The first time I got an invitation for a child’s birthday party that said “no gifts” I was torn, but also relieved. One less gift to buy – yay! But when my daughter and I arrived at thatlittle girl’s party, lo and behold, there was a table FULL of birthday presents! Uh oh.
First, let me say, that I am rather old-fashioned and think a magicalpart of childhood is when friends bring presents to your birthday party. Unless they are having a really big party, I rarely say “no gifts” on my girls’ invitations for that very reason. And not because I want my girls to have more stuff, but because I want them to learn to be gracious and say thank you when a child hands them a present and then later when writing them a thank you note.
I think the “no gifts” bandwagon is an (understandable) cultural backlash to people going way overboard with classmate gift-giving. After all, most children in America don’t need 20 brand new toys on their birthday (on top of what their parents and grandparents givethem!).
If I had it my way, the solution would be for everyone to tone down their gift budget. I think a $5-15 giftis perfectly acceptable for a child. One princess tiara instead of five. A set of colored pencils, instead of two coloring books, markers, and stickers. Books are always great and affordable. This crayon case is one of my go-to gifts and only $12 – and includes the crayons!
But back to the question! Here is how I would handle the situation graciously and thoughtfully:
1. If an invitation says “no gifts,” honorthat request. If a family hasinvited the entire classto the party, they are probably requesting “no gifts”to avoid having to find aplace for 22 new toys in their house! They also don’t want to have to persuade/bribe/threaten their child to write 22 thank you notes to their friends! I get that. So if they request no gifts, don’t bring one. But you can bring a card made or signed by your child. This gives your child something to hold when he arrives at the party and shows his thoughtfulness toward his friend.
2. Ifyou absolutely must give thebirthday girl or boya nice gift, consider dropping it on their porch before or after the party.Having a table full of gifts at a “no gift” party makes the non-gift givers feel bad. And I’m sure that’s the last thing the host or hostess want their guests to feel.
3. If your child really feels like she needs to bring something, consider bringinga small– and I mean so smallit’s more like a favor – gift. Tie a big lollipop or stickers to the card you are bringing.Doing thisallows your child to feelgood about bringing a presentto his/her friend,but it’s also smallenough that a thank you note isnot warranted.
If you are a mom who is contemplating a “no gifts” party, consider having guestsbring a book or toy to donate to a local hospital or Ronald McDonald house. This satisfies those who have a hard time showing up empty-handed at parties and, more importantly, channels those gifts to children in need.
How do you handle gift-giving to children in your life? Would love to hear some more tips!
Happy Giving!
Lee
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