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Few moments are more uncomfortable than receiving a gift from someone you didn’t buy one for.
What’s a gift-less receiver to do? Pretend you absentmindedly left your gift at home? Simply say “Thank you so much” and accept defeat as gracefully as you can?
Don’t stress. Even etiquette experts feel awkward when they’re on the receiving end of an unexpected gift, and so do social psychologists, including Susan Newman, the author of The Book of No: 365 Ways to Say it and Mean it―and Stop People-Pleasing Forever.
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“I’m definitely embarrassed when caught off guard this way,” she told HuffPost. “It happened to me once when celebrating Christmas with a family not related to us. My friend’s mother got me a gift that I was certainly not expecting.”
In response, Newman offered up some honesty. “I told the woman, ‘I didn’t know we were exchanging presents. I feel terrible I have nothing for you, but I just love this gift. Thank you,’ and I left it at that.”
Newman believes that’s all you’re obligated to do in such a situation. Don’t make excuses and definitely don’t pretend you have a gift at home with your pal’s name on it.
“Telling them you forgot the gift is not being truthful,” she said. “Plus, you’re going to feel just as guilty, upset or embarrassed as you do about not having a gift for that person. You’re being pressured into what you think is proper social etiquette, but it’s something you don’t have to do.”
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And as Texas-based etiquette expert Diane Gottsman said, chances are your friend just wanted to treat you to something nice without expectations attached.
“People are excited to show their love, support or appreciation by giving gifts, especially during the holidays,” Gottsman said. “Knowing how to accept graciously is a skill we all would benefit from honing.”
Instead of getting hung up on that beautifully wrapped but totally unexpected present, try to concentrate on showing your gratitude.
“Respond in the same spirit that the gift was given,” Gottsman said. “Smile, make direct eye contact, show genuine appreciation and say, ‘You are so thoughtful. Thanks for thinking of me.’ Decide later if you would like to give them a gift in kind, but there’s no obligation.”
To further show your gratitude, follow through with a “thank you” note.
Still unnerved by the idea of being sans gift this holiday season? It’s not a bad idea to have a few just-in-case, universally liked gifts stored away in your closet, said Jacqueline Whitmore, an etiquette expert and the founder of The Protocol School of Palm Beach, Florida.
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“I usually buy $10 coffee gift cards in advance. After all, who doesn’t like coffee or tea?” she said. “I also keep a collection of small gifts in my closet for times like this.”
The big lesson here? You can’t go through life avoiding awkward moments entirely, but you can be a little more prepared. Happy gifting (or just receiving)!
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As an etiquette enthusiast with a deep understanding of social psychology and gift-giving norms, I empathize with the awkwardness one might feel when unexpectedly receiving a gift without having one in return. It's a situation that even etiquette experts, like Susan Newman and Diane Gottsman, have found themselves in.
Susan Newman, the author of "The Book of No: 365 Ways to Say it and Mean it," shared a personal experience when she received an unexpected gift during a Christmas celebration with a non-related family. In response, she advocated for honesty, suggesting that a simple expression of gratitude without making excuses or pretending to have a forgotten gift is sufficient in such situations.
Diane Gottsman, a Texas-based etiquette expert, emphasized the positive intentions behind unexpected gifts, noting that people often give without expecting anything in return. She highlighted the importance of accepting graciously and responding in the same spirit as the gift was given. Additionally, she suggested showing genuine appreciation, making eye contact, and later deciding if you want to reciprocate with a gift, though there's no obligation to do so.
Jacqueline Whitmore, an etiquette expert and founder of The Protocol School of Palm Beach, Florida, provided a practical tip for those concerned about being gift-less during the holiday season. She recommended keeping a stash of universally liked gifts, such as $10 coffee gift cards or small items, stored away for unexpected occasions.
The overarching message from these experts is that while you can't entirely avoid awkward moments, you can navigate them with grace and genuine appreciation. The key is to focus on expressing gratitude rather than dwelling on the discomfort of not having a gift in return. As a final touch, Jacqueline Whitmore suggested following up with a thank-you note to further convey your appreciation.
In summary, when faced with an unexpected gift, remember to respond sincerely, show appreciation, and consider reciprocating if you feel inclined. Keeping a few small, universally liked gifts on hand can also be a practical way to handle such situations with ease.
