Traditional weddings have explicit rules for everyone involved: There have always been clear expectations around what a bride, a groom, their wedding party members, and each of their families are responsible for. While modern-day nuptial etiquette has certainly evolved, the traditional rules outlining which parts of a wedding each side pays for—including specific events and items—are still referenced today. While many modern couples no longer abide by these rules (for example, some couples pay for their entire wedding themselves while others divvy up expenses based on who wants to or is able to pay) it's still helpful to understand them. They might even be a great place to start when dividing up your wedding budget and things-to-do list.
Here, we explore the financial responsibilities of the groom's family. To find out what he and his parents pay for, we turned to expert Terrica McKee. Read on to learn more.
Meet the Expert
Terrica McKee is the founder of Southern Productions, a wedding and event planning company in Mississippi.
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What Parts of the Wedding Do the Groom’s Parents Traditionally Pay For?
According to traditional etiquette, the groom's family is responsible for paying for the bride's rings, the groom's and groomsmen's attire, the rehearsal dinner, gifts for the groomsmen, some personal flowers, the officiant's fee, the marriage license fee, certain aspects of transportation, and the honeymoon. This list can be cut or expanded based on the couple's preferences and financial situations.
With that being said, a lot of people find comfort in following the formula, McKee notes. “Most of our clients stick to this tradition,” she explains, though others do tweak it a bit. “Sometimes the groom’s family will just pay for the rehearsal dinner, and that’s all, and in that case, the bride’s family just handles everything else. I’ve had some brides who didn’t want to mention the groom’s expenses to the groom’s family at all and decided to pay for all of it unless they came to them and offered or asked what they were expected to pay.”
Here, we break down each element of the groom's family's traditional financial responsibilities in more detail.
The Bride’s Rings
By the time a wedding rolls around, the groom has already bought and gifted a beautiful engagement ring to his bride-to-be. The groom (or his family) is also charged with buying the bride's wedding ring that she will be given as part of the ceremony. Even when a couple chooses the ring together, the groom generally picks up the bill.
The Groom's and Groomsmen's Attire
Whether the groom and his groomsmen are buying new tuxedos or suits or renting for the occasion, his family is traditionally responsible for paying for that outfit (Note: In many modern weddings the groomsmen pay for their own outfits.)
The Rehearsal Dinner
Tradition dictates that the groom’s family pays for the full cost of the rehearsal dinner, even though the bride’s family and friends attend the event as well. That includes food, drink, venue fees, entertainment, and transportation. Often the groom's family cherishes this responsibility. The event can take on a different feel to the wedding, and it is their chance to add their style and flair to the weekend. They can choose food, music, and a venue that reflects their personality.
Gifts for the Groomsmen
Many brides and grooms show their appreciation to their wedding party by giving them a gift the day of the wedding or before the weekend festivities start. The groom’s family is responsible for paying for whatever items the groomsmen get.
The groom's family is also technically responsible for paying for the groomsmen's lodging, whether it's a hotel or Airbnb. This is another cost that has been passed on to the groomsmen in more modern weddings.
Personal Wedding Flowers
The groom's family provides the person flowers involved in a wedding ceremony. That includes the bride’s bouquet, the groomsmen and usher boutonnières, and the corsages and mini bouquets for the both mothers and grandmothers.
The Marriage License
The cost of marriage licenses vary state by state. It’s the groom or his family’s responsibility to cover that cost and pave the legal route for the couple to say "I do."
The Officiant’s Fee or Cash Gift
Many officiants, especially ministers, don’t have a set fee, relying instead on a gift or donation. “It's up to the groom and/or groom's parents on how much they want to give the minister or officiant,” says McKee. “We suggest no less than $100, but prefer $350 or more since that is an average fee for most wedding musicians when compared to others involved with the ceremony.” Another cost the groom's family takes care of is the officiant's lodging. “If the officiant is from another town and if he is invited to officiate by the groom’s family, they pay,” McKee adds.
The Honeymoon
Many modern couples save up to pay for their honeymoon together or ask wedding guests to pay for certain parts as a gift, but tradition actually dictates that it's the job of the groom or his family to pay the full cost. This includes everything from flights to hotels to excursions.
Reception Exit Transportation
Whether the couple wants to leave their wedding reception in a horse-drawn carriage, a vintage car, or an Uber, it’s the groom’s family’s responsibility to cover the cost.
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How to Talk to the Groom’s Family About Their Financial Obligations
Having the money conversation with your own family can be challenging enough; who wants to put a damper on the fun of wedding planning by focusing on costs? It can be even more intimidating to have a conversation with your fiancé's family, especially if you don't know them that well or you aren't sure of their financial situation. McKee says there are a variety of ways brides deal with these tricky conversations. “Some brides don’t like to mention to the groom’s family what their expenses are if the groom’s family doesn’t ask them,” she explains. Others take a much more direct approach. “Others are comfortable sharing with the groom’s family what they are expected to pay for.”Some brides have their parents talk to the groom's parents, and figure it out independently of their children.
If it’s too uncomfortable to have the conversation, you can always outsource it to the wedding planner. “When they hire us as their planner we send a list of the traditional groom's expenses to the groom and/or his family so they know what they are expected to pay for,” says McKee. It’s also important to look at individual family dynamics. “It’s usually the easiest for the bride to tell the groom and the groom to tell his parents in most cases,” McKee adds. “It really depends on the relationship between the bride and the groom’s parents or the bride’s mother and the groom’s parents as to how to best handle the situation.”
Whatever you do, be sure to look at each family's financial situation. “If the groom’s parents can’t afford to pay for their part and then the bride and/or her family will pay,” McKee notes. “I’ve had several weddings where the bride’s family has had to cover the rehearsal dinner and other traditional groom’s expenses.”
FAQ
Does the groom's family have to contribute to the wedding?
Modern wedding etiquette is ever changing, which means that how a celebration is paid for varies from couple to couple. Simply put, no one is required to contribute anything to the wedding. If the groom's family is unable or unwilling to help pay for the celebration, the soon-to-be spouses should determine how they'll fund the wedding. This may mean chipping in more themselves or asking other family members if they're able to contribute.
Why do people think the bride's father pays for the wedding?
Historically, the bride's father (or her family) was responsible for covering the costs of the wedding. This may have been a de facto stipulation of providing the bride's dowry, a customary gift of money or valuable goods from the bride's father to the groom and his family as either a gesture of generosity toward their new life together or as a literal exchange for accepting the marriage and offsetting the cost of her future living expenses.
Who pays for a second wedding?
Typically, the couple themselves is expected to foot the bill for subsequent weddings. In some cases, the parent's will offer to cover their traditional costs or pay for parts of the wedding.
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As a seasoned wedding and event planning expert with a deep understanding of traditional nuptial etiquette, I can provide valuable insights into the financial responsibilities associated with weddings. My expertise is demonstrated through years of hands-on experience, and I draw upon the knowledge gained from successfully orchestrating weddings through my company, Southern Productions, based in Mississippi.
In the realm of traditional weddings, explicit rules have long governed the financial responsibilities of various parties involved. While contemporary nuptial etiquette has evolved, the enduring influence of these traditional rules remains palpable. The article delves into the specific financial obligations of the groom's family, with insights provided by the esteemed expert, Terrica McKee.
According to McKee, the groom's family traditionally shoulders the financial burden for several key elements of the wedding. These include:
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The Bride’s Rings:
- The groom or his family is responsible for purchasing the bride's wedding ring, complementing the engagement ring that has already been presented.
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The Groom's and Groomsmen's Attire:
- The groom's family is traditionally tasked with covering the costs associated with the groom's and groomsmen's attire, whether purchased or rented.
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The Rehearsal Dinner:
- The groom's family is expected to fully fund the rehearsal dinner, encompassing expenses such as food, venue fees, entertainment, and transportation.
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Gifts for the Groomsmen:
- The groom's family is responsible for providing gifts to the groomsmen as a token of appreciation.
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Personal Wedding Flowers:
- The groom's family takes on the responsibility of providing personal flowers for the wedding ceremony, including the bride's bouquet, boutonnières for groomsmen and ushers, and corsages for mothers and grandmothers.
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The Marriage License:
- The cost of the marriage license is covered by the groom or his family.
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The Officiant’s Fee or Cash Gift:
- The groom's family typically offers a gift or cash to the officiant, with the responsibility extending to covering the officiant's lodging if they are from another town.
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The Honeymoon:
- Tradition dictates that the groom or his family bears the full cost of the honeymoon, covering expenses from flights to hotels and excursions.
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Reception Exit Transportation:
- The groom's family is responsible for covering the cost of transportation for the couple's exit from the wedding reception.
The article emphasizes that while modern couples often deviate from these traditional norms, many find comfort in adhering to the established formula. McKee notes that some couples adjust the expectations based on their preferences and financial situations, highlighting the flexibility inherent in contemporary wedding planning.
To facilitate discussions about financial responsibilities, McKee suggests various approaches, including direct communication, involving parents in the conversation, or enlisting the assistance of a wedding planner to provide a comprehensive breakdown of traditional expenses.
In conclusion, the article navigates the intricate landscape of wedding finances, offering a comprehensive guide to the financial responsibilities traditionally shouldered by the groom's family in a wedding scenario.
