Ifyou’re happy tohave anopen, healthy relationship with your folks, you may feel like letting them into everything about your life. There are, however, situations where their involvement complicates things rather than helps. Inthese cases, you’re allowed torespond with restraint. Iftheir expectations are invasive, even ifthey are well-intentioned, it’s OKtodraw the line. Remember the golden rule: you can, but you don’t haveto.
Bright Side supports healthy boundaries, sowecollected some topics that can betoo triggering tobring upinconversation with your parent.
1. How toraise your children
Being aparent often feels like surviving amid barely controlled chaos, soanexperienced grandparent that can help out can bealifesaver. But sometimes, grandparents can interfere with your parenting style and actively reset what you worked sohard tocreate. Listening tocritiques isfrustrating aswell. Child-rearing norms change between generations, soyou might find their ideas outdated oreven counterproductive.
Ifyou want toask them for parental advice, goforit. Otherwise, ignore unsolicited suggestions. Nobody can possibly know how toraise your child but you.
2. Your partner’s problems
Beitcurrent difficulties atwork, health issues, orcharacter quirks ofyour partner, it’s better tokeep these private from your parents. These things are best discussed privately, without their watchful eye. Otherwise, anything can turn into acause for speculation, concern, orthe inadequate judgment ofcharacter, and nobody appreciates that.
Oversharing the details ofyour partner’s life can beconsidered aviolation oftheir privacy. They might not want their personal info tobeshared with your family and it’s better tonot betray their trust.
3. Your relationships with other family members
Household micro-politics are anart, and ifyou are part ofabig family with many opinions and agendas, you’re likely askilled diplomat. But parents don’t need tocurate oreven know about your relationships and discussions with other family members, especially ifthere’s some bad blood between you. Your dealings with your relatives can operate onyour terms, rather than beoverseen byyour parents.
Vagueness isyour friend here ifexplicit boundaries don’t work. “Wetalk sometimes” isagood deflection tactic.
4. That you didn’t listen tothem
Decided togothe other way? Don’t tell them that. Itcan behurtful for aparent toknow that their child heard their advice and then did the exact opposite. Itcan beeven more hurtful for them torealize that their advice isnot something you necessary listen toand stick with. Inother words: that you can know best and their opinion isnolonger needed.
5. Your lifestyle
There are some aspects ofyour life that you don’t want todraw your parents’ attentionto. Maybe you have anunhealthy diet oramessed-up sleep schedule, oraseries ofromantic escapades. Oryou’re fond ofrisky sports oraggressive concert raves. For you, it’s just aroutine, but for your parents, itcan seem like reckless and dangerous behavior. So, you may prefer todeal with some details ofyour life byyourself.
6. Their parental mistakes
Nobody isperfect and your parent probably did something that hurt you asachild. Childhood trauma can run deep and have agreat impact onyour life. Noneed torub that inyour parents’ faces. You don’t want tosubject them oryourself tothe pain ofreliving that experience orthe pain ofknowing that they hurt you. Instead, compliment them onthe positive things they did and tell them you appreciateit.
7. Conflicts inyour relationships
All couples fight sometimes, and this isnormal. However, itisunwise torun and complain toyour parents about how your significant other did you wrong. Today you fight, tomorrow you make upand moveon, whereas your parents probably won’t. What, for you, was aminor quarrel can ruin your S.O. intheir eyes forever. Parents are protective, sodon’t bring them into your tension with your partner.
- Note: Weare not talking about extreme situations here, ofcourse. Ifyou are the victim ofdomestic abuse, you absolutely must tell your parents aboutit.
8. Spending money
You may spend money inways your parents don’t understand— orapproveof. Itcan befrustrating for working, self-sufficient adults toreceive unrequested advice onhow tomanage things, which can lead todisagreements and arguments. Your spending habits are not something your parents should critique orcomment about, aslong asyou’re self-supporting and not asking for extra cash from them.
9. Mental health
Mental health isadifficult topic and normally your loved ones should know what’s going onwith you. Unfortunately, oftentimes parents simply aren’t qualified enough tohave adiscussion aboutit. All they would know isthat something iswrong but they have avery loose idea ofwhat. They switch topanic mode. Itcauses stress toboth parties and won’t doanything for your particular mental health status.
Sure, you may share struggles with them ifthey can support you, but there’s noobligation for your intimate mental details tobepart oftheir world. It’s always better toreach out toaprofessional with your particular condition.
10. Your career plans
Say, you have analright job with abank but want tochange ittosomething completely different, for example, design. It’s gonna bealong and rocky road: you have tolearn somuch, find anew place, and build yourself areputation there. You share this desire with your parents and suddenly, alot ofworries start floating around.
You have toexplain why you want itand reassure them that you’re ready totake the risks, but there’s noguarantee they’ll understand. Conversations about what happens next might make you feel anxious, pressured, and crushed bythe weight oftheir expectations. So, itmight bebetter toinform them with good news after all deals are sealed.
What are the topics you, personally, would prefer tonot discuss with your parents?
