Points to Consider Before You Send Funeral Flowers (2024)

By

Debby Mayne

Points to Consider Before You Send Funeral Flowers (1)

Debby Mayne is an etiquette expert and writer with over 25 years of experience. She covers manners and etiquette for many publications, including South Florida Parent,Seattle's Child,Tampa Bay Parent Magazine,and Atlanta Parent. Her education in the etiquette arts began during her childhood. Growing up in the South—a region known for its hospitality—she attended etiquette and charm classes in her youth.

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Updated on 02/21/20

Do you ever wonder whether or not to send flowers for someone's funeral? The norm has become quite blurred, so the decision isn't quite as simple as it once was.

In the past, you were likely to see rows of funeral wreaths in the visitation room. Now, however, there might be a couple of wreaths, but you'll see more casual flower arrangements, live plants, and cards showing that a charitable donation was made in honor of the deceased.

After someone passes away, whether it’s a friend, family member, or the loved one of a friend or family member, you may still want to send flowers, even if you make a donation in the person's honor. Knowing what type of floral arrangement to send depends on a number of factors, including your relationship to the deceased or survivors. Although there are no hard and fast rules about sending flowers anymore, there are some guidelines that can help you decide what to do.

Points to Consider Before You Send Funeral Flowers (2)

Reason to Send Flowers

The purpose of flowers at a funeral is to celebrate life. Whether the floral arrangement is formal or informal, it should provide comfort and help lift the mood of the family of the deceased and show that you care. However, avoid anything too light or silly, such as balloons or stuffed animals on a stick in the arrangement. If possible, include a handwritten note. However, if you're not able to do that, you can have the florist do it for you. A few simple words of condolence are all you need.

Regarding Faith

You will also want to take the faith and culture of the deceased into consideration before sending flowers. What may be appropriate for one culture may be inappropriate for another. If you aren’t sure, ask the closest family member you know.

Common practices according to faith:

  • Catholic – Most flowers and arrangements are acceptable.
  • Protestant Christian – Most flowers and arrangements are welcome at both the memorial service and the funeral.
  • Mormon – Most flowers are appropriate. However, avoid arrangements on a crucifix or cross.
  • Eastern or Greek Orthodox – Most flowers are accepted, and white flowers are favored.
  • Jewish – Although you may send flowers to the family members’ homes, flowers at the funeral home are not typically displayed. Some of the more contemporary Jewish funerals allow flowers at the entrance of the synagogue. If you are in doubt, you should probably refrain from sending flowers and opt for a fruit basket sent to the home of the family instead.
  • Baha’i – Most flowers and arrangements are appropriate.
  • Buddhist – Most flowers and arrangements are appropriate.
  • Hindu – Although floral arrangements are acceptable, garlands are more common at a Hindu funeral.
  • Muslim – The appropriateness of flowers varies in the Islamic religion, so ask family members before sending them. Many people of this religion prefer that you send money to a charity in lieu of flowers. If you choose to order flowers for an Islamic funeral, keep the arrangement simple and elegant.

Members of the Immediate Family

Husbands, wives, children, sisters, brothers, parents, and grandparents may order any type of floral arrangement they like. However, there are certain types that are reserved for immediate family members. Keep in mind that flowers from family are typically placed closest to the casket during the viewing or wake. In some cases they may be inside the casket with the deceased.

A casket spray or wreath is generally from the immediate family. Other arrangements from the spouse, children, or parents may include table arrangements, swags inside the casket lid, and heart-shaped arrangements.

Extended Family Members

Other members of the family such as aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, cousins, and even close friends also have a wide range of options. The traditional standing spray is often chosen for the most impact. Informal arrangements are good options because they can go home with the immediate family or taken to the cemetery.

Close Friends and Business Associates

Close friends and business associates of the family of the deceased may want to send flowers to show that they are thinking of them during their time of grief. Some of the best floral arrangement for friends to send include standing sprays, wreaths, basket arrangements, bouquets in vases, and live plants that can go home with the family after the funeral. Friends have the option of sending the flowers directly to the funeral home or to the home of the family member.

It is also appropriate for business associates to have the flowers delivered to the office of the family member. When ordering flowers to be sent to someone’s home or office, you may want to choose a vase or basket that can be used later. Typically wreaths, standing sprays, and flowers in disposable containers are designed for funeral home display.

Points to Consider Before You Send Funeral Flowers (2024)

FAQs

What is the etiquette for sending sympathy flowers? ›

There are no rules for timing the delivery of flowers, but it's good to get them to the bereaved as soon as possible—either at home, to the house of worship, or to the funeral home in time for the visitation or funeral.

What is an appropriate message for funeral flowers? ›

Traditional and simple words for a funeral wreath

May your heart and soul find peace and comfort. May you rest in peace. In loving memory. Gone from our sight, but never from our hearts.

How do you give flowers at a funeral? ›

Flowers are a traditional part of funerals and regarded as a symbolic way of extending your sympathies. There will usually be an area set aside for the placing of the flowers (often near to or inside the entrance of the church or crematorium). You can also leave them with the funeral director beforehand.

When should you send flowers? ›

There are many reasons to send flowers -- to make a romantic statement to the one you love, to wish someone a happy birthday, as get well wishes, or to commemorate a person who has died.

How much should you spend on funeral flowers? ›

Typically you can expect to pay in the region of $50.00 – $80.00 for a decent size floral arrangement. Specialist requests for name floral tributes or shaped wreaths can cost anything upwards of $100.00 and a large casket spray can cost between $250 – $700.

When sending funeral flowers who is the recipient? ›

5. Who do you address the flowers to for a funeral? Flowers sent to the funeral should be addressed to the funeral home, church or crematorium itself and make sure you include the name of the deceased so that they know for which funeral they have been sent.

Do you write the person's name on funeral flowers? ›

The flowers should be addressed with the name of the deceased, name of faculty (funeral home, church, nursing home chapel etc.)

What is a good short sympathy message? ›

Short condolence messages for your family member

Know that we are thinking of you, remembering (Name) and celebrating his/her/their life. (Name) will always be in our hearts and memories. (Name) will leave a huge hole in all our lives. The family won't be the same without him/her/them.

Should you always send flowers to a funeral? ›

Flowers aren't just for the person who passed away—they're also a show of support for the grieving family. And sending a thoughtful arrangement of funeral flowers, along with a simple sympathy note, can show the family you still care.

What is appropriate to give at a funeral? ›

Flowers, sympathy cards, custom keepsakes, and donations are all appropriate gifts to bring to a funeral. While a gift is certainly not required, it can be a thoughtful way to communicate your love for those grieving. Flower and plant arrangements can often be sent to the funeral home prior to the service.

Why do we send flowers to funerals? ›

Sending a floral arrangement honors the dead, and shows sympathy to the family. Generally, flowers today are sent to show respect, sympathy, and love for the deceased. Above all, flowers are important to a wake or funeral because they make the mourners feel like the deceased was cared for by many people close to them.

How long after death can you send flowers? ›

When should you send condolence flowers? There is no set time frame for when sympathy flowers should be sent. However, it is generally considered best to send them within a week of the death. This way, you can show your support during those first few difficult days after a loved one has passed away.

What it means to send flowers to someone? ›

To convey emotions: The most common purpose for giving flowers as a gift is to express an emotion. Flowers are a beautiful way to express your deepest sentiments, whether it's love, joy, affection, gratitude, sympathy, romance, or apologies.

Can you send flowers too much? ›

The truth is, you can send flowers all the time. Flowers often have the largest impact if sent in the spur of the moment. Your girl will cherish them all the more because a spontaneous bouquet shows she is on your mind.

What color should funeral flowers be? ›

White flowers are the most commonly present at funerals. This traditional color choice represents honor, peace, and innocence. Pink is considered a respectful color choice, used to express gentleness and sympathy. Red flowers symbolize love, as well as beauty and strength.

Should I put money in a sympathy card? ›

However, sending a check or any kind of money with a sympathy card is a big no-no. Quietly inquire as to whether a fund has been set up where you may make a donation. If one has not been set up yet and you are close to the family, you can be very helpful by assisting in setting it up for them.

Do you send thank you notes for flowers sent to a funeral? ›

There is no need to send a formal thank you note to every single person who came to the funeral or sent you a card acknowledging the passing of your loved one. However, you should make it a point to formally acknowledge people who have done the following: Sent or brought flowers.

Who has final say on funeral arrangements? ›

If the deceased did not legally designate someone to make decisions regarding their funeral arrangements, it falls to the next-of-kin; which is the closest blood-related family member (or spouse). Virginia Law states that funeral homes only need one blood-related family member to be present while making arrangements.

Do you send sympathy flowers to family members? ›

There is no wrong time to send sympathy flowers to a grieving family. Even if you only found out about the news after funeral services have already taken place, you can still send a thoughtful arrangement to the family's home, no matter how much time has passed.

Do I address funeral flowers to the deceased? ›

Sympathy flowers go to the home of the deceased. They should be addressed and sent directly to a loved one of the deceased (family member, friend, acquaintance or business associate) who has suffered a recent loss.

Do you mention the persons name in a sympathy card? ›

While you might call this person by another name, such as Gramps or Uncle Josh, it's best to include their proper name on the envelope to ensure it's delivered to the correct person. You can always include their preferred name in the actual sympathy card.

What is the answer for deepest sympathy? ›

If the condolence was delivered to you face-to-face, the best way to reply is with a simple “thank you” or “I appreciate that”. You may not feel ready to hold a long conversation, which is perfectly fine.

How do you show respect at a funeral? ›

It is customary to show your respects by viewing the deceased if the body is present and the casket is open. You may wish to say a silent prayer for, or meditate about, the deceased at this time. In some cases the family may escort you to the casket.

Is it rude to bring flowers to a funeral? ›

Flowers are the best way to express your condolences and sympathy to the bereaved – and honor the deceased. Because of their versatility, they are also considered sympathy flowers by the florists. Flowers are a language of love and empathy in this time of mourning.

How much money should you give for condolences? ›

A general rule of thumb is that donations should be in line with the cost of a bouquet of funeral flowers. Even just a nominal donation for people on tight budgets is a welcome gesture. Funeral flowers tend to cost in the range of $50 to $80 for a moderate to well-sized bouquet, and $100 or more for a large wreath.

Do you tip anyone at a funeral? ›

The short answer is: No, you do not tip the funeral director. Their fees are included in the overall funeral costs. After all, they receive a salary from the funeral home and don't rely on tips. If your funeral director did a good job, you can send a thank you note or rate them favorably online.

Why do we send flowers? ›

The biggest reason we give flowers as gifts is to connect with an emotion. Whether its love, joy, affection, appreciation, sympathy, romance or apologies; flower giving communicates the deepest feelings in the most elegant manner.

What is funeral flower tradition? ›

Lilies, for example, which are the most common type of funeral flowers used, symbolize a return to innocence and purity. Carnations are also a common choice. Red carnations express respect, while white carnations symbolize remembrance. Roses are the third most common choice.

What happens to flowers at a funeral? ›

Leave them at the church; Distribute them among family members; Have the funeral director take them to the grave site and leave them there (they will be cleaned up later by the groundskeeper); or.

What is the best flower for a funeral? ›

Lilies. When someone says, “This place smells like a funeral home” chances are there is a lily nearby. This is often considered the go-to funeral flower and there's significant meaning behind this strongly aromatic blossom. Lilies suggest that the soul of the deceased has returned to a peaceful state of innocence.

What color rose for sympathy? ›

Red flowers signify strength, respect, devotion and love. Blue flowers represent sadness, sympathy and peace.

What is the difference between sympathy flowers and funeral flowers? ›

The difference between “funeral flowers” and “sympathy flowers” is that funeral flowers will go directly to the funeral home to act as a tribute at the service of the deceased. They add decoration, beauty, and life to what can be an overwhelmingly somber event. Sympathy flowers are typically sent after the service.

What does a flower symbolize? ›

What Does a Flower Symbolize? With their colorful and beautiful blooms, flowers are often seen as symbols of joy and pleasure. However, different types and colors of flowers bring unique meanings. Some flowers are seen as symbols of friendship and purity, while others are tied to forgiveness and death.

Is sending her flowers a good idea? ›

Sending flowers is an easy way to show that you care about her, that you're thinking about her or even that you love her, when you don't feel like telling her is quite enough. There are a number of occasions when it's customary to send someone flowers, including birthdays, anniversaries and Valentine's Day.

What flower means I will love you forever? ›

Admired for its sweet scent and trailing vines of pink and orange flowers, the honeysuckle symbolizes devoted and everlasting love.

What do yellow roses mean? ›

Yellow roses are universally known as symbols of friendship, most people give them to each other for their birthdays or to celebrate the love between two good friends. Roses symbolise everything from “I love you” to “I care for our friendship” and colours vary from romantic red to energetic orange.

Do you put your name on sympathy flowers? ›

Write Out your Condolences

These are kind and succinct messages to show your sympathy. In addition to this, always write your first name and last name, even if you know the family well. It's important to sign your full name so there is no confusion about who sent the floral arrangement.

Do you need to send a sympathy card if you send flowers? ›

Not only should a condolence flowers message say who the arrangement is from, but it also needs to contain a memo expressing your condolences. Simply saying, “with deepest sympathy” is appropriate, yet there are situations where you want to write a more personal message.

What color flowers do you send for sympathy? ›

White - White is the traditional color of funeral flowers, as well as sympathy flowers. The color white evokes feelings of peace, innocence, and honor. White flowers are suitable for any funeral occasion. Red - Red flowers indicate beauty, as well as strength.

Is it rude not to send flowers to a funeral? ›

As we've already noted, older generations might be surprised to find how many funerals are requesting donations—and how few people send flowers these days. It's not rude or inconsiderate.

When should you not send a sympathy card? ›

While proper etiquette dictates that sympathy cards are ideally sent within two weeks after a death, it is never too late to send someone a sympathy card or note to express your heartfelt feelings of condolence for their loss.

Is sending a sympathy card Enough? ›

A sympathy card is often one of the simplest ways to show how much we care for anyone who has lost a family member or friend. The main purpose of a sympathy card is to provide kind words and support to those who are grieving after the loss of a loved one.

What is the etiquette after receiving sympathy cards? ›

You don't need to send a formal thank you note to everyone who attended the funeral/visitation or sent you a sympathy card. Instead, a thank you note or acknowledgement should be sent to anyone who has done something extra, including: People who sent or brought flowers.

Do you put money in sympathy card? ›

Gift of Money

Put your check or cash inside an envelope with the sympathy card and hand it to the person you want to receive it. If you're concerned that it won't be opened right away, you might mention that there is something extra inside.

What colors are respectful for a funeral? ›

Wearing dark grey or deep blue is just as appropriate as black, while brown and lighter greys are suitable for the vast majority of funeral services. However, unless specifically requested by the deceased or their family, you should avoid any bright colors such as yellows, oranges, pinks, and reds.

What color rose is appropriate for a funeral? ›

At a funeral, the classic deep red rose evokes love and grief. The yellow rose is often given by friends to show their bond. The rarer dark pink roses are used to express thankfulness to the deceased. Tip: Roses can be mixed in with other flowers or used in a casket spray, standing spray, or wreath.

What color rose to throw on a coffin? ›

In the context of a funeral, white roses symbolise purity, humility and innocence, whereas red conveys love and respect and pink signifies thankfulness to the deceased. The yellow rose is often given by friends to denote their deep ties, and the traditional dark crimson rose suggests deep sorrow.

How much money do you give at a funeral? ›

How Much Should You Give? The traditional gift is the amount you would have spent on flowers for the service, generally between $50 and $100.

Is it appropriate to give cash at a funeral? ›

Money is not an appropriate gift, although exceptions may be made when the family is left in extreme financial difficulty. In that case, friends may wish to pool contributions to make a gift of assistance.

What's inappropriate for a funeral? ›

Avoid dressing in casual clothing, such as athletic wear, tank tops, or shorts. Skip the flip-flops, tennis shoes, sneakers, or boat shoes. Remove the neon necktie, purse, or accessory. Shy away from wearing jeans, even black ones, because they are considered too casual for a funeral.

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