Oldest child syndrome: Signs to watch out for and ways to overcome it | The Times of India (2024)

There are several perks to being the eldest child. You get to have the first pick, you're the most trusted and the younger ones look up to you. But it's not always great to be the oldest in the pack. Being the first born can be quite pressurizing. With no one older (other than your parents) to look up to or go to for advice, you're likely to feel stranded. Furthermore, your birth order may have affected your personality too, which means being the eldest could have led to something called the oldest child syndrome. Let's find out more about it.

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Oldest child syndrome refers to a number of characteristics people develop as an outcome of being the first-born. For instance, following the birth of another baby, the firstborn goes from being the “only child” of their parents to having to share their parent’s love and attention with a younger sibling. This leads to a lot of stress and competitiveness, which may seem normal for a while, but over time can become toxic.

According to a research titled 'Family Transitions Following the Birth of a Sibling: An Empirical Review of Changes in the Firstborn’s Adjustment', this transition in the oldest child's life can cause developmental or behavioural problems, leading to rivalry with the sibling.

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Alfred Adler, an Austrian medical doctor, psychotherapist, and founder of the school of individual psychology, first studied the concept of birth order and found that it contributes to many aspects of a person's personality.

Kevin Leman, Ph.D., author of The Birth Order Book: Why You Are the Way You Are believes that since firstborns follow their parents' footsteps, they like taking charge and have a lot of confidence.

That said, there are a lot of characteristics that can tell one whether or not they have oldest child syndrome.

Some of the most common characteristics or signs of oldest child syndrome include:

- Bossy and/or dominating behaviour

- Being a perfectionist

- High self-esteem

- Unhealthy competitive behaviour

In addition, psychiatrist Alfred Adler says that a first-born child can have completely opposite traits. According to him, they can either be strong willed and independent or a compliant people-pleaser.

Being the eldest also puts a lot of unnecessary pressure on the child.

As discussed, being dethroned from being the only child to having a younger sibling, they feel at constant pressure to prove themselves. They want to excel in every field, and have the tendency to go above and beyond to please their parents. Simply speaking, they fight hard to get their parents' attention.

All of this not only takes a toll on their emotional health, but also harms their relationship with their siblings.

As parents, you must show an equal amount of love and affection towards your children. Do not burden any of your children, including your first-born, with unrealistic expectations. Rather let them thrive at their own pace.

Raise responsible kids, but do not pressurize your kids with responsibilities. Give them the opportunity to grow on their own and most importantly, let them make mistakes and learn from them.

Spend quality time with each kid and understand their thought process. If in case one child feels left out, let them know you love all your children equally and display the same.

Never tolerate bossiness and bullying among kids. Nip the problem in the bud, before it leads to an unhealthy sibling relationship.