitress disappeared.

Ed took a drink of his beer, lips wrapping around the mouth of the bottle in a momentarily distracting way, all while watching Stede.

“I was invited,” Stede began, “to a gathering. Or, rather, multiple gatherings. Lucius, his family own’s the bed and breakfast near your shop.”

“Yellow building there?” Ed asked with a gesture, and Stede nodded.

“They’re going away and didn’t have any holiday bookings because of it. Decided to allow Lucius to host there while they’re gone. It’s not going to be a big deal, I don’t think. Drinks and food, probably some games.”

“Right,” Ed said, nudging the beer beside Stede’s hand to draw his attention to it. “So, what’s the problem?”

“No one is single,” Stede huffed. “Or, if they are, it’s with the greatest understanding that they choose to be that way.”

“And you… don’t choose?”

“Of course not!” Stede frowned, unable to meet Ed’s eye, as he grabbed hold of the bottle beside him and immediately started to peel off the label. “I’m out, and I’m happy about that, but I hadn’t… I hadn’t realized how hard it would be. I’m not what anyone wants.”
Ed scoffed, “bullsh*t.”

Stede arched a brow as he looked up at him.

Ed shifted about in his seat, glancing away.

“You’re f*cking great. What’s not to want?”

“I’ve been told I’m loud.”

“What, you?” Ed frowned, leaning back, propping his right leg up, and resting the knee against the tabletop.

Stede glanced down at his suit, a bright blue thing that he loved. It was one of his favorites, really, and went so well with the mustard button-up he wore underneath. His clothes were, perhaps, not always as flamboyant as they could be, but they were not what anyone would call subtle.

Ed, who Stede had always seen in dark denim or the odd leather pant, a black or purple t-shirt, and a black leather jacket every season but summer, chuckled warmly.

“Point taken,” Ed said before taking another drink.

“Anyway,” Stede said with another sigh, “I said, ‘no, that’s fine. Probably use the chance to spend time with my partner.’”

“But you don’t have a partner,” Ed pointed.

“Yes, I’m well aware, thank you,” Stede snapped back without much heat. He did manage a scowl before taking a drink of his beer. A quick one, of course, because he was on a roll. “But Lucius, he doesn’t know. Was surprised, of course, because according to him, if I were dating someone, I probably wouldn’t shut up about them. But he changed tune, said, ‘doesn’t matter, whoever he is, invite the boyfriend along. More the merrier,’ which I think was meant to be a cheeky joke. But….” Stede grimaced.

Ed began to chuckle, slow and quiet to start, before it turned into something deeper.

“You agreed, didn’t you?”

“You know I did,” Stede grumbled before taking another drink. He would need it as he knew Ed would find that utterly hilarious and would probably laugh until he wheezed and tears blurred his eyes. “Yes, yes. Laugh it up,” he said as Ed kept going.

Despite his turmoil at the whole situation, Ed’s laugh was incredibly infectious. And while Stede wasn’t about to join him, his misery being too great, he did crack a smile.

Ed only started to settle when the waitress came back around, setting out their usual platter of appetizers to share. She looked a little confused for a moment but didn’t stick around as Ed got himself together.

“So what are you gonna do, then, mate?” Ed asked as he reached for a wing. He always went for a wing first, regardless of what else was on the little platter.

“I don’t know,” Stede replied, inspecting what was on offer that night.

Geraldo, the pub’s chef, often liked to try new things for the season, whether they sold well or not. There was something that looked an awful lot like cranberry sauce in a dish perched next to the tortilla chips.

Stede picked up a chip, figuring he’d give that a go.

“I figure I’d just come up with an excuse. Say he couldn’t make it.”

“Who is he? This imaginary partner of yours?” Ed asked as he peered over the selection now that his initial wing was had.

“I never gave him a name. Which I should, probably. Make up a whole back story, the works.”

“Like you don’t already have a f*cking back story for your ideal guy sitting in your imagination already.”

The dip, tart and sweet with spice, almost went down Stede’s windpipe as he practically choked at Ed’s words.

“No idea what you mean,” Stede managed to cough out, pounding a fist against his chest, trying to catch his breath.

“f*ck off, yes you do,” Ed insisted as he picked up a fried cheese curd. He pointed it at Stede. “All us single folk who want a relationship have thought of it. Some of us daydreamed it to the point that just….”

“What’s yours, then?” Stede dared to ask now that he had his breathing under control.

Ed popped the cheese curd in his mouth, shrugging as he leaned back on the bench.

“What’s everyone who grew up poor as sh*t dream of? Guy who’s loaded whisking me off.”

“Is that all?”

“No,” Ed said emphatically, making Stede chuckle. “He’s gonna be the most charming f*cking person I ever met,” Ed met and held his eye. “He’s gonna be f*cking gorgeous, and I’m gonna take one look at him and know he’s the one. Cause I’m gonna know without knowing him that he is a f*cking amazing person who does amazing sh*t.”

Stede blinked, but that was all the outer reaction he had. After all, he had a lifetime of practice at hiding his emotions when he needed to to keep safe. This was no different.

He was loaded, yeah. He was before he had a good chunk of his inheritance given to him just to stay the hell away from the Bonnet clan and any social circle his parents might linger in. But Stede was well aware of what he looked like: he had lines from simply being middle age and a softness that couldn’t be entirely blamed on it. He was still on the leaner side, but Mary hadn’t exactly been wrong when she told him he had a sort of Dad body. His hair had become a little less strawberry blonde, and his eyes were a touch too plain brown to be anything special.

And he was not, by any stretch, an amazing person. A good person, sure. He certainly tried. He’d taken some of the money given to him by his father to set up a sort of shelter for kids whose parents weren’t accepting of them, a sort of halfway house until they could get on their feet. But he hadn’t thought to do that until he heard stories from his co-workers about how they had been treated. And he made sure they were co-workers, but only after he’d been humbled into realizing that just because he liked coffee houses - liked writing in them - that he hadn’t the foggiest idea how to run one. It was one thing to own it, another to try to manage it, and Stede learned very quickly that knowledge of how to budget and finance didn’t mean he knew how to make a latte or properly bake cookies.

Amazing sh*t he might be able to claim. He was a best-selling author under a pen name. Something he started when he was younger in hopes of maybe getting some of his more wilder fantasies out. When Mary found them, instead of being appalled, she vehemently encouraged him to seek an agent and publisher. So, one Thomas Edwards happens to be an incredibly prolific author of various stories featuring LGBTQ main characters, his pirate series his most loved. And his cafe, The Gentleman’s Brew, paid almost too well, with benefits that rivaled the big chains. He’s had the same staff since he opened, and even those who moved on to bigger and better careers were still technically on the payroll, always willing to come back and lend a hand.

But none of that was enough. He knew it wasn’t enough because Stede Bonnet would always be found wanting in every way. And besides, he’d met Ed three years ago. If he was “the one” Ed said he we would know if he saw him, surely by now something would have been said.

“Lucky,” was how Stede managed to reply with a barely-there smile.

“Yeah, you’d think,” Ed said with a sigh as he dropped his gaze to the platter in front of him. “So what about you?”

“What about me?” Stede asked, still feeling less jovial than when he came in. He looked at the platter, too, trying to figure out what item to pick up next.

“What’s your guy like? The one you fantasize about?”

Stede could feel his face turning red as he picked up a wing.

“You’ve read my books.”

“Yeah, but that’s not the same, is it? No, come on. What’s Stede Bonnet really after?”

Stede sighed and peered up at Ed from beneath his lashes. “You’ll laugh.”

“Maybe,” Ed replied honestly with a shrug, though he seemed riveted.

“Honestly?” Stede asked, and Ed nodded once. “Someone who likes me.”

Ed blinked. “Stede, that’s a sh*t ton of people.”

“No,” He said pointedly. “No, I mean…. Someone who doesn’t look at me and see… my oddness. I know I’m an acquired taste. I think that was part of the reason Mary married me because she figured if she could grow to like me, then the deep love we were both missing would surely follow. But I would, maybe, want someone who likes me because of it instead of in spite of it. Which, I’m aware, is a very big ask and not one I ever expect to be answered. So, I don’t fantasize. Not about the perfect man or my own future, at least.” He scrubbed his face with his free hand, wing practically forgotten. “Which is why I’ll probably just tell them that my partner bailed on me when I go to this whole thing. That way, by New Year, a break up won’t seem all that odd because, really, who couldn’t see it coming.” He looked at the nibble pinched between his fingers and sighed. “Anyway, I’m being a downer. Would rather not think of any of it at all, actually. So, how’s business been?”

December 6th

~E~

Ed could barely remember the majority of his night, despite knowing he participated in everything. From the conversation with Stede, to the pair of them nearly winning pub night trivia to leaving Stede at the corner like he always did with a parting hug, Ed knew he had been an active participant. That nothing about how he spoke, or how he acted let on that he was currently having a crisis.

That crisis being the opportunity to know what it might be like to be Stede Bonnet’s partner, even if it was all fake.

He accepted after meeting Stede for the first time that he was painfully in love with the man. He’d come into Ed’s pawn shop looking for some interesting wares to decorate his cafe with, wanting to give it a touch of whimsy. He said price wasn’t an issue, which normally meant Ed would jack said price up to milk the wealthy, aristocratic asshole for all he’s worth. But it was the things Stede went for that changed Ed’s mind. The way he gushed about things like the chipped china set just because he liked the little anchors and sea creatures that decorated them when there was a frankly stunning silver set right next to it. One Ed knew was worth way more than he bought it off the f*cker pawning it for. The art Stede liked being from an old friend of Ed’s when there was some fancier, more commonly sought-after pieces in the shop, too. The sofa that looked worse for wear, but Stede liked for it’s character.

“It’s been around! It’s seen things!” He’d crowed about it as he took a seat and declared it far more comfortable than any new piece he’d tested out.

They had all been items Ed had a soft spot for, things he liked but could never have justified having in his own home even just to look at because it wasn’t what Edward Teach was expected to have in his home. So when Stede left the shop, promising he’d send someone down that day to pick up his purchases, Ed was f*cking smitten.

He didn’t see Stede or whoever Stede sent to get the stuff, so he doubted very much that he’d cross paths with the lunatic again. Didn’t help his crush, though.

He tried to talk himself out of the idea that he had fallen for the silly man with his pastel suits and love of unique things for all of three days, then Ed had wandered into The Gentleman’s Brew.

He hadn’t known that that was Stede’s cafe, even though, looking back, he should have sussed it out. After all, The Gentleman’s Brew was essentially the coffeehouse version of a gay bar. That was a safe space to meet up, to just go and be, and had the best f*cking coffee that side of town to boot.

It was Ed’s favorite place to go when he wanted to splurge on something that didn’t have the consistency of toxic sludge, and that day he’d found Stede behind the counter with his sleeves rolled up to his elbows, and apron on with the customary name tag featuring pronouns. At the time, there was a little pink, purple, and blue flag pinned beside it, but also a wedding ring Ed failed to notice on Stede’s left hand when they’d first met.

Still, he could suck it up. He’d fallen in love with people at first sight enough times before. He figured this would pass, too. He resigned himself to having a coffee a touch more often than he usually would, hoping to get eye candy with it, and, eventually, it would fade out.

But it didn’t. Because Stede f*cking Bonnet was the most fascinating person Ed had ever met. The more he learned about him, the harder Ed fell, and no amount of other guys seemed to cure him of it.

When the ring came off, Ed almost asked him out immediately. Except, well, Ed had been dating someone at the time - which Stede knew about - and had also had to hear his friend extol the virtues of discovering one’s true self and re-embracing bachelorhood.

Stede, it turned out, was entirely his true self before, just still with one foot in the closet and having confused the love of his oldest friend with that of romantic love for far longer than any adult should. But he never seemed interested in dating, having never once mentioned even going on one since the divorce.

So Ed pined. He pined, and he scratched itches with random blokes from time to time (and if they were blonde men, only Izzy was judging him for it), and he and Stede remained the best of friends. It was easy. It was enough.

Until now. Until Stede had said he made up a partner and was expected to bring him to this holiday gathering, and all he wanted in life was someone who liked him.

Ed liked him. Ed liked him a lot. Stede was a f*cking lunatic and eccentric and the f*cking kindest man he’d ever met in his whole goddamn life. Ed loved Stede Bonnet so desperately that it was blissful torture to be in his presence and keep all contact limited to friendly touches instead of trying to kiss the breath out of him every single second.

So, of course, of- f*cking -course, the first thought Ed had when Stede said he made up a fake partner was: I could do it.

And when he said what he wanted from a partner, Ed thought: I could do it super easy. Not even faking it.

And despite the topic never once coming up again over the course of the night, the mantra repeated in Ed’s mind.

I could do it. I could do it. I could f*cking do it.

He didn’t offer, though. He wouldn’t have known how to, anyway. Not without making himself look far too eager and a bit too pathetic, and he would have to live the rest of his life knowing he did that in front of Stede.

So, Ed carried on with the words popping into his mind at random moments. Soaping his beard in the shower? I could do it. Noting a funny-looking pigeon on his walk to the shop? I could do it. Flip through a random magazine of hairstyles he found in a box from an estate sale? I could do it.

He was going to drive himself f*cking spare at this rate. At least he wasn’t bored, though. Life hadn’t been boring once Stede came into it, breaking up the monotony. Hell, even their weekly dates that weren’t dates at the pub didn’t feel boring. At least they talked. At least they didn’t sit around and get pissed in silence or at some sh*tty dive bar because it made them look tough.

The bell rang over the door, and Ed glanced up. He sighed heavily at the sight that greeted him.

“Stupid f*cking Christmas sh*t,” Izzy said as he clomped inside, sneering over his shoulder. “Every f*cking year it seems to get worse and worse. Heard the same f*cking song outside the neighbor’s shop every f*cking day since October. I’m gonna f*cking deck ‘em if I ever see ‘em.”

“You’re going to deck a sixty-three-year-old woman who sells craft supplies because she happens to play Christmas carols?” Ed asked, still leaning back in his chair with his feet propped up on a different box from the estate sale.

“If I have to,” Izzy bullsh*tted, chest puffed up as if punching a woman almost twenty years his senior was somehow a sign of his toughness.

Ed hummed, turning back to the article about “the Rachel,” whatever the f*ck that was.

“Anything good?” Izzy asked, coming around the counter to eye the boxes Ed had gathered around him.

“Mmm, not much,” He said as he closed the magazine and tossed it aside. “Think we might be able to sell these for cheap, but so far, it’s not been anything exciting. The usze, really. Sorta glad thrifting’s right in style, and we don’t exactly have a lot of competition in that area.” He dropped his feet from the box to the floor with a groan before getting to his feet. “Couple of pieces Stede would probably like. I already set those aside for him.”

“Stupid f*cking Stede Bonnet,” Izzy grumbled, the venom in his voice the same as it was when they’d met three years before.

Where Ed fell in love with Stede at first sight, Izzy fell into loathing. Ed isn’t even sure why , exactly, and whenever he asked Izzy, he got a ramble where the words ponce, idiot, twat, and knob were used liberally. He stopped listening after a few months.

Probably why he missed the confusing period when Izzy tried to break up their non-existent romantic relationship.

Izzy could not know about the crisis.

I could do it.

“I’m gonna pop out now that you’re here,” Ed declared with a little bounce of his feet, shoving his hands in his pockets before he maneuvered around the counter.

“The f*ck?” Izzy snapped upright from where he was pouring over a box of something.

“Been here since seven a.m., man. I need a break. Doubt we’re gonna get a sudden f*cking influx.”

“It’s the f*cking holidays. We’re going to start getting busier.”

“I seriously doubt everyone will start looking for antique gifts at one o’clock on a Friday afternoon,” Ed shot back as he headed toward the door.

He was outside before he could hear what Izzy said. The music pipped outside from inside the craft store, drowning him out. Ed ducked in a moment, breathing in the heavy cinnamon scent mixed with pine before smiling at Doloris.

“Izzy’s loving your album choice this year,” he said to her when she glanced his way.

The older woman smirked wickedly in return.

“Pissing him off, am I?”

“You f*cking know it. Saw some yarn in a box we got at the estate sale the other week. Set it aside for you.”

“Thanks, Ed. I’ll be by Monday, if that’s okay?”

“It’ll keep,” Ed smiled, waving as he stepped back out into the brisk air.

He didn’t grow up like Stede. He didn’t grow up rich or even decently off. But his mum, bless her, instilled in him to look after their own however they could.

It didn’t matter what sort of sh*t they had been through or how f*cking awful the year had been. Ed’s mum would open their home to their neighbors. None of them could afford a full Christmas dinner, but they sure as f*ck could buy parts of one. And while portions were never as big as they were in the ads, and their place was always so f*cking cramped you could barely move, it felt like family. More so than any memory involving Ed’s dad - who was the biggest f*cking dick in the world - or Ed’s grandparents on either side.

And it wasn’t just the holidays they did that. It was all f*cking year. Maybe not a big dinner, but whoever could would house the kids after school until they were all old enough that getting in trouble was essentially an inevitability. Ed had been dressed in hand-me-downs from neighbors that he would eventually see on one of the younger ones when he outgrew them. The landlords couldn’t be relied on for sh*t, but whoever could fix something that needed it would do it as soon as they could. And in the meantime, if it meant no water or an appliance was out, there was always someone opening their home to loaning something out.

It was the sense of community that Ed had missed so f*cking much when he moved two decades ago.

It was something he tried to find for himself and where he ended up falling in with the wrong sorta people. It had been fun in the beginning, but there were only so many times of barely maintaining his innocence before he’d had enough.

Ed didn’t want to become his dad, and he had known he was heading in that direction. He didn’t want to be a drunk dick who found himself in and out of jail for sh*t that boiled down to sheer stupidity. So he’d scrapped together what money he had from his less-than-honest dealings and bought the pawn shop off the old guy a few of his old buddies would fence through.

Ed wasn’t proud that he started off actually buying the goods his friends were pawning, but he had to ease them out and away. Starting by saying that the things were too hot and had to be sold somewhere out of town. Eventually, they stopped coming.

Which was f*cking fantastic because Ed started to form that community he pined for with the shopkeepers along the street. It was nearly exactly like the one he had growing up. There was a real estate broker who told Ed when owners were looking to sell a bunch of sh*t, as well as the family of funeral directors who would tell Ed when there were estate sales coming up. (A couple he was told about before the guys actually kicked it, but he knew better than to ask.) In turn, if he found something he wouldn’t have an easy time selling but knew someone could use, he’d set it aside for them to buy off him cheap if not give it away.

They exchanged meals now and then, always had a bit of friendly competition tastefully decorating their storefronts for all the seasons. Even had a habit of popping around with coffee and donuts for one another’s birthdays, but nothing ever like those holidays Ed had growing up.

So, Ed spent the holidays alone. He had his family of neighbors, but they weren’t the sort of family that pulled together like that. And his mum and her new husband were too far away to just pop over for dinner. That, and he was pretty sure her husband took her on a cruise for the holidays.

And this year would be like every other year since he was at least twenty. It wasn’t like Stede asked him to be his fake partner. It probably hadn’t even crossed his mind that Ed was right there , single and desperately, achingly in love with him to the point that he wouldn’t have had to fake a single moment with Stede.

It would have been flawless. Perfect. No one would have been the wiser that it was all f*cking fake.

It still could be if Ed had the balls to suggest it. But he didn’t.

So when he approached the Gentleman’s brew - with its rounded, wood panel exterior that bore large windows currently decked with multi-colored fairy lights - it was with the resolve that Ed would not think about how he could f*cking rock being Stede’s fake boyfriend for at least the next twenty minutes.

It lasted exactly as long as it took Ed to step inside and spot Stede in a corner booth with Lucius looking something over.

I could do it , his mind traitorously thought, and Ed would have slapped himself if it wouldn’t draw strange looks.

“Ed!” Frenchie crowed from the counter, causing the people he was supposed to be tending to to startle. He beamed, as he always did upon seeing Ed’s mug, as well as all the other regulars.

“On it!” John called from the bar, and Ed chuckled at them, allowing Frenchie to finish up with his current customers before heading to the register himself.

Ed, instead, stole a glance at Stede.

Stede smiled warmly at him. Fondly. Hell, in Ed’s wildest imaginings, he would even say it was lovingly , but that was a stretch. He couldn’t be sure, but he wagered Stede looked at all his friends like that. Just likely wasn’t the case that all his friends would feel a little weak-kneed by it. More fool them.

“Yo, Ed!” Frenchie snapped him out of his little stare-down with Stede, drawing his attention back to the counter.

“Hey, man,” Ed greeted him. “How’s the day been?”

“Oh, ya know, same ol’ same ol. You pickin’ up for Dizzy Izzy, too?”

“Nah, mate. Waste if I did,” Ed replied as he handed Frenchie the cost of his coffee. As he did, John came over with his holiday usual: a coffee with gingerbread and a sh*t ton of whipped cream. Not a latte, just the equivalent of a medium coffee in a large cup with probably more syrup than was normal and the remaining cup space filled with whipped cream. He took it from John gratefully and took a sip. He sighed with pleasure, “’s f*cking perfect, mate. Cheers.”

“Later, man,” Frenchie said with a wave as Ed stepped away, heading to where Stede and Lucius were.

“Why can’t I know who he is?” He heard Lucius asking as he approached the table. “He’s coming, right?”

Stede sighed, and Ed had to grin at him, giving a little chuckle when Stede glanced up at his approach. Poor bugger really dug himself in this one.

I could do it , his mind supplied.

A light went on in Stede’s head, Ed could see the minute shift of Stede’s features and posture as he clearly got an idea. And wasn’t Ed so f*cking glad he was going to be here for this firsthand instead of hearing about it later?

“Actually, you already know who he is,” Stede said, only looking away from Ed when he was finished speaking.

“Great!” Lucius chirped. “So, who is he, and why haven’t you said anything before?”

Stede met Ed’s eye again, “haven’t asked him if he’d want to.”

“Want to what? ?e seen with you?” Lucius asked, hands flailing about.

He probably missed the ever-so-subtle eyebrow lift Stede gave Ed. The hopeful, pleading look that said sorry, please go along with this.

Almost as if when Ed had thought the same crazy thought of how he could totally be Stede’s fake boyfriend, Stede somehow heard it. That he latched on to the idea and was running with it, giving Ed this last moment to back the f*ck out and leave before he could get in too deep.

“Sort of,” Stede said, glancing back to Lucius and primly adding. “We’ve kept it quiet. Didn’t want to make a big fuss about it.”

Ed has self-preservation. He does, really. There was a reason he got out of the unsavory side of things, even if living as a (mostly) law-abiding citizen was boring as f*ck. He knew not to get into the heavier sh*t when he was younger, and didn’t go anywhere he’d have to watch his f*cking back. Ed left sh*tty relationships and sh*tty situations because he knew they’d do a number on him.

But this? This he couldn’t f*cking resist, and before he knew it, he was going to Stede’s side, lifting an arm and dropping it around Stede’s shoulder, startling both him and Lucius.

“To f*ck with it, love. They were going to find out sooner or later.”

Stede looked back up at him in utter awe. With gratitude. With all that fondness that looked like love, and Ed wasn’t going to survive this. Walked right into it, straight in front of the firing squad, with no place to hide.

“I guess they would have,” Stede said a bit too brightly.

“Really?” Lucius asked skeptically but interested all the same. “You two? Really?”

Ed glanced over and saw the boy leaning forward and smiling like the cat who got the canary. He put his elbows on whatever books he had laid out on the table, perching his chin on his folded hands, and held Stede’s gaze.

“How long? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“It’s new-ish. Remember? Anyway, Ed, darling, don’t you need to be heading back to work?”

“Yeah, probably do.” He said, giving Stede’s shoulder a squeeze before slowly pulling it off his shoulder.

Before it could fall to Ed’s side, or before Ed could jam it deep in his jeans pocket, Stede snatched it and gave it a squeeze.

“I’ll stop by and see you later?” He asked, though there were more questions than just that buried in the inquiry.

“Yeah, sure,” Ed said with all the false nonchalance he could muster.

He gave Stede’s hand a squeeze in return before letting go. Then, Ed headed for the door as quickly as he could without it looking like he was attempting to flee the scene in any way.

When he was outside and a good distance away from the cafe, he started a low, part-giddy, part-petrified chant of “f*ck, f*ck, f*cking f*ck.”

Which he was. Well, and truly f*cked, that is.

It was probably going to be the best Christmas in his whole, sorry life.

Chapter 2: Darling, you're making my December

Chapter Text

Ed returned to the pawn shop on cloud f*cking nine. Was there a boiling pit of despair underneath said cloud, waiting for him to fall off? Yeah, but he’ll worry about that when it happened. For the time being, he got to hold the memory of Stede calling him “darling” in his head and play it on loop for as long as he f*cking wanted.

Or until Izzy opened his mouth, which Ed should have seen coming from a mile away.

“The f*ck’s got you looking like a dopey idiot?” Izzy asked, not thirty seconds after Ed stepped through the door.

Shrugging, Ed took a sip of his coffee and said, “nothing.”

Except, of course, despite so many f*cking years of masking his emotions, this one was apparently too big. Because he could hear the giddiness in his tone and knew damn well Izzy heard it, too.

“Not f*cking nothing, and we both know it.”

“Piss off,” Ed said instead, making his way around the room to another box from the estate sale. This one, he knew, was not the magazines and sh*t that Izzy was still sorting through, but old knickknacks that probably would sell well among the rich folk.

“Keep telling ya Bonnet’s not worth your time.”

“Yeah, and you’ve been saying it for three years. Have I listened yet?” Ed shot back without looking over his shoulder. He set down his coffee on a table by his head and opened the box.

“No, but hope springs eternal,” Izzy retorted, and Ed had to turn just a bit more to see the self-satisfied grin he knew Izzy would have.

Ed blinked, shook his head, but couldn’t think of a damn thing to say. So he turned back to the box, unearthing a Blue Boy and Pink Lady set that wasn’t really worth much, but he knew could probably be marked up and still sell. In decent condition, would have made a cool fifteen dollars at someone’s yard sale in the burbs. Funny what some people will think is priceless because they found it behind a window.

They worked in silence for a while, the faint sound of the carols from Doloris’s shop carrying through from next door. Without even realizing he was doing it, Ed began to hum softly to himself.

“f*cking hell, not you, too.”

“You know, Iz, it won’t kill you not to be a Grinch, right?”

“I f*cking hate this time of year,” Izzy grumbled. “People are more stupid than they usually are. Do ridiculous things for people they supposedly love - and those they barely even like - just to carry on the ridiculous tradition of going into debt. More money than brains, which says a lot since they go into f*cking debt.”

“You do remember how we grew up, yeah?”

“Yes,” Izzy snapped. “I remember watching the other brats at school who weren’t from our area show off all the sh*t their parents bought them only to not give a f*ck a month later. How our mums looked f*cking miserable that they couldn’t give us sh*t.”

“You don’t remember the dinners?” Ed asked, hoping to eke out at least one good memory from Izzy.

But instead of the fond smile it always brought to Ed’s lips, it just made Izzy scoff.

“Something we probably shouldn’t have ever done at all,” he grumbled.

He was winding up for a tirade, Ed could tell, and he was just starting to brace himself to feel like sh*t when the door opened.

Stede came in with a burst of air and Christmas carols. A white box was clutched in his hands, and a blush to his cheeks like he’d run there.

Ed straightened up from his work, smiling a bit too fondly at the blonde when their eyes met across the room.

“The f*ck are you doing here?” Izzy asked, drawing both of their attention.

He stood behind the counter, arms crossed, looking as tall as he could, and glared.

Stede scrunched his nose in distaste.

“Is that how you greet all your customers?”

“Are you actually going to buy something?”

“That depends. But last I checked, Iggy, I didn’t need to make a purchase when coming to see Ed.”

“I do have a few things for you, mate. Might be something that catches your eye. If nothing else, you’ll be able to tell me what fabric I got.” Ed said as he moved toward Stede, knee giving out a bit with each step.

Stede’s eyes darted to it almost as soon as Ed took the first step, then looked at him rather pointedly in reproach.

“What ya got there?” He asked to draw attention away from him.

Stede looked down at his hands, then beamed.

“Right! Roach hadn’t had this out when you were in, but it’s a slice of his holiday chocolate orange cake.”

Ed groaned with a mix of excitement and appreciation as he took the box from Stede like he was handling a priceless heirloom. He then carried it close to his chest as he went around the counter, stepping around and ignoring a grumbling Izzy as he made his way to the mini-fridge.

Ed opened it, pushing aside the cans of fizzy water and soda to place the cake inside until he could eat it in peace. Last f*cking thing he needed was Izzy sneering at it, ranting about stupid things when all Ed would want is to enjoy his cake.

When he righted himself, Stede was wringing his hands, avoiding eye contact.

“About the whole… thing. That happened. At the uh… at the cafe?” Stede said with a little wave in the cafe’s general direction.

“About…?” Ed gestured between the two of them.

“Yes, that.” Stede glanced at Izzy.

Izzy rolled his eyes and walked away, heading into the back.

“I had… it was so spur of the moment,” Stede rushed to explain in a hushed tone. “You, um… you really don’t have to do this.”

It was said with such understanding, such expectancy that Ed would indeed back down. And with the implication that when he did back down, Stede would one hundred percent understand.

“Yeah, I know,” Ed said in the same low tone. “Still gonna. If you want me to, anyway.”

Stede’s whole body sagged with relief, like the only thing keeping him up was the arm he had on the counter.

“I would love it if you did,” He said with that stupidly fond grin.

Ed couldn’t help but just smile back, hoping that he was conveying how much he f*cking loved this idiot while at the same time hoping said idiot didn’t notice.

They must have been just smiling at each other for an obscenely long time because Izzy came back with a box and shoved it between them.

“Here’s the sh*t you set aside for Bonnet,” He said without looking at Stede. He then turned on his heel and went to where Ed had been sorting things earlier.

“Honestly, Ed. I know he’s your friend, but I often wonder why you keep him around.”

Ed waved it off before opening the box.

“He’s usually a bit better with actual customers. Anyway, take a look in here. Are these silk?”

Stede picked up the top garment like it would turn to dust if he wasn’t very delicate, gently running his thumb over the bright fabric. All of it was like that: bright, flamboyant, nothing Ed should be caught dead wearing, and everything he wanted to drape himself in.

“No. It’s actually a rather exquisite cashmere,” Stede replied, lips pursed with a slight grin.

“A rather exquisite cashmere,” Ed repeated, smiling smugly at Izzy. “See? Estate sale wasn’t a total waste.”

“Yeah, and you’re gonna f*cking give to your boyfriend,” Izzy retorted with derision.

Ed’s eyes went wide, and his jaw tightened because, for f*ck sakes, this was the sort of sh*t Izzy said when it was just him and Ed.

But instead of questioning the word choice like a sane person might - even if they were intending to use the word in a ruse - Stede scowled at Izzy and squared his shoulders.

“Excuse me. Ed doesn’t give me anything. I purchase all garments and trinkets I get from him with very few exceptions. And those exceptions are gifts, and they don’t happen often. These, I’m quite certain, are not a gift and will be paid for forthwith.” He then turned to Ed with a gentle smile, eyes bright with merriment. “Though I won’t be able to take these back to the cafe.”

“It’s fine,” Ed shrugged, already beginning to key in Stede’s credit card number. The total was heavily discounted, but not so much that he wasn’t making any profit - both Izzy and Stede would get after him if he didn’t earn something. “I can bring them by your place later. And we can, you know… talk?”

“Sounds lovely,” Stede agreed softly. “Say around six?”

Ed grinned.

Six was just a reasonable time. They knew that they’d both go right to Stede’s place after work, and whoever got there first would wait inside since Ed had a key.

“Yeah, mate. Sounds great.” Ed replied as Stede set the garment back in the box.

“Excellent! It’s a date!” Stede crowed. Then, it seemed, his words caught up to him, and he blushed a deep red. “Well, not a- not a date, as in-“

“Out,” Izzy snapped, cutting off Stede’s adorable ramble. “Now.”

“You can’t kick me out,” Stede glowered. “But since I was leaving anyway,” He turned away from Izzy, managing to smile at Ed and say, “tonight.”

“Bye, mate,” Ed said as he watched Stede head out the door, the little bell chiming over top marking his exit.

“You’re a f*cking idiot,” Izzy said the second the door was closed.

Ed rolled his eyes and huffed.

“No, don’t you f*cking dare start that sh*t. You’re an idiot.” Izzy glanced around them like someone might have snuck in when they weren’t paying attention. Then he crossed the floor, standing on the opposite side of the counter and getting as in Ed’s face as he possibly could. “I don’t know what’s going on between the pair of you, but it’s something. And whatever this is, this mess you two are getting yourselves in, it’s gonna lead to you sulking about. I just f*cking know it.”

“You don’t even know what we’re doing,” Ed argued, but it was lame, and he knew it.

“I don’t need to know the f*cking details to know this whole thing is gonna end in disaster. It’s going to ruin you, Edward. It’s going to be Jack all over again.”

“Jack was almost twenty years ago, man.” Ed huffed. “And besides, this… it’s not what you think, alright? I’m just helping Stede out.”

“You’re always helping that twat out, so what is it this time? Specifically?”

“I’m just, you know….” Ed sighed, scrubbing at his face. He shouldn’t say anything because the whole idea of them pretending to be a couple was to probably not tell anyone they weren’t . But what was worse? An Izzy that believed they were dating and got to gloat when they “broke up,” or an Izzy who was in on it all along and might, on a whim, tell the guys at the cafe?

“He needs someone to pretend to be his partner, so Lucius doesn’t try to set him up,” Ed said in a rush. “And it’s me. I’m doing it.”

Izzy stared at him a moment.

“For f*ck sakes,” he growled, turning away a moment and shaking his head.

“Come on, man, it’s not a big deal! It’s not like we’re actually dating.”

“No, this is worse!” Izzy spun back around on his heel, jabbing his finger at the counter. “He’s going to destroy you. You’ll get this taste of what you’ve been wanting for three years, and when the whole thing is done, and over, one of two things is gonna happen: he’ll figure out you’re in love with him - why I’ll never know, but I know you are - and he’s going to distance himself because he’s not gonna go for someone like us. Or, and this is the most likely thing because that ponce hasn’t figured you out yet, you’re going to be a sad shell of a man pining for his boyfriend when you never actually had him. It’s going to break you worse. Either way, this isn’t going to end how you want it to. He’ll still end up meeting some twat just like him. He’ll settle with that guy, and they’ll adopt a bunch of yappy dogs, and Stede Bonnet will forget about you.”

Ed frowned through the sting, suppressing the urge to argue with Izzy.

“Pretty sure Stede’s allergic to dogs.”

“That wasn’t the point, Edward.”

“Yeah, and you’ve made your point on several occasions. Doesn’t f*cking matter, I’m still doing this.”

“Yeah, well, I won’t be your f*cking shoulder to cry on when this goes tit* up,” Izzy said as he stepped away.

“When the f*ck have you ever been a shoulder to cry on?” Ed smirked, hoping against all hope that this would be when Izzy dropped the whole thing.

“f*ck off,” Izzy said as he headed out back, flashing Ed a middle finger over his shoulder.

Ed watched him go and held back the heart-heavy sigh until Izzy was gone.

He might be right. Ed didn’t think he hid how much he loved Stede very well. So if Stede hadn’t noticed before now - or had and simply chose not to address it - then this could all end in a mess.

Or, a traitorous voice in Ed’s head whispered, maybe this could be the step you need to win Stede over for real .

Much as Ed wanted to sit with that thought, a small group of customers stepped in, looking like they might just have that “more money than brains” bit that Izzy bitched about earlier.

So Ed tucked the thought away, brought out all of his charms, and got back to work.

~S~

The thing with this whole plan was Stede hadn’t a clue where it came from. All he knew was he met Ed’s eyes across the cafe when Lucius had been pestering him relentlessly, and the idea just snapped into place.

Ed could be my partner .

At the moment, it seemed like a brilliant idea. Ed was his best friend. Stede was already in love with him. They could easily pretend to be a couple for a few days.

It still seemed like a good idea when he went to see Ed in his shop, bringing him cake and the chance to back out when no one was around to hear. Well, Izzy was around, but the little rat of a man hardly counted since he probably would only talk to Lucius and the others on pain of death. And that was if he even heard anything.

It wasn’t until Stede was back in his favored booth in the cafe, laptop open and scene ready to go, that he really got to thinking about the situation. It had nothing to do with what he was supposed to be writing, which was exactly why he started to think about it. Then thinking turned to dwelling when he realized that there were things people would expect from a couple that would be a bit odd taking place between two best friends.

Ed had wanted to talk, which meant he was likely already a few steps ahead of Stede in this realization. Not surprising, Ed’s mind was incredibly tactical. He probably even already thought of every scenario they could find themselves in and had a few solutions for each, whereas Stede only just realized he might have to hold Ed’s hand and act cool about it.

He did not do any writing. His pirate protagonists would have to remain pining and missing one another for a bit longer because as soon as the five o’clock shift change took place, Stede was packing up and out the door.

Food. They’ll need food because likely Ed had already had that slice of cake and probably nothing else of any sort of substance all afternoon. And, frankly, Stede was sure he would need the comfort of something familiar and delicious as he and Ed discussed things like who should know this was all a massive f*ckery, and what level of affection would be appropriate?

f*ck, he really didn’t think this through before putting it out in the universe.

At least it wasn’t raining. The Christmas lights hanging from awnings, in windows, on streetlights seemed brighter and more twinkling for it. The snippets of carols he heard as he made his way down the street were more easily heard without the rhythm of falling droplets.

And, after picking up some takeaway, it meant that the paper bag wouldn’t be utterly destroyed on his way back to his condo.

Stede pushed open the door to his and Ed’s favorite Thai place, the little bell over the door chiming as Stede stepped into the atmospheric room.

“Beat you to it, mate.”

Stede turned to the counter and beamed at Ed leaning against it with one elbow, a smirk on his lips.

“Seems we had the same idea.”

“Seems like,” Ed agreed. “Figured it was probably my turn anyway.”

“I’ve hardly been keeping track,” Stede said as he joined Ed at the counter. There wasn’t anyone else waiting, though by the amount of paper bags on the pick-up shelf, it wasn’t because the restaurant wasn’t busy.

They waited together in companionable silence for their order to come up, which wasn’t a long wait at all. Either Ed had been there quite a while before Stede was, or he’d ordered it as he left the shop.

Ed had parked a little way down the road, and it was just a given that Stede would go with him. The passenger seat was still adjusted exactly as Stede liked it, and he spotted the box from the shop in the back seat.

Stede took the bag from Ed and held it in his lap, keeping it there for the short drive to Stede’s place. He also carried it up as Ed grabbed the box, having only his laptop bag to worry about. They both said hello to the neighbor they passed in the lobby while Stede took a second to check the mail, then they headed to the elevator and up to the top floor.

They get into Stede’s place, and as soon as their shoes are off, Ed heads toward the spare room Stede uses as an auxiliary wardrobe with the box of clothes. While he does that, Stede ventures into the kitchen to grab them each a drink, then makes his way to the living room with the two bottles clutched in one hand and the bag of takeaway in the other.

Ed is just behind him, and Stede sits on the couch first, tucked in the corner and turned so he’ll be able to see Ed.

Ed collapses on the couch with a groan, stretching out his bad leg while adjusting his favored throw pillow against the arm to be more comfortable on his back.

Stede hands Ed a bottle, which he takes and puts on the coffee table. Then Stede opens the bag of takeaway, handing Ed his usual and a set of chopsticks before getting out his own. They continue to arrange themselves, the whole thing like a dance they’d been doing for so long it’s become muscle memory.

But then, it’s the sort of routine they have done dozens of times. Be it there or at Ed’s, to watch TV together, or simply just to spend time with one another, this is how they settle in.

And with Ed’s foot nudged up against Stede’s knee and food in hand, there’s nothing left to do but address the elephant in the room. The thing that, until now, Stede hadn’t realized was why he was so silent.

"So, where do we start?" Ed asked easily, shoving his chopsticks deep into his box, likely searching for a chunk of meat.

The fact that they were so ingrained in one another’s lives that Stede knew the exact way Ed was about to devour his food should make all this easier.

"We should start from the beginning," Stede replied with shrug, mustering up some confidence. He took a quick bit of his food before continuing. "When did we go from friends to… more than friends?"

The silence between them was heavier than Stede would have expected it to be.

"Well," Ed said before bringing a piece of beef to his mouth and chewing. "How long can we get away with?"

"Not terribly long, I imagine," Stede admitted reluctantly. "Lucius will claim he could sniff it out before now if it had been too long."

"Alright. A couple weeks?"

"Is that long enough to have been dating someone and bring them to a gathering like that?"

"We've been friends for years, mate."

"Yes, and so were Mary and me. Longer than us, even, and we still waited a bit before going to soirées or other such events."

Ed smirked as he moved his chopsticks around the carton.

"Wasn’t because you had second thoughts or anything."

"Hush," Stede smirked back.

The two ate in silence for a bit. Ed’s foot would brush against Stede’s knee once in a while, like a nudge or a caress. Stede would move his knee ever so slightly as if bumping him in return.

"What about Halloween?" Ed asked thoughtfully.

Stede furrowed his brow as he thought back to October, wondering when it would have been possible for such a thing to occur.

"When you came to help me with Alma's costume," Stede caught on, already fond of the idea

Ed pointed at him with his chopsticks. "That’s the one. We did get pretty pissed that night."

They had, and it was glorious.

Mary had thought that because Stede was going to take the kids out while she and Doug attended a Halloween party, Stede would be responsible for their costumes. Stede had not gotten that message until her text a few days before Halloween asking how the Kraken costume was coming along.

Stede had, of course, bullsh*tted a bit. Said it was going fine, of course, but had a few questions about sucker placement and how mean it needed to look. Whether Mary called his bluff and kept it to herself or was being her usual self, she had relayed in detail Alma’s demands. Louis had just wanted to be a character from his favorite show, so all that involved was a quick pop into the Halloween shop.

A Kraken, though, had been something else.

"Of course we got pissed," Stede scoffed. "We had to to survive that project."

"Made it through, though. And Alma f*cking rocked it."

"Certainly didn't hurt that you volunteered to walk with her, wrapped in one of the tentacles."

"A captain goes down with the ship, mate."

"We could have dressed a doll up as a pirate. Would have been a more realistic size considering the ship was no longer than your waist."

Ed shrugged, a little smile playing on his lips. "She liked it, though."

Stede hummed in agreement. "So when did it happen? While we made the costume or Halloween night?"

Ed blew a raspberry and focused hard on the noodles in his takeout box.

"Maybe… we had a moment during the costume thing, but it was hearing the other parents saying stuff about their dads being awesome that sealed it?"

Stede swallowed and looked down at his food.

There had been a moment when they were making the costume. Buzzed from the alcohol, they fumbled in the tentacles and ended up in a pile on the floor. Stede on Ed, they laughed - hard at first before it petered into soft chuckles -and stared at each other. Stede had gently removed Styrofoam from Ed’s hair, caressing his cheek accidentally on purpose. Eyes had darted to lips repeatedly, but before either could make a move, a tentacle shifted and reminded them of what they were supposed to be doing.

Or, at least, that's how Stede remembered the moment. It had only lasted a few seconds realistically, but in his mind, it had gone forever, stretching into infinity until time regained control over everything.

In Ed’s mind, it had probably just been a funny moment. He did giggle a lot after, and became a lot more playful and jokey.

It's what caused Stede to drink a bit more than he intended. And Ed met him gulp for gulp.

"That works," Stede choked out.

"Yeah, like… I dunno we kissed or something but kinda… brushed it off as drunk stuff. Ya know? Then after, like, the dozenth 'aw look at you all. Such a great family, your dads are so great matching your costumes' that we thought, I dunno, maybe we could be… more."

Ed didn’t look at Stede until he finished speaking and only did so through his lashes.

"I'd like that," Stede said softly.

Though “like” was an understatement. The reality was he loved it. He could picture it: how, after they got the kids tucked in, he and Ed collapsed on the couch with groans and chuckles. Ed would drop his hand heavy on Stede’s knee and give it a shack before saying, "you wanna do something weird?" And the weird would be trying out being “more.” Maybe kissing sober, only to find it wasn’t weird at all.

Ed’s lips curled up in a half grin. "Me too.”

It took Stede entirely too long to realize he was staring, then blinked, focusing on his food.

“I think we should say our first date was a movie.”

“What, since we went saw that…?”

“Yes, exactly!” Stede said with feigned enthusiasm. Instead, he was thinking too hard about the whole time he and Ed did go to the movies, just a week after Halloween.

There was a new Christmas movie out, one that Stede had been painfully excited about since it was meant to feature a same-sex couple. Ed, of course, went in expecting to be baited because “that’s just how these things go, Stede.”

He’d been wrong, but it didn’t mean it had been good representation. He and Ed had been rooting for the wrong person to win the heroine’s heart, though both admitted about two-thirds of the way through that the awful woman was going to be the chosen one.

They spent most of the film leaning into each other, whispering just loud enough to hear one another but not disturb the rest of the moviegoers, though there had been few others, to begin with. There were casual touches, and some part of them were always in contact. They’d shared popcorn, so there were lots of finger brushes, and frankly, Stede hadn’t given a damn about what was on the screen when he was constantly swooning. Afterward, they went out for a drink and tore the movie apart in a much louder, more emphatic way. There, the touches continued, and the looks were - to Stede’s mind - so much more longing than they had been.

But then Ed had gotten a call from Izzy, and while he took that, Stede had gotten a notification from his publisher about needing to go over some last-minute edits ASAP, and that had been the end of the bubble they made.

Or the bubble Stede put around it. Still, it was so very date-like that he had to remind himself constantly for days after that that hadn’t been one. Hell, he’d gone to the movies with Ed a dozen times or so in the past. It wasn’t weird for them to share popcorn or talk to each other when they weren’t accompanied by someone else.

But for the purpose of the ruse, that would be their first date.

“Makes sense to me,” Ed agreed. “But how often have we gone on dates since then? It’s been a month, right?”

“If we’re counting from Halloween, just over. From the movie just under.” Stede confirmed before bringing a bite of food to his mouth.

Ed huffed.

“Well, we’ve definitely f*cked, then.”

Stede almost choked.

“Sorry?” He wheezed.

Ed chuckled lowly.

“You heard me.” He said as he brought some noodles to his mouth and slurped them up.

“Why would you even… why… why? ”

“Oh, come on, mate,” Ed said as he finished chewing. “You and I both know Lucius is going to want details. And if we’re going to sell this-“

“Yes, alright, fine. But do we need to give him details?”

“No, but it’s funny seeing you get all wound up over it.”

Stede glared at him, but there wasn’t any heat behind it.

“So, dates. I say… can we call the Thursday thing a date if we did it before our fake relationship?”

“I would say so,” Stede said, frowning toward the ceiling. “I mean, personally I think any time we spend together, just us two would be a date once we’ve entered a romantic entanglement.”

“Alright, so a weekly date,” Ed said before stuffing more noodles in his mouth. “We do anything else?”

“You took me to that thing!” Stede recalled brightly.

It was Ed’s turn to frown. “You mean the estate sale? Where there were those f*cking vultures, and you had to use all your passive aggression skills to tell ‘em to f*ck off?”

“Just the one!” Stede beamed.

“Stede, mate, that’s… not really romantic.”

“I dunno. I think causing a bunch of posh knobs to waste mass amounts of money on worthless art and documents, leaving you the fine fabrics, the books, the silver that just needed some polishing for pennies is pretty romantic.”

Ed stared and shook his head, but Stede could see the smile in his eyes. The same one he wore that day after with utter disbelief. Because Stede had fooled all the snobs, and they had driven the prices up to the point where they had wasted thousands on stuff he’d warned Ed off of earlier.

Stede had thought Ed was going to kiss him after that. He didn’t, unfortunately, but Stede wasn’t sure if outside Ed’s shop would have been the best place, what with Izzy lurking inside.

“Fine. Estate sale, the movie, Thursdays. Seems solid.”

Stede hummed in agreement.

“Maybe we should go for one more before the whole thing, though.”

Ed’s eyes went wide. “Yeah,” he said a little louder than needed. “Yeah, I think that’s… yeah. Good call, mate.” He cleared his throat. “Umm… what about… affection.”

“Affection?”

“Yeah, like… what do we do to… show it?”

“Oh! Right. Well,” Stede cleared his throat, “I think the usual.”

“Usual?” Ed asked uncertainly.

“Yes! You know, exchanging glances, the odd touch. Everything we already do to show affection. Anything more is really just impolite in company.”

Ed arched a brow, tilting his head slightly down.

Stede rolled his eyes.

“Yes, I know the others are hardly polite company, but I’m still a gentleman.”

“Pet names?” Ed asked, shifting his focus to his food.

“You’ve really thought this through,” Stede remarked, more amused the accusatory.

Ed just shrugged with one shoulder, not turning his focus away from his noodles.

“Well, I suppose I already used darling. You called me… love.” He choked a bit on the word, forced to clear his throat. “Those work splendidly, I think. We could try others. But please, don’t use honey. I dislike that. Or sugar. No food things.”

Ed chuckled. “So, cupcake’s out. And pudding.”

Stede wrinkled his nose.

Ed giggled

“Muffin. Sugarplum. Sweetie pie.”

“Christ, Edward.”

“Apple of my eye?”

“Now you’re stretching. That’s more for children, anyway.”

“Okay,” Ed said, starting to settle down. He turned to set his empty box on the coffee table, focusing pretty hard on placing it just so. “So, love works. Probably only thing I’d really think of, anyway. I don’t really give a f*ck what you call me, ‘s long as it isn’t babe.”

“Because of Jack,” Stede nodded, knowing the whole sordid thing.

“Cause of Jack,” Ed agreed, finally turning toward Stede again. “Are we missing anything?”

“I don’t think s- Oh! Who do we let in on the ruse?”

“What?” Ed frowned.

“You know. Obviously, Lucius, the crew, all of them, they’re not in on it. But what about Mary? Alma and Louis?”

“Umm, probably at least let Mary know. She’d have our balls if she thought we actually started dating and didn’t tell her. Kids… probably a good idea so they don’t get confused.”

“Alright, makes sense,” Stede nodded once.

It was a good call, really. Mary would probably murder them, considering how often she would hint that maybe Stede should try asking Ed out. Which was ridiculous because Ed hadn’t exactly been single over the years they’d been friends, and Stede had never dated anyone. If Ed had had any real interest in him then something would have happened by now.

And the children adored Ed. Loved him, really, and would probably immediately start thinking of him the way they thought of Doug should they have been left out of the ruse. It would break their hearts to think he and Ed had a breakup. And they’d probably blame him.

“Should let you know,” Ed caught his attention, though he was looking at a point over the back of the sofa than at Stede. “Izzy knows.”

Stede huffed, “not surprising. He probably listened in at the door.”

“Actually, I told him,” Ed confessed. He turned to Stede and shrugged. “Had to, you know how he gets. Doubt very much he’s going to ruin the plan for us, anyway.”

“I had the same thought earlier,” Stede told him. “And I agree, I don’t think he’d breathe a word for anything.”

“So I guess we’re set, then,” Ed grinned. “We got our story straight. Things are in order. Now we just need to get through the next few weeks playing it cool, then the gathering, and then….”

“Just so,” Stede grinned back. “We’ve got everything sorted out. It should be easy.”

“Easy, peasy, pudding and f*ckin’ pie.”

They stared at one another for a beat too long, Stede wondering if this was the sort of thing they shook hands on, or anything. Ed seemed to be growing equally lost in what to do, but still, neither moved for a moment.

“Right, shall we watch something?”

“Yeah, why the f*ck not,” Ed reached for the remote and started to queue up a cooking show.

About halfway through the first episode, they shifted positions. Halfway through the second, they shifted again and did so until they eventually ended up stretched out on the sofa together, with Ed half laying on Stede.

Which was, for them, completely normal. And if Ed fell asleep there, that would be normal, too. Really, Stede was sure that this whole thing wasn’t going to change anything between them. That the whole thing would go smoothly, without a hitch to be seen. They’d just continue being them, doing everything they’d always done together, but under the guise of being a couple.

As Ed said: easy peasy.

Chapter 3: When loved ones are near

Chapter Text

December 8th

It was not - as Stede believed - easy peasy.

He carried on as if nothing had changed after Ed woke up on his couch the following morning. He and Ed had breakfast. Ed swapped his clothes for the last set he left at Stede’s place, then went to work. Stede washed the clothes Ed left behind with his own, and set them in the auxiliary wardrobe where he left Ed’s things.

Because, as he reasoned with himself constantly, it was perfectly normal for friends to keep a set of clothes (and toothbrush, and hairbrush, and favored toiletries) at one another’s homes. It was practical. A smart thing to do when said friends have a habit of overindulging on a regular basis. It meant comfort for either of them.

He then got ready to cover a shift at the cafe. It was the time of year where there were a lot of things happening, and Stede hated the idea of anyone missing out because of staffing issues.

The day went by without a hitch - mostly because he stayed far away from the coffee machines - and when he returned home, he was energized enough to write.

Which he did plenty of - got his word count in and more - until he started texting Ed and Mary.

It was family dinner every other Sunday. And since Mary, Doug, and the children would be flying out on the twentieth, it may be their last one before the holidays. Mary, of course, was making sure Stede remembered the day (he did), that he was responsible for dessert (he didn’t, but that was easily fixed), and that Ed knew what time to be there (which led to a lot of question marks from Stede)

Mary: Ed is family

Stede: Since when?!

Mary: Does it matter? Not like this is his first

Stede: Maybe not, but he doesn’t usually do the family dinners involving holidays.

As soon as he sent that, his phone chimed with a message from Ed.

Edward: Mary wants me over tomorrow and told me to bring wine

Edward: What sort of wine are we talkin cause like do I get a good expensive one or can I pop to the store around the corner tonight before it closes

Stede huffed, running a hand through his hair and pulling on it a bit before replying.

Stede: Anything’s probably fine as long as it’s sweet. You’re not questioning why Mary’s invited you to Christmas dinner?

And then Mary replied.

Mary: Well this year is different. Just make sure Ed knows the time, I gotta get the kids ready for bed.

Stede could not for the life of him think why this year, of all years, was different. Yes, they were leaving to see Doug’s family, but that was the only change. Usually, Ed would get an invite over if he was already at Stede’s. Or for the children’s birthdays because they adored Ed. But for holidays? Never.

Ed: It’s Christmas dinner?????

So, that should have been the first hint that none of this was going to be as easy as Stede had hoped. How Ed had said. But Stede decided that maybe it was because this was the only dinner that Ed could be invited to for the month that the invitation was extended. Though “invitation” seemed to be putting it nicely.

Either way, it was a sign that Stede could see he blew past in hindsight. He thought nothing of it when he drove over to Ed’s to pick him up. Didn’t pay it any mind as they had their usual banter over the stereo. Pretty much forgot about it by the time they were pulling into the driveway about a half hour later.

The hint that their plan was not going to go down so easily hadn’t been anywhere near Stede’s mind as he opened the door and stepped into the foyer.

“Dad! Ed!”

Alma and Louis came hurtling around the corner from the living room.

“Hey, no running!” Stede only scolded half-heartedly. He managed to lift the paper bag carrying the box containing a cake away from them when his daughter and son crashed into them. He hugged them as best he could with one hand full, and it was not as long as he would have liked, but they had to go tackle Ed as well.

Ed had an easier time, what with his having set the wine bottle down in preparation for what was coming. With one arm, he scooped up Louis while he locked Alma into a bear hug with the other.

“And how are my two favorite munchkins?” He asked after a sufficiently long squeeze.

“We’re going on a trip!” Louis told him excitedly as he and Alma backed off, letting them get out of their shoes.

“Yeah?” Ed asked as if he hadn’t already known.

“We’re going to see our new grandparents, which are much better and nicer than our old grandparents,” Alma informed him primly.

Stede had to twist his mouth in all sorts of configurations to stop himself from smiling, and again when he caught Mary lingering by the entryway from the living room doing the same.

“Are your parents better than our grandparents?” Alma asked Ed thoughtfully.

Ed, who had been doing nothing to hide his amusem*nt, sobered just a touch.

“I reckon my mum is,” he answered honestly.

“What about your dad?”

“Alma,” Stede reprimanded softly.

“Don’t really have a dad,” Ed answered anyway. With a shrug, which made Stede just want to pull him in and hug him tight because he knew how much Ed hated talking about his dad.

Alma frowned. “Everyone has a dad,” She said like Ed was being obtuse.

“We have two!” Louis chimed in.

“Ah, see, maybe it’s why I don’t have one. Universe had to make sure you would be able to have two of the best dads in the world.”

Stede beamed and flushed when Ed glanced his way and winked just out of sight from the children.

“So, who loses their dad when you become ours?”

It was an innocent question from an innocent little boy, but it had Stede and Ed’s attention in an instant. The two simultaneously snapped their attention back to the inquisitive little boy, and Stede would bet his wardrobe Ed was as wide-eyed and stunned as he was.

“Louis,” Mary said, exasperated. “Just because they’re together doesn’t mean that they’ll get married.”

“Sorry… because we’re what?” Stede’s voice went up an octave with every word.

“Lucius told me,” She said, waving the kids off toward the living room. “We saw him yesterday morning at the cafe, and he mentioned it. You guys have been keeping it low-key. How long has this been going on?”

Stede couldn’t answer. His mind had simply stopped. He needed to get the words out, to say that this was a ruse for Lucius, but his throat felt like it had closed off.

“Not long,” Ed said, casual as ever.

Stede whipped his head toward him, eyes wide and mouth hanging open because what was Ed doing?

A glance at Stede and Ed shrugged, ducking his head.

“You know, just… Halloween. We sorta… well, there was a whole thing that happened. Just, uh… didn’t wanna make a big deal of it, ya know? We’re still sorta… sorting things out ourselves. Taking it slow.”

“Exactly,” Stede found himself saying with a confidence he didn’t feel. He turned to Mary, seeing her look from Ed to him with eyebrows seemingly permanently reaching for her hairline. “Well, you remember what it was like with us, I’m sure. How quiet we kept it for months.”

Mary blinked. “Right,” She said, making it almost sound like a question. “Okay, I suppose that makes… sense. But we kept it quiet so our parents wouldn’t try and plan our wedding before we knew it’s what we wanted.”

“Yeah, and wasn’t Louis just asking when I was gonna be his dad or some sh*t like that?” Ed asked playfully in turn.

Mary nodded once. “Yes, I suppose he did.”

“We’re just,” Stede sighed, glancing at Ed. “New. It’s new, and we’re still figuring things out. Between us.”

Mary’s hand on his arm drew Stede’s attention back to her.

“I’m happy for you,” She said sincerely. “Both of you. The two of you deserve this.” She reached for Ed, squeezing his arm as well. “And besides, it’s not like we couldn’t see this coming from miles away.”

Stede choked on air.

“What?” Ed asked, sounding a bit croaked himself.

Mary pulled her hand away to give Ed a playful smack.

“Like you don’t know,” She winked. “We should probably get outta the doorway so you two can stay a while, huh?” She bent down and grabbed the paper bag, snatched the wine bottle off the console table by the door, then headed off toward the kitchen.

“Mate,” Ed whispered apologetically as soon as the coast was clear.

Stede stayed him with a hand, “It’s fine.”

“No, man, I shoulda cleared things up.”

“No, really, Ed,” Stede sighed, glancing down the hall before turning to Ed fully. “If Lucius told them yesterday, the kids would have had a full day to wrap their heads around it. And if they already have the idea in their head, it would be harder to weave it back around without them saying something to the wrong person. Like calling Lucius a liar when they see him again.”

“sh*t, I didn’t think of that,” Ed’s shoulders sagged.

“Exactly. Mary, she’ll understand when we….” Stede couldn’t say the words.

“Break up?” Ed offered.

“Exactly. We can either tell her the truth then or let her think what she will.”

“And we’ll still be friends,” Ed asked, voice small.

“Oh, of course.” Stede rushed to assure. Then, perhaps with far too much softness, too much truth behind it, added, “I can’t imagine my life without you.”

Ed smiled, taking Stede’s fingers in and giving them a squeeze. “Yeah, mate. I feel the same way.”

Stede grinned, a breath away from sighing like a lovesick teenager as warmth shot through him.

“Are you two going to kiss?” Alma asked, breaking the moment.

“No,” they replied at the same time, though Ed sounded far more at ease than Stede did.

“It’s what couples do,” Alma crossed her arms.

“Yes, but not always where others can see them do it.” Stede retorted. He went to Alma and turned her around with his hands on her shoulders. “Now, tell me how school went this week. I know you had a lot of tests and other things.”

~E~

If Ed had sought community with his fellow shopkeepers on his block, he got the family he longed to be a part of from the Bonnets. He loved them - at least he loved these Bonnets, he hadn’t met the rest of them - and he’d felt a part of their family from the first time Stede invited him to dinner.

Mary welcomed him instantly, without any ill feelings or awkwardness that came with being an ex-wife. Which, Ed supposed, he shouldn’t have expected since he’d gone as just Stede’s friend. But she had assumed, like she did now, that he was with Stede. Regardless, though, he and Mary had hit it off almost as instantly as he had with Stede.

Alma had been a bit indifferent to start, but Ed hadn’t been sure how to interact with her until she mentioned pirates. She’d mostly outgrown that phase, but the bond he established with her over that brief period remained intact.

Louis hadn’t really known life without him around. He’d been barely more than a baby when Ed came into his life, and so Ed was almost as much of a fixture as Doug was.

He was never sure what he was to the kids: an uncle of some sort, a stepdad-type figure that wasn’t really because he was never with Stede. They loved him enough that Ed had been asked by both kids to attend a school event where the men in the kids' lives were supposed to go for a picnic. That had been an interesting afternoon.

It’s how he really bonded with Doug because Doug had felt just as lost at the time. He and Mary hadn’t even become engaged yet, so the pair of them sort of had the “not really a stepfather” thing in common.

Now, three years in, he seemed to be a given among them. Probably would be until Stede met someone for real and started that whole thing. He was expected at most family events and holidays because he was family, too.

Except for Christmas. Christmas had been sacred in a way. Even Doug hadn’t been a part of the celebrations before he married Mary. So Ed being asked to be part of this dinner was something beyond special.

Somehow he thought it would be fancier. With multiple forks and dishes he couldn’t pronounce. But the affair was pretty low-key, with food Ed recognized and only a couple extra utensils than he thought were really needed.

“So what are you asking Santa for this year?” Ed asked the kids as everyone began to tuck into their meal.

Alma rolled her eyes, but Louis brightened.

“I’m asking for a xylophone!” He chirped brightly.

“A xylophone? Really?” Stede frowned, glancing at Mary, who sighed.

“Yes,” She said with a subtle tightness Louis probably didn’t hear. “He doesn’t want the telescope anymore. Now he wants an instrument.”

“I’m playing it in my school concert,” Louis said proudly. “I’ve been practicing every day.”

“It’s our school concert because it’s my school, too. And why do you want a xylophone? It’s not like it’s a cool instrument. It’s stupid.”

“You’re stupid.”

“Hey,” The four adults scolded at once with varying degrees of sternness.

“I want a Switch,” Alma said flatly. “I’ve been trying to save up for one, but it’s taking forever, so it’s what I’m asking for.”

“Maybe you’ll get it,” Ed said with a shrug, breaking off a piece of turkey and shoving it in his mouth.

“She’s been mostly good, so probably,” Louis said sagely. “Santa checks year-round, of course, but he always really looks this time of year. Because that’s when we get the most excitable.”

“And there’s a camera on the tree,” Stede added, and Alma looked damn near ready to groan.

Ed had seen the ornament Stede was talking about in the past. He might not be a part of the main celebrations most years, but he’d been to the house over the holidays. It was just a little plastic ornament Mary made from some idea she’d seen on the internet.

If he had someone to bet with, Ed would put money down that that had been the nail in the Santa coffin for Alma. Louis, however, nodded in agreement with Stede, clearly still buying into the whole thing.

“So when is the big trip?” Doug asked, and it took Ed a moment to realize he was talking to them, to him and Stede.

“Oh,” Stede straightened. “Well, it’s not really a trip. Just a… a gathering, really. A few friends getting together and all.”

“Lucius made it sound like it was gonna be a bigger deal,” Mary commented.

Ed glanced at Stede, but he just shook his head, lips pursed.

“It’s not what he told me.”

“Knowing Lucius, he probably made it sound like a big thing,” Ed pointed out between bites.

“That does sound like him,” Stede agreed.

They all ate in relative silence for a bit. At least as much silence as one can get with six people at a table and instrumental music being pipped from somewhere into the dining room. Ed complimented the food, garnering appreciation from Doug. This led to Mary and Stede sharing a story of the one time they attempted to make Christmas dinner themselves and then vowed to cater every year up until this year.

Dinner was cleared away when everyone was finished, and dessert was brought out. Stede had grabbed a cake from Roach - a cranberry white chocolate thing that Ed didn’t like quite as much as the orange but still appreciated.

Ed had shoved a generous piece in his mouth, savoring the flavor when Alma said, “so my recital is on Saturday.”

At first, Ed thought she was just reminding her parents, but then he realized she was looking pointedly at him.

Rushing to swallow, he managed an, “oh yeah?”

He reached for his wine glass, bringing it to his lips.

“Yes. At six. Dress nice.”

He nearly choked on his wine.

“Sorry?” He coughed out.

She huffed.

“I’m not the sugar plum fairy, but I am in it, and it’s a big deal . So you have to dress nice, and you can’t be late because they probably won’t let you in.”

Ed looked to Stede, who gaped like a fish. He then looked to Mary, but she was calmly sipping from her wine glass like this was not at all a surprise.

“Umm… isn’t that, you know, a family thing?”

Alma straightened in her chair.

“It is,” She began. “But Doug was able to go last year because he was mum’s fiance. And I know you and dad aren’t getting married yet, but it’s like you’ve been boyfriends for a long time. So they aren’t going to wonder why you’re there, and I told my teacher yesterday that my other other dad was going to come and watched her change my number from four to five. So now you have to be there because Nadia doesn’t believe that I could have three dads - even if you aren’t really my dad yet - because she only has two dads.”

Ed blinked, unsure what to freak out over more.

Mostly because he’d forgotten that he was supposed to be Stede’s partner.

It’s true that he hadn’t really been thinking earlier when he just rolled with Mary thinking they were together. And he could understand why it made Stede worry about the kids, especially now that Alma was throwing around the word “yet” like it was an inevitability that Ed would be one of her dads. And f*ck would he want that. He’d give his good knee and maybe an arm for that. He wanted to be Stede’s husband so f*cking bad.

But for that to happen, he had to be Stede’s boyfriend first. Which reminded him that Alma had said it was like they had already been boyfriends for a long time. A long time. What did that even mean? Was it that his feelings for Stede were so f*cking obvious that even a kid could see it? And that Stede’s general kindness and caring made it seem like there was more between them?

Ed didn’t know. Couldn’t know. Had no capacity in any way to figure it out now, because Alma was looking at him expectantly.

“He’ll be there, Alma,” Stede reassured. And then his hand covered Ed’s, curled around it in a way that Ed had seen Mary do to Doug.

“Yep,” He said a touch too loudly as he tried to squeeze Stede’s hand back in kind. “With bells on. Sorta.”

~*~

The drive back was awkward. They hadn’t said anything to each other after saying their byes to Mary, Doug, and the kids. That’s not too weird. Sometimes after the pair of them head to family dinner, the whole thing leaves them both exhausted.

But there’s something new in the air, a tension that isn’t the sort Ed wants when he’s alone with Stede. And he has a good feeling it’s got everything to do with the whole recital thing and how they now have to pretend to be a couple more than already had to.

Ed can’t spot a tell, though. Nothing that really gives away how Stede is feeling about all this. He’s still got his hands perfectly at ten and two like they taught in driving school, back straight, eyes focused. There’s a tiny furrow to his brow, but Ed can’t tell if it’s an angry furrow, a worried one, or simply from Stede forgetting his glasses.

He isn’t even humming to the radio, which has been playing a Christmas song every three lately.

They’ve got another ten minutes - fifteen if traffic is bad - before they part ways for the night, and Ed just can’t let them do that with whatever this is still between them.

“Stede-“

“You don’t have to,” Stede blurts over Ed. “Go, that is. To the recital. I’ll, uh, I’ll tell Alma you couldn’t make it.”

Ed processed the words a moment, looking for the tip-off that Stede didn’t want him around. He couldn’t find it.

“I want to go.”

“Do you?” Stede asked, voice pitching higher. “Even if… even if it means people assume we’re…?”

“Stede, that’s the point, ain’t it?”

“For Lucius,” Stede replied in a more level voice. “And now, this whole thing is getting out of hand. Now Mary believes it, and the children, and you didn’t ask for this!”

“Yeah, well,” Ed shrugged and looked out the window at the passing landscape dotted with Christmas lights.

He wanted to say he didn’t mind because he got to be Stede’s this way, at least for a while. That this was worth it would still be worth it when he had to deal with the heartache that was going to follow when the f*ckery came to an end. At least that part wouldn’t be fake.

“May not have asked for it, but I don’t mind,” he gave a partial truth. “You needed my help. So sh*t’s gettin’ outta hand? ‘S fine. We’ll sort it out when the time comes. And in the meantime, I get to get myself a lil’ culture.”

Stede snorted, lips curling up.

“Not sure the nine-year-old version of ‘The Nutcracker’ is quite so refined.”

“Mate, I’ve never been to a ballet of any kind. This is some real upper-class sh*t here. What’s she doing in it anyway?”

“She’ll have a smaller role in it. The older girls and boys tend to play the leads.”

“Well, at least Nadia isn’t playing a lead,” Ed said with haughtiness, making Stede laugh.

They fell back into silence, only this time, the tension was gone. Suppose it really was just the worry over the recital thing. Though Ed couldn’t imagine why. Stede had to know he’d….

“You know I’d do anything for them, right? Alma and Louis?”

Stede briefly looked over at him in flashes.

“Yes,” he said after the sixth time, keeping his eyes on the road. “Yes, I suppose I did know.”

Yet, he said it like he hadn’t considered that this would be the case. Like some part of him knew, but he hadn’t believed it until now.

“I’ll go to their concert thing, too. Everything, Stede, no matter what happens when this whole thing stops. I’d drop everything to be there for them.”

Stede’s mouth opened and closed a half dozen times, all while Ed could see his cheeks getting red in every passing streetlight.

“Thank you, Ed,” Stede eventually said. “It means a lot to me. To know you care about them like that.”

“I-“ Ed started and stopped.

I love them almost as much as I love you. The words had been right there on the tip of his tongue, but he managed to cut himself off.

“I care about all of you,” He said instead, and Stede’s smile glowed brighter than anything.

~*~

Ed’s door was unlocked.

He knew he locked it when he left because he’s a paranoid sort of guy. He trusted so few people, one of the only ones who had a key having driven off just a moment ago. Izzy would have no reason to go to Ed’s and let himself in, but he couldn’t think of any other reason for the door to be unlocked.

Ed withdrew his key slowly, wrapping his hand around it so if he had to punch someone for breaking in, he may get in some serious damage. Then slowly, carefully, he opened the door.

And smelled pie.

The f*ck?

“Eddie?”

Ed dropped his keys on the floor by the door and damn near slammed it so he could get a clear view of the kitchen.

“Mum?”

Chapter 4: I don't plan on leaving here til Christmas day

Chapter Text

It occurred to Ed in a rush that he hadn’t called his ma in a while. Hell, he couldn’t remember the last time he had. Which was probably why he had no idea why or how Elizabeth Teach-Sinclair came to be in his kitchen.

She smiled indulgently at him. Much the same way he'd seen Stede and Mary look at the kids less than an hour ago. A spike of pointless embarrassment shot through him like he was a teenager and she was doing this in front of his friends. Then she closed the distance between them and wrapped him up in a tight hug that warmed his soul in a way he hadn’t known he needed.

"Oh, how I missed my boy," She said as she squeezed. Stepping back, she cupped his cheek over his neatly trimmed beard and smiled. "You look well, like you've been smiling more."

That was true. The last time they'd spoken face to face was pushing five years ago. Before Stede breathed life back into Ed.

"Yeah. Have been," He replied before asking, "what are you doing here?"

Elizabeth patted his cheek and went back to the stove.

"Phillip had to go the next town over for business over the next few days, so instead of being cooped up in the house alone, I thought I'd come see my son. Figured you could use a hand around the shop that isn't Izzy, and this way, we could say we spent some time together around Christmas."

Ed processed all this. Trying to wrap his head around it all.

"Okay," He said lamely.

"I went by the shop earlier, thinking if you weren't here that's where you'd be. Fang, was that his name? He said you were off for the day."

"I do take those, yeah," Ed grinned as he followed her. Leaning against his counter, turned to face her, he watched as she stirred what appeared to be lemon curd.

"Good, because how are you going to meet a nice young man if all you do is work? Though not too young, mind. Which reminds me, Gloria's son lives around here, and she tells me he's single. I'm tempted to have her pass along your number. I'm sure you two would get along."

Ed grimaced.

“Ma, I know Gabriel. He’s just… not my type, ya know?”

Elizabeth pursed her lips thoughtfully, humming as she stirred.

“I suppose he’s a bit odd, isn’t he? Might explain why he’s still single.” She paused. “How’s Izzy, anyway?”

“You don’t even like Izzy,” Ed grinned, knowing where she was going with this.

“Maybe not, but I don’t like the idea of you being alone more.”

“Ma,” Ed protested.

“You’re forty. And while I know that’s not old, I worry about you. You haven’t ever had a serious relationship, and while that would be okay if I thought it would make you happy, I know you have so much love to give. And want to be loved like that. You might be all rough and tough,” She gestured up and down at him. “But I know, deep down, my boy wants softness. Tenderness. Don’t say you don’t, Edward. And while I know Izzy won’t give you the love you deserve, he would at least love you.”

“Mum, Iz and I, we were never like that,” He protested, only to have his mother scoff and roll her eyes.

And okay, maybe he and Izzy messed about a bit when they were younger, but he was pretty sure she didn’t know about that. And even still, he and Iz realized pretty f*cking fast that they wanted very different things, so they went right back to being friends.

But he could see she was gearing up, and if he wanted this visit to be anything more than simply his ma going on about his lack of love life, he had to intervene quickly.

“Besides, I got Stede.”

She stilled, then slowly turned to Ed with a beaming smile.

That’s when he realized his mistake.

Because he may not have spoken to his mum face to face in all the time he’d known Stede, but that didn’t mean he didn’t talk about him. A lot. Probably multiple times a phone call. And he always had to say, “it’s not like that” all while wishing it was exactly like that. He knew his ma knew he loved Stede even if he had never said it directly. It was probably one of the reasons she kept pushing for him to find someone, not wanting to see Ed stuck forever pining.

He should have said, “not like that,” as he had every other time he had ever referenced Stede in any way that could be taken in a romantic context. But… if she was staying around for the next few days, chances were Stede would be about. And if Stede were about, it would mean he was either at the shop or Ed had gone to the cafe, and mum would have followed. So….

“Stede, really?” She asked.

“Yep,” Ed replied with a little bounce on his heels. “Been together about a month and a bit now. Going to see Alma’s recital with him on Saturday. It’s pretty serious.”

f*cking hell, what was he doing? Pretty serious? Really? When he knew, he knew that by the new year, he and Stede will be “broken up.” Suppose it would better explain why he was going to spend January with his head shoved in a pint of ice cream. A fling wouldn’t lead to the amount of heartache Ed already knew he was going to experience.

“Why didn’t you say something?” Mum asked, swatting him playfully before focusing on the lemon curd.

Ed shrugged. “Still new. Still… sorting things out, I guess. We didn’t even tell anyone until recently. Stede’s mates wanted him to go to theirs for the holidays, but he didn’t wanna leave me behind, so….”

Shut up! Shut up, you idiot, before you dig yourself any deeper .

Ed just grinned through the panic, hoping it didn’t show too badly.

“Still new… but it’s serious,” Elizabeth frowned, and Ed’s panic shifted focus.

“It’s us, ya know? We wouldn’t risk what we had if it weren’t serious.”

Ed wanted to turn around and bang his head against the cupboards. He had bullsh*tted his way out of a lot of things in his life: various charges, threats from fellow criminals, a meal at a fancy restaurant where there were as many utensils as he had fingers.

That was all easy compared to this.

His ma smiled, though, nodding in understanding.

“I suppose that was smart, then. I look forward to meeting him.” Then pointedly asked, “I will get to meet him, right Eddie?”

December 9th

Here’s the thing: Ed had once studied Stede’s habits. Creepy, yeah, he’s aware. But before Stede became single instead of just separated, back when he was still just eye candy for Ed, it was the only way Ed could be sure going to The Gentleman’s Brew would guarantee him his fix.

It ended up being great for him because Stede was a massive procrastinator when he had no immediate inspiration, so he would always come up and talk to Ed when Ed stopped in during those moments. It also allowed Ed to get to know Stede himself, not just his schedule.

It sucked that it meant he fell f*cking harder than he would have liked, but Ed learned to deal.

But the point was Stede’s schedule. The man was a bloody early riser, all things considered. He was always in the cafe by opening at six o’clock. Usually, he helped with the morning rush until all the staff who were supposed to be working were there and awake enough to get on with it. If everyone was good, or if the morning rush was beginning to taper off, Stede would be in his corner with his laptop, either typing away furiously or scowling at it.

So, Ed knew full well he would find Stede there when he and his mum left to head over to the Gentleman’s Brew before going to the pawn shop in the morning.

He had no idea if Stede had gotten his late-night texts. Not that they were all that detailed, just:

Ed: ma’s here.

Ed: Thinks we’re together

Ed: Wants to meet you

It was entirely possible that Stede didn’t know the texts were there. Also entirely possible the bastard left him on read and was either incredibly chill about the whole thing or was having a crisis quietly to himself.

Ed supposed he was about to find out as he pushed open the door, the bell tinkling.

Frenchie rubbed at his face and then did a double take as he looked at the door.

“Whoa, Ed, you’re here early,” He commented, seeming to make to grab a cup to go and hesitating, sort of like he’d forgotten how to do his job.

“Elizabeth!” Stede crowed, drawing Ed’s and his ma’s attention.

Ed’s heart did a little flip when he took Stede in. A shirt in pale lavender - not quite Ed’s favorite color, but the shade that suited Stede best - with sleeves neatly rolled to his elbows. A nice pair of black trousers, the sort that was creased and tailored perfectly to show off his legs as he strode across the cafe to them. His hair was perfectly coiffed, meaning Stede hadn’t run his hands over it once.

Stede had seen the texts. Stede had made sure he looked perfect. And he was stunning and so f*cking out of Ed’s league that he was damn f*cking sure his ma would call bullsh*t on the whole thing.

Instead, she smiled, warm and welcoming. And, if Ed was not mistaken, blushed a bit when Stede took one of her hands in both of his before bringing it to his lips.

“I’m so happy to meet you, finally. Ed’s told me so much about you, and it’s so clear how much he adores you. I’m Stede, by the way.”

“Stede,” She said, glancing him over before flashing a look at Ed.

Ed had never seen this look. Ed had no idea how to interrupt the look. His heart pounded in his chest as he realized he had never actually introduced a boyfriend to his mum because she had always known them beforehand. And Stede wasn’t even his f*cking boyfriend.

“Edward never told me you were going to be in town.” Stede commented, coming across as a little teasing.

“It was a surprise. Not as much as his telling me you two finally got together.”

It was Stede’s turn to blush, his whole face flushed with the color.

He gave a nervous chuckle before nodding once, ducking his head.

“It was a whole… thing. Unexpected, really, but I’m glad for it. I adore your son very much.”

The last bit Stede said to Ed, meeting Ed’s eye from under his lashes. And that just did funny things to Ed’s heart, like make it skip a beat and sh*t. Just because he felt like swooning didn’t mean he was going to, though. Nor was he about to grab Stede by the shirt front and haul him in to show the man just how adored he was in return.

Not like Ed didn’t want to. But f*cking hell could he imagine the scene f*cking perfectly.

Thankfully his mother smacked him on the chest and snapped him out of it before it became too obvious he was daydreaming.

“Well, I want to get to know you outside of what Eddie’s said.”

“How about dinner at my place?” Stede offered, glancing at Ed as if to ask if it was okay.

“Mate, you don’t have to do that,” Ed assured.

“Nonsense, darling,” Stede replied with a wave of his hand and with so much ease that Ed’s brain short-circuited a bit. “I would love to have you both over, as you well know.”

“You can cook?” Ma asked, clearly already remembering some of Ed’s stories.

“No,” Stede admitted with a blush. “But I know some fine places around my home, and I’m hoping it will suit.”

Ma chuckled brightly, and Ed relaxed enough to step away and head to Frenchie.

“My usze and one, two cream two sugar,” he ordered. “And better throw in a box of muffins ‘cause Izzy’s gonna need something shoved in his face if I want him to shut up at all today.”

Frenchie chuckled as he rang Ed up. “You want one of those to be Roach’s double chocolate ones Izzy always says he hates?”

“Nah, better make it one of those high-fiber ones. Never know if it’s emotional constipation or the regular sort that has him all cranked up.”

“I’m probably gonna guess the latter, but you’re right. Never know,” Frenchie agreed as he went about getting Ed’s order together.

While he waited, Ed looked over his shoulder at the sight of his mother and Stede getting on like houses on fire. He couldn’t help but grin, watching Stede gesture about in his usual way, never holding himself back. How his mother smiled bright and sincere, won over as easily as Ed had been.

How could anyone not like Stede? It was incomprehensible, really. He knew there were assholes in the world who mocked him, applied heavy amounts of passive aggression. Izzy was probably the only person who outright hated Stede that Ed was aware of. But Izzy had personal issues regarding masculinity that he never sorted out, and Stede’s unapologetically being himself hit the nerve Izzy didn’t realize was so exposed.

“Hey,” Frenchie got his attention, bumping Ed’s arm with the coffee tray and bag containing the box of muffins.

“Cheers, mate.”

Ed took the bag and tray, then made his way over to where his ma and Stede were.

“Ma?” He got her attention, showing her the stuff.

“Suppose that’s your way of preventing me from interrogating your boyfriend?”

Ed pointedly ignored the way the title made his breath catch.

“Yep!” He said cheerfully. To Stede, he said, “later, love?”

“Of course,” Stede assured.

Ed wondered if anyone else would have noted the hesitation Stede had before he leaned in and not quite pressed a kiss to Ed’s cheek. More like he kissed his whiskers for all that Ed felt it.

Never had he hated having facial hair before in his f*cking life.

“Have a good day, Elizabeth. Don’t let Izzy irritate you too much.”

“I have known Israel Hands since he was in diapers,” She told Stede with a wicked glint. “I know just how to handle him.”

~*~

“Elizabeth.”

Ed snorted audibly because Izzy had known her all his life. He should have been the one to greet her with warmth and affection, and Stede should have been the one to sound stiff, formal, and a little afraid.

But then, Ed had given Stede warning regardingher being in town. Izzy he thought could use a little shake-up in his every day.

“Isreal,” She replied with a hint of amusem*nt. “You look well.”

“Thank you,” Izzy replied with a slight bow before looking around the shop like he’d find something out of place. Perhaps a hoard of dancing elephants or a portal to another universe. “I didn’t know you’d be in town.”

“It was a surprise,” ma replied. After a beat of stilted silence, she chuckled. “My god, Izzy, I won’t bite.”

“I’m aware,” Izzy said, glancing at the counter. For the first time since walking through the door and spotting Elizabeth, Izzy emoted. “Is that a f*cking Christmas tree?”

There was, indeed, a f*cking Christmas Tree on the counter by the register. Ma had found it in a box looking pitiful with probably half its artificial needles missing. There were no lights for it, half the ornaments were broken, and those that weren’t were f*cking creepy as sh*t.

Ed kinda liked it.

“Oh, come on, Iz,” Ed started, but Izzy was already shaking his head, wagging his finger at it.

“Bad f*cking enough I tolerate your putting f*cking lights on the outside of the building.”

“And have the windows painted,” Ed pointed out.

“But a f*cking tree on the counter? We’re not that sort of shop, Edward.”

“Israel, if your mother heard you right now, she’d be grabbing you by the ear to pull you down so she could better yell in it,” Ma said, not unkindly. “It’s a tree, not a cross. I’m sure you can find some holiday spirit left in that spiteful little soul of yours.”

Izzy opened and closed his mouth a few times but didn’t say anything more. He then turned on his heel and headed toward the back room.

Once he was through the door, Ma chuckled, smirking over at Ed.

“When was the last time he entertained someone?” She asked.

“Well, Lucius - mate of Stede’s - asked Izzy if he wanted to get together sometime, with or without Lucius’s boyfriend involved. He said no, obviously so, probably about… twenty years ago?”

Ma snorted, “I see it. And what does he think of Stede?”

“What do you think?”

Ma just smiled.

~S~

Stede did not stay the full day at the cafe. In fact, barely an hour after Ed and his mother left, Stede faked an appointment and packed up for the day. He had an apartment he had to make sure was beyond presentable before dinner time, a meal order to be put in, and a panic attack to have.

He had never had to meet the parent of a person he was dating - or fake dating - in his life. He already knew Mary’s parents because they had been friends well before he and she decided to be a couple. And, frankly, he had never dated anyone else. Not more than a date now and then to say he did it should anyone ask, anyway, and no one ever did.

Stede was barely in the door before he had his phone out, calling Mary.

“Stede? Everything alright?” She asked as she answered.

“Not sure,” he replied, glancing around his already fairly pristine apartment and trying to find anything out of place. “It’s about Ed.”

“Oh?” She said expectantly.

What she was expecting, Stede hadn’t a clue and wasn’t about to decipher it.

“His mother’s in town, and I may have invited her over to dinner.”

“Oh,” Mary replied, seeming thrown off. “Well, that’s… great?”

“Is it? Because I’m not sure. I know it would be a terrible idea to put too much pageantry into the whole thing - Ed got so worked up the first time we did fine dining together, and I have no idea what Elizabeth’s experience is. I want to make a good impression, and I’m terrified.”

“Oh, Stede,” Mary said with a sigh and a hint of fondness. “You’ll be fine. Ed adores you. I’m sure his mum will, too.”

“We both know I’m not easily liked,” he reminded her.

“Maybe, but I think how much you care for him will probably shine through.” Then curiously, Mary asked, “Are you really meeting Ed’s mum? Like, as a couple?”

Stede froze. He hadn’t exactly been moving anywhere, but the reminder that Mary didn’t know he and Ed weren’t really together had him seize up.

“Of course I am!” He said, thinking fast on his feet. “Why wouldn’t I? We’re a couple. That’s what couples do.”

“Look, just be yourself and things’ll be fine,” Mary assured. “You’re overthinking things.”

“You’re probably right,” He said, relaxing enough to step further into his apartment. “Thank you, Mary. I needed to hear that.”

“Of course you did,” She said in that knowing way. “See you Saturday.”

~*~

Stede may have gone a bit overboard. Not the point of scrubbing every inch of his home, but he put in more effort than he normally would for just Ed. He placed an order for the food to be delivered shortly before he would expect Ed and Elizabeth to arrive, and then rearranged the ornaments on his tree so the children’s ornaments were more to the forefront.

He debated if the fairy lights he had around the tree and strung up around his windows provided enough ambient light or if he should do the main overhead ones and brighten up the place, deciding on the latter. He turned on some instrumental Christmas tunes, then turned them off, thinking it might be too much. Then turned them back on because the silence was awful, and he swore he heard old school bullies telling him how inadequate he was.

Stede also second-guessed his outfit, then knew it would be too weird to change. He debated restyling his hair, freshening his cologne, and doing any multitude of things he may have to prepare for a date before firmly reminding himself that this wasn’t that.

This wasn’t even really dinner with his boyfriend’s mother. It was just dinner with Ed and his mum. Anything more than that, and it was playing a part.

They had arrived, the food followed, and the three of them settled around the dinner table.

So far, dinner was going well. It felt almost like the every day with Ed, just with another person adding things to the mix. They were similar enough that the near-instant ease he’d had from the beginning with Ed carried over with Elizabeth.

Yes, at some points, he felt judged like Elizabeth was measuring him in a way he could never understand. But then Ed would nudge his foot with his own, touch him on the shoulder, or arm, or back of the neck, and Stede would feel the tension easing from his muscles.

“So I got Alma with me, right?” Ed weaves a tale as they finished off their main course. He dabbed his lips with his napkin, a brief pause in the way he animatedly told the story with a fork still in hand. “And I take her to the shop. Because I figure Stede and Louis aren’t gonna be long, ya know? Probably gonna be in and out.”

“Which we were,” Stede assured Elizabeth. “He only sprained his wrist. It could have been far worse.”

“Yeah, figured it would be that way, so I bring Alma with me. Thought I’d make a game of it, have her help me ring up customers, or give her the price gun. And so I walk in with her, and Izzy? f*cking looks like I strolled in with a f*cking rat on my shoulder or something. And he starts hissing, ‘Edward, what the f*ck you got a kid with you for?’”

Elizabeth chuckled, hiding her smile behind her hand as her son did a fairly good impression of Izzy.

“So I tell him what happened, and he starts on with his usual ‘Stupid f*cking Stede Bonnet.’ Then Alma looks at him like he’s a f*cking animal with two heads or some sh*t. Gives a little head tilt and everything before she looks and me and goes, ‘is he hungry? He acts like Louis when he’s hungry. We should probably give him a snack.’ And Izzy, he just… he just stops. Like mouth snaps shut, and he looks like he has no f*cking clue what to say to any of that, so he just turns around and walks away.”

“So, what you’re saying is he acted very much like he did today,” Elizabeth commented.

With a frown, Stede looked to Ed, who snickered.

“Izzy spent the whole f*cking day in the back room,” Ed told Stede as he set his fork down. “Wouldn’t come out for anything.”

“Are you sure you can’t stay, Elizabeth?” Stede asked with faux curiosity, voice pitching a little bit. “You seem to do a remarkable job at keeping the pests away.”

“He knows what I think of him, and it’s only because I’m friends with his mother that he won’t say a word to me about it. At least not where I can hear him.”

“Wish he would do the same for me, keeping it all to himself,” Stede lamented as he set down his own utensils. “You know, I did try to be civil with him in the beginning, but he just seemed to decide right from the get-go to be an unpleasant little man.”

“If I leave you two alone to take a leak, you gonna keep talking about Izzy?” Ed asked with a smirk, eyes twinkling as he looked between them.

“You’re fine to leave us alone, Eddie. I promise to behave,” Elizabeth assured. She wore a similar smirk, making their resemblance more uncanny.

He hadn’t noticed earlier, what with the constant hum of panic when meeting her for the first time. But Stede could see just how much Ed had taken after his mother. And knew, of course, how much that meant to him since he held no love for his dad.

“Right then,” Ed said as he got up. Stede watched him head down the hall a moment before turning back to Elizabeth. He was startled to find her watching him.

“I had my doubts,” She said as soon as the bathroom door clicked down the hall. “When Eddie told me about you two being together after all this time, I had my doubts.”

“Doubts?” Stede questioned, his heart beginning to gallop in his chest.

“Yes. You and Eddie have known each other for three years, and you’re just now getting together? I had doubts that this was even real, but you love him, don’t you?”

Stede could feel his eyes had gone wide.

Swallowing nothing, he managed a very quiet but sincere, “very much.”

Elizabeth hummed.

“Boys - men - like you hardly ever give him a second glance. What made you consider him, then?”

Stede took a breath, steadying himself. “How could I not?” He started but knew without hearing it that Elizabeth wanted something more reassuring. “My first impression of him was that he has kind eyes,” he confessed. “A comforting cadence to his voice. Ed would come in frequently to the cafe, and he was nice, and didn’t seem put off by how flamboyant I tend to be. Especially when I get excited about things, which I do a lot. Bit of a clothes horse, and I have a fondness for unique trinkets. Ed, he’s never seemed put off by it or embarrassed to be around me when I get a bit giddy. Plus,” he leaned in conspiratorially, glancing down the hall to make sure the bathroom door was still closed. “He’s rather hard not to look at. Probably the most handsome man I have ever had the pleasure of looking at.”

Elizabeth chuckled, but the smile didn’t quite reach her eyes.

He had to bear a bit more of his soul, it would seem. He wasn’t entirely sure why Elizabeth had to believe they were together, and Stede wasn’t about to ask. Ed’s reasons were his business, and Stede didn’t need to hear them to give him this.

Taking a breath, he said, “If I had been more willing to admit my marriage was over when I had first met Ed, I would have probably… no. I’d be lying if I said I would have been braver, asked him to dinner as a date. The truth is, from the moment I met him, I have never been able to look away. It’s him that gave me the second glance, not the other way around.”

That brought something to Elizabeth’s eyes, a glimmer of something like approval that thrilled Stede to no end. But that protectiveness was still there, and Stede knew there was a little more to be said before he was sure he’d won the interaction.

“Promise me he’s not just an amusem*nt for you,” Elizabeth asked. “That this isn’t just you being bored or lonely.”

Stede felt his heart swell, desperate to break free of his chest and soar off. This was easy, easier even than telling Elizabeth the truth of his affection for her son.

“I won’t let go of him for anything,” he promised.

December 12

Elizabeth clung to Ed tightly, rocking them side to side as her husband packed up the car with her bags.

“Was good having you ‘round, ma,” He told her honestly because it had. He hadn’t had that much fun at work in ages, at least when Stede wasn’t around. Izzy had even loosened up, and stopped looking at the tree on the counter like it disgusted him.

“Maybe next year you and Stede can come for a visit, hmm?” She suggested as she stepped back, keeping her hands on Ed’s shoulders and looking at him expectantly.

Ed hesitated. Of course he hesitated because his mum was none the wiser that none of it was real.

Stede had been by his place the night before, and the three of them had dinner again. Stede brought over a little gift for ma, which she delighted in but refused to open until Christmas. After dinner, Stede sat with Ed on his sofa so close together that he had to put his arm around Ed to be comfortable. Ed, in turn, draped his arm over Stede’s lap, resting his hand on the knee opposite of him, the picture of a couple. All of this was peppered with little endearments, and the night finished off with another one of those whisker kisses.

“Yeah, sure thing,” he said with a tight smile that he knew his Ma spotted right away.

“What is it?” She asked suspiciously.

“Nothing, ma,” he lied, leaning in and kissing her on the forehead. “Call soon, yeah?”

“Course,” She said neutrally, but Ed could still tell she had suspected something was off.

Phillip intervened, though, stepping in to give Ed a hearty handshake as he always did.

“Take care, kid.”

“Yeah, you too, Phil,” Ed said in turn, waving as Phillip stepped back toward the car.

Ed stayed rooted on the sidewalk outside his place until his Ma and her husband were out of sight, feeling a bit off balance. He shoved his hands in his pockets, then turned on his heel, heading toward the pub where he met Stede every Thursday.

He probably shouldn’t have lied to her, because now she’ll be expecting Stede to join her when he visits. Stede would probably go along with it just because he would feel in debt to Ed for going along with this whole thing in the first place, and then what? He couldn’t f*cking drag this out. He had to talk to Stede, sort out the end, and maybe start to hask out the reason why they were splitting up when it seemed so many people had expected them to get together.

Ed stepped into the pub, the Mariah Carey song that’s played endlessly every year pumping through the sound systems, though mercifully sung by someone else.

Stede was there, of course. He usually got there first, and Ed always took a second to drink him in before making his way over. He was dressed as sharp as ever though on th emore casual end of the spectrum. Tonight he was on the phone while he was waiting for Ed, smiling and seeming to chuckle a bit as he spoke. That smile, the laugh, it had Ed smiling a little despite how heavy he felt as he started to head over.

“…we’re both looking forward to it, sweetheart,” Stede was saying as Ed slid into the booth. He smiled a little more genuinely as Stede’s face lit up, and he mouthed “Alma” for Ed. “Yep. I’ll be sure to tell him. Okay, sweetheart. See you Saturday. Bye.” He hung up. “She wanted me to know that she got us second to the front row. She’s really excited to have you there.”

“Looking forward to it,” Ed said, not lying in the least.

“And the kids’ concert? Next week, if you can make it. Friday night instead of a Saturday.”

“Said I’d be there, and I will,” Ed replied, trying to drum up the courage to talk to Stede about this whole thing.

But then Stede reached across the table and took Ed’s hand in his. Really took it, not covering it like he normally would but clasped it in his hand, and pressed his fingers to Ed’s.

“I can’t thank you enough for what you’re doing, Ed. It was never in the cards for you to play this part - that of a second stepfather. But I think you’re making the kids' holiday just a bit better for stepping in.”

“It’s nothing, mate,” Ed reassured, “you know I love those rugrats. And I mean, really. You stepped in for me this week. With ma? Didn’t have to play along with her.”

“It wasn’t a hardship, I assure you,” Stede replied. He looked down at their hands and cleared his throat a couple of times. Seemed to be getting a bit warm, too, with the way he flushed. “I always wanted to meet your mother. I’m so glad I got the chance. I look forward to seeing her again someday.”

“Yeah, well, maybe you will,” Ed shrugged, his palms starting to get a bit sweaty. Much as he hated to do it, he extracted his hand from Stede’s as casually as he could, trying to wipe his hands on his jeans discreetly. “Maybe we can take a trip up her way? We usually go away for a couple days, we’ll just change the route.”

“I’d like that,” Stede said sincerely, that smile that Ed liked to think was only his on his lips. That fond sort of smile that Ed could pretend was loving if he looked the right way.

Alright, so maybe there wasn’t a rush to put an end to all this. Maybe Ed could indulge in the pretend of it all for a while longer. There was no one else who could get wrapped up in this, and the whole thing was everything Ed wanted. He could endure. It was like a little Christmas gift to himself, even if he did have to return it - so to speak.

I’m so f*cking f*cked .

Chapter 5: It's Only Just Begun

Chapter Text

December 14th

Ed’s been on a lot of first dates. Not too many, mind, but his fair share. According to his mother, more than most should. The problem always was that these dates never panned out. Up until three years ago, it was just because they were boring. Now, it was because they weren’t Stede.

Regardless of the hows or the whys Ed’s had so many first dates he’d never been nervous about one. He always found the stakes didn’t feel high, and there were never any f*cking butterflies fluttering about.

Tonight was not a first date. It wasn’t even the first night he’d gone out with the Bonnets. But it was the first time attending something with them that was specifically for one of the children. And more so when it would appear that he had any role in their life other than Dad’s special friend.

Except, well, not the sort of special friend he’d have liked to have been. At least this time he could pretend.

“You’re sure these’ll last?” he asked Dan, the florist on the block, as he looked over the arrangement of flowers.

It was a bit of a unique one, tossing any possibility of meaning. Red and green dyed roses, with a sprinkle of black and holy leaves, along with a dash of baby’s breath. It was not at all what most people would arrange or even ask for. But Ed knew Alma and knew that pink roses or anything overly delicate wouldn’t be as appreciated.

“Keep the stems in the tubes with the feed. Place them in the fridge or in a cool space. They’ll keep until tonight,” Dan assured, looking over the bouquet fondly.

“Good. Thanks, mate. I owe you one,” Ed said as he paid Dan.

Dan scoffed, “Let’s call it square. I still owe you for when you came by to fix my sign.”

“Right, yeah. sh*t, forgot about that,” Ed said as he stuffed his wallet back in his jeans pocket.

Dan chuckled and then looked over the arrangement again. “Someone special?”

“Stede’s daughter. She’s in the Nutcracker. It’s my first time going to see her perform.”

“It’s getting serious, then,” Dan said with a knowing smirk.

Ed frowned.

“Uh… yeah, sure.”

“Well, when you or him finally get around to popping the question, I better be top of the list for florists.”

It was Ed’s turn to scoff. “Like Stede would let anyone else do it,” he turned toward the door, tossing a, “later, Dan,” over his shoulder before he pushed against the handle and stepped back outside.

So, Ed was never under any sort of illusion that his love for Stede wasn’t obvious to everyone but Stede. But he’d never thought people from the block thought they were together. Yeah, sure, they asked about him during gatherings, but Stede was always around the shop. Popping in to bring Ed a coffee or one of Roach’s special cakes when he couldn’t make it over there. Or sometimes he came to buy things, though wasn’t always successful in doing anything more than just procrastinating.

f*cking hell, he was going to have to break the news of their breakup to more than just his Ma.

Maybe they could just stay in this pretend relationship for the foreseeable future? Play it like one of them was afraid of commitment or something so they never get married or make anything official. That could work. Maybe say Stede doesn’t want to get remarried, and they just keep existing like this.

Until he finds a man he wants.

Ed cringed and decided not to think about it.

When he returned to his shop, he could hear Izzy a little ways in, talking to someone in his smooth salesman voice. Ed smirked as he made his way to the back room, deciding to put Alma’s flowers in an old but clean cup that was tall enough to handle them.

That taken care of, he returned to the storefront just in time for a few more people to come in and browse.

Weekend holiday shoppers came and went as the hours ticked on. They were just the distraction Ed needed to not think too hard about the whole situation or the night to come.

When his phone’s calendar notified him it was time to start getting ready, Ed ducked into the back again and headed for the coat closet in the lounge. It’s where he stored his suit for the night - a black pant and suit combo with a burgundy button-up - in a garment bag.

He grabbed it and popped into the washroom to change. Ed put his hair half up, made sure his beard was well groomed, and added a light splash of cologne to cover any mustiness from the shop that might linger. He didn’t own any shoes that could pass for something dressy other than his boots and just hoped no one would look too closely at his feet.

As put together as he could make himself, Ed left the washroom, grabbing Alma’s flowers on his way out of the back room.

He was barely a foot back in the storefront when Izzy spoke up.

“Now, where the f*ck are you going dressed like that on a f*cking Saturday?”

Ed glanced down at himself as if he hadn’t spent the last fifteen minutes meticulously putting himself together before shoving his jeans and t-shirt in the garment bag.

“Alma’s recital,” He said as if it were obvious.

Izzy’s jaw shifted side to side, so tense Ed wondered if he might be able to shatter his oldest friend like glass if he hit him just the right way.

“You’re not her f*cking father, Edward.”

“I f*cking know that, Israel,” he mocked back. “She wants me there. I’m going.”

“ She wants you there? Or is this a part of Bonnet’s idiotic scheme?”

“Christ, Iz. Yes, Alma wants me there. I’m like her cool uncle or some sh*t.”

Best not mention how Alma looped him into being one of her dads. Izzy would go on a f*cking tirade for sure on that one.

“Anyway, I’m off,” Ed said, waving with his free hand before turning toward the door. And, if he were honest before he could hear what Izzy had to say next.

Nervous started bubbling back up as Ed made the walk to the cafe where he intended to meet Stede. Mary and Doug would be the ones shuttling Alma to and from the recital, but there had been mention of a late dinner, so the last thing Ed wanted to do was have to follow not one but two cars around the city.

That, and if he had to meet Stede, there was absolutely no chance he would chicken out and not show, because Stede would go looking for him. And since Ed was only ever one of four places, and two of them were Stede’s spaces, the chances of being tracked down was better than that of a green Christmas. And since the temperatures hadn’t even flirted with freezing in the last hundred years, it meant Stede finding Ed was a guarantee.

So, bouquet clutched in a white knuckle grip, Ed pushed open the doors to the Gentleman’s Brew and tried not to freak out.

The crowd gathered around Stede’s usual booth made it pretty f*cking easy since that was confusing as f*ck.

“I swore you said there wasn’t going to be a gift thing,” Stede was saying to Lucius as the boy draped himself over the back of Stede’s seat, a Santa hat clutched in his hand by the opening.

“I never said a thing like that,” Lucius replied in his usual bitchy-sounding tone. “Look, it’s what we do every year. It’s all silly fun, nothing big, I promise. Just take a name. But if it’s yours, you need to put it back because, duh.”

“The hell is all this?” Ed asked as he glanced about at everyone.

Oluwande and Jim were in the booth across from Stede, the latter in a cafe uniform while the former looked ready to pass out on the table. Frenchie was tucked in the corner of Stede’s side, relaxed and appearing amused.

“The hell is that?” Jim asked, looking suspiciously at Alma’s bouquet.

“Flowers.”

“The f*ck kinda arrangement is that?” Jim asked sardonically.

“Are those for Alma?” Stede asked brightly. At Ed’s shrug, he beamed, “she’s going to love them.”

“Yeah?” Ed asked, sounding far more hopeful than he meant to.

“Can we maybe get back to my thing, and you two can do all the longing looks and pining smiles after?” Lucius cut in.

Stede snapped his attention to the boy and frowned.

“There’s no pining. We’re not pining. We’re together, there’s nothing to pine for.”

Ed was awfully proud he didn’t laugh or whimper or otherwise give up the ghost at that moment. It was a near thing, though.

“Whatever,” Lucius rolled his eyes. “Just take a f*cking name and stop being a Grinch.”

Stede went indignant.

“I’m no Grinch, mate!” He huffed before reaching in and pulling out a name. He unrolled the little paper then dropped it back in. When he pulled out the next bit and unrolled it, he tensed a moment and blushed.

Clearing his throat, Stede stuffed the paper in the front pocket of his blazer and avoided eye contact with everyone.

“Ed, your go,” Lucius said, surprisingly not asking Stede who he got or to see the paper.

Ed furrowed his brow as he reached into the proffered hat, pulling out a piece of paper and unrolling it with his thumb.

Stede

Ed glanced over at the man, eyes darting over the gorgeous navy suit with the barely visible pinstripes. He noted the crisp, white collared shirt and the pale teal pocket square ruffled just so, not even a slight bit disrupted from stuffing the name-baring paper in it.

Ed’s mind went perfectly blank at the idea of trying to get that man anything. Gifts were usually something they did spontaneously. Birthdays were really the only guaranteed time they’d get something from one another, and they usually weren’t anything big or important.

“What’s the price limit?” He asked as he shoved the paper deep in his pant pocket.

“Oh, you know,” Lucius said, waving him off. “Not a lot, but don’t cheap out, ya know?”

“Frenchie hasn’t drawn a name,” Stede pointed out.

“Right, of course,” Lucius said, voice pitching a bit higher than normal as he shifted his stance and moved the hat to the hand closest to Frenchie.

Frenchie reached and took out a name, glancing around before he unrolled it. When Stede tried to take a peek, the cheeky bastard, Frenchie drew as far away from him as the booth allowed, bringing his paper close to his chest.

“Don’t you two need to be heading out?” Oluwande asked, sounding amused and tired all in one go.

“Yes, we are,” Stede lamented before getting himself out of the booth. “Just want to avoid possibly running into Chauncey or Nigel.”

“Those f*ckers aren’t going to dare,” Ed promised, smirking as he recalled the first time he’d met the bastards.

He and Stede had been out together fairly early on in their friendship, walking the boardwalk and simply enjoying one another’s company.

Stede had been freshly divorced and still a bit raw from the experience despite openly admitting he felt freer for it. As they were discussing whether or not to stop for ice cream - a rather moot argument since they both wanted it - when the assholes strode up.

At first, Ed hadn’t really realized what was happening. Not that he had never encountered any sort of passive aggression in his life, but Ed was more used to the direct sort. So he hadn’t realized why all the things Tweedledee and Tweedle Dick Head said sounded polite but were clearly barbed. It took watching Stede’s smile grow tighter, his eyes dimmer, and his shoulders getting closer to his ears for it to click.

Ed had sort of hated himself for how long it took for him to clue in that those bastards were mocking the best man he’d ever met.

They must not have realized Ed was with Stede at first because as soon as Ed spoke up and drew their attention to him, they stopped. It had been a day where Ed had been dressed all in black, leather pants and studded belt, and an old death metal band t-shirt that barely had sleeves and didn’t have a proper collar anymore. A good majority of Ed’s tattoos were on display, and his hair had been down around his shoulders - going extra wild from all the humidity.

He looked far more intimidating than he really was, but it worked to his advantage. As soon as they realized he was with Stede, they gave a clipped farewell and headed back to whatever hole they crawled out of.

Since then, Ed hadn’t run into them often. He knew Stede had from the odd comment he made laced with a groan of displeasure. But if Ed was with him, they left Stede alone, which seemed to make Stede that much happier.

“No, they probably won’t,” Stede agreed with a fond smile. “But, best we get going. Get there at a reasonable time and all.”

“Speaking of reasonable time, we’re hitting the road, like, really early on the twenty-second,” Lucius said as Stede joined Ed.

Ed frowned, glancing at Stede to see he was just as confused.

“Sorry?” Stede asked. “Hit the road? What are we hitting the road for?”

“For our holiday away,” Lucius replied, glancing between them. They must not have given the reaction he was expecting because he rolled his eyes, shook his head, and smirked. “You really didn’t think that this whole gathering thing was gonna take place down the road, did you?” He asked, co*cking his hip and placing the hand holding the Santa hat on it. “No, Lucy is getting the Yellow Inn. We’re gonna go to the beach property.”

“The beach property?” Ed and Stede said in unison, though Stede sounded far less confused and more surprised.

“Yeah,” Lucius replied with a scrunched face. “When I said mom and dad were going outta town, I meant, like, way way outta town. Like, far enough outta town where they can pretend they still have two sons and that while I’m still gay, I’m not a ‘practicing gay’ or whatever. So, you know, not around to manage either property, wanting to give all the staff the time off-“

“Wait, hold on,” Ed interrupted. “You’re telling me your parents run two B&Bs, yet aren’t bothering to run either of them the whole f*cking holiday season? Are they drunk?”

“Nah, more like this is more a hobby for them than a real source of income,” Lucius pursed his lips, seeming to think about it. “But, yeah, that. All of it. So since Lucy isn’t usually in town, I, being the generous baby brother that I am, allowed my sister to have the local inn to hold her whole thing at, and in turn, I get the gorgeous little beachfront and a real f*cking vacay,” He grinned. “And, in turn, so do all of you.”

“Who’s going to run the cafe?” Stede asked, his voice pitching higher like he was about to panic. He looked confused and a bit grumpy by the whole turn of events.

“Buttons,” Lucius shrugged. “He didn’t wanna go outta town, said he was fine staying close to Karl and Olivia. And Swede, he didn’t wanna come along. Plus, a few people from the old days asked if there were any openings for them to take some shifts, so we’re well and truly covered.”

The smug grin on Lucius’s face might have been amusing if it hadn’t been for the situation.

Stede was moving his mouth, but nothing was coming out but little squawks and squeaks. When eventually he was able to get something out, it was, “well, we had best get going.”

“Right,” Ed said, turning and following him out the door. He did manage to toss a wave over his shoulder on his and Stede’s behalf but couldn’t linger with the quick, clipped pace Stede was keeping to his car.

They got in, Stede started the car, and they were pulling out into traffic.

There was a weird tension in the car that Ed couldn’t really place. It wasn’t like they had had an argument and were sitting angry, but it wasn’t the good kind of tension Ed often imagined was between them.

He shifted in his seat, keeping Alma’s flowers from taking on any friction from his fidgeting. He tried to look out the window at the shops and sh*t they were passing on their way to the recital, but he hadn’t really taken in any details. And he kept glancing back over at Stede, who was as rigid as he’d been coming back from family dinner almost a week ago.

“Is it… is it really that big of a deal if we have to go out of town?” Ed asked, feeling small.

“I don’t know, is it?” Stede asked in a rush, like a dam had burst. “Because you didn’t sign up for a trip out of town. And while it really doesn’t make a difference to me, the kids will already be on their way to their new grandparents with Mary and Doug. You have a shop to run. And yes, you have Fang, and Ivan, and Izzy, but I doubt very much you had intended for them to pick up any sort of slack. It was only meant to be a party, for Christ's sake. A little gathering, nothing big. Now it’s turning into a whole thing!”

Ed blinked, watching Stede breathe like he’d just run a marathon.

“Mate, it’s fine,” Ed assured as best he could. “Izzy will bitch about it, but that’s just because he’ll bitch about everything. Ivan and Fang, they don’t celebrate Christmas and are always offering to cover it for me since I always give them time off for their holidays. They’ll pick up the hours. It’s no skin off my back.”

Stede’s shoulders lost a bit of their tension, and he glanced away from the road in intervals until he slowed for a red light.

“Are you sure?” He asked with apprehension, still gripping the wheel.

“Yeah, man, I’m sure,” Ed grinned. “Besides, sure it will be fine. Week away, nice lil’ posh bed and breakfast. Just, you know, make the breakfast ourselves. Probably.”

Stede finally eased up with a relieved grin, turning back to the road.

“I kinda have to wonder what else he has planned he hadn’t told us. I mean, a gift exchange is nice, I suppose.”

“Yeah,” Ed said, shifting in his seat and trying to appear relaxed as he asked, “what do you hope you get?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” Stede sighed. “A nice scarf? A new pocket square. Maybe some chocolates from that place….”

“Oh, the one there, that does the….” Ed gestured with his free hand but couldn’t find the word he was looking for.

“Just so!” Stede exclaimed, probably reading Ed’s mind or some sh*t. “Nothing too major. I appreciate something small and useful.”

“Yeah. Right, makes sense,” Ed agreed, nodding along while trying to think of something that would fit the bill.

Or, more accurately, think of something reasonable along those lines.

After a beat, Stede asked, “what about you?”

Ed blew a raspberry.

“I dunno, man. Knowing those guys, it’s gonna be a sorta liquor, or good coffee. Kinda like you, I wouldn’t mind something useful. But I mean, I wouldn’t thumb my nose at some yummy lavender soap or something.”

“Yeah,” Stede agreed with a smirk.

They pulled into a parking lot outside the local theater, the lot itself already filling up with cars of all makes and models. Ed watched a snooty-looking couple walk past the front of Stede’s car, sneering at the one next to it that was perhaps a bit on the older side but hardly a lemon.

“You sure I’m gonna be let in?” Ed asked, realizing only after they passed that the woman had been wearing a fur coat.

A fur f*cking coat in f*cking Barbados! Yeah, Ed wore leather, but at least it wasn’t f*cking fur. Real or not, that was just overkill.

“Most certainly,” Stede said confidently. He must have read Ed’s insecurities because he spoke soft and fondly when he added, “In all the hullabaloo at the cafe, I never got to mention that you look quite dashing.”

Ed turned to Stede in time to see what might have been a once-over. An appreciative once over, at that. But hell, he did cut a nice figure in a suit, and even Izzy would look twice if he hadn’t mentioned he was wearing it to see Alma’s performance.

“Thanks,” He managed to get out before opening his door.

Better to escape the car now before he made things awkward. Do something stupid like misread that whole situation.

He looked down at the bouquet, checking it for damage before he straightened his jacket and adjusted his sleeves.

“Right, let’s do this,” He said more to himself before moving around the front of the car and joining Stede. Head high, shoulders back, Ed walked at Stede’s side like he belonged there in every way possible.

~S~

Stede had seen the Nutcracker ballet frequently throughout his life. His mother would take him nearly yearly when he was younger until his father protested that it was making him soft. He had to go on a class trip as a teenager, though “had to go” may have been the wrong wording. And when he was an adult, he and Mary would go when their schedules allowed, eventually culminating in the performance that had Alma demanding to take ballet at the ripe age of three.

After that, he went yearly again, whether that be to the performance put on by the ballet company or the one put on by the school, even before Alma could be part of it.

He had always found it mesmerizing, even when done by amateurs because he loved the story of it all. Plus, not being a dancer himself, he had no idea if someone’s technique was perfect or not.

Still, despite so much common ground, he had expected Ed to be a bit bored. Stede knew he hadn’t a clue what the whole thing was about until a few days ago.

But Ed was mesmerized, watching in wide-eyed wonder from the beginning.

“sh*t, that was incredible. How’d they do that?” He had whispered when Drosselmeyer appeared and disappeared before their eyes on stage.

“Sword fighting!? There’s f*cking sword fighting in this? And it’s against rats!?” He quietly exclaimed to Stede during the fight scene.

He watched all the various dances with breathless awe, even getting a bit misty-eyed at a few of them. It had Stede wondering if maybe he should take Ed to the company’s production before heading to Lucius’s.

But that might be seen as a date. Which could be a good thing to keep the ruse going. But, also, probably leaning a bit too romantic. Theater, in many of its forms, always felt romantic to Stede. It was probably why he tried to get Mary to go with him so often when they were still married.

Maybe he could get Ed a pair of tickets to see a performance before the new year. He had, after all, gotten Ed’s name from the hat.

He’d drawn his own name at first, and while he was tempted to keep it, Stede knew he’d be caught out as soon as someone drew their own name. Which, knowing Stede’s luck, would be the last person in the whole group of them, and they’d have to redraw, and then the whole plot would have been pointless.

Ed was worth giving up the plot for, too. He had wanted to lavish Ed for years, give him all his heart ever desired. He deserved it, and Stede was in a position to spoil him, but he didn’t dare to. What sort of man gave gifts - expensive, often personal gifts - to their friend if he wasn’t trying to woo them? And while Stede was very much in favor of wooing Ed, it was painfully obvious that it would only be received to prevent a bruised ego or wounded feelings.

The little slip of paper in Stede’s pocket was his golden ticket to at least one perfect, extravagant gift. He just had to play his cards right with it.

Tickets to the ballet would certainly be extravagant for Ed, what with his playing down the wealth he built . It would also give him the chance to take out someone other than Stede.

Maybe Izzy.

It was all Stede could do not to shudder at the thought.

No, certainly not that. He’ll find a way to take Ed, make sure it’s seen as more of a friendly venture than a typical trip to the ballet. He’ll have to think of another thing to gift Ed that he would never gift himself.

The finale came, and when the curtain closed, Ed was on his feet, bouquet tucked carefully in his arms as he started applauding before the dancers even came back on stage.

And oh, did Stede love him, adore him for showing such enthusiasm and adoration. How the man shed tears without a single bit of shame as he cheered as hard as any father would for his children. He ached with how badly he wanted to kiss him, those light pecks against Ed’s whiskers he mustered the courage to give for show not even close to being enough. He was tempted to give one now, just to give himself a fraction of satisfaction, of relief, to the overwhelming love bubbling in his soul.

But he wouldn’t. Mary was far enough away with Doug and Louis that it wouldn’t be seen. Alma was too busy absorbing it all, the adrenaline rush of a performance likely still coursing through her. There would be no point, no reason to give even the ghost of a kiss to Ed, as there was no need to carry on the ruse.

So Stede tamped it down, focused hard on Alma, and pretended like he always has that Ed wasn’t the love of his life.

~*~

Alma didn’t just love the bouquet. She adored it.

“It’s Christmasy, but I could probably scratch someone up with it, so it’s also a weapon,” She said with a wide smile.

“Yeah, speaking of which, you never said anything about swords,” Ed said to her in turn, putting on annoyance that Alma saw through and giggled at.

Stede’s attention had been pulled away from the pair of them as he felt Mary’s hand on his back.

“She did so well,” he said by way of greeting.

Mary smiled proudly, “Yeah, she really did.”

Mary looked over her shoulder, craning her head to look for something.

“Listen,” She said. “I can’t find a decent xylophone for Louis and won’t be able to before we leave next week. All the places I’ve checked, I’ve got to order one in, or the quality isn’t exactly great.”

“I’m sure he’ll be alright with the telescope,” Stede replied in a hushed tone. “We’ll work on something. Say that the elves didn’t have time to build a xylophone. Maybe something like the first is the cut-off for those sorts of requests.”

“What’s this now about cut offs?” Ed asked, breaking the bubble Stede and Mary were in.

Stede glanced around, looking or Alma, finding that she had gone to show Doug the bouquet.

“The xylophone thing,” Mary answered with a huff. “Can’t find one in time.”

“Aw, that sucks,” Ed commiserated. “That’s not gonna affect the whole belief in things, is it?”

“Probably not,” Mary replied with a smirk.

“Louis’s faith in all the magic of the holidays won’t break because Santa doesn’t come through,” Stede added.

“f*ck, I hope he holds on to that forever,” Ed said, earning a glare from a nearby woman. Wincing, he mouthed an apology that he wouldn’t normally offer, then looked to Stede and Mary apologetically.

Mary waved it off.

“That’s just Sue, and she’s a f*cking snob.”

Stede ducked his head to hide his smile but still peeked up to watch Ed’s face transform into delight.

“Are we still going to dinner?” Alma suddenly pipped up, appearing in the center of the circle of them.

“We had dinner. We’ll go out for dessert, though. Celebrate your performance that way,” Mary replied, resting her hand on Alma’s head. He looked to Stede and Ed in turn, asking, “you two still wanna come along?”

“Duh,” Ed replied with a scoff. “When have I ever not wanted dessert?”

“We’ll follow you,” Stede told her. “Or, perhaps we’ll head out now? Meet you there? The usual place?”

“Yeah. We’ll see you there,” Mary said, another mum pulling her attention.

Before Stede could move, Ed’s hand fell into his, intertwining their fingers.

The shock of it nearly had him whipping his head to see what he was playing at, but then he remembered Alma was watching.

Sure enough, a glance down at his daughter confirmed she had been watching them and seemed pleased with the act of hand-holding.

“Right, well, come on, darling. Best to head out before the parking lot becomes utter mayhem,” He said with a confidence he didn’t really feel.

“Yep,” Ed agreed, and they turned awkwardly toward the door so as not to break their hand-hold in the crowd.

They probably could have let go when the flow of people would have cut off Alma’s view of them. Again when they stepped outside and headed to the car. But they didn’t, not until they reached the vehicle and had to part to get in on their respective sides.

Inside with the doors closed, they two breathed out a sigh in sync with one another, then turned to face each other.

Stede probably should have brought up the hand-holding, or better yet, the beard kissing. He probably should have said they needed to adjust their plan, figure out how they were going to do a week away over the holidays, and keeping up the whole act when they were very much not doing a great job of it where it counted.

But he didn’t. Instead, he and Ed inexplicably burst into laughter at the same time.

“f*ck, man, she was ruthless. Glaring at us until I took her hand. Thought it was going to be us she was gonna hack at with the holy leaves for a minute there. Probably going back to the first person I thought of.”

“You mean the little brat who kept trying to upstage her?”

“Yeah, that one, with the blonde hair.”

“Know who that was?”

“No.”

“Chantal Badminton, Nigel’s daughter.”

“Get the f*ck out. Really?”

“Mmhmm, the very one. Chauncey’s daughter, Nicole was too young for the production still.”

“f*cking hell, explains a lot, doesn’t it? Yeah, she should definitely accidentally on purpose hit the girl with the bouquet. Make sure the holly leaves are sticking out a bit.”

“Normally, I wouldn’t condone such violence, but….”

Ed grinned, eyes going all warm and soft.

They stared at each other too long before Ed said, “I had a nice time.”

“I’m glad,” Stede replied softly.

“Wouldn’t mind doing something like this again.”

Stede’s eyebrows slowly rose.

Like a date?! A date? A real actual, honest-to-goodness-

“Doesn’t have to be just watching Alma, either, you know? We could take her to see something. And Louis, too, of course.”

“Of course,” Stede said, firmly stuffing his hope back in its box and shoving disappointment back into its corner.

Of course, Ed didn’t mean a date. Of course.

“Should probably get going, though, if we’re gonna beat Mary and Doug to the cake shop. Thought I saw them coming out a second ago.”

“Right,” Stede said, snapping out of his stupor and getting the car started.

He really had to pull himself together. It was all pretend, all make-believe. The magic of it all was going to die the day after Christmas, like so many other things about the season. He couldn’t get wrapped up in it. He couldn’t.

But , Stede thought as he started the car and started to head out of the parking lot, I never was very good at not getting wrapped up in a dream.

Chapter 6: You don't have to have a beard of white (to make my Christmas bright)

Chapter Text

December 15th

“I’m not f*cking doing it!”

“Come on, Iz-“

“Not f*cking happening.”

Ed arched a brow and crossed his arms, waiting. Because if there is one thing Ed know, it was that Izzy would crack.

The street their shop was on had a block party every year. And every year, in the little sitting area that the city called a park where the big tree sat, there would be a Santa and his helper. The shops on the block had a roster of who had to provide Santa’s helper. Frank from the Ice Cream shop is a bit too perfect of a Santa for anyone else to volunteer.

But things had been a bit different this year.

“Ed,” Doloris said as she stepped inside the shop, biting her lips. “Got a bit of an odd favor to ask.”

Ma had been there, quietly watching from behind the register as Ed moved away from the display he was setting up to meet his neighbor.

“What is it?” He asked.

“Frank had a heart attack,” Doloris said gently.

“sh*t, he okay?” Ed asked immediately, prepared to grab his coat and run down the road to dish ice cream, even if it meant leaving Ma and Izzy alone in the shop.

“He’s doing alright, yes. Happened at home. Junior’s at the shop, so he’s good there. It wasn’t bad, but he’s going to be laid up for a bit. So he won’t be able to attend the party this Sunday.”

“f*ck, I forgot that was coming up. Was supposed to be the elf this year, wasn’t I?”

“Yes,” Doloris hedged. “But… well, you’re on the slimmer side, and there’s going to be some people who would question it, but with your beard….”

Ed’s eyes went wide with glee.

“Hell, yeah, I’ll be Santa. f*cking hell that’ll be fun.”

“Problem is, if you’re Santa,” Doloris pointed out, “who’s going to be your helper?”

Ma had laughed gleefully for a solid five minutes when Ed had come to the only possible conclusion. Ivan had asked for the day off, and Fang - while really good with kids - shouldn’t be roped into a holiday thing when he never celebrated it, to begin with.

So well before opening on the fifteenth, with Fang standing off to the side giggling quietly, Ed put his metaphorical foot down. They relied on each other on this block, they were a community, and Izzy should know better than anyone what that meant to Ed.

And Izzy, try as he might, was faltering, the hardness of his gaze wavering as Ed silently held firm. He always followed Ed’s lead and always listened to Ed, be it as a boss or a friend. This wasn’t going to be any different. Ed knew it. Izzy knew it.

Still, he wasn’t caving, so Ed played a card he hadn’t wanted to but knew would work without question.

“I’ll call our mums.”

~*~

Ed was having regret. Not a lot of regret, mind, but enough that he was now hesitating ever volunteering to do this again.

The suit was f*cking hot. Thank someone he didn’t have to wear any padding because he could simply say he was eating a bit leaner this year, and the kids were happy. But he had to wear gloves to cover his tattoos, and his hair had to be stuffed up in the hat because Santa didn’t have long hair. And glasses. Fake reading glasses with wide circle lenses make him look a little older and a bit different.

There were a few brats who gave his beard a yank. Not a gentle, curious tug like some of the younger ones, but a real pull that was f*cking painful. At least they usually started apologizing a lot, partly because they probably didn’t want to be put on the naughty list, partly because Ed knew his eyes were probably doing the thing that made him look dangerous.

Still, there were also a lot of good kids. Cute kids who asked for things Ed had never once heard of - not even from Alma or Louis. They also asked adorable questions about the reindeer and elves (aside from Izzy, who refused to put on the costume but instead compromised by not dressing entirely like an undertaker.).

“Where’s Mrs. Claus?” One little boy asked with a frown.

“Oh, Mrs. Claus,” Ed said, glancing up at a food truck just outside the Santa meet-and-greet boundary. “Yeah, Mrs. Claus is, eh, is around.”

Stede popped out of the truck just then, a tray of hot chocolates in his hand and a pair of ridiculous antlers on his head.

Technically speaking, The Gentleman’s Brew was not part of the block. But there also weren’t any cafes or the like along the block, so Stede offered to sort of cater the block part until there was one. Three years in, and the Gentleman’s Brew had become a staple, handing out hot chocolate and cookies for free to parents and kids, and if they needed something stronger, the truck was there to serve them.

“I don’t see her,” The boy said, craning his head to get a look.

“In disguise, ya know? Doing a little spy work for me, so I know if someone’s actually being good and not just saying it.”

The boy nodded sagely, then rambled off the list of things he wanted. Ed listened, made the appropriate sounds, and sent him off to Izzy for the little prize provided by the party supply shop and a candy cane.

“How many more brats are we seeing?” Izzy asked through gritted teeth, pulling at the green holiday sweater Ed found in the shop for him to wear as a compromise.

“As many as there are for the next few hours,” Ed replied, glancing up at Izzy. “We’re not on the roster after this for another ten years, and by then, you’ll probably have had enough of me and never have to do this again.”

“I never volunteered to f*cking do it in the first place,” Izzy spat out before putting on a customer service smile and greeting the next parent and child.

This went on for another hour and a bit, Izzy grumbling under his breath and Ed dealing with various kids when a secondary helper - some teenager from Doloris’s shop - came by to inform them they had a break.

There was a little cabin thing set up as part of the Santa land decorations where Ed was able to duck in and take off part of the suit so he wouldn’t feel like he was about to melt at any moment. It also had a back door so Ed could sneak into the back room of the florist and use the restroom there where kids couldn’t see and have the magic ruined.

When he returned to the cabin from his sneaky bathroom break, he was pleasantly surprised to see Stede there.

“Come to give you a treat,” He said with a grin, handing Ed an Iced Coffee and a cookie. “Figured you could use the pick me up.”

Ed groaned with delight as he took them.

“f*ck, you’re the best,” He said before taking a massive gulp of his coffee. He then took a bite of the cookie, groaning again at how f*cking good it was. “f*ck, think I haven’t eaten since breakfast,” he mentioned between bites.

“Right,” Stede said a bit tightly. He turned away as he cleared his throat, looking at Izzy. “Are you not going to have your drink?”

Ed glanced at Izzy and snorted, the man holding a holiday-themed paper cup like he was holding a bag of sh*t.

“The f*ck is in it?” Izzy questioned.

“Nothing,” Stede bitched back. “Surprisingly, Iggy , despite all the hostility between us, I have no intention of poisoning you, let alone get your coffee order wrong. And believe me, if someone were going to put something in your beverage, it would have happened years ago.”

Izzy glared, slowly bringing the cup to his lips, taking a ginger sip like he’d crock if he took more.

Ed could see the moment he grudgingly enjoyed it, and snorted before stuffing the last of his cookie in his mouth.

Stede turned, all brightness until he looked at Ed.

“Oh,” he remarked, “you got a little bit of cookie in your beard.”

Ed stroked at the strands of it, not feeling anything.

“No, just a little bit,” Stede said, gesturing to Ed’s left. He tried to follow but didn’t seem to be getting anything. “Just a little bit to your… here, let me.”

Ed leaned in toward Stede as Stede stepped up to him close enough Ed could take a hit of the heady cologne Stede wore from time to time.

He felt Stede’s fingers gently comb through Ed’s beard, his thumb nearly touching the corner of his mouth. He could feel the ghost of the touch on his lips, the hint of what it might have felt like should they have touched.

He did his level best not to lean into the touch, but Ed couldn’t be sure he didn’t. And he either had a lot of f*cking cookie in his beard, or Stede was lingering. Likely the former, though that didn’t mean Ed wasn’t going to enjoy this whole thing.

“Oh my god,” Izzy said with disdain.

Ed and Stede turned to him at once, and Ed could feel how warm his cheeks suddenly got as Izzy looked between the pair of them.

“Oh my god,” he repeated again, turning away from the pair of them like they were doing something indecent.

“I should probably get back to the truck,” Stede said suddenly. “I left Buttons and John in charge, and they could either be the best decision I ever made or a recipe for disaster.”

“Right, call you later, then?” Ed said.

Stede flashed him a cheeky grin, “can I provide you with my wish list, or will you be off duty then?”

“Actually, I prefer letters. Obviously, allows me a paper trail and sh*t.”

Stede snorted, “Right, call you later?”

He flinched forward, like he was going to do something, then changed his mind.

Stede then turned, heading for the door of the cabin and stepping back out without another word to Izzy.

“God, you two are disgusting,” Izzy grumbled before taking a massive drink from his coffee.

“And here I thought you believed this whole thing we were doing was a sh*t idea.”

“It is a sh*t idea. Doesn’t mean the pair of you weren’t disgusting before. I mean, christ, Edward. The f*ck you two doing calling each other? You’re f*cking adults, not teenagers. Do you twirl your hair and kick your feet when you talk? Lay on your bed and giggle coquettishly?”

Ed debated if he should answer that, what with it being ridiculously close to what he actually does do when he talks to Stede.

“Maybe?”

Izzy blinked.

“f*cking f*ckers. Just… get the f*cking suit back on so we can get the rest of this sh*t over with.”

Izzy downed the last of the coffee, tossed the cup in the garbage violently, then threw the door open, letting it nearly slam before it fell shut, barely missing clipping Izzy in the process.

“So what if I f*cking twirl my hair,” Ed grumbled as he drank back the last of his own coffee before putting the suit back on. “Life to fidget, ‘s all.” He double checked that he looked as close to Santa as he could in the mirror on the wall, then headed back outside.

~*~

It was nearing the end of the day, thank f*ck, because Ed really just wanted to get out of the damn suit and maybe go find Stede. He’d been seeing less and less of the antlers after his break, though he knew it was likely Stede wouldn’t have left without a word to Ed.

And the kids. f*ck, they weren’t bad, but he was starting to feel a bit drained. Too much interaction, he’d reckon. Concentrated and from the part of the population he had the least amount of contact with. Lots of things about Paw Patrol, and Frozen, and Encanto or something. He didn’t know. He was sure if he asked Alma or Louis later, he would get more answers than he needed.

As if summoned, the next kid to clamor on his lap was Louis.

Panic welled in Ed as the sudden, chilling fear that he was about to ruin this magical part of Christmas for Louis overwhelming him. He glanced around quickly, hoping to find Stede or maybe Mary, but his eyes landed on Doug.

Doug, who only just seemed to realize exactly who was in the suit and suddenly looked just as freaked out as Ed.

Clearing his throat, Ed deepened his voice, willing to put in something jolly or whatever to mask it.

“Why if it isn’t Louis,” He said. “You’re here with your stepdad this time, huh?”

Louis, who had been looking a bit confused at first, nodded in delight.

“Papa Doug took me and Alma here today while mom and dad were working. Alma doesn’t believe anymore, but you know that,” He said solemnly.

For a beat, Ed freaked out, thinking he had given himself away. Then he remembered that, duh, of course, Santa would know when the kids stopped believing.

“Doesn’t mean I stopped visiting her, too, though, does it? Or know what she wants,” He said with a wink that made Louis laugh. “Where is she, anyway?”

“She went with dad to the food truck,” Louis said, pointing to it that short distance away.

“Ah,” Ed nodded, glad, of course, that she wasn’t here to give him away. “So, what is it that you want for Christmas? He asked, then hoping to help Stede and Mary out, added, “I heard you wanted a telescope.”

Louis sighed a big, heaving sigh, and it was all Ed could do not to laugh.

“I did. But now I want a xylophone. Also, I want a new dad.”

Izzy, because of course Izzy was listening in when he realized who was there, barked out a laugh and something that sounded a lot like “I bet.”

“A new dad?” Ed asked, almost forgetting to alter his voice. “The f- flip you’d want a new dad for? Your dad - and stepdad - are great!”

Louis fidgeted, glancing out at the crowd before turning to Ed.

“My dad’s sad. He doesn’t live with us anymore - he doesn’t live with anyone - and he’s sad. But he’s got a boyfriend now, or at least that’s what mum says. So I hope he marries Ed because I like Ed, and I think he’d be a good dad, too.”

Ed’s eyes stung, and there was a lump in his throat because obviously one of the brats before Louis had germs and gave them to Ed. Had nothing to do with the seal of approval from the youngest Bonnet, one he hadn’t realized he needed even if it didn’t really matter.

“Well,” He said, having to clear his throat a couple of times. “I can’t… make that happen. Want to, believe me, but I mean… your dad and his… Ed. They might not want to be together like that, you know? I can’t make them. Just like I can’t give people baby brothers or sisters.”

“Or pets,” Louis nodded.

“Right, yeah, that too.”

“Okay,” Louis said with a single nod. “Then just the xylophone, please.”

“Late request, man, we’ll see,” he said, giving Mary and Stede that last little bit of help he could.

“Hey, Santa,” Doug called, smiling a bit too wide with his cell phone out. “We should get a picture. For the kids’ mom, of course.”

Ed frowned, then realized Alma had snuck up on his other side, standing next to the Santa throne with a wicked grin.

“Yep,” Ed said. “Gotta get one for mom.”

Doug took a picture, then another, grinning the whole time.

He also noticed a pair of antlers out of the corner of his eye and darted his glance over to see Stede had indeed joined in the photo-taking.

“I can’t wait to show Mary,” Doug said as he waved Louis and Alma over.

“I bet,” Ed said, smiling while flashing Doug the finger as discreetly as possible.

“Bye, Santa,” Louis eagerly waved, skipping over to Doug.

Alma merely smirked over her shoulder and waved.

“Bye, Bonnets,” Ed replied with a quick wave before turning his attention to the line. He spotted Stede, who gave him a wink and wave before heading back to the truck, and Ed wondered if he had heard any of what Louis said somehow.

“Are we sure those are actually Bonnet’s?” Izzy questioned quietly.

“Yes, you asshole, now shut up,” Ed replied through a plastered on smile just before the next kid came up. Thankfully, that was the last mention of that topic for the rest of the day.

December 16th

“Fine, I’ll bite. Why the long face, Stede?”

Stede glared at Lucius over his laptop, though the boy was looking at his drawing tablet, stylus in hand, looking utterly bored. Though, frankly, bored is his default expression most days, so as far as Stede knew, he could be working on something that was actually really interesting.

But to his point, there was a long face. If not, perhaps literally, then made pointedly so by how often Stede sighed while trying to write.

“I keep telling you, if you want it to be angsty, just throw in a sh*tty ex who makes the dark one all questiony and the other guy want to murder him.”

“It’s not the book, Lucius,” Stede said, though he filed away the thought. “It’s… I got Ed’s name. For the thing.”

“Yeah, I know,” Lucius said.

“How?” Stede asked. “I never told you.”

Lucius stopped sketching, taking a second before looking at Stede across the table. “I’m running the bloody thing. I need to know who has who. Remember? Besides, everyone else told me theirs, it’s really just a process of elimination. So, what’s the problem? He’s your boyfriend, Stede, it can’t be that hard to decide what to get him.”

“But it is,” Stede replied. “The problem is I want to get him a lot of things. I just… I can’t decide. Are tickets to the ballet appropriate? A play? Are fine toiletries not enough? He uses the ones in my place all the time. Including the beard oil. We’ve known each other three years, Lucius. I’ve never had a beard.”

“Right, you have toiletries specifically for Ed in your home that you never use. Because that is a totally normal thing to do.”

Stede frowned.

“Isn’t it?”

“Well, if you’re dating, I suppose,” Lucius countered.

“Of course, we’re dating,” Stede said a bit too quickly. “But I mean, before we did - do - start… I’ve always kept fine things for Ed in my home. At least, always after that first night, he kipped on the couch.”

Lucius hummed.

“You do have a nice couch, still better than my bed. Sorta not the point, though.”

“Well, if you want to talk getting off point, the point was I don’t know what to get Ed. Who do you have? What are you getting them?”

“Oh, no, I’m not telling you what who I have,” Lucius said, shaking his head and waving his hand back and forth. He then leaned across the table and asked, “if you could give that man anything in the world, what would you give him?”

“The world,” Stede said without hesitation. “Anything he wanted.”

“Okay, yeah. Sweet, not helpful.” Lucius sighed, mumbling something Stede couldn’t hear as he hung his head dramatically. After a groan, Lucius lifted his head and asked, “Okay, how about this? And for god sake, do not say something so f*cking saccharine sweet Ed could use it in his coffee: what could you give him to show him how much you love him?”

Stede leaned back a bit and thought about it.

Ed had the ability to find all sorts of things. Clothes, priceless little sculptures, and tchotchke - though Stede ended up purchasing them when Ed would insist they weren’t meant for people like him. Because Stede could never convince him otherwise, half his apartment had been decorated with things he knew Ed liked just so he could be around them from time to time.

He rolled plenty of ideas around in his head - a new jacket or silk shirt, tickets to a show, perhaps covering the trip to see Elizabeth - be he dismissed them essentially right away. Clothes were not a show of love. Nor was covering a trip or tickets somewhere since the two of them did those sorts of things all the time, taking turns paying.

And there’d been a lot of things over the last three years. Weekends away to Estate sales or book signings just to keep one another company. Checking restaurants or bakeries they heard were good out of town. Movies, so many movies, and a couple of concerts. Pub nights and such, all of those moments that Stede treasured.

“I suppose there’s too many ways that I already do. Show him, I mean. Even if he doesn’t see it.” Stede replied.

“Well, focus on one thing you do or did and go from there,” Lucius shrugged. “I mean, I didn’t, like, lose my finger. But Pete, he was there when I got it caught in the bagel slicer, and we had to rush me to the emergency room. Anyway, he gave me this f*cking ugly as sin but an incredibly cute carved finger. Because I apparently went on and on about how he would hate me if I lost my finger. You know, for reasons. ” Lucius twitched his eyebrows, which had Stede rolling his eyes. “Anyway, looks more like a thumb than a finger, but it’s still cute as hell, and I may or may not keep it in my nightstand for-“

“That’s quite enough on that,” Stede interrupted, raising his hands in surrender.

“God, you write some of the hottest smut I’ve ever seen, and yet you act so damn prudish.”

“Some things are best left to the page or the bedroom,” Stede replied haughtily.

“Right, yeah. Well, just have to ask Ed exactly how not prudish you are, then,” Lucius teased.

And damn it all if Ed hadn’t pointed out that he would eventually get around to hunting for details.

Stede huffed and went back to writing. His current protagonists were in a scene where they drank from a bottle of exquisite brandy. He was going to make them take the next step, to realize they want to be with each other when it suddenly hit him like an oar to the face.

Brandy.

He suddenly flashed back to a night about a year and a half ago when they were on one of their little not-romantic-totally-platonic weekends away.

It had been raining the whole time, which wasn’t in the cards. Ed was going to teach Stede to surf, and Stede had planned a hike that promised some insane foliage. Instead, they spent the majority of it in their shared hotel suite or trying their best to take advantage of some of the activities around the property.

But on the last day, bored out of their skulls, they ventured into the small town and stumbled upon a distillery that was not at all listed in any sort of brochure. Stede had been apprehensive about trying the dried fruit variety, but Ed had convinced him it was worth a shot. Stede insisted on paying because he was going to buy the best they had. It wasn’t exactly a cheap bottle, but it certainly didn’t have the price tag some of the imports from France had.

They’d taken that bottle back to the hotel, ordered a charcuterie board and a dessert platter from room service, and taken it out on the deck. There, they lounged in comfortable seats watching the rain fall in sheets beyond the shelter of the rain.

It was the most romantic night Stede had ever experienced in his entire life, and if he hadn’t been a little drunk on the exquisite brandy, he might have done something incredibly stupid. Because, of course, no matter how romantic Stede found it, it didn’t mean Ed had as well. Or any moment between them.

But the brandy.

Ed had spoken about it for months, lamenting that he couldn’t remember the name of the distillery. Stede had, though. Why he never told Ed, he couldn’t be sure. Maybe he wanted to keep that night sacred, and if Ed made the brandy a regular purchase, it would lose its meaning.

Stede pulled up a web browser and navigated his way to the distillery’s web page. He scrolled, finding the brandy for purchase, then bought it without a single bit of hesitation, paying the exorbitant amount to have it shipped to his place in a few days, and grinned.

“Well, that’s done!” He beamed, looking over the lid of his laptop at Lucius.

The boy flicked his eyes from Stede to his laptop and back.

“Okay, that was far too fast and too little typing for them to have gotten it on in any sort of satisfying way.”

Stede blinked.

“No,” He huffed. “My gift. For Ed. I just bought it. Hopefully, it will have the meaning I want it to, but if not at least I know he’ll like it.”

Lucius smirked. “Do I want to know?”

“I won’t give you the details,” Stede replied.

“Fine, keep some mystery if you must,” Lucius playfully swatted at him. “But you need to get back to writing. Because I am dying to see how you’re going to ease the sexual tension you’re building.”

Stede’s grin turned to a wicked smirk, “Who said anything about easing the tension?”

“Ugh, I hate you. Now hurry up so I can be tortured by your words.”

Chapter 7: Oh What A Laugh It Would Have Been

Chapter Text

December 20th

“I don’t know,” Ed sighed, moving the silk pocket square in his hand.

It was one of about a dozen, a little box of them dropped off the night before while Ed was working. The person hadn’t known what they were - thought they were just scraps from his mums old work room that had been sitting around for years - but Ed knew right off. So he may have bought the box at a price that was considered highway robbery, but the guy was just happy to get something for a box of fabric squares.

It felt a bit cheap, thinking of giving Stede the spoils as his gift for the exchange. Not to mention that while he would like them well enough, he probably wouldn’t remember the reason why this felt like an oddly meaningful gift.

It was… f*cking hell, almost two years ago at this point. Stede had taken Ed to a dinner with a few publishing people. At first, Ed thought he’d f*cked it all up, faltering through dinner, believing he could get through it without anyone noticing he was watching Stede like a hawk. He’d started to get embarrassed when he realized the others at the table were watching him with a smirk, quietly laughing. Then he cottoned on that they were asking him passive-aggressive questions.

He might have stormed off had it not been for Stede. Stede, who primly dabbed his mouth and sat back. Stede, who calmly and seemingly politely asked after every member of the table and how they were getting on with their new money, their torrid office affairs, the scandals that hadn’t reached the public. Reminded them that they may know more than Ed in regards to moving about the upper crust, but they were not born and raised in it like him. And when one idiot tried to accuse Stede of nepotism, Stede laughed in a way that sent a chill down Ed’s spine in the very best way.

Ed may or may not have gotten a bit flushed watching Stede eviscerate the poor bugger, reminding him that Stede got his name in the publishing industry quite against his father’s wishes -especially when considering the content of his books- and hadn’t revealed his proper name until he absolutely had to. And that, based on their behavior, he fully intended to remain with his current publisher and renew his contract.

A fight had broken out, though Stede and he left before they could get looped into the likely banning that ensured. Ed couldn’t help apologizing, even as Stede tried to reassure him.

Under the moon, in the streetlights, Ed had looked at Stede and said, “I’m not much better than them. Worse, even, since I didn’t even get that far in life. Not the sort of people….”

“Nonsense,” Stede had interrupted. “I think you’re very sophisticated. More than any of them.”

“Still, I mean,” Ed had gestured to himself, the suit he donned for the evening that he’d found in his shop, the paisley pocket square he hadn’t known what to do with at the time that came with it.

Stede had stepped forward, hands reaching for the piece of fabric and pulling it out of Ed’s pocket. He refolded it, then tucked it back in.

“You wear fine things well,” He told Ed, knocking the breath of him. Stede’s hand had lingered a moment before he seemed to switch from spewing romantic lines to suggesting f*cking ice cream.

Since then, Ed has gotten a few fine things -tailored suits, silk shirts - and has gotten used to wearing them when he and Stede decide to do fancy sh*t for dinner.

That paisley pocket square, though, was still placed on Ed’s dresser, folded almost the same way Stede had done it because Ed couldn’t bare to tuck it away.

So, yeah, he could give Stede a dozen pocket squares, including one that had a similar pattern to the one on Ed’s dresser. But it was too obscure a thing to try and draw meaning from or to.

Therefore, Ed was indecisive. It felt like the perfect f*cking gift, but he barely paid anything close to what they were worth, and it’s just-

“For christ’s sake, Edward, just f*cking decide,” Izzy growled. “We could sell them for a hundred, easy, and after paying less than ten for the whole box, that’s a f*cking huge markup. So figure your sh*t out.”

“Well, what would you get him, then?” Ed asked, pushing himself up from where he was leaning on the counter.

Izzy turned and looked at him incredulously.

“A personality change,” Izzy replied, deadpanned. “I’d say a f*cking one-way trip to the Arctic, but that ponce has more money than I’ll ever see in my lifetime. He’d buy his way back.”

“Right, well, what would you give someone you actually loved? Is that something you can do, Iz? Or do I need to find some Whos to sing and make your heart grow three sizes?”

“I would get them something meaningful,” Izzy retorted. “But since they would know I loved them, there wouldn’t have to be a cryptic message around the f*cking thing.”

Ed groaned, throwing his head back, and stared at the ceiling.

It wasn’t cryptic, was it? He was giving Stede silk pocket squares, which may or may not have always had Ed thinking of f*cking moonlit nights, and gentle touches, and “you wear fine things well.” If Stede applied meaning to it, then hopefully, it was going to be the same as Ed’s.

f*cking hell, maybe this was why he and Stede never bothered exchanging gifts.

At least he didn’t have long to dwell. The shop was picking up the closer to Christmas it got. Both with people buying and selling. People on the hunt for that perfect, unique(ish) gift versus those who sold off things for a little extra cash.

Ed kind of took pity on those ones, at least the ones he figured actually needed the money. If they were selling jewelry and looking like they were about to give Ed their kidney, he would buy it for close to cost. If they were just getting rid of crap - or as Ed had to deal with one time, someone selling things off so they could buy stuff for their mistress without a paper trail - he wasn’t so kind.

Today, thankfully, there had only been people getting rid of crap. One might have been some young punk trying to sell stolen sh*t. Ed just gave the kid a look, and he changed his mind f*cking right quick.

So Ed wasn’t entirely surprised when a guy with a round, friendly face carrying a box that looked a bit beat up.

“Hello!” The man greeted Ed cheerfully.

If he heard Izzy’s groan across the store where he was shifting merchandise around, the man didn’t let on.

“Hey, mate. What can I do for you?”

“Well,” the man started, “I was cleaning out the garage the other day.”

“Mmmhmm,” Ed replied with a nod and a polite smile, already giddy to see if this guy had anything worth selling.

“And I stumbled across this,” the man put the box gently down on the counter, patting the top. “It’s in excellent condition, but I don’t know anyone who would actually want it. So I figured if there were someone looking for one, they’d come here!”

“Right,” Ed nodded to the box. “So what is it?”

The man beamed wider somehow. Then, after a little dance with his fingers, pulled back the lid like he was about to show Ed some long-lost artifact.

In a way, he had, making Ed’s breath catch.

“Is that a…?”

“Xylophone? Yes! It’s Gearlux, very high-end if I remember correctly. Excellent condition. Everything’s included. I triple-checked.”

Ed wouldn’t know, what with it being partially disassembled. But there looked to be a full keyboard, and there were two mallets he could see off-hand, so that was a start.

“What do you want for it?” He asked, perhaps sounding a bit too eager.

“Ummm,” The guy said, clicking his tongue. “I’m thinking about two hundred?”

Izzy barked out a laugh, head thrown back, but Ed was already reaching into his back pocket, fishing out his phone.

He held up his finger to the dude, asking him to wait while he unlocked his phone and hit the call button linked to the open text messages.

“Hello, Stede speaking,” He answered on the third ring, sounding like he was using his headset.

“Mate, how much are xylophones?”

Stede sighed. “Ed, it’s sweet of you to ask, but-“

“I got one right here on the counter, mate. Looking right at it. This guy….” He trailed off, looking expectantly at the dude.

“Oh, Jefferey! Fettering.”

“Jeff is looking to sell for two hundred.”

“Sold,” Stede said without hesitation. He seemed to realize that, then tacked on, “it’s in good condition?”

“Looks f*cking pristine from where I’m standing.”

“It’s a done deal, Ed. I’m heading back to the apartment now to get changed for the concert tonight, but I’ll get it from you when I come by and pick you up.”

“Yeah, we’ll see,” He smirked. As Stede started to ask Ed what he meant by that, Ed hung up. “Looks like we have an accord, Jeff.”

“Splendid!” He clapped gleefully. “How serendipitous that you happened to know someone who was looking.”

“Yeah, isn’t it?” Ed said as he reached into his other back pocket and took out his wallet.

It’s funny how Jefferey didn’t even seem to think it odd that the proprietor of a shop wasn’t using the register in front of him to make the sale. He struck Ed as the sort of guy who would ask for a receipt for the proof of sale or whatever.

Money in hand, Jeffery gave a little wave as he turned to the door, wishing them a happy holiday as he took his leave.

“Edward, are you f*cking insane?” Izzy asked as soon as the door was shut.

“You know Louis was asking for this.”

“He was also asking for you to marry his father. It doesn’t mean he gets what he f*cking wants! And now, what? You’re going to sell that to Bonnet at a discount, and we’ll lose money!”

“We won’t lose anything. I bought it. Like, cut the middle man out. And if Stede tries to f*cking buy it off me, I’m just going to give it to Louis myself.”

Izzy froze up, mouth moving like he wanted to say so many things but couldn’t choose.

He damn near deflated, shaking his head and looking around them before finally looking Ed in the eye again.

“Do me a favor,” Izzy started. “When this all ends, when you and Bonnet stop this whole f*cking charade, put some distance in.”

“Iz,” Ed tried to cut in, but Izzy held up his hand and shook his head.

“It’s been over a year since you even tried dating, and you can’t hold on to someone who doesn’t want to. Look at you, dropping two hundred dollars on something for his kid that might get used three, maybe four times. Going to recitals and concerts and acting like you’re their stepfather, but you’re not, Edward. You’re not, and I’m genuinely beginning to worry that you’re livin’ too much in your head.”

“I love those kids,” Ed countered. “Cool uncle, remember?”

“What uncle do you know does this much? Hmm?”

“Iz, just let me have this, okay? And I promise, after the new year, when we’re done, I’ll go on a date, alright? You can even hook me up with someone.”

Izzy nodded, “fine.”

“Fine,” Ed said, watching his oldest friend turn and head back to the display as more customers came in.

Ed forced on a quick, friendly grin, and said hi, but as soon as their backs were to him, it fell, and his mood with it. He moved the xylophone box to the back room, leaving it just inside for quick access when Stede showed up and went back to the counter.

Izzy really could be a downer, and maybe he was a little right, but did he have to sh*t all over this? Couldn’t he just let Ed enjoy pretending Stede really was his partner and everything that came with it?

Just another couple of days. Izzy wasn’t even going to be around tomorrow, so he wouldn’t have to hear any more negative sh*t before he left for a week away. He just had to get through the rest of his shift.

~S~

“Ed! Don’t be unreasonable.”

“I’m not! I think it’s perfectly reasonable.”

“You said it was a two hundred!”

“And it was! But you aren’t about to f*cking buy it from me to give to Louis.”

Stede huffed but smiled. He couldn’t help it. Partly because he was overwhelmed with affection for Ed and his stupid, nearly childish insistence that he be the one who gives Louis the coveted xylophone. Partly because he sort of loved this, this arguing over something so trivial. And maybe Stede shouldn’t see the cost as trivial, but he was in a position that he could, so he could bask in the amusem*nt. The enjoyment. How it made them feel like a real couple.

He glanced in the backseat where the instrument was currently resting, a blanket over the top in case Louis happened by Stede’s car and peeked inside.

Stede had called Mary as soon as he could, telling her the good news. He was sure she would end up arguing with Ed about who should cover the cost, too. Just because Ed could afford it doesn’t mean he should shell out that sort of money for it.

Almost as if reading his mind, Ed huffed from his spot beside Stede and said, “You can slap a ‘from Santa’ on it if it will make things less whatever.”

“Well,” Stede smirked, “You are Santa.”

“I’m f*cking Saint Nick, yeah,” Ed readily agreed, making Stede chuckle. “Got the picture on my fridge to prove it.”

“It’s a good thing that the kids don’t go to your place, or else Louis might wonder why you have a picture of them with Santa.”

“Uh, why wouldn’t I? Got their f*cking school pictures on my fridge. Why the hell wouldn’t I have the Santa picture?”

“I suppose so,” Stede agreed, making the signal to turn left toward the school.

It hit him all over again as he saw it coming up that this would be the last time he would see his kids in person until January. Mary had promised to arrange some time later in the year - maybe their next week-long break - to spend their time with Stede. It wouldn’t be the same, though. Not really. The instrument in the back reminded Stede that he wouldn’t get to see Louis open it until well after Christmas when the excitement had died down, and Stede’s tree would be an afterthought.

“You alright, mate?” Ed asked gently.

“Yeah,” Stede replied with a sigh. “Just… I’m going to miss them so much, Ed.”

“Yeah, I know, mate. But we’ll keep busy, you know? We’ll do sh*t to keep your mind off them. And it’s not like you won’t get to video chat, right?”

“You’re right, but, well, you know.”

“I do,” Ed nodded.

Stede pulled into the parking lot of the school, parked, and cut the engine. He turned to Ed and said, “I’m glad you’ll be with me. Fake relationship or not, it’s good to have someone I care about with me. The one person who is as close to family as I can get aside from family.”

Ed winced and glanced away.

“Right. Well, I’m here for you, man,” He said, staring out the window as he smacked Stede’s knee twice before giving it a shake. When he pulled his hand away barely more than a second later, he took a deep breath and said, “shall we?”

They got out of the car and made their way to the main entrance.

Like the cafe, the lobby of the school was a mix of representations. A small tree, a menorah, a kinara, and trimmings fit for their holidays were on a large table pushed against a wall to the right. Fairy lights decorated the walls, and garland hung from the ceiling, along with paper cutouts of various symbols of the holidays.

“I didn’t think this school was that multicultural,” Ed commented as he looked up and around while they shuffled in.

Stede huffed, “It’s not. Not really. Only a handful of the school population celebrates something other than Christmas. Thankfully, they’re at least making an attempt to showcase the rest. And, as Alma has informed me, those who don’t celebrate Christmas or felt uncomfortable with the song choices could since a more… secular carol.”

Ed snorted, “the fu-rige is a secular carol?”

Stede shrugged and gave a half-eye-roll that Ed snickered at.

Eventually, they made their way into the auditorium. There weren’t assigned seats, and Stede could see Mary and Doug had already been accosted by the Higgins and the Jones. So, he nudge Ed into an aisle a few rows back and on the opposite end, so should Mary try and look, she could find them.

Sure enough, just as they were settling in, she looked around while chewing her lip until she spotted them. Her face transformed into a smile, and she waved, making her friend Evelyn look as well.

Stede didn’t miss the eye roll but decided to ignore it and return both Evelyn and Mary’s wave.

“Is that the funeral director’s wife?” Ed asked, and Stede glanced at him and followed his gaze back to Evelyn.

“Yes. She and Mary are good friends. Bonded over something inane when Alma and Melvin were in Kindergarten.” He grimaced, “she was never very fond of me. Used to joke about murdering me and having it declared a natural cause before the divorce.”

“What the hell happened to her eye?”

“I never dared to ask,” Stede replied, deciding to look around the rest of the room.

He didn’t recognize anyone, or at least not from behind, and no one he cared about. Stede was as involved as he could be in his children’s education - and that included attending as many parental events as he could. It’s just that Stede couldn’t find it in him to make nice with the upper crust he gladly exiled himself from.

And that’s what a lot of this school was: children of parents could handle the hefty tuition or were so incredibly gifted that they could get in on scholarships. He and Mary would have loved for them to have gone to a more public school, something neither of them got to experience, but Mary’s parents insisted on it. At least it wasn’t boarding school which was exactly where Stede had been sent to and where he knew his father would demand his grandchildren be sent if he had any involvement in their lives. Especially Louis.

“So Louis is doing… Jingle Bells. Have I got that right? Pretty sure he said he was in 131 this year, yeah?”

“131, yes,” Stede replied, leaning in to look over the program Ed must have snatched on the way in. “So, yes, Jingle Bells. Or, I would say so. Hard to tell when they only put ‘Jingle.”

“Maybe they had to pay their graphic designer by the letter. Wanted to cheap out, keep the cost down.” Ed mused.

Stede hummed, “likely someone who swore they knew what they were doing when in reality they had no clue and couldn’t figure out the formatting of the document. I mean, look at the margins!”

“Maybe it was a print f*ck up,” Ed suggested, pointing to the next page. “This one doesn’t look the same. See? We can see that there’s ‘You’re a mean on,’ and ‘Run, Run, Rudolp.”

Stede snickered at Ed’s popped P of the purposeful mispronunciation.

“Well, look here, see? You have ‘I want a Hipp.’”

“Well, I want a better knee. They need to get in line.”

“I hadn’t realized Santa was taking requests for body parts. Do you know something I don’t? What with getting to wear the red suit?”

“Why do you think Elf on the Shelf is a thing? They’re actually meant to scout for decent body parts.”

Stede chirped a laugh, doing his best to keep it on the quiet side so as not to draw too much attention to them.

“Here, let’s see what other gems we have?” He suggested with mirth in his voice.

“You got Sleigh,” Ed pointed out. “Could be fun, could be violent.”

“Makes you wonder what Alma’s class is doing, hmm?”

“’I Saw?’ You’re right, could be anything.”

“Suppose we’ll have to find out,” Stede grinned at Ed, who smiled back.

It was impossible to look away when he and Ed locked eyes. He was just so bloody content, and the second he met Ed’s gaze, he felt a rush of love and rightness. It had him nearly reaching for Ed’s hand to lace their fingers together before he stopped himself.

Yes, they were in public, and yes, Mary had seen them. But couldn’t see their hands from where she was, and no one around them would know if they were supposed to be together or not.

The lights in the auditorium dimmed, thankfully breaking the spell before Stede caved and did something utterly ridiculous.

The concert commenced in its usual way. Introductions, reminders to be polite and pay attention. There were the loud, off-key children and the showy ones that certainly gave some flare to some otherwise monotone performances.

Louis’s class, it turned out, was actually performing Jingle Bell Rock. Stede watched with incandescent pride as his normally painfully shy son played his instrument with flair.

“He’s actually pretty good,” Ed whispered in Stede’s ear.

“He really is,” Stede agreed. He wouldn’t admit that he thought Louis would just sort of hit the keys with his mallet or be assigned to only hit one on repeat. But he seemed to be keeping time rather well from what Stede could hear. Better than some of the other children in previous performances.

He clapped, perhaps, a bit too hard and enthusiastically, tears in his eyes as Louis smiled brighter, giving a little bow.

“You gonna be okay?” Ed asked as the applause died down and Louis’s class was shuffled off stage.

“Yes, no need to tease,” He replied, gently swatting Ed.

“No teasing,” he promised. “Just, you know. You seem a bit emotional.”

“Yes, well,” Stede said, sniffing a bit.

Ed just smiled, wrapping his arm around Stede’s shoulders and pulling him in to give a squeeze. Stede rested his head against Ed’s and sighed, finding comfort in the warmth of him, in the scent of his skin and his soap.

Stede glanced Mary’s way and chuckled along with her as he noticed her eyes glistening, too as she leaned against Doug.

He took the next song to pull himself together, then straightened up in time for the following. Which was probably for the best because it was a bit of a doozy, he and Ed looking at one another and cringing at the obnoxiously high notes.

Because they weren’t going in order of grades - more or less shuffling the school up like a playlist - Alma’s class came next.

Stede watched as they shuffled about, Alma joining the vocalists while he noticed Melvin head for a ukulele. Somewhere off stage, the music teacher started familiar notes on a piano, and the kids stood taller, ready to perform.

When the words “I saw daddy kissing Santa Claus” came out of their mouths, Stede’s eyes went wide, and the shock of it nearly had him laughing aloud. He pressed his hand to his mouth as if he could somehow keep it in, then looked to his left, where other parents were watching. He couldn’t say he was shocked to see they were horrified. Even if they were supposedly supportive, the lot that tended to send children to private schools were all about tradition.

So Stede turned to Ed, certain he would see a more placid, neutral expression.

Instead, Ed was silently wheezing, tears in his eyes.

He turned to Stede at the unfortunate moment when the kids belted, “If my other daddy would have seen,” and they lost it. Thankfully not loudly, but their dams had broken, and they were laughing in earnest.

Of course, the kids had to do another go of it. Stede caught Alma’s eye, seeing she was pleased as punch to have made them grin. Even while it was supposed to be “mommy” this go, Stede could say she kept saying dad right up to when it was supposed to be “other mommy” to which she just appeared to drop the word other.

“Cheeky thing,” Ed said through giggles.

“That she is,” Stede said.

When their performance ended, he shouted a “bravo” along with the applause, which was probably a good thing because the parents on his other side didn’t so much as move, let alone give accolades.

“See, I wanna know what Mrs. Claus thinks of all this?” Ed asked as the applause died down and the class shuffled off.

“I wouldn’t be too worried about it,” Stede replied. “She’s probably having a grand ol’ time with her painting instructor.”

“Stede Irving Bonnet! Did you just? You dog!”

“I’m allowed to joke about it. Besides, it’s not like she was with Doug before we separated. That I know of.”

“And not like you were really bent out of shape from it.”

“Probably should have been my first clue,” Stede grinned over at him, getting one back and a bit of an elbow in the ribs.

They went through the rest of the concert, some performances more delightful than others. He noticed a lot of other parents starting to filter out as the last performances started up, and kept an eye on Doug and Mary. They stayed seated until the end, as Stede had expected. After the principal reappeared on stage and thanked everyone for their attendance, the remaining parents got up and started to head for the exits.

Stede and Ed lingered at the end of their aisle and waited for Mary and Doug to meet them.

She smiled a bit sadly.

“We’ve got to head right home from here,” She said. “Early morning.”

“I understand,” Stede agreed. “Maybe I could just…?”

“Of course,” Mary assured. “Maybe meet us outside?”

Stede nodded, then nudged Ed to head toward the doors while Mary and Doug went off to get the kids.

“You want me to wait in the car, or?” Ed asked, throwing his thumb in the general direction of where Stede had parked once they were outside.

“No, it’s fine. Actually, I’d rather you stay. Feel like I could use the support.”

Ed nodded and followed Stede down the short set of stairs, standing beside him as they waited.

It felt like no time at all before Louis and Alma were bolting from the doors.

“You two were fantastic,” Stede said as they barreled into him. As he wrapped an arm around each of them, kissing each of them on the crown, he added, “And I’m going to miss you while you go see your new grandparents.”

“But we’ll call you,” Alma reminded him.

“I know, but it’s not the same, sweetheart,” Stede said as he leaned back to look at her. “It’s the first time in your whole life we won’t have the holiday together. I’ll be lonely.”

“You’ll have Ed,” She said like he was stupid.

“It’s a different sort of lonely. If you have children someday, you’ll understand.”

“Santa is going to go to you, still, right?” Louis asked worriedly.

“He’s definitely going to leave stuff for your and your sister at your dad’s place,” Ed replied. “We’ll even make sure to leave out cookies for him before we leave. Not milk, though, might get a bit,” he ended the sentence with a tongue stuck out, making the kids giggle.

Another round of hugs. Another bunch of goodbyes, and “text us when you get there” while Stede and Ed walked the others to their car, Stede watched his family pull out of the parking lot of the school with a heavy heart.

They were going to have fun. He knew they would, and he likely would, too. But it still stung, still hurt to think that he wasn’t going to be with his kids when they woke up Christmas morning.

He felt Ed’s arms come around him, holding him around the chest.

“Let me drive,” He said to Stede. “I’ll get us to my place. You can crash on the couch there tonight. You can take me to work tomorrow, and then we’ll go to your place together like we planned.”

“Alright,” Stede said, knowing better than to argue. He reached into his pocket and dug out his keys, handing them to Ed before Ed could withdraw his hold.

“You’re a good friend, Ed,” Stede said as they headed toward his car. “Not sure what I would do without you.”

“Well, you’ll never have to know. ‘Cause I’m not gonna go anywhere,” He said with a grin as they moved around the car to their own sides.

“I’m glad,” Stede said before they climbed in and headed for home.

Chapter 8: Over the River and Through the Woods

Chapter Text

December 22nd

It was six in the morning, which was normal for Stede. He woke up and got dressed in comfortable slacks and a crisp, lightweight button-down t-shirt. He did his hair, applied cologne, then, once he was well prepared to travel, made sure all the Santa gifts - including the xylophone from Ed - were under the tree, waiting for the kids.

It was not, however, normal for Edward.

“f*ck this,” he grumbled his way out of the auxiliary wardrobe, changed into a pair of black, ripped jeans Stede thought was probably his favorite and a purple t-shirt that Stede knew was a favorite. Ed had liked it because the sleeves were virtually nonexistent, being just long enough that someone couldn’t argue his shirt was sleeveless.

His hair was down, and a bit wild, and Ed had that pout he wore when he wasn’t quite awake and was in need of coffee desperately.

“What are we f*cking, then?” Stede asked.

“Life. This f*cking hour of the morning. It’s not even, sun’s not even up, Stede! No f*cking way Lucius, of all f*cking people, had the idea to get up this f*cking early.”

“Yes, yes, I know,” Stede replied, crossing the short distance to Ed and taking his arm in hand. Stede pulled the hair tie off Ed’s wrist, then stepped behind him, gathering his hair and combing it back gently with his fingers. “Lucius was the one who insisted, though. And we are meeting at the cafe, so there will be plenty of coffee and a treat to have on the way.”

“On the way? How will you eat?” Ed asked, doing a marvelous job of not moving as Stede finished gathering all of Ed’s hair.

As he tied it back, mindful not to pull it too tight, Stede said, “I suppose you could feed it to me.”

“Last time I tried to do that, you nearly bit my finger.”

“There was a pothole!” Stede protested but was smiling at the memory anyway.

“Mmmhmm. Sure, yeah, of course. A pothole.” Once his hair was secure, Ed turned to Stede with a smirk. “You ready for this? We haven’t had to pretend long. This is going to be a week of it.”

“It’s like we said in the beginning, we can keep to our established levels of affection, what they’ve already seen, and we’ll get by.”

“But if you change your mind, you only have until, like, just before the cafe to do it. That way, we can stage an epic fight, so it’s really obvious we’re done.”

Dread set in Stede’s stomach as he briefly allowed to picture it, and he swallowed back the lump that suddenly appeared in his throat.

“We’ll save it for when this… when we….”

He couldn’t say it. That was bad, right? That he couldn’t say “when this ends” or “when we end things.” It’s the natural conclusion of the f*ckery, so Ed can be free to date someone he fancies.

“Good idea,” Ed said, a touch louder than needed. “Yep, save it. For when it’s… you know. Time. And sh*t.”

“Exactly,” Stede agreed too quickly. “Shall we hit the road, then?”

“Yeah, yep, let’s umm,” Ed snapped his fingers and pointed to the door before heading for it.

Stede took one last glance around his place, then followed Ed out the door, locked up, and headed for the car.

~*~

The arrangement to meet at the cafe before heading to the bed and breakfast was, as far as Stede was aware, for the lot of them to go as a sort of caravan.

He had actually stayed in the Sprigg’s Springs B&B that they were going to five years ago. Back when he and Mary were starting to wonder if their marriage was actually good or merely functioning. So Stede had already known the way, or at least wasn’t about to get lost and wouldn’t need Ed to navigate quite so much. The others, he wasn’t sure about.

But, he learned as he pulled up and watched John transfer his back into Jim and Oluwande’s SUV that perhaps that hadn’t been the intent.

Stede glanced at Ed as he cut the engine and noted his friend seemed equally worried and confused before they got out at the same time.

“Hi, all,” Stede greeted them, moving to help Frenchie with his bag so he could have a better grip on his guitar. “What’s all this, then? I thought you had a car, John?”

“Uh… yeah. Car’s in the shop,” He replied as he took the bag from Stede and putting it in the back. “Had to make some alternate arrangements.”

“Oh, thank god, you’re here,” Lucius cried out as he stepped out of the cafe, iced drink in one hand and a small bag in the other. With the door still propped open against his hip, he turned over his shoulder and shouted, “Babe, Stede’s here!”

“Yes, Stede is here,” Stede frowned, “and very much confused.”

Lucius huffed, stepping aside as Pete came out the door with a bag in each hand, another large one tucked under his arm.

“Whoa, let me help you, mate,” Ed said as he took big, quick steps to the ambling Pete. “Who you goin’ with?”

“You guys,” Pete said, which had Stede’s eyebrows shoot for his hairline.

“It really wasn’t my intention,” Lucius said, seemingly completely genuine for once in his life when it didn’t involve sex, art, or lattes. “We were supposed to ride with John, but now that that’s out, he and Frenchie are going with Olu and Jim. Not enough room for us, so that sorta leaves us with you,” Lucius winced. “Sorry. Really.”

“It’s fine,” Stede said, not sure he meant it. He hit the trunk button on his key fob as Ed and Pete made their way around it so they could load stuff in. “Plenty of room. We’re just going to have to take the car seats out for now. Maybe store them in the back room. Not sure they’ll fit in the trunk with all our stuff.”

“We can fit ‘em in, love,” Ed called from the car, the pet name sending a jolt through Stede.

“Can we?”

“Yes, Alma’s is just a small thing, could probably stuff it under the seat. Louis’s will be a bit more of a pain, but it will fit.”

“As long as you’re sure,” Stede called back, but Ed just waved it off.

“Is he gonna know how to get them out? And how does he know whose is whose?” Lucius asked as he and Stede headed back inside.

“He’s got the same ones in his car,” Stede replied, doing a double take at Lucius’s incredulous expression. “What? Sometimes we take his car when I have the kids. And it’s easier than having to take them out of my car and put them in his over and over again.”

“He has car seats for your kids? And you started dating when?” Lucius asked as Stede went to see what was available for pastries.

“October,” he replied without thinking. “Did Swede bake these?”

“How the hell should I know, I don’t work here?” Lucius replied, sounding much more himself.

“Technically, you do, actually,” Stede reminded him with a grin. “Morning, Buttons!”

“Captain,” Nathanial nodded sagely. “Ta answer yer question, aye. The Swede did bake’em up this morning, though those had been prepared by Roach before he had to get ready to meet ye.”

“Right, well, pass along my compliments. I’ll get mine and Ed’s usual and a couple of those delicious-looking muffins.”

Nathanial nodded again and went about fixing up Stede’s order. Because Stede wouldn’t exactly be able to pay - what with him actually owning the place - he left a hefty amount in the tip jar when Nathanial turned his back.

“God, you’re ridiculously perky before coffee. How does Ed tolerate it?”

“Not sure,” Stede mused. “Never thought to ask. He just groans and grumbles and complains, but not about me.”

“Color me shocked,” Lucius deadpanned as Nathanial set the bag and two coffees on the counter.

“Blessed Yule to ye both.”

“And a blessed Yule to you,” Stede beamed back. “And to Karl and Olivia as well.”

Buttons grinned ever so slightly, a sort of unsettling sight if Stede was honest, but it was nice to bring it out of the man.

He nodded and waved, and Stede and Lucius went to rejoin the others.

“Where’s Roach?” He asked when he realized that he hadn’t seen the fellow, spotting Jim and Oluwande through the windshield of their vehicle.

“Oh, he’s asleep in the back. Essentially crawled in as soon as Olu parked. Jim made sure he was buckled in as legal a way as possible before he passed out.”

“Poor bugger. Hope he accepts he doesn’t have to keep both jobs soon. Going from the restaurant to here is wearing him down.”

“Yeah, pretty sure he likes it,” Lucius said as he made his way to Stede’s car. “Anyway, we should get going.”

“What’s the rush?” Stede asked as he went around to the driver’s side. “You said we were getting the place to ourselves.”

“Yeah, but the faster we get there, the faster we can drink, so,” Lucius shrugged before climbing in the passenger side back seat.

Stede rolled his eyes and then climbed in the driver’s side, handing Ed the coffee and muffins so he could close the door and buckle up.

As Stede started the engine, Ed said, “Don’t bite my finger.”

He barely had time to look over before a piece of muffin was being shoved unceremoniously at Stede’s mouth. He managed to snatch it before it mushed against his lips.

“It was one time,” He chuckled.

“One time too many.” Ed said back, “Was not the fun sorta biting, Stede.”

“So what’s the fun sort of biting, then?” Lucius asked from the back.

“If you’re asking, you aren’t as experienced as you think you are,” Ed shot back as Stede backed out of the parking spot.

“Maybe I just wanna know what you think it is?” Lucius countered.

“That sort’ve thing stays in the bedroom,” Stede retorted as he started following Oluwande and the rest. “Now, hush, I can’t have any distractions while I’m driving.”

~E~

In a perfect world, Lucius and Pete would not be in the backseat. Then again, in a perfect world, Ed and Stede wouldn’t be pretending that they were a couple. They just would be.

Despite the sudden intrusion, Ed would like to think they played off being a couple pretty well. Feeding Stede his breakfast probably helped play it up because Ed was pretty sure most mates didn’t really do that. But Stede had always been on par with Ed when it came to being tactile. They also ate off each other’s forks or the end of each other's chopsticks, so it really wasn’t that unreasonable a jump to fingers.

Still, he wanted to maybe talk to Stede without an audience. Find out exactly when Stede had in mind as the natural conclusion to this whole thing. Or, better still, ignore it and just be. Talk to each other without the nagging thought in the back of his mind that they may not be enough of a couple to be convincing.

Stede didn’t seem bothered. He still hummed along to the stereo that streamed his Christmas playlist and tapped his fingers against the steering wheel. The only time he would allow his hands to fall away from that perfect ten-and-two position was to take a sip from his coffee cup, the only deviation he would really allow himself.

“What even is this playlist?” Lucius asked about an hour into the three-hour drive.

“A festive one,” Stede replied. “We’re going on a holiday for the holidays, thought this would help put or keep everyone in the spirit.”

Ed just smiled at Stede fondly, looking at him out of the corner of his eye.

He was at least doing a bit better than he had been after the concert. It was a bit of a rough night, really. He wouldn’t cry, though Ed could tell Stede desperately wanted to. And it was hardly like they had never shed a tear in front of one another before. Ed could have pushed, but the fact was he knew exactly why Stede was upset. He couldn’t imagine what it must have been like, Stede giving up the chance to spend his favorite holiday with his kids.

But the following morning, he’d seemed better, and the video call that came when they got back to Stede’s place last night bolstered him. There was still a hint of melancholy in his eyes if someone knew to look for it, but his bright mood hid it well.

The song changed, and for the briefest second, Ed thought Stede had thrown in a normal song for the road. Then the unmistakable sound of sleigh bells overlaid on the track. Ed frowned over at Stede, glancing away from his devious smirk and ongoing wheel tapping to see Lucius behind Stede, appearing as baffled as Ed felt.

When the words started - all Christmas, of course, but to the tune of the original song - Ed burst into laughter.

“Are you for real?” He managed to get out.

“What? Can’t a man enjoy the classics with some holiday flair?” Stede asked innocently.

“This is a dad song,” Ed laughed. “You’re such a dad. Such a dad!” Ed managed to get out.

“You knew this when we got acquainted,” Stede teased. “I told you how important my children are.”

“Yes, but there’s being a dad, and there’s being a dad .”

“Then there’s being a daddy ,” Lucius said with a sh*t-eating grin. When Ed raised his eyebrow at him, Lucius waved him off. “You know you thought it, too.”

“I definitely didn’t,” Ed assured.

“Well, dad music or not, plenty more gems where this came from.”

“God, really?” Lucius bemoaned.

“I kinda like it,” Pete said cheerfully. Ed couldn’t see him, exactly, but the bit he could catch in the rearview mirror showed Pete bobbing away.

“And there’s the last hope for a ‘daddy’ to still be in the car,” Lucius grumbled.

Which reminded Ed, “was that you that Izzy heard that one time? In the closet at the combined staff party thing we threw last year?”

“It definitely was, and I definitely asked if he’d join, but no luck.” Lucius sighed. “I thought I’d crack him before you two ever got your heads out of the sand, but alas.”

There was something in the way Lucius said it. Wistful, yes, but like there was a secret he wasn’t telling. Problem was, Ed couldn’t suss out what that secret was. Lucius had too good of a poker face when he wanted.

“Hey, Stede? What other cool songs you have?” Pete asked like he didn’t want to come across as too eager.

“Just you wait! It’s going to be a banger of a drive,” Stede replied cheerfully, like no other conversation took place around him at all.

~*~

Ed couldn’t help but be amused by the way Lucius burst out of the car like he was about to be ill the moment Stede parked in the small lot adjacent to their destination. Lucius took gasping breaths like the car had been lacking oxygen and leaned on the roof like he’d run a mile instead of having sat for nearly two hours.

“You alright, mate?” Frenchie asked, the lot of them opting not to do the same pit stops and apparently beat them there.

Lucius spun on his heel and looked at Frenchie with wide eyes.

“’Kay, so, like, you know that really old song? It’s in A Knight’s Tale when Heath Ledger is kicking everyone’s ass, but before they meet the smith lady.”

“Yeah, know it,” Frenchie nodded.

“Well, there’s a Christmas version of it. Only the lyrics changed. We listened to it eleven times.”

“Okay.”

“Stede has, like, a playlist of regular songs that have been made into Christmas songs. Or messed up Christmas songs. It was nearly three hours of this, Frenchie.”

“Oh, come on, babe,” Pete lamented as he got out of the car, shutting the door and moving around to Lucius.

Ed turned to Stede now that they were alone, and found that he still enjoyed the wicked smirk his best friend was wearing a bit too much.

“This’ll be fun, right?” Ed said, getting Stede’s attention. “Just relaxing and sh*t with the rest of them.”

“It will be,” Stede sighed, looking out the windshield at the frankly magnificent two-story home.

All light blue and white trim with f*ck off big windows on the lower level. It looked both massive and kind of intimate, like there weren’t going to be all that many bedrooms upstairs, but they weren’t about to be crammed in there for the week.

Not to mention the deck that led onto the sand. Ed could make out the break in the railing where the stairs would bring someone down to the beach. f*cking gorgeous.

“Come on,” Stede nudged him. “Should probably get our bags and see about our room.”

~S~

They hadn’t thought this through. It was incredibly, painfully clear to Stede that they really, truly did not consider every option. Every avenue. Every possible bit of what this whole charade would entail.

Because after carrying their bags up to the second level made a beeline for the room Stede had hoped for (and then went back to check out the other rooms that weren’t claimed, then returned to the one they originally went to) one thing they didn’t discuss became obvious as they stood at the foot of it.

“That’s um,” Stede started and stopped, pressing his lips together.

“Yeah,” Ed agreed. “It’s um….”

“Only one bed.”

“Yeah.”

They continued to stare at it as if stating what it was would somehow make it change its nonexistent mind.

“Bit cramped,’ Ed pointed out.

“Yeah, it’s a queen.” Stede nodded.

“Right.”

Another silence.

“I could, uh… could see about another room?” Ed suggested. “Six of ‘em. Probably gonna be at least one spare, right?”

“Not if John, Frenchie, and Roach each take their own.” Stede pointed out, and Ed nodded, bouncing on his heels.

“Right, cause, single. So… no bed sharing for those three.”

More silence. And wasn’t that awful? This awkwardness that hung between them as Stede tried not to daydream about actually getting to share a bed with Ed. Falling asleep together on the couch was one thing and could be written off as an accident. But turning in together in the same bed? On purpose? Stede had about as many fantasies about that as he had of anything else one could do in a bed, if not more. And he was making a very valiant effort to shove them back in their box because Ed was very clearly thinking of an out.

“Before you even suggest it, you are not sleeping on the floor,” Stede said sternly. “You’ll destroy your knee getting up and down, and who knows what it will do to your back.”

“I wasn’t going to suggest it,” Ed said, and Stede almost believed him. “I was… look, I… so you know when we pass out together, usually wake up with my head on you, right?”

“Yes,” Stede frowned.

“Been accused of being a bit of a barnacle.”

Ed was blushing a bit as he grinned sheepishly at Stede, who couldn’t help but grin back.

“You know what one of Mary’s peeves were when we married? Said I hogged the bed. She’d wake up on this sliver of mattress while I took most of it. Turns out it’s because she doesn’t like to cuddle in her sleep, and I think I might. Never had the chance to test out the theory.” It was then Stede’s turn to blush as what he said caught up to him. “That is… I mean, I’ve not… since the divorce. Not to imply… I can, um… sleep downstairs. Sneak down when the others are out, claim you-“

“No!”

“-Snore,” Stede finished lamely. “But I mean… if you’re okay with?” He gestured to the bed.

“Yeah, I’m okay. Totally okay. It’s, you know, I mean… not that weird, right?”

Ed was twitching his shoulders a lot. It was a tell Stede usually knew the meaning behind because it usually was Ed’s way of literally trying to shrug something off even if the something wasn’t anything physical. Something he didn’t want anyone to know he wanted. But… it’s been three years. If Ed had wanted to sleep with Stede - actually sleep, that is - there had already been plenty of times they’d done it and many more opportunities for them to have bunked together. Especially as both of them insisted that the other not go through the expense of getting a guest bed or roll cot.

“Not weird,” Stede said, voice pitching a bit too high to be believable. “No, not weird. We can make this work. How do you… how do you typically, uh, sleep?”

Ed frowned at him in confusion.

“In, um, in bed. I know, uh, on the couch you wear lounge pants, but the sheets are thinner.”

“Right, yeah,” Ed said as he clued in. “Umm, boxers, really. Used to be naked, but then there was that whole thing when Jack broke in.”

“Yeah,” Stede nodded. “Right, so….”

“Are you, umm, okay with that?”

“Yes! Yes, it’s fine,” Stede said a bit too quickly. “It’s, well, I wear jams, as you know.”

“Mmmhmm, mmmhmm,” Ed hummed, eyes going unfocused for a moment. “That I do.”

“The hell is taking you two so long!” Lucius shouted from downstairs, startling them both.

Someone shushed him, someone else giggled, and Stede could feel his face go red as he realized what some people probably assumed.

“Some of us old f*ckers need to stretch out after three hours in a car,” Ed shouted back.

“Come on, let’s head back down before they start getting ideas,” Stede said with a sigh, heading for the door.

“Wait,” Ed said, quickly and softly closing the distance between them.

Stede’s heart lept in his throat as his breath caught as Ed’s hands came toward his face, then sifted through his hair. He didn’t move much closer, though, still keeping a bit of distance as he ran his hands over Stede’s scalp.

The scratch of Ed’s fingers against his scalp wasn’t a bad consolation, but Stede knew there had to be a reason for the whole thing.

“Lips aren’t bruised, but could brush that off,” Ed said softly as he withdrew his hands.

“Right,” Stede said in a daze. “Right, that… makes sense.”

“’Mon, let’s head down,” Ed said with a wink, which did nothing to settle Stede in any way.

As Ed disappeared out the bedroom door, Stede whimpered quietly. He allowed himself exactly three gentle taps of his forehead against the door frame and one silent curse of himself for getting himself in this situation, then went and rejoined the others, trying to act as normal as possible.

Chapter 9: Snuggled Up Together Like Two Birds of a Feather Would Be

Chapter Text

“What are you doing?” Lucius asked Stede from the beach chair beside him.

Stede didn’t even look away from his screen to reply, “good bit. Had to get it down.”

“You’re supposed to be on vacation,” Lucius lamented. “Your boyfriend is literally over there, right now, shirtless, and your….”

“Writing,” Stede said, taking a quick pause to glance up to where he knew Ed was.

And he was, indeed, shirtless. Because Ed was currently playing in the sand with Oluwande and Pete in a fierce snowman (sandman?) constructing contest against John, Frenchie, and Roach.

It wasn’t an unpleasant sight by any means, Ed without a shirt. All of his tattoos on display, the lean physic, the toned arms and legs from carrying boxes. But it also wasn’t a sight Stede was unfamiliar with. It was one he would see nearly every weekend over the summer when they took the kids to the beach with Mary and Doug. One he’d seen around both their homes as Ed came out of the shower, often in just boxers and sometimes with just a towel.

Stede didn’t blush or stammer or try to hide or give Ed privacy at this point. Earlier in their friendship, he had, of course, but Ed’s lack of modesty or body shame had Stede grow used to it quickly. Now, he could look without becoming a mess.

But he didn’t want to look right now, not when he had a scene he had to get down.

“What, that’s it? A glance?” Lucius asked.

“Not everyone needs to ogle their partner all the time, hombre ,” Jim said with an annoyed huff from under their hat. The poor thing had been trying to get a nap in the whole time they’d been out there but hadn’t seemed to have much luck.

“Well, yeah, no, I know that,” Lucius replied with an audible eye roll. “But how long was it before you stopped checking out Olu, hmm? Bet it wasn’t just a couple of months.”

“Who said I checked him out more than once?” Jim asked. “I saw what I saw, and I liked it. Didn’t have to keep looking. I knew it was there.”

“Right, not helping,” Lucius replied.

Stede smirked briefly but kept typing, trying to get the idea down before it slipped away.

Not that he thought it would entirely, considering what inspired it. It had already been three hours since Ed had moved his hands through Stede’s hair, before he sent Stede’s mind into a frenzy, and his heart still fluttered when he thought of it. So with an idea linked to the moment that Stede was sure he would repeat ad nauseam, it was doubtful to slip away.

But writing was a good excuse to not think. Not about the way he would have to sleep next to Ed for the next six nights. Not have to think about how he spotted sprigs of mistletoe in some inconspicuous places or how romantically decorated the bed and breakfast was.

He was so deeply focused that he lost track of what was going on around him.

“Budge up,” He heard Ed say before feeling the man’s leg against his back.

Without thinking about it too much, Stede scooted forward, allowing Ed to sit behind him and rest his head on Stede’s shoulder.

“What you doin’ anyway?” Ed asked, the hair of his beard brushing against Stede’s neck in a way that had him shiver slightly.

“Writing,” He replied. “Had an idea for the scene I’d been stuck on.”

“Oh? What scene were you- Oh!” Ed physically retreated, only his thighs remaining against Stede. “That is not a scene I should be reading in public in only my swim trunks.”

Stede snorted, making sure to save now that the cat was out of the bag in regard to what he was writing.

“Dirty scene?!” Lucius asked with glee. “Between who?”

“Don’t know about you, but it’s the ones I’ve been waiting for.” Ed replied.

“Gimmie!” Lucius crowed.

Stede was prepared. He knew Lucius for longer than he’d known Ed, so knew precisely what the boy was going to do once he got wind of what exactly Stede was writing.

Stede turned to look at him as Lucius launched himself off Pete’s lap, lunging for Stede’s laptop, and almost had it before Stede slammed it shut.

“You bitch!” Lucius said with a smile.

“You’re not going to see it until you get the manuscript for design,” Stede told him cheerfully.

“Oh, and Ed gets to see it while it’s still being written?” Lucius asked, hands on his hips even while he was still smiling.

“Boyfriend privilege,” Ed said so bloody easily that Stede might have believed Ed thought this was all real.

“I’ll let you read it later,” Stede added over his shoulder, catching a glimpse of Ed’s grin.

“Should we maybe go help Roach with dinner?” Oluwande asked. “He went in, like, twenty minutes ago.”

“Pretty sure he said if we tried to help, he’d cleave our hand off,” Jim said with a delighted grin. “So, I mean, if you wanna try.”

“Nah, I like my hands,” Oluwande replied, smiling lovingly at Jim. Then he got up with the groan almost every thirty-something-year-old person makes when getting up from something decidedly not a chair. “Right, either way. I’ve enough sand for today, so I’m gonna go in and get cleaned up.”

“I’ll join you,” Jim said, getting to their feet rather quickly to follow Oluwande inside.

“Pete, you need to get clean, too, right?” Lucius asked, staring pointedly down at his boyfriend.

Pete looked rather confused for a moment before he seemed to cotton on, the pair of them heading back inside as well.

Ed took the chance to take over Lucius and Pete’s chair, and John and Frenchie were still at the ocean with not a care in the world.

“You think they’re going to call us out for not going inside to, uh, clean up as well?” Stede asked as the patio door slid shut.

“Nah,” Ed said, putting his hands behind his head and closing his eyes. “I dunno about you, but even if I did have that level of energy, my knee wouldn’t be up to it.”

“Especially not after being in a car so long today,” Stede agreed, glancing down at Ed’s knee. “Do you need something for it?”

“Nah, it’s not hurting, just stiff,” Ed replied as he bent his leg before stretching it back out again. “Already a lot looser than earlier. I’ll be fine. You wanna write more? I could use the stretch and a nap.”

Stede watched as Ed leaned back and closed his eyes, covering them with his arm. He allowed himself a look now, without him knowing someone was watching, without the chance of Ed catching him. Taking in the man, he loved as he relaxed. A swell of love burst in him, and Stede unthinkingly reached over and detangled a lock of Ed’s hair from his beard.

“That’s not typing,” Ed said in a sleepy voice, a smile curling at his lips.

“Yes, but at least now you’ll not be drooling in your hair,” He countered before resettling in his chair again and opening his laptop.

He took one last, long look at Ed, then continued on with the scene that Ed had been absolutely right about: it really wasn’t a scene one should be reading in public.

~*~

“Okay, okay,” Frenchie said through laughter later into the night.

They had a fantastic but simple pasta dinner, and then Roach set out an assortment of nibbles for the lot of them to graze on as they drank copious amounts of mulled wine, spiked eggnog, and simple ale.

But simply drinking and grazing weren’t entertaining, so the lot of them decided to play a game. Pictionary was immediately vetoed because any team with Lucius was guaranteed to win. Charades was tossed around, then nixed when Frenchie reminded them of what happened the last time they played. So something simple that kept everyone in their chairs but still could be fun, it came down to two truths and a lie.

They started out being absolutely ridiculous, which is why they were still chuckling a bit. That, and the alcohol, was doing wonders for loosening everyone up.

“I think it’s John’s turn now, mate,” Frenchie nodded to the man sitting across the coffee table from him.

John, in one of the only single chairs, tipped his head and gave it a think.

Ed ran his finger along Stede’s, palm pressed to the back of Stede’s hand, making his heart flutter.

It had been a whole evening of those little touches. Of having Ed pressed right up to him, of having his smell so close to his nose and his breath on his neck whenever Ed turned to say something just for Stede’s ears. It had been blissful torture and had been causing Stede to drink a touch more than he would have liked.

“Right, so,” John started, “I’ve dated an American. I cried when I got my first tattoo. And, I never actually came out to my parents.”

Stede watched Lucius and Jim narrow their eyes at John and snickered behind his wine glass.

“You know,” Ed stated, and Stede had to turn to see the smile on his face.

“I might.”

“How the f*ck do you know?” Lucius asked.

“Because believe it or not, when I used to say ‘talk it through as a crew,’ I meant it. I became a therapist more often than you think.”

“Shut up, I’m everyone’s agony aunt,” Lucius snipped back.

“Right, then what’s my lie, then?” John challenged, crossing his arms and leaning back.

“I don’t know, I’m reading your whole,” Lucius waved his hand around John while he kept his eyes narrowed.

“You’ve never dated an American,” Jim hedged.

“No, I did,” John replied. “Met ‘im when I did the tour thing back five years ago. He was one of the other DJs, and we dated most of the summer. Just wasn’t serious enough.”

The silence ticked over for another thirty-odd seconds before Lucius huffed and said, “fine, Stede, what was it.”

“He never actually came out to his parents,” Stede replied smugly, John nodding along as everyone called bullsh*t in various ways.

“Nope never came out. Just brought home a bloke and said that was my partner. Never said what I am. They just went for it.”

“Ugh, fine. Stede, then,” Lucius grumbled.

“Oh, must I?” Stede lamented.

“Ah, come on, love. I’ll end up going after, probably,” Ed encouraged, and that helped.

But the terrible thing was, it would be so easy for everyone to spot the lie. He just knew it would because the only lie he could say that would throw them off was the one he had ongoing. The one sitting next to him and calling him “love.”

Stede looked down at his wine glass, trying to think of something that wouldn’t give himself away too much. When the perfect amount of truth came to mind, Stede smirked.

“Alright,” He said, shifting to sit straight and looking around the room at everyone. “I have a sister in London, I missed Alma’s birth, and I have only been in love once.”

“f*cking hell,” Pete groaned.

“Two truths and a lie, mate,” Ed said with a suspicious glare.

Stede blushed as he replied, “And that’s exactly what I have.”

Ed narrowed his eyes, tilting his head as if trying to examine Stede better.

“Okay, okay, we can sort this,” Lucius insisted. “It’s in the wording.”

“It’s gotta be the Alma one,” John reasoned.

“Yeah, but have you heard Stede once mention a sister?” Oluwande reminded him.

“No, but Stede said he’d only ever been in love once.” Pete protested.

“Yeah, but still, Mary….”

As the others debated which one was the lie, Stede glanced at Ed.

Ed was still staring with narrow eyes because Ed was the only one who knew the truth. Or, at least, assumed he knew the truth. Which, well, this whole thing was rather risky, wasn’t it? To confess he was in love when the one he had fallen for was right next to him and knew all his secrets? But Lucius was right, it was in the wording, and he was counting on it as a cover.

“Alma’s birth,” they came to a conclusion. “No way you missed it.”

Stede grinned, “You would be wrong.”

“What?” Came the course of shock and denial.

“I did,” Stede nodded. “It was when I was still working part-time for my father. He had found out about the book deal I had gotten and what sort of books they were and had called me into his office to dress me down. Which of course, we all know how that ended up going. But he told my assistant that any call from Mary was not as important as what he had to say, so when she went into labor, I wasn’t made aware. And Alma was not about to wait around.”

“How are you still alive?” Jim asked in shock. “Mary should have filleted you.”

“My assistant told her after the third call that ‘Mr. Bonnet, the elder, insisted that they had no interruptions, regardless of what was happening,’ so she knew pretty quickly I wasn’t the one to blame. And the second I found out, I went straight to the hospital. A touch too late, though. I was heartbroken.”

“Wait, that means… you have a sister?” Lucius asked. “Uh, how did I not know about this?”

“She is illegitimate, and we’ve never met in person,” Stede grinned. “Apparently, father had an office indiscretion and then paid to cover it up. I found out when Facebook became a thing. She found me, wanted to make the connection. And, by the way, she lives in Nottingham, not London.”

A groan went about the room that had him chuckling, especially at Lucius, “I told you it was the bloody wording” that everyone ended up agreeing with.

Stede pointedly did not look at Ed. Couldn’t, not yet. Not until he thought enough time had passed or liquor was consumed that Ed wouldn’t remember the truth Stede let slip.

~E~

Bullsh*t. Bullsh*t. Bullsh*t .

Ed couldn’t help the chant in his head as the room went into an uproar over Stede’s “lie.”

Because f*cking Sarah Bonnie Jones had only recently moved to f*cking Nottingham but was raised in f*cking London, and Ed knew all this because Stede told him.

The lie was Stede having been in love once. These f*ckers were just too dense to know it. Or, it should have been the lie. Because Stede had told him one night when they were not quite drunk just how stupid he’d felt realizing what he felt for Mary had never been romantic love. Because it took them deciding to live apart for a separation and then Mary falling in love with Doug for Stede to realize it.

So, two lies. Because Stede hadn’t been with anyone at all in the last three years. And if he had been, what the f*cking hell was Ed doing here being the fake partner when there was someone out there Stede actually wanted that could have filled the position. Unless that person didn’t love Stede back, in which case they were an absolute idiot and deserved to be skinned alive with a fork before tossed into the sea.

f*cking hell, it wasn’t Izzy, was it? It wasn’t a love borne from hate, right?

“Right, Ed, your turn,” Oluwande pointed out when the lot of them calmed down.

“Umm, sh*t,” Ed said, tilting his head back and looking at the ceiling. It was hard to think of anything other than the fact that Stede was in-f*cking-love with someone. Or had been. Ed supposed he only said he’d been in love once. Maybe it was based on the realization that a crush from High School had been more or something?

“I’ve gone to jail, I almost got married, and I love romance novels.”

“Married,” Everyone but Stede agreed instantly, which had Ed snapping his head back to look at them.

“The f*ck! You dicks, I’ve never been to jail!”

Stede, the ass, giggled beside him, having to cover his mouth with his hand to keep from outright guffawing.

“What the hell, you almost got married? To who?” Roach asked, glancing at Stede a bit more than he really should have. Ed couldn’t tell if Roach was wondering if Stede knew, or if Stede was the almost marriage.

“He has an ex from a decade ago,” Stede managed to say, chuckles petering off more with each word. “He was a horrible person, who was incredibly stupid and reckless, and Ed managed to ditch him before anything became permanent. And that is all you really need to know on the topic.”

“Really thought the romance novel thing would’ve thrown them,” Ed said to Stede with a pout, making the man look at him for the first time since he lied about his lie. Sort of.

“Bit hard for that to be the case when you knew more about the plot of my books than I did, Darling.”

“I was making sure you kept the continuity,” Ed retorted, but his stomach did a little flip at hearing the pet name. Even if he was still a bit miffed about Stede’s lie.

The game continued on but only went one more round. Either they all knew one another surprisingly well, or everyone was either out of secrets or was too drunk to think of anything proper.

Another half hour, and people began to call it a night. It was still early, but with getting up at the crack of dawn, the drive there, followed by hours on the beach, everyone was pretty beat.

Ed and Stede made their way up to their room, where Stede grabbed his pajamas while Ed made a beeline for the bathroom.

He got ready for bed, stripping out of his clothes and tossing them in a pile, and put the door to be taken care of after. He brushed his teeth and flossed and did all the things he needed to do to turn in when it finally hit him what was about to happen.

He was about to sleep with Stede.

Years of them crashing on one another’s sofas, they’ve seen each other first thing in the morning plenty of times. Ed’s pretty sure they’d also both seen each other in sleep, either from getting up in the night to get a drink or because falling asleep during a movie wasn’t exactly unheard of.

But next to Stede. Virtually naked. In a queen bed which would allow for no space. None.

This was going to be awful.

Much as Ed wanted to stay in the bathroom forever, he knew he couldn’t. So, he took a breath, then turned and opened the door, deciding he would reenter the room with a swagger.

The swagger, though, made it one step until he spotted Stede already in bed, a rather form-fitted t-shirt clinging to his arms and torso, legs hidden under the blankets but likely in his silk pajama bottoms. And his glasses. So rarely did Ed see the glasses, even when he and Stede spent so much time together.

Ed could have sworn he saw Stede’s eyes dart up and down, but it was hard to tell for certain if he was being checked out or judged for comfort.

“I hope you don’t mind if I stay up and read for a bit,” Stede said, gesturing with the book in his hands.

“No, not at all. You know me, if I’m tired, I’ll sleep through anything,” Ed said as he pulled back the comforter and climbed in. He turned off the lamp on his side of the bed, throwing most of the room in darkness before he settled in on his pillow, flat on his back, and closed his eyes.

Time ticked on. Stede turned pages. Ed’s mind buzzed.

“I’m sorry they brought up Jack, however inadvertently.”

Ed opened his eyes and frowned. “Mate, I was the one who said I almost got married.”

“I know,” Stede said, placing a ribbon in between the pages of his book, and then closed it and set it aside. He shuffled down, so he was lying in the bed as well, turning on his side to look at Ed. “But still, given the history you have with him.”

“I just can’t believe the f*ckers thought I went to jail.”

Stede chuckled, “Well, that’s Pete’s doing, I’m afraid. Apparently, he was a low-end lackey when he was a bit younger for the same sorts you used to run with. Your legend was that you couldn’t stay in because of jail time.”

“f*cker did look up to me a bit too much when we met, didn’t he?” Ed said with a grin, remembering how weird it was to have someone look at him like a celebrity. “At least until I pushed Lucius in the pool that one time.”

Stede huffed, sending an unheated glare Ed’s way a moment before it cracked into a grin, “He got you back for that.”

“Had to keep his boyfriends honor,” Ed said respectfully.

“Exactly,” Stede chuckled. They stayed like that, looking at each other for a beat too long before they both quickly said, “night.”

Stede rolled onto his back, turning off his light, and Ed faced the ceiling again and closed his eyes. He was aware of every single bit of space between him and Stede, and could feel Stede’s body heat along his side. The bed really wasn’t meant to fit two guys their size unless they were more willing to touch. Which Ed was, and despite everything, he just couldn’t bring himself to try, even a little. A bed was not the couch.

“Oh, for Pete’s sake! This is ridiculous. Come here,” Stede said, shifting a touch toward Ed.

Ed opened his eyes and looked over at his best mate, seeing the frustration and annoyance on Stede’s face, even in the dark.

“Wha?”

“Ed, this is ridiculous. We’re ridiculous. It’s not like we have never once touched ever. Hell, it’s not like we have never once cuddled ever. We’re not going to sleep if we don’t get comfortable, and I would rather not lie here like a pair of puritans trying not to offend god.” Stede rambled with a huff.

Ed grinned, “Pretty sure puritans wouldn’t be sharing a bed outside of marriage. Let alone to guys who like-“

“Do you want to be a barnacle or not?”

“Yeah, alright,” Ed said like he was indifferent, all while tamping down giddy excitement at the chance to sleep against that broad chest with purpose.

Ed curled up on his side, arm and leg flung across Stede while he burrowed his head into a spot near Stede’s shoulder. Stede chuckled as he shifted his arm to wrap around Ed like he intended to hold him there. As if Ed wanted to live or something stupid.

“Oh,” Ed groaned, “Your f*cking shirt is softer than the sheets.”

“It’s cashmere,” Stede replied smugly.

“Of course it f*cking is. Bought to ruin it with my drool, so you know.”

Stede chuckled, sounding… something. It wasn’t Stede’s normal chuckle but something brighter, something Ed couldn’t be sure he had ever heard before. He almost opened his eyes to investigate, but Stede really was warm and soft and f*cking comfortable, and Ed was f*cking tired.

“Goodnight, Ed,” Stede said in a soft voice. Reverent, Ed thought in his sleepy mind. That should have been given more thought, but then Stede’s hand was in his hair, and in a few strokes of fingers, Ed was asleep.

Chapter 10: Have I Been Good Enough To Ask For Your Love?

Chapter Text

December 23rd

Stede’s dreams were filled with memories.

Memories of Ed telling him about Jack and how it took him realizing he didn’t want Elizabeth to meet Jack to make him see that marrying him wasn’t a good idea only a month before the wedding. How Stede told Ed he realized during the separation that he had never had romantic love in his life. How that night had been filled with liquor sipped so steadily the drunkenness had snuck up on them. How close they’d been to crossing a line with one another.

He woke up initially feeling heartbroken. Sad that he let the moment slip by, sad for the Ed who had told that story misty-eyed and for the one who had to have the whole thing dredged up again, even if he used the engagement as a truth.

Then Stede became aware, and all the heartbreak gave way to warmth and love. Because Ed was still curled against him, still with his limbs over Stede, still nuzzled in the crook of his neck. With every deep breath, Stede breathed in the warm scent of Ed’s hair and the musk of skin, the lingering remnants of his soaps and deodorants. He could feel Ed’s breath on his skin, and if he turned his head just so, he could bury his nose in Ed’s hair.

Then Stede became aware and realized that maybe it was a better idea not to stay all curled up like this just in case Ed noticed something. He tried to talk himself out of it, reminding himself that it was completely normal and natural. But the fact that Stede was actually attracted to Ed, loved him, had him feel like the typical morning reactions were inappropriate.

Of course, the second he tried to move, Ed woke up.

It was with a snuffle that had Stede fall just a bit more in love with him - if that was even possible for him to do - and a little burrow into Stede’s shoulder. Then Ed groaned, and the urge to shift away from him became that much more urgent. Especially after Ed shifted, and there was an obvious morning issue against Stede’s thigh.

Both went utterly still, and then Stede got the gumption to move just as Ed practically flung himself away and onto his back with space between them once more.

There was a solid minute of awkward embarrassment between them before Stede could clear his throat.

“It’s a normal, natural occurrence,” He stated.

“Right, natural. Normal. Healthy, even,” Ed agreed a bit stiffly.

“Yes, healthy. Good blood circulation. No, um, problems to speak of. Men of a certain age and all.”

“Right. Just means we’re, you know, still young and sh*t.”

“Exactly!”

Neither of them moved, not for another minute or so. Not until the sound of a whoop from outside drew Stede’s attention to the window. Shifting to get out of bed so any remaining embarrassment wouldn’t be seen, Stede moved to the window to investigate.

Down below, he could see John, Frenchie, and Jim in the surf. Jim up to their knees while John and Frenchie seemed to keep trying to get there and not quite making it before they were fleeing back to the sand.

Curious of the hour, Stede glanced at the alarm clock on the bedside table and noted it was just after seven.

“Seems I slept in,” He noted with cheerful surprise.

“Bout f*cking time ya did, too,” Ed teased, still sprawled on his back in bed but seeming far more relaxed. “Wasn’t sure you could sleep past six-thirty.”

“It’s rare, but it does happen. Usually not without insomnia.”

The why he slept so well smiled back at him, hair a mess across his pillow, eyes still sleepy. The urge to walk over and kiss the sleepy pout was terrifyingly strong, more so than usual. Maybe because usually they weren’t sleeping in the same bed.

“I’m going to go downstairs. See if there’s anything to do, or at least see if there’s coffee.”

“Be down in a few, mate,” Ed nodded, and Stede headed for the door. He grabbed the robe he had unpacked the day before off the back of the door, giving Ed a little wave before he slipped out.

He stopped to lean against the closed door and collect himself mentally. Not enough time to examine everything, but enough to gather his wits before he went downstairs and interacted with people.

Stede made his way to the kitchen, following his nose to where the delightful array of smells was coming from. Orange and cinnamon, coffee and chocolate, smells of the holiday wafting its way from where there was the gentle clamor of kitchen utensils.

“Morning, Roach,” Stede greeted him as he walked in. “Need a hand with anything?”

“Touch something, and I will cut off your fingers,” Roach said without looking up from where he was mixing a batter of some kind. After a few more beats, he paused, looked up, and said, “Actually, if you could turn on the mixer, that would be helpful. The cream will not whip itself.”

Stede nodded and weaved his way to the stand mixer perched on the counter, cream and sugar already inside, waiting to be mixed. He turned it on, keeping it on the lowest setting for the attachment, then surveyed the rest of the kitchen.

“What have you got on the go, then?” Stede asked when he spotted the coffee maker at a little coffee bar between the kitchen and the living room.

“Orange, cranberry, and blueberry compotes are resting. Homemade chocolate sauce is cooling. Bacon is kept warm in the oven, as are the eggs. I just need to get these pancakes cooked, and breakfast will be ready.”

Stede pursed his lips, impressed by the workload already done.

“You must have been up early.” He said as he made his way to the coffee bar.

Roach shrugged with a grin.

“I wake up at five. This, this is all easy things, ya know?”

“Can’t say I do,” Stede replied, hearing Ed’s distinct gait on the steps.

He turned to the bar, grabbed two mugs, and began spooning seven sugars into one mug and just one in the other. He was adding cream to both mugs when Ed came into the kitchen sniffing pointedly.

“Holy sh*t, smells good. How the f*ck are you so skinny making food that smells like this?”

“Insanely high metabolism,” Roach replied without missing a beat.

“Right then,” Ed said as Stede poured coffee into both cups.

Ed came up behind him, standing close as Stede stirred the coffees. He could feel Ed turn toward him, his breath against his cheek as he said, “Morning, love.”

The thrill that shot down Stede’s spin had him hit the spoon against the side of the mug a touch too hard.

“Good morning,” Stede replied, handing Ed his cup. He couldn’t get the accompanying pet name out at the moment, but he supposed it didn’t matter. Roach was too wrapped up in what he was doing to notice if they weren’t acting like the perfect couple. No one else was around to see anything.

Ed retreated toward the living room, and beat later, Stede could hear the patio door open, bringing in the sounds of the sea and the people outside a bit louder.

He took a steadying drink of his coffee, then headed out to join them.

~E~

Normally the amount of sugar being served at breakfast would have made Ed elated. Roach made enough food to feed a f*cking army - or just the lot of them, actually - and more than half of it was the sort of sh*t Ed would only ever get at a restaurant. Really, Ed should have been f*cking ecstatic.

But then he remembered the whole morning with Stede, and he’d deflate a bit.

How bad had he f*cked up? He should have known the most obvious thing in the world would happen and that Stede would feel it pressed against his thigh when he woke up. And yeah, sure, they could play it off as exactly what Stede said it was. But Ed knew, and it had him feeling awful.

And he suspected Stede might suspect because of the whole thing at the coffee bar.

But he couldn’t exactly ask, could he? Not with seven other people at the table and all of them thinking they were a couple. Not when they had to play at being a couple for another five days. f*cking hell, this was turning into a nightmare that should have been a f*cking dream.

“So, was there an agenda?” Stede asked. “Something you wanted us all to do as a group, or…?”

“Great question, love it. Glad you asked. So, I went to Google, like, a week ago, and there is a delightful little holiday market twenty minutes from here.”

There was a chorus of groans around the table that somehow seemed to surprise Lucius.

“Oh, none of you start. Not a one. I know for a fact that at least three of you did not get your gift for the exchange.”

“Wait, that was actually a thing we were doing?” Frenchie asked, John and Roach seeming just as surprised.

“How much you wanna bet one of them had me,” Ed asked in a whisper to Stede.

“Nothing,” Stede replied, “Because one of them most definitely got me.”

Ed pursed his lips and nodded, pressing his tongue to the roof of his mouth in hopes of not giving himself away.

“Yes, that was actually a thing,” Lucius rolled his eyes. “So good for you lot that there’s actually shopping that can be done.”

“If we were smart, can we stay behind and just lounge on the beach?” Jim asked.

Lucius considered this. “Maybe. I dunno. How comfortable are you with someone else driving your car?”

“As long as they don’t crash it,” Jim said, twirling their butter knife ominously.

“How about we focus on eating instead, eh?” Oluwande asked pleadingly, gently laying his hand across his partner’s to still the knife.

Trip out. Good, probably for the best. Everyone gets away. Heads get cleared, and things can reset. And with a lot of luck, Ed and Stede can lose everyone in the crowd and get back to some semblance of themselves before having to lay it on thick again.

Great. f*cking perfect.

~*~

When Lucius said holiday market, Ed thought of the ones back in the city. The ones set up in the park with little cobbled-together booths that were crammed together and where every single one sold pretty much exactly the same things. He and Stede had gone to one together last year, and Stede had been so utterly disappointed.

By the look of sheer delight on his face, Ed suspected they would be coming back next year.

The booths here looked rustic like they were made from old, repurposed wood or freshly cut logs. There were evergreen bows or lights - sometimes both - hanging around the signs donning said booths, along with ribbons and bells. There was the heady smell of spice and chocolate, popcorn and something savory hanging about, covering up what likely would have been exhaust or motor oil as the whole thing was along the closed main street of the small town.

Not to say the shops weren’t open. All of them had their doors propped wide so people could go from market to brick-and-mortar shop, and those physical buildings looked like they hadn’t seen an exterior remodel since the late 1800s.

“Oh, Ed,” Stede breathed, hand finding Ed’s and holding tight. “Almost like a movie.”

“Yeah, I see, love,” Ed said, all too aware of the eyes on them as Lucius and Pete hung back. John, Roach, and Frenchie were already lost to the crowd, having apparently decided that getting here was a race, and were already out of their borrowed SUVs before Stede found a place to park.

“I don’t know where to start.”

“Let’s just take it one step at a time, then,” Ed gave Stede’s hand a little tug, and then they were weaving into the crowd.

There was a lot of handmade jewelry, the genuine sort with beads or leather braiding. There was clay pottery, too, that Stede admired for an obscenely long time.

“You risk it breaking on the way home,” Ed reminded him. “We don’t just got our sh*t. We have Lucius’s and Pete’s, too. Plus the car seats.”

“I know, Ed, but look at them! Gosh, they’re just so unique.”

f*cking hell, just when Ed thought he couldn’t love this lunatic anymore, he starts fawning over sea creatures painted onto a plate.

“And maybe you take a card, and we can see about it another time, hmm?” Ed suggested as he plucked said business card off the rack and then nudged Stede with his shoulder.

“I know you’re right. And it’s not like I need it. But you know me, I have a hard time leaving something like that behind.”

“I do know this about you, yes,” Ed nodded, glancing around them for another thing to catch Stede’s eye. “Hey, look! Blown glass.”

“Really, Ed, if pottery isn’t going to make, glass never will,” Stede said, but he turned and looked anyway. Not at all surprising because he was a f*cking magpie as much as he was a peaco*ck.

Ed forced himself to look away from Stede, turning to look at other things when his eyes fell on the most ridiculous thing he had ever seen: A purple octopus with a Santa hat. Maybe it was a Kraken, as the head did look a little more squid-like, but there were definitely eight legs. It was cute in a weird way that Ed adored it in an instant.

He wanted it.

He wanted it for Stede. That, right there, was this whole f*ckery. And maybe Stede wouldn’t want to remember any of this when it was done and over with. But Ed did, and maybe Stede wouldn’t see the same meaning behind it as Ed did. Could just be a silly little mollusk with a Santa hat.

Ed shifted standing so he was hopefully blocking the view of the ornament from Stede as he searched for another distraction.

“Looks like scarves and sh*t over there,” He said with a tilt of his head to a vendor a few booths down across the way.

Stede turned and looked immediately. “I think you’re right. Should we?”

“You go on. I’ll be there in a sec,” Ed replied, giving Stede’s hand a squeeze.

By the way Stede startled, Ed would reckon he’d forgotten the handhold until that point. So, he wasn’t surprised when Stede let got pretty quick, turned, and weaved his way over to the scarves at an alarmingly quick clip.

Yeah, he really was just buying something to remind himself of all this, wasn’t he? If Stede actually put it on his tree year after year.

“How much for Chris Kraken over here?” Ed asked, giving the ornament a gentle tap.

“Chris Kraken, love that,” the proprietor mused. “He’s fifteen, twenty with a gift wrap.”

Ed pulled out a twenty-note and handed it to the vendor while keeping his eye on Stede. He watched him pick up a piece of fabric and clearly delight in it, striking up a conversation with the older lady who was selling them. They were going to get in deep, Ed could tell. She was charmed, blushing a bit as Stede gestured with his enthusiasm.

The vendor tapped Ed on the shoulder, then handed him a nondescript paper bag holding a silver-wrapped box inside.

“Thank you, mate,” Ed said with a tilt of his head before stepping away, “happy holidays.”

Ed made his way to Stede, dodging people and a small dog along the way. He came up beside Stede, peering over his shoulder while trying not to think about how he did something similar earlier in the day.

“Anything interesting?” He asked, expecting Stede to startle.

Instead, Stede turned on his heel, excitedly holding a deep purple scarf that had thin lines of deep gray and burgundy running through it.

“Isn’t it gorgeous?” Stede asked, holding it up next to Ed’s face. “Just as I thought, it compliments you so well!” he spun back around. “That’s it, Maggie, I absolutely have to have it.”

The older woman who ran the booth laughed in delight, lightly slapping Stede on the arm.

“First name basis? How long did I leave you here for?” Ed asked with a smirk.

“Do you expect me to be on anything less than a first-name basis with someone who sells such exquisite fabric? How quickly were we on a first-name basis?” Stede pointed out as Maggie took the scarf and carefully folded it.

“Got me there,” Ed relented, lifting his hands in surrender. He watched Stede pay the vendor, take her card, promise to be back, and then the two of them fell back among the throng of people. They made their way along the street, pointing out places they would want to look at more closely after they made their way through the whole thing.

Their hands kept brushing, but without Lucius in sight, they didn’t actually need to hold hands. Tempting, though. Ed was already growing accustomed to the warm, soft, heavy weight of Stede’s hand in his own. Every so often, his pinkie would catch on Stede’s, and it kind of felt intentional. Had to have been, right? Ed was intentionally sticking his out to brush Stede’s knuckles, so it was likely Stede was doing something similar, wasn’t it?

Ed tried not to focus on it, instead tried to earnestly take in their surroundings.

It’s when he spotted it. A familiar-looking logo above one of the more woodsy-looking booths.

“sh*t! Isn’t that the distillery we stumbled across on that trip?” He asked, elbowing Stede and then pointing at the booth.

“What?” Stede asked, sounding a bit startled. “Oh, um. Maybe, could be, probably.” He said in the way Stede says everything when he has to lie spontaneously. Ed narrowed his eyes at him, and Stede glanced over and blushed. “I do believe it is,” he said with a resignation Ed didn’t understand.

It had been one of the best trips of his damn life. He knew Stede had enjoyed it, too, because they talked about it for weeks after. And Ed knew this distillery was a highlight of the whole thing. Especially the brandy. Just thinking about it had him imagining he could taste the orange-heavy flavor.

Not to mention the way he recalled the night itself. The whole meat and cheese platter on the balcony, watching the rain beyond while he and Stede sat as close as the chairs allowed, had been the best date of Ed’s life, and that wasn’t even what it was. Just two bros having a laugh, a couple of guys sharing a drink.

“We should go check it out,” Ed suggested, hoping this wasn’t about to make things weird. “Maybe we can, I dunno, get a bottle and, umm, get Roach to do us up a board like we had that one time?”

Stede’s eyes and face did a weird thing. Because while Stede was grimacing, his eyes sparkled with warmth and delight.

“Sure,” Stede choked out. “No harm, is there?”

Ed, bolstered by the answer, grabbed Stede’s hand properly and tugged him toward the booth.

He scanned the bottles as they go closer, looking for the label that was seared into Ed’s brain. But row after row looked less promising.

“How can I help ya?” The vendor asked, his voice familiar enough that Ed was willing to bet it was the same guy that had helped him before.

“Yeah, man, you got the orange brandy, and I’m just not seeing it?” Ed asked, letting go of Stede’s hand. Ed put his hands on his hips, leaning back a bit as if the angle would change what he saw on the selves before turning to the guy.

The guy shook his head, and Ed’s heart fell.

“No luck, man. Sold the last bottles of the year just a week ago. Won’t have more in stock until January.”

“What a shame!” Stede crowed, sounding almost relieved. “Well, why don’t we pick a new one? Maybe one we can share with the whole crew? Maybe the orange one can, uh, stay our thing?”

Ed blinked, realizing that there really was no f*cking way he and Stede would have gotten the moment he was building in his head. They wouldn’t have been left alone with good liquor unless they had smuggled it up and drank it in their room. And that wasn’t going to be conducive to the sort of moment he had wanted to create.

“Yeah, good call,” Ed agreed.

The pair of them picked a sort of holiday-spiced one that apparently was very popular among the locals. There was a bit of a tiff over who would pay until Ed reminded Stede that Stede paid last time, and it was his f*cking turn, thank you very much.

Bottle obtained, the pair of them began to slowly make their way back toward the end they started on.

“Sorry about the brandy,” Stede said after a bit.

“It’s fine, mate,” Ed shrugged, glancing around the crowd. “Just… good memories, yeah?”

“Oh, the best,” Stede gushed, and Ed had to look to see that bright Stede smile back in full force. When Stede realized he had Ed’s full attention, he added optimistically,” perhaps it’s best. This way, we can keep those memories for ourselves and allow this bottle to be exclusive to this lot?”

“Yeah, suppose so,” Ed agreed, making to bump Stede’s arm and finding their hands were a lot closer than he expected. Their pinkies snagged again, and Ed could have sworn he felt a brush that time like Stede had caressed his digit with his own.

He turned away to hide the blush in case his beard didn’t do the trick, taking another skim of the crowd, then stopped.

“sh*t!” He cursed, grabbing Stede and pulling him off toward an alley between two brick-and-mortar stores, well out of view.

“What is it?” Stede asked in concern, glancing around the crowd.

Ed glanced out again, spotted the f*cker, and looked away again.

“I saw Jack,” Ed told him.

He watched Stede’s shift into something cold, steely.

“Where?” He asked bitingly, looking out to the crowd.

“Umm,” Ed stuttered. “He was just… just out there.”

“Point me to where he is,” Stede said, a hand gently but firmly on Ed’s chest as he leaned back and tried to find a man he had only ever seen in old photos Ed showed him once. “I’d like to have a few words with him.”

“sh*t, that’s hot,” Ed said to himself as he watched the assertive Stede he rarely saw start to come out.

“What?” Stede snapped out of the steel, turning to Ed with a frown.

“Nothing,” Ed replied quickly.

Stede was already looking back out at the crowd, that hardened look back in place. It stayed that way for a few seconds before Stede’s whole demeanor shifted and relaxed.

“It’s not him,” Stede said.

“What? Dickf*ck, yes, it is.”

“It’s not,” Stede assured, turning to Ed with a grin. “You must not have looked for long, because the man you saw has a much smaller nose, and is of a much slimmer build. Though I must say, the resemblance was pretty uncanny.”

“He could have had a nose job. Or lost weight.” Ed argued, peering back out and seeing the guy again. Stede was right, though. It wasn’t Jack. Now that Ed was seeing him face on, he could see for himself it was not his ex-fiance out there. “f*ck,” He said with a relieved laugh, rubbing at his face and being mindful of Chris Kraken and the brandy. “sh*t, why did I think it was him?”

“You’ve had him on your mind lately. Especially after last night,” Stede pointed out, gently pulling Ed’s hands from his face.

When Ed met Stede’s eye, seeing the gentle understanding, the softness of the gaze, he remembered a bit too sharply something else about the night before.

“Why’d you lie twice?” He asked, watching the softness melt from Stede’s gaze into apprehension.

“Sorry?” Stede asked.

“Last night, you lied twice. First about your sister, which was just a small thing, and then about… about only being in love the once. Said you’ve never been in love.”

“Ah,” Stede’s gaze dropped to the ground. “Right, that. Well, you see… I mean, I suppose at the time I, um, hadn’t been in love before. Or, at least, I hadn’t, um, been able to admit it.”

So it was an old-school crush, then. Probably.

Stede looked so painfully torn, wringing his hands and looking out at the crowds beyond the alleyway. He was moving his mouth like he was trying to explain himself, and Ed knew he didn’t want to hear it. He didn’t want to hear Stede tell him that he had sorted out whatever he hadn’t done in the past. Or that he had met someone and fallen for them, and it wouldn’t work out for some reason. Because, really, if there was someone out there currently available that Stede loved, they would have to be the biggest idiot in the world not to love him back. Which would be the only logical explanation as to why Ed was currently playing the boyfriend instead of someone having already claimed the title.

“You don’t have to explain, mate,” Ed said, taking both of Stede’s hands in his as best he could.

Stede went still and wide-eyed.

“I don’t?”

“No, man,” Ed assured, giving those hands a squeeze. “You’re always saying our past is our business, and I respect the hell outta that. Even if that past is, like, a week ago or something.”

“Ed,” Stede said, still sounding pained.

Ed was bracing for it. It’s Izzy. It’s my editor. It’s the boy who sat next to me in tenth-grade English.

“Oi!” Frenchie’s voice startled the hell out of them both, and as one, they turned to see him, along with Roach and John, frowning at them at the mouth of the alley. Which, in fairness, was only a couple of feet away. “What you lot doing in here, then?”

“Hiding from someone,” Stede said with a plastered on grin. “Coast’s probably clear, though. What do you all have?”

The three of them rambled on about the things they collected from around the market, which included gifts none of them could talk about, an assortment of cheeses and meats to set out later for the sing-a-long Frenchie was planning.

Ed and Stede drifted out and joined them, the lot they were with not seeming to notice that they weren’t holding hands anymore. It was fine, though, because every once in a while, Ed could still feel Stede’s finger brush along his.

Chapter 11: I Can't Wait to Give All My Lovin' to My Best Friend

Chapter Text

December 24th

It had probably been for the best that they were buzzed when they’d gone to sleep. Made it easier for Stede to forget about the whole morning incident before he allowed Ed to latch on to him again. His sleep was dreamless this time, too, which meant the heavy heart he had now was one completely of his waking self’s doing.

He’d been awake for a half hour and just hadn’t wanted to move. Hadn’t wanted to give up the warmth that was Ed pressed against his side, limbs tangled with his just as they were the day before. But it was wrong, wasn’t it? Because Ed had no idea that for Stede, this was a taste of the life he wanted.

The whole thing was, really. And he’d been telling himself for weeks that it was fine. With every handhold, every kiss pressed to Ed’s beard, every pet name exchanged, Stede had to convince himself that this was all something he could let go of when the time came.

His phone trilled on the nightstand in the tone Stede had set for video calls. He reached for it, his frown changing to a grin when he saw who it was. It brightened when he answered.

“Good morning,” He said quietly, hoping they’d follow his lead.

“Dad! It’s Christmas eve!” Louis shouted, Alma trying to shout Merry Christmas over top of it, Mary somewhere in the background asking them to settle down.

Ed stirred beside him, lifting his head and frowning sleepily.

“I think you woke up Ed,” Stede told them, voice still soft but a touch louder than before.

That just wound the kids up more.

“Ed’s there!?” Alma shouted, and then the good mornings and Santa reminders started up all over again as Ed slowly lifted and shifted himself to be seen on camera.

“Holy sh*t, is that tonight?” Ed looked at Stede, “you left the cookies out before we left, right?”

“Yes. Covered in plastic wrap so they wouldn’t get dusty or stale,” Stede replied.

“Not the milk, though, yeah? Seems like that’d be no good,” Ed said, mustering an exaggerated disgusted face and making the kids laugh.

“I did not leave milk out. I left a note instructing him to help himself to the fridge.”

“Is he gonna get mad he has to go to two places for us?” Louis asked worriedly.

“Nah, he knows you guys aren’t gonna have a lotta room in your luggage to take all that home,” Ed replied like it was completely natural for him to tackle these sorts of questions.

“It’s snowing here,” Alma redirected the conversation. “Not a lot, we won’t get to play in it, but it’s kind of nice. A bit too cold, though.”

“How are you finding Doug’s parents?” Stede asked.

“They’re nice,” Alma replied. “I like them.”

“They have toys here that we didn’t bring!” Louis told them. “Because we have cousins now!”

By the look Alma gave the camera, Stede would venture Louis was the only one excited by that.

“Are you all doing a big Christmas dinner then?” Stede asked.

“No,” Alma replied with some relief. “But apparently, everyone comes here tonight for a visit. So, we can only call for a little bit before bed so we can hear the story.”

“Well, I’m glad you called when you did. We probably wouldn't have had a lot of time from this end, either. The last few nights the crew has been pretty rambunctious." Stede informed them.

Ed snorted.

“Putting it mildly, mate. Speaking of, I need to, um,” he pointed his thumb toward the ensuite, and Stede nodded. He watched Ed get up until he was on his feet, then turned back to Alma.

She seemed to be trying to scrutinize him through the camera.

“And what’s that look for, then?” He asked her curiously.

“You are going to have something to open tomorrow, aren’t you? Did you bring the stuff from Mum and us?” She asked, making her brother frown.

“sh*t,” He heard Mary in the background but couldn’t help but chuckle.

“I’ll have something to open tomorrow, yes. But just like there’s stuff for you already at my place, your mum still has stuff for me at yours. We’ll get to it when you get home next week.”

“I guess,” Alma agreed. “But what about Ed?”

“Ed will also have something to open tomorrow, yes,” Stede assured in a nod.

“Alright, you two. Gram and Gramps have a big day planned, and we’re gonna call dad later so he can read The Night Before Christmas to you before you go to bed. So, go get dressed, please. And don’t hang up. I want a moment with your dad.”

“Alright,” the kids replied.

There was a blur on the screen that Stede had to close his eyes for lest he get vertigo with how the device they were using was being passed around.

“You can open your eyes now, Stede,” Mary said with exasperated fondness.

He followed her instructions, doing so to see her smiling tiredly back. Her hair was done up in the knot she typically wore first thing in the morning, and she didn’t look like she’d been sleeping well.

“Long trip?” He asked her as the bathroom door opened.

“It hasn’t been all bad. Just, well, Doug’s parents are thrilled to have us. So it’s been a lot of introductions and late nights, early mornings. Not to mention the wrapping all the things, ya know?”

“Suppose I do,” Stede said, momentarily distracted by Ed coming back to bed.

“I am sorry, too. Completely forgot to give you your gifts before we left,” Mary winced.

“It’s fine,” Stede assured as Ed curled up against him again. Like it was normal. Like this was something they regularly did.

It made his chest ache, especially at the surprised smile that grace Mary’s lips upon seeing Ed appear on the screen.

“Hey, Ed. Sorry, the kids woke you,” She said as though she wasn’t sorry at all.

“’S fine. Didn’t need to sleep anyway,” Ed replied.

“Well, maybe you can get some more of it because we really do have to go. They got a literal itinerary for the day, and I still need a second cup of coffee if I’m gonna get through it.”

“We’ll see each other later for the story. And talk tomorrow, I’m sure.”

“Definitely. Bright and early,” Mary said before they said their goodbyes, and the screen went dark.

Stede sighed as he set the phone down on the nightstand again. He scrubbed his hand against his face and realized that while Ed was snuggled in against him, it wasn’t the same as when he was settling to sleep.

Stede supposed in the light of day, that sort of intimacy was off the table. Especially with no one around to see it.

“What is it?” Ed asked gently as if he was expecting the answer.

“The same I suppose,” Stede replied before deciding to be a bit more vulnerable. “I miss them. I’ve missed this, too. Waking up with someone, sharing a bed. I’ve slept so well the last couple of nights.”

He didn’t dare to look at Ed, see his reaction.

“You don’t have to explain, mate.”

Stede had almost gone on and explained anyway, but he hadn’t been brave enough. Latched on to their interruption with gusto and allowed the whole opportunity to disappear. Ed hadn’t mentioned it again, and Stede didn’t want to bring it up.

“Well, maybe we should do it more often, then,” Ed said as though he were suggesting a return to the same restaurant. Like curling up next to Stede in a bed wasn’t all that big of a deal. “You know, those nights we gotta crash at each other’s?”

“Yeah, sounds… sounds good.”

And it did. It did sound good, just not the way he knew Ed meant it.

He should just tell him. He should. It wasn’t right having this when it didn’t mean the same thing to Ed as it did to him.

Stede closed his eyes, took a breath, prepared himself to say it,

“Knock, knock!” Lucius called on the other side of the door. “Breakfast! Time to drag your asses out of bed.”

Stede deflated, feeling Ed already moving up and out of bed,

“Yeah, we’re on our way, f*ck off already,” Ed called back right at the door, making Lucius yelp on the other side. “What sort of bullsh*t do you think he has planned for us today?” Ed asked as he reached for the doorknob.

“You’ll have to ask the little bugger,” Stede replied with a grin that felt a bit hollow. “Be right down. Just going to pop into the loo.”

Ed nodded before stepping out, closing the door behind him as he left.

Stede closed his eyes and rubbed at his face.

He could do this. Just another four days after this, and they could either have a fake break-up or just come out with the truth. Surely he could get a hold of himself by then, couldn’t he?

~E~

Ed knew Stede was going to be a bit down, not being around the kids on Christmas eve. But he’d underestimated just how glum Stede could be. He smiled, of course, and laughed at the various antics, but Ed could tell he wasn’t his normal, chipper self.

The day's activities were meant to be more laid back, allowing more enthusiasm for the evening. Movies in the living room - all holiday ones - with snacks and hot chocolate and no alcohol.

“If we’re gonna see the lights around town, we’ll need to drive,” Lucius reminded everyone with an eye roll as he clutched a mug nearly overflowing with marshmallows.

“That’s like, two people,” John protested, “Stede and Jim.”

Jim, of course, turned to give John a glare that could kill a man and those around him if it could be weaponized.

“Stede and Olu,” John corrected.

“Well, it’s not really fair to anyone who’s driving, and then they would have to deal with drunk people. Plus, if you’re drunk, the lights aren’t as fun.”

“Or they’re more fun,” Roach countered.

Lucius huffed, “Would you lot save it for later? The town isn’t that big. We leave at sunset. We’ll see all the lights, and be back home by, like, seven. You guys can drink then.”

They started off simple, a few Rankin-Bass specials, though Pete had tried to hide a few tears during a couple of them. They ventured off from there to a couple of modern classics, ones that usually would get a laugh or two out of Stede.

No luck, though.

He seemed incredibly deep in thought like he hadn’t been paying attention at all. His hot chocolate was practically full and very likely stone cold. And sludgy, not even something would be able to chug down at this point.

Gently removing the cup from his hands, Ed wasn’t surprised Stede startled. He looked at Ed, at everyone, at the TV, and seemed genuinely surprised that instead of a talking reindeer, there was a man stapling hundreds of lights to his house.

“Are you alright, m-love?” Ed asked softly, glancing at Lucius and seeing the boy had noted their distraction. Whether he heard the near-slip wasn’t something Ed could determine, and it wasn’t a priority right now.

“Of course,” Stede answered too quickly.

Ed tilted his head, looking up at Stede through his lashes and quirking an eyebrow.

“Just… have a lot on my mind, I suppose.”

“Is it the kids?” Ed asked quietly.

“No, it’s… it’s something else. I,” He glanced about at the group, and so did Ed.

For the most part, it looked like they were all watching the movie. But Ed could see Lucius appeared to be trying to listen in discretely, and Frenchie was shifted slightly more toward them.

“Maybe we can talk about it later?” Ed suggested buying Stede some time.

“Perhaps,” He said solemnly, nodding before turning back to the TV.

It didn’t sit right with Ed, but there wasn’t anything more he could do. Not here. And not that he would ever push Stede into something he didn’t want to do.

But he did shift closer, put his arm around Stede’s shoulders, and brought him to rest against Ed for a change. Ed rested his head against Stede’s, running his hand over his arm, trying to let him know how much he loved him without having to say it and potentially make things worse.

Lucius, at least, seemed placated for the time being, and everyone’s attention returned fully to the movie.

~*~

It was getting to be ridiculously frustrating not being left alone unless they were in their f*cking bedroom. At least when they left to look at lights, Frenchie and John demanded they ride with Stede and Ed. Because if Lucius had weaseled his way in the car again, Ed might have found a better, less easily escapable body of water to push him into than a pool.

He was being a little sh*t.

Every single time - every single time - Ed went to check on Stede when he’d get up and get a drink or offer to get something for someone else, Lucius would just happen to be passing by the open doorway or passing through the loo or getting something that someone else forgot to ask for. Ed suspected he knew the truth but couldn’t prove it and was likely getting f*cking antsy to do so.

The problem with that is that Stede was clearly in a f*cking mood, and Ed wasn’t about to try and comfort him or help him through it with the false veneer of them being all romantically involved and sh*t. Because that wasn’t going to help anything when he had to carefully gauge how much affection to show, find a balance between what he would normally do and what he would have done as a boyfriend.

Frenchie and John didn’t seem to give two sh*ts whether or not Ed and Stede called each other a pet name or how frequently they touched.

“Pete’s right. This playlist is a banger,” Frenchie declared with glee, bopping along in the backseat while they slowly followed what ended up being a parade of cars around the village.

“It’s kinda catchy,” John agreed, sounding genuinely surprised.

“My kids find it hilarious,” Stede offered with a half-grin while glancing in the rearview mirror.

As soon as his eyes were on the road again, Stede’s smile faded.

“Hey,” Ed said, reaching over and putting his hand on Stede’s knee.

Stede startled a bit, and flinched away for a moment before settling again.

“You okay?” Ed asked again.

“Fine,” Stede replied, forcing a smile to flash Ed’s direction. He hesitated, Ed noted, but he pulled his hand away from the steering wheel to cover Ed’s and squeeze it. “I’m fine,” He said, more believable this time. “Just a lot on my mind, is all.”

“Hey, can we sit in while you read to your kids?” Frenchie asked, leaning forward to jam his head between the seats. “Could set up the TV, put a webcam on it, use the screen like a big monitor. Could be fun.”

“Where would we get a webcam?” Ed asked with a furrowed brow.

“I got one,” John said like it was obvious.

“The f*ck you bring a webcam for?” Ed asked, almost not wanting to know the answer. Then again, it was John, not Lucius.

“One on my laptop’s broken. Thought I might call me mum tomorrow, see how her cruise is going.”

“Christ, does everyone’s mum go on a cruise for the holidays?” Ed wondered as he turned to look at the garish displays that were admittedly kind of festive inducing.

“We’ll get you hooked up,” Frenchie said to Stede, patting him on the shoulder hard enough Ed could feel the vibrations in his palm. “So, whaddya say?”

“If you take care of the technology, you lot can sit in through story time,” Stede agreed, smiling a bit more genuinely.

“Yes!” Frenchie wriggled back, punching the air as he went.

That was it , Ed thought. Something about the story time must have been eating at Stede, like maybe he hadn’t wanted to leave the festivities to read to the kids but hadn’t wanted to give that up either.

Ed turned his hand, lacing his fingers with Stede’s a moment, and gave them a squeeze.

But instead of a larger, happier smile, Stede flashed him one that lost its weight and then pulled his hand away to resume the perfect driving position.

f*cking hell, but Ed was so lost.

So much for the best f*cking Christmas ever.

~S~

“Where’s Ed?” Louis asked as everyone got settled in the living room.

There had been rearranging as soon as they got back in, and Frenchie announced Stede’s agreement to have them present for the story. A chair was slid in place of the love seat to face the TV better while Stede’s laptop was hooked up to the TV for optimal viewing. By the time Stede returned from heading upstairs to get the book from his luggage, most of the crew had changed into pajamas and had glasses of eggnog that may or may not have been spiked.

Stede had set up the call, taking his place in the chair while he waited for Mary, Doug, and the kids to connect.

It had been mayhem when the call came through. The kids hyped up on sugar and excitement, the latter redoubling when they saw everyone was there. Stede let it go on for almost ten minutes before he called for order, seeing Mary looking increasingly harried in the background and Doug trying to calm or reassure her.

“Right here, mate,” Ed said as he came to sit on the arm of the chair Stede. Initially, he’d been sitting just a touch off-camera on the loveseat, his knee making him unable to sit down on the floor like everyone else.

He settled in beside Stede, draping his arm around the back of Stede’s chair.

“Alright, are we ready, then?” Stede asked, watching Louis snuggle a bit further into Mary on the screen now that he and Alma were settled and waiting. The crew was arranged on comfy pillows or one another, looking almost as eager as the children on the screen.

Stede glanced back at Ed, who winked at him, sending both a thrill of excitement and a stab of guilt through Stede.

He shoved it aside, not wanting to deal with that at present.

“Right,” Stede said, clearing his throat and holding up the book.

He took another deep breath, then began to read.

“' Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house

Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,

In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;

The children were nestled all snug in their beds;

While visions of sugar plums danced in their heads.”

“What the f*ck is a sugar plum?” Pete asked quietly, causing everyone to shush him, the kids included.

Stede continued to read, slowing and speeding up the tempo where appropriate, glancing around at his family - found and otherwise - every few stanzas. There weren’t any voices to do with this one, not really, but he certainly tried his best to infuse his usual showmanship into it. His efforts seemed to be appreciated, at least, by the gleeful look reflecting back at him by a bunch of adults who’d probably heard this a dozen times, as well as the kids listening with their full attention hundreds of miles away.

For a moment, he forgot that this wasn’t the norm. He forgot that he had never once read a story to these younger adults, let alone have them participate in what had always been a Bonnet family tradition. He forgot that he’d never shared this moment with Ed, who was not really his lover even though he was perched on the arm of Stede’s chair, and his arm had come around his shoulders sometime near the start of his reading.

For a moment, this was Stede every year to date and every year to come: he and Ed and their crazy, blended family.

“ But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight—‘Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!’” Stede closed the book with a gentle thud. “The end.”

There was a chorus of applause and perhaps some over-enthusiastic whoops from the crew, but it made the kids giggle.

“What’s that?” Louis asked when everyone calmed down.

“What’s what, sweetheart?” Stede asked, watching Louis vaguely point at them.

“That thing right there. The green thing.”

Stede turned and looked behind him, seeing the fake fireplace behind them adorned with bows of fake evergreen.

“The garland?” Stede asked Louis with a frown.

“No, the thing above your heads.”

Stede and Ed both looked up, and Stede felt his heart drop into his stomach.

It wasn’t quite over their heads. Arguably, it would have been over the back of the chair. One of those conspicuous inconspicuous bits that Stede was sure multiple people probably stood under, but he - they - were likely the only ones to have been called out for being even near it.

“That’s, uh… that’s mistletoe,” Stede said, turning back to Louis with as cheerful of a grin as he could muster.

“Aren’t you supposed to kiss under mistletoe?” Alma asked, crossing her arms.

“You definitely are,” Lucius quickly pointed out, even as Mary chided Alma.

“Aren’t really under it, though, are we?” Stede tried to argue.

“They don’t know that,” Lucius countered.

“You are a little bit,” Frenchie noted apologetically. “And Ed definitely is.”

Stede swallowed, doing his best to keep his breathing even and not look as terrified as he was.

This was bound to happen. Stede was pretty sure, deep down, he knew it would. From the moment he spotted the damn sprigs of it around the house, he knew there would be a moment when this would come to pass, and he’d just have to go with it.

Or he could tell them.

But the kids were watching, and he didn’t want to have to explain this whole thing to them over the camera.

“Fine,” He sighed before shifting around so he could get up on his knee a bit and reach Ed.

It was quick, all things considered. Painfully chaste but appropriate for the company they were keeping. Barely more than a peck on Ed’s lips.

But oh, did it hurt so much.

Because now Stede would know, wouldn’t he? He would know what those lips felt like on his, know how Ed’s whiskers felt on his skin. Stede would forever carry that quick, well-timed kiss back in his heart, all the while knowing it wasn’t real. That Ed, bless him, had played a part and played it well and would go on as he always had while Stede would die a little inside every day after the f*ckery was done.

Hell, he was dying a little bit now. How many more times was he going to need to do that? Could he even do it again when it broke his heart so badly the first time?

He could feel the tears sting his eyes and blinked them back hard.

“Wow, light was right in my eyes, there,” He said without thinking. The practiced lie from boyhood coming back without issue.

“Stede?” Mary asked with concern heavy in her voice. Of course, she would. She was the only person who knew that was one of Stede’s covers when he would get a bit emotional.

Mary… and Ed.

“Just the light. Eyes are a bit dry. I’ll just go put some drops in. It’ll be fine.” He waved it off.

“Well, we should go anyway if we want to be asleep in time for Santa, right?” Mary said pointedly, which held Stede back.

“Love you, dad!” The kids crowed, followed by a few good nights between kids and crew. Stede snuck off as Frenchie went to disconnect, wanting to get away before anything could come of what happened.

He went for their bedroom, which he realized when he got there was stupid, but where else would he have gone? Outside on the deck, everyone would see him potentially have a nervous breakdown. If he fled to the common bathroom downstairs, there would be no telling who would try and knock, see if he was alright, all that.

There was a gentle tap on the door before it opened, which set Stede into motion because he knew that tap. And he knew this was coming, this confrontation of sorts. Stede cursed his emotions as the lump sat heavy in his throat, and he knew there was no covering his turmoil.

“Stede?” Ed asked as he stepped into the room, eyes falling on where Stede was pacing. “Mate, what is it?”

Stede watched him close the door, the ruckus of downstairs silencing with the click.

“I can’t do this,” Stede said, hands going to his hair and clutching at his curls. “I can’t. It’s not fair to you, Ed.”

“Why isn’t it fair to me?” Ed asked carefully as he tried to get closer.

Stede stopped him immediately, turning on his heel and holding out his hand in a silent request not to come closer.

“It’s not fair to you,” He said when it was clear that Ed wasn’t going to move. He tried to swallow down that lump, having only partial success, but at least his voice didn’t crack when he spoke again. “It’s not fair, and I should never have suggested it or hinted at it.”

“Whoa, Stede, stop. It’s fine, it’s… it’s no big deal, alright? Friends, they kiss all the time. It’s like a greeting in some places.”

“Yes, I know, I’m aware. But Ed, it’s not fair because…. because I wanted to kiss you. Desperately . For years. It’s not fair because I’m in love with you.”

Stede stopped and finally looked at Ed, confession out in the open, heart laid bare, cards on the table. Lump back in his throat and bigger than ever, Stede took in Ed’s wide-eyed stare, his unmoving stance, and knew.

Closing his eyes and shaking his head, Stede let out the breath he hadn’t realized he was holding.

“Look, just… forget I said anything,” he said, hoping to come across as fine even as he felt the urge to scream and cry. “We can just fess up to the whole mess in the morning, and we can just go on like nothing’s changed between us. You don’t have to worry about-“

Stede stopped at the three hard, quick, distinct footfalls and opened his eyes, half expecting to see Ed going for the door.

Then immediately shut them again as he felt Ed’s hands cup his face and his breath on his lips just before he was kissed again.

Only this time, it wasn’t gentle or chaste. This time it was bruising and passionate in a way Stede had never imagined he’d ever get to experience. He found himself grabbing onto Ed, taking his waist in his hands and hoping this was fine. Had to have been, what with the way Ed seemed to try and devour him more. Stede was starting to find himself leaning back a bit, half expecting Ed to try and dip him when Ed pulled back and broke the kiss.

Stede let out a shuddering breath and couldn’t help but smile at the sight that greeted him.

Ed, smiling in the way he did that seemed only for Stede as his eyes sparkled with joy. Ed’s thumbs caressed Stede’s cheeks as he seemed to take in every detail of Stede’s face in the moment.

“I love you, too, you f*cking lunatic,” Ed said, voice choked with emotion. “Have for-f*cking-ever.”

“Really?” Stede asked, not even the least bit ashamed at the hope in his tone.

“Yeah,” Ed replied. “Drives Izzy up the wall.”

Stede chuckled wetly as he moved one hand up to cup Ed’s cheek.

He found himself utterly speechless, so he did the only thing he could think of: he kissed Ed again.

Chapter 12: I Guarantee My Heart Is Yours to Hold

Chapter Text

Ed was kissing Stede. Ed was kissing Stede! Because he loves him and has for maybe as long as Ed has loved Stede, and now they were kissing, and it was the best thing in the whole f*cking world.

Especially when, just a moment ago, Ed was so f*cking sure he was about to be let down as gently as possible. He thought for sure Stede was going to say that it wasn’t fair to Ed because Stede had known that Ed had loved him, but the feeling wasn’t mutual.

But it was mutual. It was mutual, and Ed was so f*cking giddy he was still giggling as he kissed Stede. And Stede was giggling, too, like they’d gotten drunk together. Maybe they had, just off each other and the f*cking elation of having gone that final step together.

“Guys?” Lucius called through the door, and Ed broke the kiss to cross the room to the door while Stede turned his back to it.

Ed opened the door and arched a brow at Lucius, though anything menacing was well and truly negated by his constant giggling.

Lucius looked taken aback, looking from Ed to Stede with suspicion and confusion.

“Everything alright?” He asked.

“Yeah, mate,” Ed chuckled. “Stede just had a bit of a mishap with the eye drops.”

“It’s not funny, Edward,” Stede said while still chuckling, instantly playing along.

Lucius didn’t seem to know what to make of that.

“You’ve been up here for a few minutes.”

“Yeah, well, it was f*cking funny,” Ed said as he managed to get himself under control.

They could talk about what it meant for them later, this love between them. For now, there was still a f*ckery going on. They’d have to figure out if they wanted to out themselves at another time.

“Love, you gonna be alright now?” Ed asked, turning to Stede.

Stede who loved him.

It made the giggles start up again.

“Yes, go on. Be down in a moment after I change my shirt,” Stede added the last bit, almost like an afterthought.

Ed stepped out, closing the door behind him and letting Lucius lead him back downstairs.

“Eyedrops, huh?” Lucius asked.

“Yeah, Stede’s been needing to use them every night,” Ed bullsh*tted, hoping it wasn’t going to come back and bite him. He was pretty sure it was what Stede would have said, covering up whatever moment he was having.

“Really?” Lucius said thoughtfully. “Hadn’t realized.”

“Yeah, well, why would you?” Ed asked, clapping the boy on the shoulder. “You’re not the one sleeping with him,” He said with a wink that seemed to send Lucius into a brief spiral before he returned to the love seat he’d been sitting at earlier.

Stede was down just after, in a different shirt, eyes a bit red, and with a smile on his face.

“You good?” Ed asked when their eyes met across the room.

“Yes,” Stede said as he crossed the room. He sat down next to Ed just as close as he always had, putting his hand briefly on Ed’s knee as he said, “Though we may have to head into town the day after tomorrow. Probably only have enough drops left for tomorrow.”

Ed glanced at Lucius, who looked… annoyed?

Why would he be annoyed? The bugger was constantly getting them into town to do sh*t.

“So, what are we up to now?” Stede asked.

“You should read another story,” Frenchie suggested.

“Oh, can you do The Grinch ?” John asked, Roach nodding enthusiastically beside him.

“Really?” Stede asked in pleased disbelief.

“You do do the voices pretty good,” Oluwande admitted sheepishly.

“I could do voices. It’s not hard,” Lucius replied a bit bitchily.

“Really? Do the Grinch,” Oluwande egged on.

“Yeah, hombre , do the Grinch.”

Everyone else was getting in on it, and Ed stole a glance at Stede only to find him looking back. They grinned, and knowing what he knew now, Ed realized that that grin on Stede’s face was full of love. For him. f*cking wild.

“Oh, I’m the Grinch, and I hate Christmas, and I’m going to steal it, so everyone is as bitter and bitchy as me,” Lucius half shouted in an awful attempt at making his voice deep that just had it cracking and pitching weird.

It silenced the room, drew all the attention to him, and had him shrugging helplessly.

“Anyone have a copy?” Stede asked after a beat, which all started with various people saying they could get a copy of it on their phone via numerous electronic libraries.

Eventually, a copy was acquired, and Stede read it with the same gusto he would for the kids. Which then had the crew trying to find another story for him to read and another before Stede asked to tap out.

“Fun as it is, I’d like to have a voice tomorrow,” He told them indulgently.

“It’s getting late, anyway,” Oluwande said before getting up with a groan. “We got a call with Jim’s nana in the morning after mass in California.”

“Yeah, four in the morning. Good times,” Jim said sarcastically before getting up and taking their partner’s hand. “When are we doing the gift thing?”

“In the morning?” Lucius said like was obvious. “When the f*ck do you open gifts?”

“Always did it after breakfast,” Roach said, Frenchie nodding along.

“What?” Lucius asked, affronted. “That’s cruelty.”

“Yeah, but we’re adults,” Jim said, giving Lucius a playful smack on the back of the head.

“I’m going to have to watch the kids early,” Stede said, “so maybe after breakfast is for the best.”

“Ugh, fine,” Lucius grumbled before he got up from the floor, pulling on Pete as he went. “Should probably call Lucy, check in with her, see how she’s doin’.”

“Why do I have to come?” Pete asked petulantly as he got to his feet.

“Because after I talk to Lucy, I thought we could unwrap-“

Not a soul in that room let Lucius finish that sentence, all telling him to stop well before he actually did.

The boy just smirked before pulling Pete along, passing Oluwande and Jim on the way.

“Right, night, everyone,” Oluwande said with a wave. Everyone left chorusing it back.

The three remaining on the floor awkwardly glanced at each other.

“You guys wanna go out on the deck? Play some cards or something?”

“Yeah,” John agreed, getting up.

“Sounds good,” Roach agreed as he followed. They all stood around, looking at one another with varying degrees of uncertainty before giving an awkward grin and heading outside.

Ed listened to them as they passed through the kitchen, the clink of bottles and the opening and closing of drawers and cupboards, preluding the opening of the patio door.

It slid open, slid closed, and then Stede and Ed were alone.

It wasn’t exactly awkward, but there was a new energy to this aloneness that Ed didn’t know what to do with.

He turned to Stede and once more found Stede looking back at him with a soft smile. They just stared at one another, Ed basking in the knowledge that all he was feeling was mutual. He reached for Stede’s hand, taking it in his own and just holding it.

“So,” He said softly, twisting in his seat to better look at Stede.

“So,” Stede said, twisting as well. After a long beat between them, Stede quietly asked, “You know what else I’ve missed about having a partner?”

Ed shook his head. “No. What?”

“Dancing,” Stede told him. “I haven’t danced with anyone in nearly a decade.”

“Yeah?” Ed asked, the corner of his mouth pulling higher.

“Yeah,” Stede said, running his thumb over Ed’s. “Would you like to dance with me, Edward?”

“Think I would,” He replied, giving Stede’s hand a tug before getting off the loveseat.

Stede’s laptop was still hooked up to the TV, so he simply navigated to his music and brought it up.

An old song Ed was sure he’d never heard before started to play, and Stede turned shyly toward him.

“Sorry,” He said as he stepped up to Ed. “Feeling a bit, uh, sentimental, I suppose.”

“Think I know what you mean,” Ed replied as he let Stede guide him into a waltzing stance. Though instead of turning around the room, Stede led them in slow, swaying circles to the tune of the song.

They were as close as they feasibly could get, staring into one another’s eyes in the glow of the fairy lights and the fake fire. It was romantic as f*ck, practically swoon-worthy, as Ed felt like he was only a breath away from doing so at any moment.

They held eye contact dozens of f*cking times and stared at each other in some pretty heady moments. None of it felt as intense as this. Probably because now they knew, Ed knew, it wasn’t just him. He could lean in right then and there and kiss Stede, and there would be no backlash.

So he did just that. Nothing outlandish, nothing that - should the trio outside look inside - would be too salacious to catch. But he wasn’t entirely holding back, either.

When Stede broke the brief kiss, he placed his forehead against Ed’s and sighed.

“About yesterday,” He said quietly.

“What about it?” Ed asked, matching his tone.

“The morning. When we woke up. You should know it wasn’t just because of, umm, natural things.”

Ed chuckled in his chest.

“That so?” He asked with a quirk of his brow, feeling Stede’s skin move with his.

“Yeah,” Stede replied, grinning. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Ed replied, tugging on Stede’s waist to bring him closer. “Got nothing to be sorry about.”

“No?”

“No. Was mutual, actually.”

“Ah.”

“Yeah.”

“So if it were to happen again…?”

Ed leaned back to better see the lidded-eyed, devious expression on Stede’s face.

He wanted to kiss it off him. Or see what sort of thoughts that expression involved.

“Bit tired,” Ed said. “Think maybe we should turn in for the night?”

Stede didn’t answer. He just stepped back, pulling Ed along and barely remembering to close the laptop before leading them up the stairs where their bedroom door would be firmly shut. And locked. Just in case.

December 25th

The gentle sound of his alarm clock stirred Stede from slumber five minutes before five in the morning. He reached for his phone, silencing the alarm with a sigh.

“Don’t wanna,” Ed said against Stede’s chest, his lips brushing bare skin.

“You don’t have to, darling,” Stede said gently, brushing Ed’s hair from his face. “You can go back to sleep if you’d like. I’m sure I can find headphones. Or I can get dressed, head downstairs.

Ed’s arms tightened around Stede, his bare leg hitching higher and holding him down.

Stede chuckled, turning to kiss the crown of Ed’s head.

“I should at least put a shirt on. Not sure I would like to explain to my children why dad’s not wearing one when he’s not at the beach.”

Ed grumbled before placing a kiss on Stede’s sternum, then rolled away just enough to let Stede grab a shirt and pull one on.

Once the garment was on, Ed rolled back into place, if not a little more, on top of Stede, then kissed him sleepily.

“Merry Christmas,” He said against Stede’s lips.

Stede hummed happily, kissing Ed back before saying, “Merry Christmas.”

Before either of them could say or do anything more, Stede’s phone rang for the video call, and he answered it as Ed rolled away to grab his own shirt.

“Merry Christmas,” Stede and the kids all said at once.

“Where’s Ed?” Alma asked. “Is he asleep?”

“No, he’s uh,” Stede glanced off to the side, saw a bit more Ed than he used to seeing, and blushed. “He’s just getting comfortable.”

Mary choked on her coffee, and Stede double-checked that the view they had did not include anything outside of Stede and a bit of the headboard behind him. There wasn’t, but by Doug’s chuckling, he was pretty sure the adults had sussed out Stede’s unintentional meaning.

“Hey guys,” Ed said as he returned to Stede’s side, shirt in place. “Merry Christmas.”

“Ed! Santa was here,” Louis declared, pointing to the pile of presences just in view of where Mary had clearly set up her laptop.

“Holy sh*t. You two must have been really f*cking good this year if that’s what he delivered there. Still got whatever he brought to your dad’s place to get through, too.”

“Can we open things now?” Alma asked, bouncing a bit on her knees as she turned to her mother.

“Yes, go on,” Mary said, and that was the end of conversation for the next little while.

Stede watched his children tear through their gifts from Santa, from Mary and Doug, from Doug’s family, feeling so incandescently happy he didn’t know what to do with himself. Ed had watched with his head perched on Stede’s shoulder, his arm around Stede’s waist, brushing against the skin of his thigh every once in a while.

Nearing the end of the pile, an unfamiliar older woman came into the room, kissing Doug on the head and saying good morning to Mary before noting the video call.

“Oh, who’s this, then?” She asked.

“That’s Stede and his partner, Ed,” Mary introduced. “Stede, Ed, this is Doug’s mum, Darlene.”

Hellos were had, holiday greetings exchanged, and then Louis went still.

“Is Ed my dad yet?” He asked, innocent as ever.

Ed barked a laugh that Stede didn’t quite understand, given their current circ*mstances, and left him perhaps a bit worried.

Ed, at least, seemed to not and murmured a “tell you later” in his ear.

“Louis, Dad and Ed need to discuss that sort of thing in private, and I don’t think they're there yet,” Mary placated gently.

“Oh,” Louis said, seeming to mull that over, then shrugged, “alright then.”

Mary mouthed a sorry, but Stede felt Ed shrug before snuggling in a bit more.

They stayed on until the pile of presents was down to the ones meant for later when the rest of the family was awake, and then Stede and Ed said their “byes” so everyone could get on with their day.

It was pushing six-thirty at this point, but Stede suspect the rest of the house was probably still sound asleep.

Setting his phone down on the table, he turned back to Ed and just grinned.

“Doing okay?” Ed asked, sliding a bit closer now that there was no one to see.

“Honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever been as happy as I am right now,” Stede confessed, wrapping one arm around Ed’s waist and threading the hand of his other through Ed’s hair. “It’s… this is all I could have ever wanted. I think the only thing that would have made this better is if we had been all together as a family, in person. But I’m certainly not complaining.”

Ed’s eyes crinkled before he leaned in, kissing Stede around a smile. They stayed like that for a bit, the kissing rising and falling in intensity while never actually leading to anywhere. It was the best and knowing he could have it every day made Stede dizzy with excitement.

“I’d have changed one thing, though,” Ed said after a bit, nuzzling his nose against Stede’s.

“Oh? What would that be?”

“I’d have had us put on f*cking pants before we answered,” He replied, making Stede throw his head back and laugh. “Seriously, we’re, like, sitting there with nothing but the f*cking blanket for modesty. What if you dropped the phone, hmm? What if you dropped it, and the camera got a glimpse of what was underneath? Woulda had a lot of explaining to do, then, wouldn’t we? Be more scarring than if Louis had figured out I was Santa that day.”

Stede managed to get himself under control enough to ask, “he mentioned something to you that day, didn’t he? It’s why you laughed?”

“Asked if I could be his dad. Not, like, me me. Asked Santa to give him me as a dad.”

“Ah,” Stede said with a wicked smirk, shifting so he could put Ed on his back and with a teasing remark about tickles under beards on his tongue.

The thud outside their bedroom door stopped him.

“If that’s f*cking Lucius,” Ed grumbled as Stede got off the bed, the one of the two of them far more practiced at dressing quickly to check out suspicious noises.

He opened the door, mindful of Ed still likely half-naked in bed, and peered first toward the stairs, then the other way down the hall.

John was stumbling with Frenchie tucked under his arm, making their way toward their bedrooms.

“What’s going on?” Stede asked in a stage whisper.

John and Frenchie turned, the pair of them looking a bit worse for wear.

“Sorry, did we wake you?” John asked in the same tone.

“No, I was up for the kids,” Stede frowned as he took them in. Noting the wrinkles in their clothes and what looked suspiciously like seaweed on Frenchie’s pant leg. “Did you guys sleep outside?”

“More like passed out,” Frenchie said, rubbing at his face. “Was epic.”

“What happened?” Ed asked as he came up behind Stede, fully dressed now.

“We had too much to drink and didn’t wanna try to get back in the house, so we just sorta slept on the beach,” John said, rubbing at his face with his free hand. “Still not really sober, me thinks.”

“Well, go sleep it off, then. If Lucius gets any ideas about big to-dos, we’ll stop him until you’re ready.”

“Thanks, Stede,” Frenchie said sincerely before he patted John on the back and stumbled the next door down to his room. Both men went into their own spaces, John not even getting his door fully closed, and silence descended again.

“No way I’m gonna get back to bed for anything now,” Ed said, putting his hands in his pajama pant pockets.

“How about I got down and make some coffee, then?” Stede asked. “We can go have it on the chairs outside? Sun’s up, but we can still watch the sky change. Have a moment?”

Ed grinned, “I like moments,” he said before stealing a quick kiss from Stede. “Right, let me just take a leak first, meet you down there after.”

“Sounds good,” Stede said, watching Ed go back into their room and making straight for the bathroom.

When the door clicked, Stede dashed back in as well.

Technically, he supposed, what he had in mind was supposed to be done as a group. But damn it all, it had meaning, and he didn’t want to share it if he didn’t have to. Especially not now that he knew he and Ed were going to be together.

He opened his suitcase as quietly as he could, finding the box from the distillery in its pre-made gift wrap that Stede had stuck in a bag with Ed’s name on the label. He quickly removed it, replacing it with the scarf he purchased Ed at the market, deciding to save that for the proper gift exchange later.

He then crept downstairs, opened the patio and set the gift on one of the other chairs, and covered it with a pillow before dashing back inside to start the coffee.

Ed came down by the time it was nearly brewed, hands behind his back and keeping said back suspiciously turned away from Stede.

“I’ll meet you out here,” he told Ed, amused by the lack of subtlety that normally wasn’t Ed’s style.

“Yep, right. Out there,” Ed said as he walked backward until he gently bumped into the door.

Stede chuckled quietly as he turned away, giving the silly man his privacy to sneak outside while Stede did up the coffees.

Carrying the cups out, he elbowed the door Ed left open a crack the rest of the way, shutting it with his foot as he carried their coffees over, handing Ed his before sitting down.

Ed took a drink of his coffee and groaned with delight.

“f*ck, that’s perfect,” He said, setting it down in the sand at the foot of the chair between his feet. He then reached underneath, pulling a little, silver-wrapped box from under his seat and handing it to Stede with a sheepish grin.

“Had your name in the gift exchange. Have something else for you upstairs, but this seemed… I dunno, special. Kinda.”

Stede set his mug in the sand by his chair, then took the box with absolute delight, setting it on his lap before reaching for the hidden gift and handing it to Ed.

“Had your name as well. I was going to give this to you then, but given everything in the last twenty-four hours, I didn’t want to share the moment. I still have something for you later, though. Spoiler alert, it’s the cashmere scarf.”

Ed chuckled as he took the box, “f*cking go figure. What are the odds, huh?”

“Yeah,” Stede frowned. “It does seem weird, doesn’t it? That we had each other’s names? In fact… I had drawn my own at first.”

“Weird,” Ed said, frowning along with Stede.

The thought seemed to hit them at the same time, as both of them went wide-eyed and then slowly turned toward the house behind them.

“It wasn’t always supposed to be out here, was it?” Ed didn’t actually ask.

“I was one hundred percent certain it wasn’t, and I doubt very much Lucius would have tried to arrange a date for me if it was. And I’m dead certain that at least one of those rooms as two beds.”

“f*cker set us up,” Ed concluded.

“I believe he has.”

Stede and Ed turned back to each other, eyes narrowed.

“We’re not going to tell him,” Stede said.

“f*ck, no, we’re going to make that f*cker sweat.”

“He’s going to be trying to figure out for the rest of his life if he was right or not.”

“Yep. Long game, now.” Ed agreed. “Should make sure not to act at all different. Like, be super f*cking indifferent to all the sh*t. Like, ‘oh, that mistletoe again? No big deal, just going to give my good pal Stede a smooch right on the lips, as one does.’”

“As one does indeed,” Stede agreed, the corner of his mouth curling deviously.

Ed mimicked it, and then the pair of them started laughing, low and quiet, before reaching for one another for a quick kiss.

“Right, open your present already,” Stede said as his laugh petered off.

Ed tore through it, stilling a bit as the name of the distillery appeared beneath the wrapping. He then finished tearing it open with vigor, opening the lid and stilling again before reverently running his hand over the bottle.

“When I said it was the best of memories….” Stede started to say.

“f*cking hell,” Ed choked out, setting the box with the bottle down before lunging for Stede and practically crawling in his lap.

He kissed him hard and quick, holding Stede’s cheek in the palm of his hand like Stede was the breakable thing here.

“You like it, then?” Stede asked with faux nonchalance.

“I f*cking love it, you maniac. Seriously, a one-hundred fifty-dollar bottle of brandy for a f*cking name draw? Are you out of your f*cking mind? And, I would have sussed out who got it in no time.”

Stede chuckled as Ed fell back in his seat.

“Well, we already know the little bugger probably arranged this whole thing. He did say he knew I had you for the name draw, even asked why I would get you to show you I love you.”

“Yeah, that f*cker arranged this. He definitely didn’t f*cking believe us, and he was trying to call our bluff.”

“Nearly worked, too, when you think about it,” Stede said as he turned his attention to the little box in his hand. “I wanted to come clean quite a few times in the last couple days.”

“Yeah, second-guessed the whole thing a bunch of times since it started,” Ed said, his focus on what Stede was unwrapping.

The nondescript why box gave away nothing, and as Stede popped the lid, he delighted in what he saw. With great care, he took out the little Kraken with a Santa hat and beamed.

“Figured, you know,” Ed said, shrugging uncertainly. “If this was all good memories, had we just ended it on a good note, was a bit of a funny momento.”

“Oh, Edward. It’s a momento for sure,” Stede said as he allowed the little sea creature to spin slowly on its string. “We’ll be able to look at this for the rest of our lives and think back on this week, and,” Stede stopped, realizing he was getting way ahead of himself.

Blushing, he set the Kraken down in its box, then set the box in the sand before picking up his mug and taking a sip.

“Rest of our lives,” Ed repeated in an absent thoughtful way, eyes going distant for a moment before snapping back to Stede. “Hey. You wanna do something weird?”

January 1st

Ed wasn’t hung over as he headed to the pawn shop, but he wasn’t exactly at his best. That was fine, New Year’s day wasn’t exactly a busy day for most people, and it was mostly just him and Izzy sorting through sh*t and being open for people to sell off the sh*t they didn’t want.

The fact that it was just he and Izzy, and it was the first time he and Izzy worked together since before the whole trip, didn’t make the lack of customers better. It meant that there were going to be few interruptions for the inevitable tirade Ed was going to get.

First, he would have to put up with Izzy getting in an “I told you so” regarding Stede. The silk pocket squares ended up being of far more value than the brandy, and the fact that Chris Kraken was given in private while the extremely expensive accessories were given publicly resulted in a flustered Stede berating Ed for giving them all to him.

The very private thank you kiss had been worth it, though.

Then, he’d have to hear about how he took off more time than he was supposed to. Izzy would make assumptions, especially when he took in Ed’s current state. Hair sloppily pulled back, denims and t-shirt that have seen better days, eyes bloodshot from a lack of sleep. How long those assumptions remained would depend entirely on Izzy’s perceptiveness, which may be clouded by his biases.

And then, well… it was going to be a long ass day. Ed already knew that. Especially because he knew what was waiting for him at the end of it, and he really couldn’t f*cking wait to get back to that.

At least he got to stop to the Gentleman’s Brew before he headed over. It meant he had a large cup of perfectly brewed coffee with vanilla and copious amounts of whipped cream.

He pushed open the door, stepping in and grumbling at the tinkle of the tiny bell.

“Mornin’, Iz,” Ed grumbled before taking a drink, switching his cup to his right hand and shoving his left in his pocket.

Izzy came from out back with a gleeful grin and a box in hand.

“Guess what someone dropped off yesterday?” He asked all too excitedly. Before Ed even had a chance to answer, Izzy thunked the box down on the counter and opened the flaps, revealing a full set of Stede’s books.

“Huh,” Ed said. “They in good condition?”

“Yes,” Izzy replied, still smiling like the cat who got the canary. “Because the person never read them. Got the whole set to date, couldn’t read one because they said it was sh*t.”

“Right,” Ed said, taking a sip of his coffee. “Well, I would say Stede’s popularity says otherwise. I’ll get him to sign them, make ‘em worth a f*ck ton more.”

“He’d do that still, would he?” Izzy asked carefully, that smile fading a touch.

Ed frowned, “Why the f*ck wouldn’t he?”

“That sh*t f*ckery you were doing with Bonnet? It’s over?” Izzy asked in turn.

“We aren’t faking a relationship anymore, no. That’s done.” Ed replied with a nod.

“And it’s not going to happen again?” Izzy asked, tilting his head back to look down his nose at Ed.

“Why the f*ck would I pretend to date Stede again?” Ed countered.

“Good,” Izzy said with a decisive nod. “Maybe that ponce can make it up to you by signing these things,” He added, patting the box. “He does owe you, now.”

Ed snickered, “Yeah, maybe,” he said, moving around Izzy to get behind the counter and check out what might have been recently added to the case.

As Ed ducked down, not seeing anything terribly new, Izzy said, “Think I may have found a guy for you.”

Ed huffed, shaking his head as he slowly got back up.

“Yeah, I’m not dating anymore, mate. Done with all of it.”

Izzy was frowning when Ed looked at him again.

“This Bonnet’s doing?” He asked with a clenched jaw.

“Yeah, but Iz,” Ed started, taking his left hand out of his pocket to hold his coffee cup while he made a placating gesture to his oldest friend. “Look, nothing bad happened, alright? You don’t gotta defend my honor or some sh*t. Just realized I wasn’t interested in dating anyone, and Stede did have a part in that.”

Izzy looked at him levelly for a beat, examining Ed’s face for tells before deciding there wasn’t any deception there and nodded once.

“Sounds like you came to your senses over these last couple weeks.”

Ed grinned.

“Suppose I did,” he agreed, taking a drink while watching Izzy.

Given how sharp Izzy had always been, how eagle-eyed, Ed was surprised he hadn’t zeroed in on his hand sooner.

“Is that a f*cking ring?”

Ed swallowed his coffee as he shifted his cup to his right hand and looked at the shiny silver band on his fourth finger.

“Yeah, it is,” He said before looking back at Izzy.

Izzy’s face was doing something weird, a mix of shock, anger, and apprehension that looked a little like he thought there was a joke he wasn’t quite getting.

“Why are you wearing a f*cking ring?” Izzy asked.

Ed shrugged.

“’Cause I get married last night. Well, yesterday in the afternoon, but you know. Same diff.”

Izzy ground his jaw a moment before he asked, “the f*ck you mean you got married yesterday? Who the f*ck did you marry?”

Ed hid his stupid grin behind his coffee cup, trying to pull himself together enough to answer when Izzy’s attention was snapped to the door before it even opened.

“Ed, darling,” Stede said as he popped in, “The movers are going to be at your place in an hour, and I just wanted to make sure you’re certain there wasn’t any furniture you wanted to keep?”

“Just that chair for the auxiliary wardrobe. Other than that, your sh*t was always better than mine.”

“Alright,” Stede replied as though he didn’t quite believe Ed. “I should get over there, then. Be ready to meet them when they arrive. You’ll be home by six?”

“Sure will, love,” Ed said, stealing a quick kiss before Stede ducked back out.

As he turned, Stede seemed to spot Izzy. He gave him a grin as he said, “Happy new year, Izzy,” before darting back out.

Ed waited, counting the ticks of a clock near the back of the store before Izzy finally burst out.

“What the f*ck!”

Chapter 13: Epilogue (We're Gonna Be a Classic for All Time)

Chapter Text

December 25th (a year later)

Ed was awake before Stede, which was a rare f*cking thing. In the near year they’d been married, Stede had kept his early wake up though usually chose to stay in bed instead of making the trek to the cafe unless he knew he had to be there. Usually, that meant Ed would go too, but that wasn’t the point.

The point was, he was awake before Stede. Mostly it was because he was as f*cking giddy as the kids, eager for his first Bonnet Christmas as an official member of the family.

He and Stede had plotted their wedding on the beach a year ago while drinking coffee and waiting for the others to get up. Neither of them wanted to wait. What was the point? The more they talked, the more they realized they’d practically lived together most of the time anyway. Hell, by dinner, it clicked they had practically been dating for the last three years. Because the funny thing was, nothing really did change between them. Unless Lucius cornered them under the mistletoe, they behaved in front of everyone like they always had. Partly to keep the f*cker guessing, partly because neither of them wanted to share their relationship with anyone else.

So it was agreed between them: a new year’s eve wedding once Mary, Doug, and the kids were back to be there. Stede had managed to convince the crew to have a fancy dress party at his place for the night, promised excellent booze and food Roach didn’t have to make. It would be their reception, which had Ed inviting Fang, Ivan, and Izzy though Izzy declined outright.

At city hall the day of, they got their number, asked for a rough estimate of when that number would be called, had Mary, Doug, and the kids meet them there, and were all brought into the office just as Ed’s ma answered her video call.

“What do you mean you’re getting married!?” Mary had demanded when the officiant started the ceremony.

“Is, um… does that mean we shouldn’t go ahead,” The poor thing asked in confusion, looking at all the adults present.

“No, this was something they probably should have done ages ago,” Mary replied, “but I didn’t think you were actually dating.”

“Ah, funny story,” Stede had said.

Mary did not find it funny. Alma and Doug found it hilarious. Louis was just happy to have Ed as his dad and that there would be cake later.

When Lucius didn’t believe that they had actually gotten married when the party was revealed to be a reception, Mary begrudgingly showed him the pictures and video, covering their asses by saying she and Lucius were wrong.

Bugger still didn’t realize he’d been right a year later, though Ed believes Lucius will always harbor the suspicion.

The year had its ups and downs. All years do, all marriages do, but he and Stede had never second-guessed their decision. And Ed figured if they made it through the first year of their relationship still feeling as deeply, madly in love as they were in the beginning, they were going to be able to get through anything.

Still, even though he was practically vibrating with excitement, eager for the stomping of rambunctious feet ready to drag them out of bed, Ed couldn’t help but think he was right. Last year was the best f*cking Christmas of his life.

~S~

If Stede were told three years ago that the man who ran the pawn shop he walked into on a whim would be his husband, he’d have scoffed. Partly because he was still married to Mary, partly because he wouldn’t have believed anyone like Ed would have wanted anything to do with him.

The fact that Ed was now sitting behind him, arms wrapped around him and watching over his shoulder as the kids' unwrapped presents still baffled him in the best way. Stede almost felt like he’d duped Ed into it, somehow tricked him with their - still technically ongoing - f*ckery. But he wasn’t stupid. He wasn’t letting go of Ed for anything.

“Alright,” Mary declared, pulling a familiar package from under the tree. “This is for both of you from Dad and... D’ed,” She looked up from the tag and gave Ed an exasperated look while the kids laughed. “Really?”

“Dad Ed. Abbreviated,” He shrugged, unrepentant even as he knew full well he’d pay for it later. Stede looked to Doug, who was doing his level best not so much as smile in case Mary looked his way, but Stede could see it. And he knew that he and Doug would remain silently amused later when their spouses would ultimately get drunk and act more like siblings than a strange sort of in-law once removed.

No, Stede three years ago - hell, even Stede from just over a year ago - wouldn’t have believed this would ever happen.

But he was awfully glad it did.