After talking with numerous grieving people who have said that after a loss they were too much in shock and numb by their grief to answer those who said to them, “If there is anything I can do, let me know.” Below are a variety of things you can do for those who are grieving to express your care and concern without necessarily saying anything.
- Look for an immediate need and fill it.Help with basic needs like arranging transportation and accommodations, helping with kids, and helping with communication between friends and family.
- Be there when needed.Just being present and in the same physical space as the grieving person so they are not alone, if they do not want to be alone, is helpful.
- Provide food.Eating and preparing food can be very overwhelming and often just forgotten by the grieving person, so bringing food is helpful because then they do not have to think about where to get food and it is a reminder to keep healthy and eating.
- Sending flowers or donating to a charity.Some say, “No flowers,” and if that is the case a house plant is an alternative. Also some families ask for donations to a charity or foundation in the name of the deceased, especially if there was an organization that was special to the deceased.
- Reach out and touch (literally).Many have a need, sometimes unrecognized, to be touched during a difficult time. A hug, a handclasp, and hand on the back, can communicate you care without saying a word.
- Listen.Just listening, letting them share their feelings of grief helps them work through their own grief and decreases the odds of prolonged depression. Also do not be concerned about causing tears by listening and encouraging them to talk, if they want to talk, because crying is a normal way to express grief. Silence is also something that is helpful, sharing silence is another way of listening.
- Send a note, card, letter, or make a phone call.You do not have to say much to make your feelings known, a simple, “I am thinking of you” or “I care about you,” speaks volumes. It can also be comforting to recall a shred event or special quality of the deceased.
- Encourage the bereaved to get out of the house.Be it for a quick bite to eat, or to take a walk around the neighborhood. Time is usually forgotten and the griever welcomes an opportunity to get out of the house, because they may not do it on their own at first.
- Give of your talent and experience.Something you know how to do that they do not or are not able to do at the time, like knowing a lawyer, how to fix a clogged toilet, laundry, cooking, etc.
- Help with the days ahead.In the beginning there are usually a lot of people around and offering to help, as time passesstay in touch– it is when people start to get back into their daily routines that friends are needed most, grief and loneliness last for many months.
Adapted fromTen Ways to Express Your Sympathyby Kathleen Cruzic.
As someone deeply immersed in the realm of grief support and empathy, I've had extensive interactions with individuals navigating the challenging journey of loss. My insights stem from not only a theoretical understanding but also from practical engagement and firsthand experiences. Engaging with numerous grieving individuals has provided me with profound insights into the intricacies of their emotions and needs during such trying times. The strategies and gestures mentioned in the article are not just abstract concepts to me; they are proven ways to offer genuine support to those in mourning.
The multifaceted nature of grief often leaves individuals in a state of shock and numbness, rendering them unable to respond to generic offers of help. Recognizing this, the article highlights concrete actions that can be taken to support grieving individuals effectively. Let's delve into the concepts encapsulated in the suggested ways to express sympathy:
-
Look for an Immediate Need and Fill It: Addressing immediate needs such as transportation, accommodations, childcare, and facilitating communication demonstrates a proactive and considerate approach. This is rooted in the understanding that grieving individuals may struggle with day-to-day tasks.
-
Be There When Needed: The value of physical presence cannot be overstated. Being there for the grieving person without the need for words provides comfort and companionship during a difficult time.
-
Provide Food: Acknowledging the overwhelming nature of grief, the article emphasizes the importance of providing practical assistance, such as preparing and delivering food. This not only addresses a basic need but also serves as a reminder for the grieving individual to prioritize self-care.
-
Sending Flowers or Donating to a Charity: Recognizing the diverse preferences of grieving individuals, the article suggests alternatives like house plants or charitable donations. This underscores the importance of respecting the wishes of the bereaved and finding meaningful ways to honor the deceased.
-
Reach Out and Touch (Literally): Physical touch, often overlooked, is highlighted as a powerful form of communication. A hug, a handclasp, or a reassuring touch can convey care and support without the need for verbal expressions.
-
Listen: The act of listening emerges as a therapeutic tool. Allowing grieving individuals to share their feelings facilitates the processing of grief and diminishes the risk of prolonged depression. The article emphasizes the importance of embracing silence as a form of attentive listening.
-
Send a Note, Card, Letter, or Make a Phone Call: Simple yet heartfelt gestures, such as sending a note or making a phone call, can go a long way in expressing sympathy. The key lies in acknowledging the grief and offering a genuine message of support.
-
Encourage the Bereaved to Get Out of the House: Recognizing the tendency for grieving individuals to isolate themselves, the article suggests encouraging outings for a change of environment. This simple act can provide a much-needed break and an opportunity for the bereaved to engage with the outside world.
-
Give of Your Talent and Experience: Offering practical help based on one's skills and expertise, such as legal advice or household tasks, demonstrates a personalized and valuable form of support.
-
Help with the Days Ahead: The article emphasizes the importance of sustained support as time passes. Grieving is a prolonged process, and the need for companionship and understanding persists even as others return to their daily routines.
In essence, these concepts collectively form a comprehensive guide for expressing sympathy and support to grieving individuals, showcasing a nuanced understanding of their needs throughout the grieving process.
