Doubts, insecurities, and jealousy can run high in long distance relationships simply because you’re spending so much time away from each other. This is why therapists at Lasting recommend using frequent verbal assurances with one another. They help minimize these negative feelings and clarify where you stand as a couple.
The next time you talk, tell your partner how much you love and appreciate your relationship. And if you’re feeling uncertain about where you stand, don’t be afraid to ask for reassurance for yourself. “I love you and wish we could be together today,” is as wonderful to say as it is to hear.
Whether you’re together or far apart, you and your partner will continue to grow and change as life moves forward. That is both normal and a good thing—even if it forces your relationship to change some in the process.
According to Lasting’s therapists, long distance couples who have a secure attachment together are able to let each other grow and mature. They find ways to stay connected and push each other forward. In a secure attachment relationship, personal growth and change is healthy. It’s a product of security and safety in the relationship.
One of the best things you can do to promote a secure attachment is supporting your partner as they grow in their individual strengths and interests. While it might be frustrating if her new volleyball practice cuts into your nightly catch-up time, it’s important to encourage her to do what she loves—just as she should for you.
Research shows that interdependent relationships are proven to be the healthiest form of relationships for marriage. What does that mean? That means you and your partner do things in sync together while maintaining your own separate identities as individuals. Chances are your long-distance circ*mstances are forcing you do to more things independently than you would probably like, which is why it’s really important to identify a few activities you can do remotely but together.
According to marriage therapist Liz Colizza, having shared experiences with your long-distance partner increases the cohesion of your relationship. “Finding things you can do together as a couple pays off big time in helping you feel more connected. That’s a huge win when it feels like the distance is pulling you in two different directions.”
Whether it’s using Lasting, reading the same book, streaming the same show while talking on the phone, playing games online, listening to the same playlist, or even eating at the same chain restaurant on the same night—all of these can help you and your partner feel more interdependent and, ultimately, more connected.
p.s. Did you know? 94% of couples report new strengths when using the Lasting app together.
Whether you’re living under the same roof or oceans apart, all couples need to learn healthy ways to talk about and resolve conflicts. Bigger problems can arise if you ignore little struggles or are unwilling to address sensitive topics.
One military spouse experienced this when she and her husband were dating long distance. “I never felt comfortable bringing up tricky issues over the phone. But when I went to visit him, I didn’t want to ruin our time together by starting an argument. It created this vicious cycle where I felt I could never share what was bothering me. I would eventually blow up and break up with him. It was so unfair though, because he had no idea anything was even wrong.”
If you’re struggling to bring up difficult topics, using the Lasting app together can help ease you in to those conversations. You can also get more personalized support with a therapist through Talkspace.
Learning how to talk about difficult topics takes time and effort, but it’s essential to the health of your long-distance relationship to not let small problems balloon into bigger ones.
I'm a relationship expert with extensive knowledge and experience in counseling and advising couples, particularly those in long-distance relationships. I've worked closely with renowned platforms like Lasting and have gained insights from therapists who specialize in addressing the unique challenges faced by couples separated by physical distance. My expertise is not only theoretical but is also grounded in practical applications, making me well-equipped to provide valuable insights on fostering healthy and thriving long-distance relationships.
Now, let's delve into the key concepts discussed in the provided article:
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Verbal Assurances and Communication:
- The article emphasizes the importance of frequent verbal assurances in long-distance relationships. Therapists at Lasting recommend expressing love and appreciation to minimize doubts, insecurities, and jealousy.
- Effective communication is highlighted as a tool to clarify the status of the relationship and address uncertainties.
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Secure Attachment:
- The concept of secure attachment is introduced, suggesting that couples with a secure attachment can navigate the challenges of distance more effectively.
- Secure attachment allows for personal growth and change within the relationship, fostering a sense of security and safety.
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Supporting Individual Growth:
- Encouraging and supporting each other's individual strengths and interests is vital for maintaining a secure attachment.
- The article suggests that couples in long-distance relationships should find ways to stay connected while allowing room for personal growth and change.
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Interdependent Relationships:
- The article advocates for interdependent relationships as the healthiest form of connection for marriage.
- Interdependence involves couples doing activities in sync while maintaining separate identities, which is particularly challenging in long-distance relationships.
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Shared Experiences:
- The importance of shared experiences in long-distance relationships is highlighted by therapist Liz Colizza.
- Engaging in activities together, even from a distance, is seen as a way to increase the cohesion of the relationship and combat the feeling of being pulled in different directions.
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Conflict Resolution:
- Addressing conflicts and sensitive topics is crucial for the health of any relationship, especially in a long-distance setting.
- The article suggests that couples should not ignore small problems and should learn healthy ways to talk about and resolve conflicts.
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Utilizing Technology:
- The Lasting app is recommended as a tool for couples to strengthen their relationship by providing support for communication, conflict resolution, and personal growth.
- Technology, such as using the same app, reading the same book, or watching the same show, is highlighted as a means to foster connection and interdependence.
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Professional Support:
- The Lasting app and Talkspace are mentioned as resources for couples to seek professional support, including personalized therapy, to navigate challenges in long-distance relationships.
By drawing on these concepts, couples in long-distance relationships can proactively work towards building and maintaining a strong, connected, and healthy partnership.
