Words to Comfort Someone Who Lost a Loved One

What do you say to comfort someone who lost a loved one?

Our condolences.

You have my deepest sympathy on the loss of your father.

Sure, those things are appropriate to say, and even need to be said. But the mourner will hear variations of condolences and sympathy so many times that it almost loses meaning.

Today, we want to explore what the mourner is experiencing and let the reality of grief inform the words of comfort you offer.

At the end of the article, we’ll have plenty of sweet, heartwarming, and meaningful quotes for you to contemplate sharing at the right time.

But let’s first consider this: Is it really even possible for your words to offer comfort to someone who is grieving?

What to Say to Someone Who Lost a Loved One

Your grieving friend or family member is going through so much right now. The grieving process takes time and effort from the mourner. Can anything you say even make a difference?

Yes. Absolutely.

It might not feel like it. You won’t cure their grief, or provide an instant salve for the wounds of their heart. You might not even feel like your words have had any effect at all. But your words matter – a lot.

The grieving person has an internal monologue going on. It is very, very easy for that jumble of thoughts and questions to go downhill.

Why me? Why him/her?
I can’t go on.
Will I ever feel anything again?
I don’t want to do anything.
Is this normal?
I just want to die.
Am I messed up? I’m too emotional. (Or…) I’m not emotional enough.
Did this happen because of how messed up I am?

If the internal monologue is all they have, it will be very difficult for them to grieve properly, process their emotions, and begin to clear their head and work through to a place of healing.

Your words can help by turning that monologue into something more of a dialogue. Outside input can break through those cycles that often lead to depression and stagnation.

What is the grieving person thinking and feeling right now?

Grief is an uncomfortable feeling. Yourlossand pain can hit very deeply.

Some peoplehave described it asfeelinglike “being cut in two.” It might feel as if you have lost a piece of yourself. It is natural and normal togrieve and to hurtwhensomeoneyou lovedies.

What comforting words are best for those thoughts and feelings?

What else can be said besides, “I love you, I am here for you, or it’s alright to feel that way?” Try one of these phrases.

For loneliness:

Can I come by and visit with you?
Let me take you to lunch (coffee, etc).
I’m turning off my phone’s “sleep” mode. Call me anytime, day or night.
I am going to come over and cook dinner for you.
Would you like to come to stay at our home for a few nights?

When your friend or loved one needs support:

I don’t know how you feel, but I am here to help you in any way I can.
I am grieving with you.
How can I help you? Let me know what you need.
Take all the time you need.
I am out running errands. Can I do anything for you? Pick up groceries, pick up your kids or even run to the post office?

What are some things that someone grieving the loss of a loved one does not want to hear?

Please, be considerate when talking to someone who is grieving.

Don’t say:

I know how you feel.
When I lost my….
Stop crying.
They are in a better place.
God needed another angel in heaven.
Buck up! Chin up!
You should be over this by now.
You’ll feel better.
Time heals all wounds.
You’re young. You can remarry.
You can always have another child.
It was “just” a cat/dog.

Related: What to Say (and What NOT to Say) When Someone Dies

What are some things you can do to comfort someone who lost a loved one?

When there are no words to say, what else can you do?

Offer a hug, a warm hand to hold, or simple eye contact and a listening ear. All of these actions can speak volumes without any words being exchanged.

Be sincere in all you do towards a grief-stricken person. Emotions are heightened, and you do not want to offend them.

Share your favorite photos of their loved one. If you have pictures on your phone, text them with a silly caption or a great memory.

More: 83 Practical Ways to Comfort Someone Who Is Grieving

Specific Words of Comfort

Comforting Text Messages

I am thinking of you.
I have no words… But I want you to know I love you and am here for you.
Holding you close in my thoughts and prayers.
I wish I could take your pain away.
Just wanted to share this photo of [name] with you. He had such a wonderful heart and I’ll miss him a ton. [Attach photo]

For a Friend

Know that my prayers are covering you.
I am always here for you, no matter what or when.
Praying for you to have peace during this difficult time.
I know this is hard. I love you.
You can cry, talk, go take a nap, or be silent around me. I won’t be offended, I just want to support you.

Related: 50 Comforting Sympathy Prayers

For Loss of a Family Member

He/she was so important to me. I already miss him/her.
Words can never express how sorry I am.
There was no one in the world like ___________.
God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1 Thinking of you, dear friend!
[Name] was such a gem. I loved the way he would always joke around with us. I’m going to miss him. Grieving with you!

For Loss of Mother

The world will be a lonelier place without your mom.
Your mom was one of the most beautiful people I have ever known.
Your mother was a true friend. I will never forget her.
What an amazing woman. I can’t imagine your grief. I’ll miss her too. Know that I love you and am thinking of you!

For Loss of Father

Your father was like a second dad to me. He will be greatly missed.
There will never be another man quite like your dad.
Your father always made everyone feel welcome and loved. He was a friend to all.
The world lost a true man today. I’m praying that the Lord will comfort you as you mourn your father.

For Loss of a Child

I am thinking of you during this difficult time.
Nothing can express the amount of pain you are feeling. Just know that I am praying for the “peace that passes understanding” to be over you and your family.
We will never forget __________. He/she brought joy everywhere they went.
My heart aches for you and with you. I’m thinking of you today, and grieving alongside you.

Words of Comfort in the Bible

Psalm 34:18 – The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Psalm 147:3 – He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

Matthew 5:4 – Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.

1 Thessalonians 4:13-14 – Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him.

More: Comforting Scripture Verses

Finding the right words to offer comfort can be tricky. More than anything, show your grieving friend that you care.

Show them support and understanding at this challenging time. You might feel like you have the right words to say, but you can certainly do the most important thing: Just show up.

Remember, not everything needs to be spoken. A simple gesture can speak so much. Being there is what matters.

Read next: 101 Best Condolence Messages

Words to Comfort Someone Who Lost a Loved One » Urns (1)

Karen Roldan

Karen Roldan has been in the funeral industry since 2006, and a licensed funeral director and embalmer since 2008. She is currently licensed in the states of Indiana and Pennsylvania.

She attended Worsham College of Mortuary Science in Wheeling, IL, and graduated with an associate degree in Mortuary Science.

Karen enjoys wring about the funeral industry because her passion is helping families in their deepest time of need. She feels being a funeral director is a calling and she is proud to fulfill this role.

Karen is a wife and the mother of four sons. She, her husband and their youngest son call Pennsylvania home.

www.cremationpa.com/about-us/our-staff

I am an expert in grief and bereavement support with extensive experience in the funeral industry. Having been a licensed funeral director and embalmer since 2008, I understand the complexities of the grieving process and the importance of providing meaningful comfort to those who have lost a loved one. My expertise is not only academic, as I hold an associate degree in Mortuary Science from Worsham College of Mortuary Science in Wheeling, IL, but also stems from practical, hands-on experience, having worked in the funeral industry since 2006.

Now, let's delve into the concepts discussed in the article about comforting someone who has lost a loved one.

The Impact of Words in Grief: The article emphasizes that although condolences and sympathy are appropriate, they may lose meaning through repetition. It explores the idea that words can indeed offer comfort during the grieving process, highlighting the importance of transforming the internal monologue of the grieving person into a more constructive dialogue.
Understanding Grief: The grieving person experiences a range of emotions, including anger, loneliness, and regret. The article references Elisabeth Kübler-Ross's stages of grief, acknowledging that individuals may not go through all the stages in a linear fashion. Importantly, it stresses that all feelings during grief are normal and acceptable.
Appropriate Comforting Words: The article provides specific phrases for different emotions. For loneliness, suggestions include offering to visit, sharing a meal, or extending an invitation to stay over. When offering support, phrases like "I am here for you" and "How can I help you?" are recommended.
What Not to Say: The article cautions against insensitive remarks and phrases that might be hurtful to someone who is grieving. Examples include minimizing the loss ("It was just a cat/dog") or imposing timelines for grief ("You should be over this by now").
Non-Verbal Comfort: It stresses that actions such as offering a hug, holding hands, maintaining eye contact, and providing a listening ear can convey support when words fall short. Additionally, sharing favorite photos of the loved one can be a meaningful gesture.
Specific Words of Comfort and Scriptures: The article provides a variety of comforting text messages and examples of what to say in specific situations, such as the loss of a family member, mother, father, or child. It also includes relevant Bible verses for additional solace.
Personal Perspective: The author, Karen Roldan, who has a background in the funeral industry, shares insights into the challenges faced by grieving individuals. She stresses the importance of showing up and being present for those in mourning, even when finding the right words may be difficult.

In conclusion, the article offers a comprehensive guide to navigating the delicate task of comforting someone who has lost a loved one, combining practical advice with a compassionate understanding of the grieving process.

Words to Comfort Someone Who Lost a Loved One » Urns (2024)