I recently attended an intimate dinner party in honour of my best friend’s birthday. I didn’t really look at the invite thoroughly. I just looked at the date and time and thought, “YAY!” I love this friend. I immediately thought of what to buy her for a gift. A couple days before the party, I re-looked at the invite and realized that on the invite it said, "no gifts"!
Masterfile
I recently attended an intimate dinner party in honour of my best friend’s birthday. I didn’t really look at the invite thoroughly. I just looked at the date and time and thought, “Yay!” I love this friend. I immediately thought of what to buy her for a gift. A couple days before the party, I re-looked at the invite and realized that on the invite it said, “No Gifts!”
Instead, my friend wanted gift cards to grocery stores for a charity she is starting. That’s the kind of friend my friend is. I was slightly disappointed because I had been planning to buy a really nice necklace for her, though I did love the idea that she was helping out the less fortunate.
But I followed her wishes and bought a $100 gift card to Metro Grocery store. I put it inside a card and wrote about how I really appreciated her friendship and how much she means to me.
But, when I walked into her house, I saw a pile of gift bags by the door. I felt immediately guilty. Obviously others hadn’t paid attention (or ignored) the “no-gift policy.”
I felt horrible. I get a lot of invites that say “No Gifts Please.” But I always wonder if they really mean it. I mean, if I was having a birthday party I’d be like, “Gifts are totally welcome!!” (Ha!)
I asked Deborah Boland, an etiquette consultant, and founder of the website Fabulous After 40, her thoughts on dinner party gifts, on people who have a “no gift” policy on their invites and what guests should do.
When it comes to a dinner party, she says, it’s always polite to bring a small gift such as flowers, chocolate, a plant, wine, co*cktail napkins, candles, stationary, or a coffee table book. “Be thoughtful when you are choosing a gift,” she says. “If you know the hostess, or someone in her family, has a nut allergy, chocolate may be a bad choice. Bringing wine to a home where they don’t drink is also a poor choose. If bringing flowers, it’s best to give a small arrangement or a plant so the host will not have to go looking for a vase or be pulled away from guests to cut and arrange the flowers. Hostess gifts, she says, are nice when they are simple are very personal and make for a bit of fun conversation.”
1. She says the “no gift” scenario is one many struggle with. “It’s such a shame we’re left feeling badly about not bringing a gift if it ruins the night for you.” She believes a host should not say anything about gifts on an invitation.
2. When someone requests “no gifts”it also leaves the guest wondering, “Do they really not want a gift or are they just trying to be polite because they don’t want to put me to any trouble?” Boland asks.“The problem is you will really never know the true answer!”
3. She says if the invitation says “no gifts” you are not obliged to bring a gift and should not feel badly about it, even if others do bring gifts.
4. However, if they say “no gifts” and you genuinely want to bring them a gift to show your appreciation (not out of guilt) then you can send along a gift ahead of time with a friendly note. For example, send flowers the morning of the party with anote saying you are really looking forward to having a wonderful time with them that evening.
5. Like me, I did feel guilty. Boland says that I could send a sincere, heartfelt thank you note on beautiful stationary the day following the party telling them how much you enjoyed the evening, or pick up the phone andcall them thenext day to thank them. “But never send your thank you by email. It’s too casual,” she adds.
6. If you are attending a dinner party where the host and hostess have children it is always kind and thoughtful to bring along a small, inexpensive toy for the children. This could be anything from a cool dinky car, to a princess tiara, to a bug catcher, to a coloring book and funky pencils.”
Boland did make me feel less guilty. And I made the day-after phone call. And, although there was a “no gift” policy, my friend was giving to charity, which, all in all, is a very nice thing to do. And, I think, because she is such a nice friend, I’ll follow up even further by taking her for dinner.
FAQs
If an invitation says “no gifts,” honor that request.
So if they request no gifts, don't bring one. But you can bring a card made or signed by your child. This gives your child something to hold when he arrives at the party and shows his thoughtfulness toward his friend.
How do you state no gifts on an invitation? ›
Suggested Wording for Invitations
- Your presence is the only gift we need.
- Please, no gifts. Consider a donation instead.
- The gift of your presence is enough! No presents, please.
- Instead of a gift, please consider donating to…
- Please, no gifts! ...
- Your presence is gift enough. ...
- Your gift of time is present enough.
So if no gifts are expected at your party, it's pretty much necessary to say so. And if you are the recipient of an invitation asking you not to bring a gift, it's polite to honor the wishes of the host. Don't bring a gift. In this case, doing so is impolite.
How do you explain No gifts? ›
Please know that we have an abundant amount of love for you and enjoy being around you, and that's everything we want. If you'd like to plan something together, let's plan a beautiful meal. No gifts or presents, at all—thank you so much for understanding.”
What do you do when a wedding invitation says no gifts please? ›
"As mentioned on our invitation we would prefer our guests don't bring gifts. Your presence at our wedding is enough of a gift for us." "We kindly request no boxed gifts. If you would generously like to get us something, please donate to our cash fund in support of [ORGANIZATION NAME] right here."
Is it rude to say no gifts please? ›
Whether you have limited space in your home or simply don't need any more stuff, it's perfectly acceptable to decline gifts at your next event.
How do you say gifts are optional? ›
How To Say No Gifts On Invitation
- Your present is worth a thousand gifts.
- Do you know “gift is optional”? Oh! ...
- Having received this invitation card, means you are aware that a gift is optional.
- Hurray! ...
- Gift or No Gift, Come.
- No Gifts (honour the request)
- Coming with an empty hand? ...
- Instead of gifts, donate here.
5 Ways to Ask for Money Instead of Gifts
- Use a Cash Registry Website.
- Spread the Word Using Third Party (Friends and Family)
- State Your Reasons.
- Address It In Your Invitation.
- Set a Cash/Check Box at the Reception.
Some etiquette experts advise against it, but we don't see a problem with mentioning it in a polite manner. or you can add something a little cuter like: Your presence is your present. Please, no gifts!
What can you do instead of gift giving? ›
And for those who are struggling with clutter, receiving more traditional gifts can cause more stress than holiday joy.
...
Top 10 Alternatives to Traditional Gift Giving
- Travel.
- Virtual & Digital Gifts. ...
- Sponsor A Family Or Child In Need. ...
- Donate To A Charity On Someone's Behalf. ...
- Custom Coupon Books. ...
- Secret Santa. ...
Ditch "Donate" When Choosing Wording For Donations
This might surprise you, but the word "donate" kills the donation vibes. Instead, choose words like partner, give, and support. "Donate" gives the impression that you only want (or need) their money.
Why do people say gifting instead of giving? ›
There is a very good reason for the word "gifting," as a synonym for "giving," to exist: It is wonderfully, and usefully, specific. You can give, after all, a lot of things—your money, your heart, a damn—but you can gift only one thing: an actual gift.
How do you say gifts are optional on a birthday invitation? ›
We don't expect any gifts. The invitation is extended for them to come celebrate with us, no gifts expected.
How do you say gifts are not expected but appreciated? ›
Gifts are never mandatory, and writing “gifts are appreciated” is crass and ill-mannered. The only acceptable way to mention gifts, on any invitation to any event, is to include “no gifts, please” or a similar phrase.
How do you reject a gift politely example? ›
Thank You Note Examples for Declining Client Gifts
The plant you sent was lovely. Unfortunately I could not accept it, and had it returned. Our company policy does not allow us to accept gifts from clients. Still, I sincerely appreciated the gesture and look forward to our continued association.
Is no boxed gifts rude? ›
Etiquette says don't mention the place you are registered on the card (have the bridal party spread the word), so etiquette masters would probably say do not even say “no boxed gifts” on the card because it's just rude. It's a Pakistani/Indian cultural thing, they tend to give cash at weddings.
How do you say no money for wedding gifts? ›
Cash gifts are always welcome but never required. All that we ask is that you're here with us! Thank you so much for always being there for us. Your presence is the greatest gift, but we're also saving for our first home so any contributions are hugely appreciated.
What are monetary gifts? ›
A monetary gift is a transfer of money or a financial instrument that has liquid value from one party to another, without receiving or expecting to receive anything in return.
Is it OK to put no gifts on an invitation? ›
According to EmilyPost.com, it is not proper wedding etiquette to list “No gifts, please” on a wedding invitation. They state, “The moment you mention gifts, you put an emphasis on gifts, which is the opposite of your intent.”
What to bring to a kids party when they say no gifts? ›
Books are one of those gifts that everyone always seems to appreciate no matter what. Stickers or temporary tattoos can also be a good option since they are small and disposable. You could also encourage your child to make some sort of handmade present, like a beaded necklace or a sculpture out of clay.
You don't have to match the price of the gift to the bill, but consider bringing something you might bring to a home dinner party.
...
Dinner Party
- Bouquet of flowers in a vase.
- Boxed candies.
- Potted plant.
- Bottles of wine.
- Tin of cookies.
- Decorator candles.
- Guest soaps.
- Flavored kinds of vinegar.
And, in the event that the guest really didn't give a gift, your thank you note will still be a gracious and polite gesture. Never ask a guest why they didn't give a gift. Even though it's impolite of the guest to not give a gift, it would also be impolite to question why they didn't give one.
Can you put no gifts on birthday invitation? ›
Politely request no gifts on the birthday party invitation. Write your request for no gifts on the invitation, in simple, direct language. Here are some examples: “Your presence is the perfect gift, please no things!”
What to put on invite to say no kids? ›
“Although we love your little ones, this is an adult only affair.” “The bride and groom request that this be an adults-only reception.” “Please celebrate with us at an adults-only reception immediately following the ceremony.” “Unfortunately we cannot accommodate children – thank you for your understanding.”
What do you get kids instead of presents? ›
Here is a list of 10 things to buy kids instead of toys:
- Clothing. This is at the top of my list because it is a constant need in my home. ...
- Magazine subscriptions. ...
- Books. ...
- Gift cards or a certificate. ...
- Membership to a local zoo or aquarium. ...
- Passes to a local theme park. ...
- Paying for a class or lesson program. ...
- Learning tools.
Thanks for the invitation. That is so kind of you. Thanks for thinking of us.
...
- I hope it goes well.
- We will be thinking of you.
- Enjoy it!
- We will make it up to you another day.
- I would love to catch up another time.
- How about another time?
Wine, flowers, specialty food items, and small items for the house all make good hostess gifts. Flowers are terrific too, but if you want to go beyond Etiquette 101, bring them in a simple vase (a Mason jar is fine).
How much should you spend on hostess gifts? ›
This depends on the hostess and party! As a general rule of thumb, Trent recommends spending $20 to $30 for a simple get-together like a dinner party, housewarming, or wine night.
What is the going rate for a wedding gift in 2022? ›
On average, guests in 2022 are spending around $150 per person on a wedding gift. When considering an appropriate amount to spend on the wedding gift, the main factors are your relationship with the couple, how fancy is the reception, and how many pre-wedding activities are you invited to.
What is a good wedding gift amount if not attending? ›
According to Parker, there really is no set amount—it's truly based on your budget and your comfort level. However, if you are someone who really needs to have a base number, she'd advise at least $75.
We recommend spending around $50 on a gift if you're not attending the wedding, though you should spend a bit more if you're a close friend or relative of the couple.
