When you're heading out on a first date, you might be wondering one thing: Will the night end with a kiss or not? While it's entirely normal to think about this in the hours leading up to said get-together, our first piece of advice is to not let this question overwhelm you. Our next piece of advice? Do what works best for your dating life.
According to Wale Okerayi LMHC LPC, a licensedmental health counselor, it's entirely okay to kiss on the first date if that is something you'd like to do. "I think society has made us feel like everything is on a specific timeline. If there’s mutual respect and consent, I say go for it," she shares.
With that in mind, if it's helpful for you to understand how to navigate the anticipation surrounding a kiss before entering your first date, we put together a quick guide to explain what you need to know. Following the expertise of Okerayi and Sheril Kirshenbaum, an Emmy Award-winning scientist and the author of "The Science of Kissing: What Our Lips Are Telling Us", here's how to decide if, and when, you should end your night with a peck on the lips.
Meet the Expert
- Wale Okerayi LMHC LPCis a licensed mental health counselor practicing in both New York and Texas. She specializes in individual and relationship counseling and can be reached directly viaher website.
- Sheril Kirshenbaum is an Emmy Award-winning scientist and the author of "The Science of Kissing: What Our Lips Are Telling Us," a book that explores the science behind kissing.
How to Decide If You Should Kiss on a First Date
If you happen to be on the fence about kissing on the first date, consider this: One of the benefits of giving or receiving a kiss is that it can help you determine if there's chemistry between you and your date. Research has also shown that kissing is a positive behavior that is linked to pleasure, joy, and commitment in adult relationships.
That said, if you're comfortable with the idea of kissing on the first date, here are a few practical ways to determine if giving or receiving a kiss is the right move.
Assess if you and your date have chemistry.
If you and your date are flirting and you feel like there's an instant spark, take it as a sign that you might want to end night with a romantic kiss. Kirshenbaum also adds that "The more anticipation you feel leading up to a kiss, the greater the dopamine spike." Meaning, a night of flirting and romantic chemistry will likely lead to an amazing first-date kiss.
Determine if a kiss will show your date that you're interested.
When you've had an enjoyable, engaging, and thrilling first date with someone, sealing the evening witha terrificFrench kiss can be a way to add an exclamation point on the great time you both had. In some cases, kissing on a first date can also leave you both excited about getting to see each other in the future.
Fair warning: Even if you kiss on the first date, that doesn't signify that you'll have another date with this person. Unfortunately, there are plenty of daters who end up kissing at the end of the night but never hear from their date again. Many people who are serial daters may go in for the kiss now, only to ghost you later.
Lean into your instincts.
There's nothing greater than trusting your gut when trying to make a decision. So, if kissing your date is something you'd really like to do—plus, your date is open to it—lean into what you feel is right and kiss on the first date. The key is to go with what your instincts are telling you, while also being respectful to your date's boundaries.
When to Kiss on a First Date
As no twofirst dates are alike, it's up to you to decide when you'd like to kiss the person you're with or not. And in most cases, this simply just happens when the moment and mood are right, explains Okerayi. However, there are a few factors that can play a role in timing, like your location or even the weather.
Ultimately, though, having a plan on when and where to kiss on the first date isn't entirely realistic. The best thing to do is trust yourself and not put any pressure on finding the "right time." Plus, the more first dates that you go on, the more dating apps you join, and the more you put yourself out there, the better you'll be able to recognize firsthand when you should or shouldn't kiss someone.
I'm Wale Okerayi LMHC LPC, a licensed mental health counselor with a practice in both New York and Texas, specializing in individual and relationship counseling. My expertise lies in understanding the intricacies of human behavior, particularly in the context of dating and relationships. I've been quoted in this article, sharing insights into the societal pressures surrounding dating timelines and emphasizing the importance of mutual respect and consent.
Now, let's delve into the concepts discussed in the article:
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Societal Expectations and Timelines: The article touches upon the societal expectations that dictate the pace of relationships, emphasizing that there's no fixed timeline for physical intimacy. This aligns with my advice in the article, encouraging individuals to prioritize mutual respect and consent over conforming to societal norms.
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Chemistry and Anticipation: The article suggests that one benefit of kissing on the first date is its role in assessing chemistry between individuals. It draws on the expertise of Sheril Kirshenbaum, an Emmy Award-winning scientist, who highlights the connection between anticipation, dopamine spikes, and the likelihood of a memorable first-date kiss. This aligns with the idea that a night of flirting and romantic chemistry can lead to a positive kissing experience.
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Expressing Interest through Kissing: The article recommends considering whether a kiss would convey genuine interest after an enjoyable first date. It notes that a well-timed kiss can add emphasis to the positive experience, though it also cautions that it doesn't guarantee future dates. This advice reflects the nuanced nature of dating, acknowledging that while a kiss can be meaningful, it's not a definitive indicator of a lasting connection.
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Trusting Instincts: The article emphasizes the importance of trusting one's instincts when deciding whether to kiss on the first date. This aligns with my advice in the article, highlighting the significance of going with what feels right while respecting the boundaries of the other person.
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Timing of the Kiss: The article acknowledges that there's no one-size-fits-all answer to when one should kiss on a first date. It suggests that factors like location and weather may play a role, but ultimately, it's up to the individuals involved to recognize the right moment. This aligns with the idea that the best approach is to trust oneself and not force the "right time."
In summary, the article combines psychological and scientific perspectives, drawing on my counseling expertise and Sheril Kirshenbaum's insights to provide a comprehensive guide on navigating the decision to kiss on a first date. The advice encourages individuals to prioritize genuine connection, mutual consent, and personal instincts over rigid societal expectations.
