When I was a kid, I overheard my aunt telling my mom her stomach churned every time she asked my uncle for money. As a stay at home mom in the 1970s, she didn’t have her own money, and back then it wasn’t as simple as getting her own credit card. So before bedtime, she would tell my uncle she needed $20 for groceries the next day.
Luckily, my uncle never said no, and she would find what she asked for on the kitchen table the next morning, generally with a little extra, savingher the humiliation of being handed the money patronizingly. And she was able to save a little here and there to buy her things.
Can you imagine having to ask for permission every time you need tampons or new underwear? How about buying your husband a birthday gift, with his own money?
Witnessing that conversation was one of my defining money moments. I swore to myself I would never have to go through that.
I took it so seriously I never allowed a man to use money as a power tool. When I date someone, we go 50-50. I have bought property and started a business with a boyfriend, 50-50. I hate keeping track of every centI spend, so usually we keep a rough tally, and maybe it is 47-53, or when it came to sharing a house and a business, we would put the same amount into a joint account, and then add some more when needed. Still, I am happy as I put my fair share into the relationship.
When I travel with my partner, sometimes we exchange local currency, and he keeps it. I get annoyed having to ask for cash to go buy something, even if I am entitled to 50% of it. I am aware my ways are a bit extreme. I even have a hard time receiving a gift that obviously cost much more than the gift I gave. But if I didn’t have my own money, I wouldn’t feel comfortable being entirely dependent on a man, like a child.
Some couples work well on having the biggest earner pay the bigger share of the bills. My business partner was worth about 10 times more than I was when we bought the house. Should I have put 10% of the purchase price, while he would fork out 90%? For some reason, I wouldn’t feel at home. Which is funny, because when we broke up and I bought his half of the house, he said he wouldn’t be at ease sleeping there if we made up, since I was now the owner. I guess we were a good financial match!
The only relationship that was uneven was when I dated a broke student. He would pay half of the day-to-day expenses, but if I wanted to go somewhere nice on holidays, he would pay half of a basic hotel, and I would cover the rest. I didn’t mind as otherwise, I would have gone alone, and paid 100% of the room. I wouldn’t have felt at ease paying part of his rent or groceries though.
What I want to avoid the most in paying for my half of the relationship, is resentment. In the case of my aunt, my uncle could easily have said “I work all day and you spent $15 on nail polish!”. Even if it is all rainbows and unicorns at the beginning of the relationship, it can turn sour very quickly. My sister was married for six years, and her husband made more. They had a lifestyle my sister couldn’t have afforded had they gone 50-50. When they got divorced, there were a lot of money questions raised, my brother-in-law was resentful of my sister for not working enough, and it was hard for my sister to go from a big four bedroom house with a garden to a tiny 400sqft apartment, which was what she could really pay for on her own.
The reasons why I am a financially independence woman, and will never let a man support me. Click to Tweet
I don’t want to live in an artificial bubble where I think I am entitled to more than I can actually afford. And even if I can afford it, I want my spending to be in line with my values. Being a financially independent woman means supporting my lifestyle, not trying to live like someone else. My rich ex was often complaining I didn’t want to spend $150 on dinner on a random Friday nightor buy more clothes if mine still looked good. But I wouldn’t let him pay for it either, be it his or my money, I still considered it wasteful.
Your financial agreement within your relationship is yours and yours only. I just talked about what works for me, you may be happy paying more, or paying what you can afford, while your partner pays the lion share. Just make sure it doesn’t lead to resentment down the road.
FAQs
1. Freedom to Make Life Choices. Financial independence offers women the freedom to make life choices without being constrained by economic limitations. It enables them to pursue education, career opportunities, and personal passions without relying on anyone else for financial support.
Why should a woman be financially independent? ›
Better financial security: Being in control of their finances give women better clarity and visibility in terms of their financial security. It gives them the opportunity to make choices without any economic constraint and neither are they dependent on anyone for deciding on what is important for them.
Why do you want to be financially independent? ›
Financial independence is extremely important for all of us these days. It empowers you with the ability to maintain and improve your lifestyle. You have the freedom to achieve materialistic goals in your life once you become financially secure.
What are the benefits of being independent as a woman? ›
Being independent boosts a woman's confidence and self-esteem. Accomplishing tasks independently, whether handling finances, pursuing education, or managing a household, instills a sense of achievement that enhances self-worth.
At what age do most become financially independent? ›
45% of young adults say they are completely financially independent from their parents. Among those in their early 30s, that share rises to 67%, compared with 44% of those ages 25 to 29 and 16% of those ages 18 to 24.
What makes you an independent woman? ›
An independent woman is not afraid to be alone. She embraces solitude without hesitation. She can solve issues and complete tasks comfortably on her own. She can eat alone, drive alone, stroll alone, and so on, since she is not reliant on the presence of others.
What are the disadvantages of being an independent woman? ›
“Independent women face a lot of negative stereotypes such as the belief that they don't know how to love others, have poor children-upbringing skills and are seen as a threat to men. They are also afraid to depend on others, thus their partners may feel useless leading to relationship tussles,” he explains.
What happens when you become financially independent? ›
Being financially independent means having sufficient income, savings, or investments to live comfortably for life and meet all of one's obligations without relying on a paycheck.
What are some of the benefits of being financially independent? ›
It enables people to build enough savings and investments to support their preferred retirement lifestyle, ensuring a cosy and secure future. Financial independence enables people to take advantage of potential opportunities, such as starting a business, investing in businesses, or returning to school.
At what point am I financially independent? ›
Americans say they'd need to earn about $94,000 a year on average to feel financially independent. That's about $20,000 more than the median household income of $74,580.
Reduces stress and promotes happiness: Independence allows you to live life on your terms, reducing the stress that comes from living up to others' expectations or relying on them for your needs. This can lead to greater happiness and satisfaction in life.
How to act like an independent woman? ›
Qualities of a Strong and Independent Woman
- Don't Compare. Remember that all women struggle with something; we may be open about it, but mostly we keep it to ourselves. ...
- Get To Know You. ...
- Pay For Yourself. ...
- Be Your Own Problem Solver. ...
- Surround Yourself with the Right People.
It boosts your confidence.
Independence and the ability to hold yourself high is a big boost to your self-confidence and self-esteem. To most, the idea that they don't need to depend on someone else for their own happiness puts them on a track of self-belief.
How did I become financially free? ›
While financial independence comes in many flavors, the recipe always includes the same basic ingredients: budgeting, spending less than you earn, paying down debt, increasing active and passive income, saving and investing, planning for emergencies, maintaining good credit and consulting professionals for advice when ...
How long does it take to become financially independent? ›
Common personal finance wisdom says to save 10% of your earnings with every check, but you'll have to get much more aggressive than that to achieve financial independence in just a decade. “Aim to save a significant portion of your income, at least 50% if possible,” Standberry said.
When can I say I am financially independent? ›
If a person can generate enough income to meet their needs from sources other than their primary occupation, they have achieved financial independence, regardless of age, existing wealth, or current salary.
Why should a woman be financially independent quotes? ›
"Money is only a tool. It will take you wherever you wish, but it will not replace you as the driver," — Ayn Rand, novelist and philosopher. “A woman's best protection is a little money of her own,” — Clare Booth Luce, American author and US ambassador.
Should a woman be financially independent before marriage? ›
Be Financially Independent
“Whether you have a career or a good-paying job, being financially independent means you are not going to get married because you need to,” says Stewart. “You have worth.” This also means that should you for any reason split up or divorce, you'll be able to stand on your own two feet.
Why is it important to earn money in life to be independent? ›
Being financially independent has many benefits. You can build and protect your credit, save money, make your own decisions, and achieve your financial goals. These are just a few of the reasons why being financially independent is so important.
What does it mean to be financially stable woman? ›
Financial stability can mean different things to different people. But in general it means you can pay your bills comfortably, you're on track with your money-related goals, you have little to no debt, and you can live the life you want.
