Updated November 17, 2022byReGain Editorial Team
Is it ever a good idea to get back together with your ex? Different people will have different answers to that question, partially because we all have unique perspectives and partly because our experiences with our exes are different. Some people have an “I’m never getting back together with an ex’” rule, whereas some people break up, get back together, and proceed to have a strong relationship. If you’re in a situation where your ex wants you back, you might be thinking, “My ex wants me back. What should I do? Do I still love my ex?” Depending on your relationship's circ*mstances, what you’ll want to do or say in response to “my ex wants me back” will differ.
Not Sure What To Do About Your Ex Wanting You Back?
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Here are some things to think about, as well as some ways to answer the question, “what should I do if my ex wants me back?”
They Want You, But Do You Want Them?
You're already thinking on how to get over your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend, but your ex wants to get back together with you. Do you want to get back together with them? Before you consider getting back together with your ex, it is vital to answer this question honestly. Never get back together with someone because you’re lonely or because it’s familiar, if nothing else, is causing you to want to get back into the relationship. That will only hurt both of you more. If you get back together with someone, you must be doing so because both of you want to and know that you’re both able and determined to have a healthy relationship.
When you ask yourself, “what should I do if my ex wants me back?” think about the previous course that your relationship took. It could be that your relationship was short and simple last time and that the reason you’re getting back together is that before, you weren’t quite ready, but some time has passed, and you feel that it’s time to give it another shot. Alternatively, old wounds may be left over from your last go with this person. If the latter is true, you want to make sure that those wounds are healed to the point that they won’t interfere with the connection before moving forward.
If there are children involved, you may feel guilty for not wanting your ex back, especially if they’re trying to get you back. However, research shows that staying in a partnership for thekids when you don’t want to be in it actually has more negative outcomes than staying apart. Remember that you decide to take your ex back or not.
What Does A Healthy Relationship Look Like?
It’s essential to raise each other in a relationship and support the other person's dreams. In a healthy relationship, there will be equal give-and-take. Even in situations where one partner is a caregiver of sorts, you will embrace each other and feel affection from the other person. In a healthy relationship, you will feel like your own person and retain your identity. You embrace one another rather than dependent on each other for your personality or decision-making outside of the partnership.
Take It Slow
Depending on how long you were apart, you might be completely getting to know this person again. Even if you were together for ten years and apart for two, a lot could’ve happened in those two years. You want to get to know your ex as the person they are now. When you realize, “my ex wants me back,” think of all of the ways you’ve changed and make sure that your ex gets to know you like your current self in addition to getting to know them. Spend time together as friends firsthand. Be cognizant of the signs you’d look to in any partnership to see if it’s going well. Many people talk about “the grocery store test” or “the stuck at the airport test” when it comes to relationships. Do you have fun doing mundane things like going to the grocery store with this person? Are they someone you’d be able to enjoy being stuck at the airport with? A good relationship is dependent on communication, understanding, and the ability to have fun with each other.
How To Turn An Ex Down
If you realize, “My ex wants me back, but I don’t feel the same way,” you might be wondering how to turn your ex down. First, know that you’re not obligated to reply. If you decide to respond, you can let them down lightly in any way that feels comfortable. Statistics on men and women released by the United States Census Bureau show that marrying more than once has become more common over the years. If you’re dating someone else, tell them that; it’s up to them to respect it, and if they don’t, you don’t have to continue the conversation.
Similarly, if you’re not looking to date at the moment, you can say, “I’m not looking to date right now.” Again, they must respect what you have to say. You may have heard the phrase, “no is a complete sentence,” and it’s a very relevant statement when it comes to the question, “my ex wants me back, but I don’t want them back; what do I do?” If someone can’t respect your boundaries when you tell them that you’re not interested, it’s only further evidence that you shouldn’t be with this person.
Not Sure What To Do About Your Ex Wanting You Back?
We Can Help - Chat With A. Licensed Relationship Expert Online.
Is It Possible To Have A Healthy Relationship With An Ex?
It is possible to have a healthy relationship with an ex. If you’re on the same page and want to give the relationship another shot, you can use some strong relationship strategies. The Gottman Method is one popular approach used in couples counseling to maintain strong relationships. It’s a highly researched method, and it can shed some insight into the things that help relationships and what may harm them. The Gottman method states that four things often harm a partnership. These four things are called “the Four Horsem*n” in the Gottman method. The four Horsem*n are:
- Criticism
- Contempt
- Defensiveness
- Stonewalling
Conversely, the Gottman method has a theory called the “sound relationship house” that details the elements that can help you maintain a healthy partnership. On one side of the sound relationship house is trust, and on the other is commitment. These are the walls that keep the “house” of any relationship standing; they are vital for relationship health. Inside of those two walls are seven elements or levels that read:
- Make life dreams come true
- Manage conflict
- The positive perspective
- Turn toward instead of away
- Build love maps
To learn more about the Gottman method, you can go to the Gottman Institute's official website. While this is only one way to strengthen your relationship, Learning about the Gottman method can give you some ideas of what to work on letting go of and what to focus on to improve the resiliency and affection in your relationship.
It’s okay if there are some ups and downs. No one is born a relationship expert, and even for the most qualified relationship experts, disagreements are bound to happen here and there. The important part is that you communicate and work through any issues that arise.
How To Make Sure That All Patterns Don’t Repeat
If your ex wants you back and you’re interested in giving it another shot, it’s important to make sure that old patterns don’t repeat, particularly if there was a specific pattern or issue that strained your relationship in the past. One of the best ways to make sure that old patterns don’t repeat in a rekindled relationship is to go to therapy. Think about it; perfectly happy couples go to premarital counseling and find value in it, so if you’re looking to get back together and are determined to make it work, therapy is a great way to help build a solid foundation. Studies show that couples counseling can increasesatisfactionin relationships. The best part of couples counseling is that it’ll always be tailored to your unique relationship and circ*mstances.
Online therapy
Online counseling is an excellent place to work through any relationship concerns you have. Whether you’re dealing with an ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend that wants you back, or something else, seeing a licensed mental health professional can help. The counselors atReGainare relationship experts that offer both individual counseling and couples counseling. Search the network of online counselors atReGaintoday and find the best fit for you.
References:
Don’t Stay for the Sake of the Children, Research Shows
The Gottman Institute | A research-based approach to relationships
Short and long-term effectiveness of couple counseling: a study protocol
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
What Does It Mean When Your Ex Wants You Back?
When your ex wants you back, this means that they’re interested in rekindling your relationship and giving it another try. There are all kinds of reasons why your ex wants you back; they may have spent a lot of time thinking about the good times you both enjoyed together as a couple. Your ex could have also concluded that you two are better together than you are apart.
When your ex wants you back, this also means that you need to figure out what you want. Are you interested in giving your relationship another shot? Do you believe things will turn out better this time around? Your ex may want you back, but ultimately, you need to know what you want, even if figuring it out takes some time. In the end, this will be the best way to move forward.
What Should I Do If My Ex Wants Me Back?
If your ex wants you back, you first have to determine if the feeling is mutual. If you are not interested in rekindling your relationship with your ex, then you should politely let them know, so they aren’t holding out false hope for a reunion.
On the other hand, if you are interested in getting back together with your ex, you should definitely have a conversation with them. Ideally, this conversation would discuss what went wrong during your previous relationship and the ways to prevent a repeat when you get back together. Don’t be afraid to take as much time as you need to figure things out and decide what you want to do next.
What Are the Signs When Your Ex Wants You Back?
When your ex wants you back, there are some very telltale signs. Some of the most obvious indicators of an ex who wants to get back together are as follows: they maintain frequent contact with you, interact with your social media posts, and want to spend time with you. An ex who wants to get back together may also try to find out if you’ve met anyone new in a romantic sense.
Sometimes, you may not have to guess and wonder if your ex wants you back. There are certain cases where your ex will tell you that they’re interested in giving your relationship another shot. If you believe that your ex shows signs they want you back, directly asking them if they are interested in rekindling the relationship is a great way to find out for sure.
How Do You Respond When An Ex Reaches Out?
There are many different ways that an ex may reach out. They could call, text, or even make contact via social media. How to respond when an ex reaches out largely depends on how they reach out and what they have to say.
If your ex calls or texts you, as opposed to contacting you through social media, then you can decide whether or not to answer. If you are not comfortable speaking to your ex, you don’t have to pick up the phone. Likewise, if your ex contacts you through social media -- whether by sending you a friend request, liking your social media posts, etc. -- you too have the choice of deciding how and whether or not to respond.
If you’re contacted through social media by your ex, you can accept their friend request, follow them back, or even send them a direct message...if you want to. When faced with an ex trying to restart contact with you, respond in a way that makes you most comfortable.
Why Would an Ex Want to Be Friends?
There are a plethora of reasons why an ex might want to be friends. Your ex could genuinely admire you as a person and think of you as someone worth having in their life. Another real and common possibility is that your ex wants to be friends hoping that you two may reunite romantically later down the line. Likewise, if you and your ex have mutual friends in common, they may view staying friends as easier than having no contact altogether.
Different people respond to breakups in different ways. If you and your ex split amicably, then there’s a real possibility that they could want you in their life, even if not as a romantic partner. Relationships are complicated, as are breakups.
How Do You Tell if Your Ex Misses You?
An ex who misses you will generally try to maintain contact with you. This can happen through phone calls, social media posts, text messaging, etc. Sometimes, this contact will happen consistently; in other cases, your ex may go for periods of time without any contact, only to later try to reach you out of the blue.
You should also know that if your ex misses you, they may ask what you’re doing, how you’ve been, etc. All of these actions are signs of your ex trying to maintain a place in your life. If your ex misses you, they may also confess that they miss you at one point or another.
How Long Before An Ex Reaches Out?
After a breakup, it is more common than not for an ex to reach out within days to months. Of course, this is a very broad range; the specifics of whether an ex is likelier to reach out within a few days as opposed to a few months depends upon how the relationship ended, whether or not they’re interested in getting back together, why you two are no longer an item, etc.
Some people have found that their exes actually reached out to them when they least expected it. You can guess all day long about how much time will pass before an ex reaches out, but ultimately, there’s no way to know for sure.
Why Does My Ex Still Talk to Me?
If your ex still talks to you, they may very well be interested in getting back together with you. At the very least, the fact that your ex is still speaking with you indicates that they’re interested in being in your life.
Whether or not your interactions with your ex are positive or negative can also provide some insight into why they’re talking to you. If your ex speaks to you positively, then there’s a strong chance that they have good intentions and wish to be in your life for good reasons. However, if the interactions that you have with your ex are frequently negative, this can be toxic to your mental health; for this reason, reconsidering whether or not you and your ex should speak to one another could be a good idea.
Why Does My Ex Keep Calling Me?
There are several reasons why an ex could keep calling you. Chances are they’d like to speak to you, know how you’re doing, and not lose touch. An ex who regularly calls you may also have hope that you two will eventually get back together and reunite.
If you and your ex went through a rough breakup, they might also be hoping to amend things if they keep calling you. With that being said, you are under no obligation to speak with your ex if you do not want to. If your ex continues calling you even when you’re consistently not answering or after you’ve told them not to, then that’s a problem. Blocking their number may be a good idea if you are not comfortable with them repeatedly calling you.
Why Does He Want to Stay Friends After Breaking Up?
If children are involved, this could be another reason why an ex wants to stay friends.
Every situation is different, and wanting to know why an ex wants to stay friends post-relationship is understandable. Some people have also found that staying friends with an ex makes work relationships or even home relationships easier. If an ex in your life has expressed an interest in remaining friends with you despite the breakup, you can always ask them to give an honest answer as to why.
Why is Being Friends with an Ex a Bad Idea?
Some people have argued that no one should remain friends with an ex. Generally, folks of this mindset believe that trying to stay friends with your ex can interfere with you processing the breakup and moving on.
Others have argued that being friends with an ex can cause problems in future relationships and even have adverse impacts on your mental health; people with this particular outlook often advocate for cutting off all contact with an ex, removing them from your social media accounts, etc.
Despite the mild stigma that is sometimes attached to being friends with an ex, you ultimately have to do what you believe is best. If both you and your ex are comfortable with staying friends, there is nothing wrong with giving that a shot and seeing where it goes.
Is it Healthy to Keep in Touch with an Ex?
Keeping in touch with an ex can be healthy, assuming that these interactions are positive rather than negative. Some people have an easier time with this than others; however, if you and your ex can treat each other with respect and not hurt one another, there’s nothing wrong with staying in touch.
Many people have found that staying in touch with their exes helped them maintain a good friendship or even get back together with their ex. There is no guarantee that these results will stem from keeping in touch with your ex; however, you ultimately won’t know if keeping up with your ex is healthy for you until you give it a try.
With that being said, if you and your ex broke up because of atrocious acts or other serious problems, keeping in touch is generally not healthy or recommended.
What does it mean when your ex wants you back?
What do I do when my ex wants me back?
What to say to an ex who wants me back?
How do you tell if your ex genuinely wants you back?
How long after a breakup do couples get back together?
How do you know your ex still has feelings for you?
Why do exes want you back when you've moved on?
How do you know if your ex misses you spiritually?
What does it mean when your ex still sleeps with you?
How do you know if your ex wants you back but won't admit it?
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