Tidying-Up Your Finances: How An Unlikely Book Can Change Your Relationship With Money - Looking After Your Pennies (2024)

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I might have a mild obsession with books that promise to be life changing. I believe every one of them. I get sucked in. I do all the things they tell me, then convince other people that they need to read them too. I’m always slightly disappointed when other people don’t experience the same earth-shattering revelations that I do. They should!

When I reflect on some of these books, I realise that not all them were maybe sensible. With many of them I did not need my life changed in that way. It was actually fine already. Most of these sorts of books are not even good. Some of them are short, poorly-written and with little substance.

One book is different though. The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying by Marie Kondo did actually change my life. Well at least it changed how I view things (and I mean all things) in my life.

What is it about then?

At its absolute core it is a book about how to tidy up your house. The author Marie Kondo talks you through her programme to tidy your home. There are several elements to the process and a series of activities to complete. The end result is a tidy house that never needs tidying again. Great eh?

How is this actually achieved?

The book breaks down the mammoth task of organising your home into categories. You start with clothes and work your way through to sentimental items. Unlike other tidying up books this one recommends that you work in categories rather than rooms, so this means gathering up all the cushions from your entire house and then deciding which to keep and which to let go. And you do that with everything!

How did this change your life?

Despite being a practical guide to tidying up, it is underpinned by the idea of keeping only the things that “spark joy.” And that phrase is the most powerful part of this book. Stop now and just look around you. Do the things around you make you happy? Do you love all of them? If not, why have you got them?

When you start to analyse your possessions like this you realise that you will not settle for second best. It is not OK to accept a life surrounded by stuff that you don’t love. There is always a version of that stuff that you would like more. There’s a version that you would love!

This sounds like it could get expensive. Does it?

No! For one, when you declutter your home I recommend selling as much of it as you can. It might not “spark joy” for you but that doesn’t mean that it won’t for someone else. I made hundreds of pounds when I Konmari’ed (that’s what its called) our house. I sold clothes, furniture, toys, books, all sorts. I then used this money to fund replacements for anything that I felt I needed but was not sparking joy.

Once you get going with the process, you will find the Konmari spreads into all areas of your life. You look not just at physical things but at everything. For example I Konmari’ed my email inbox. I was getting emails from every company I’d ever bought something from and those emails annoyed me. I got rid of them. I unsubscribed. Now I don’t have to look at them any more. I did the same for my finances. And saved loads!

How do you Konmari your finances?

Well, I looked at everything that I was spending. I looked at the variable costs, all the little treats I was buying myself or the impulse purchases and decided whether spending that money on those things brought me joy. I decided that at the time they brought me a small amount of happiness, but afterwards those purchases just made me sad. Either I regretted buying that item or I had already consumed or used it and retrospectively I’d rather have had the money instead.

When I look at my fixed costs it was a bit more difficult. Paying my water bill for one, does not spark any joy at all. But I realised that I could get some joy from trying to reduce it. Therefore I worked hard to try and bring this cost down and found that achieving that goal was where the joy could be found.

With other fixed costs I found that there were ways that I could get rid of them. Subscriptions were an easy one to review. I looked at our entertainment subscriptions and considered each one and the amount of joy it brought to our family. There were some that we had been holding on to but weren’t using so I cancelled them. The money brings me joy in new ways.

If every time you go to spend money you ask yourself “does this spark joy?” you’ll find that you’ll be very reluctant to let that money go. You’ll actively look for ways to make your money go further so that you can keep some of it and still have the things in your life that make you happy. But surprisingly, I found that I just wanted less stuff. More stuff does not equal happiness.

Not just a tidying up book then?

Well that’s not true. But it is not just about tidying-up STUFF. It’s about evaluating your life, deciding what is worthy and only letting those things in your life. When you do this throughout your life, you’ll find that there’s a lot more joy sparking moments.

Get your copy of the book here, and see what you can achieve.

Disclaimer: Remember the information you read here does not represent financial advice. Any ideas or suggestions are just that and may not work for you. Read the full disclaimerhere.

Tidying-Up Your Finances: How An Unlikely Book Can Change Your Relationship With Money - Looking After Your Pennies (1)

Tidying-Up Your Finances: How An Unlikely Book Can Change Your Relationship With Money - Looking After Your Pennies (2024)

FAQs

How do finances affect relationships? ›

Love may bring two people together, but sometimes money is what drives them apart. Matters of finance can strain relationships in many ways, such as when spouses keep secret debts from their partners or, as a recent study showed, when wives make more than their husbands.

Can financial problems destroy a relationship? ›

When you consider that about 41% of Americans with families say that money was a big source of tension in their households in 2022, it's no wonder that financial problems are a leading cause of divorce. 12 What you may not know is that the challenges can begin even before you say "I do."

How to deal with a wife who is bad with money? ›

Seek Counseling and Financial Help

Seeking the help of a financial advisor who understands your goals and financial situation is a great way for you and your partner to confront the issues plaguing your marriage. An advisor can help you develop a budget and a plan to pay down any debts that need attention.

Should I date someone who is bad with money? ›

If your partner isn't good with money, it doesn't mean your relationship is doomed. If he or she is willing to make some changes and meet you halfway, you stand a better chance of getting on the same financial page.

How to legally stop a spouse from spending money? ›

An automatic temporary restraining order (ATRO): This legal document is a restraining order placed on each spouse. The ATRO focuses solely on property, preventing married couples from spending money that would upend and alter their marriage's current situation.

What percentage of couples break up over finances? ›

Money is widely known as one of the leading causes of divorce in America. It's estimated that financial problems contribute to 20-40% of all divorces. That means that for every 10 marriages that end in divorce, four of them are because of money.

What is the number one killer of marriages? ›

The real, number one killer of any marriage or relationship is often a lack of communication or communication breakdown between husband and wife or partners.

What is a toxic relationship with money? ›

It feels like your money is working against you. You're constantly worried about how much money you have and whether that money is going to disappear overnight. You feel embarrassed talking about your financial situation in public. Sometimes you're scared to even look at bank statement or open the bills.

Can a relationship survive financial infidelity? ›

While financial infidelity can and has led to the termination of many marriages, relationships can survive if spouses make a mutual commitment to be honest and communicate. Frequently reviewing bills and financial statements together and having ongoing discussions about future goals are essential.

How do you fix a toxic relationship with money? ›

Here are 6 ways you can repair your relationship with money and fall back in love with your finances:
  1. Show up for yourself and your money.
  2. Don't be afraid of the hard stuff.
  3. Be open to change.
  4. Celebrate your wins―and forgive your losses.
  5. Make it a priority.
  6. Create open communication.

How do you fix a bad relationship with money? ›

Prioritize and cultivate a positive and mindful approach to money. Build smart financial habits: Learn to budget, save, and invest wisely. Understand the emotional side of financial decisions. Seek help from a trusted financial advisor and surround yourself with others who have good relationships with money.

How to stop enabling financial irresponsibility? ›

Tips to Take a Stand Against Financially Irresponsibility
  1. Mutually review how much money you've already lent or gifted. ...
  2. You can assist without enabling. ...
  3. Insist on seeing the borrower's budget for how they'll pay current bills and manage future emergencies. ...
  4. Avoid loans if you can.
Jan 31, 2024

Why do rich people struggle in relationships? ›

Another study found that rich people may be less successful in love because they are less likely than poorer people to exhibit flexibility and empathy in relationships. When it comes to a divorce, this lack of flexibility is often played out in the settlement battle, making the split painful, long and stressful.

How to tell if a man is not financially stable? ›

6 Signs Your Romantic Partner Might Be Financially Unstable
  1. You Don't Talk About Money With Each Other.
  2. They Don't Pay Their Bills.
  3. They're Dealing With Addiction.
  4. They're Overspending.
  5. They Want to Control Your Money.
  6. They're Not Prioritizing Their Financial Life.
Feb 28, 2023

What does an unhealthy relationship with money look like? ›

According to Evans, if you find yourself leaning into avoidance to deal with your money habits — like ignoring your debt or not checking your bank balance — you are exhibiting unhealthy behavior when it comes to money.

Why does money cause relationship problems? ›

Couples often divide duties, and financial duties are no exception. One partner might handle day-to-day household spending, while the other focuses on long-term savings and investing. But those roles are naturally at odds with one another. Such a division of labor is often a source of conflict, experts say.

Why are finances important in a relationship? ›

Money is related to values, goals, and attitudes that reflect how well two people's compatibility. Lack of compatibility may lead to stress, conflicts, and even a breakup. Financial behaviors are ingrained over time, cultivated by our personal experiences, family dynamics, and cultural background.

How should finances be split in a relationship? ›

Splitting shared bills down the middle is one of the easiest approaches to a joint financial life. Each person pays half. This straightforward approach makes budgeting as a couple consistent. Each person pays half the rent, subscriptions or insurance from individual accounts.

Is debt a red flag in a relationship? ›

5 Financial Red Flags in Relationships (And How to Address Them) Financial red flags, like hidden debt or excessive spending, are concerning but they aren't always dealbreakers. Candid conversation and prompt action are promising paths forward.

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