You’ve probably heard at some point that everyone has a love language, i.e. different ways they like to express and receive love. And, of course, it’s only natural to wonder where you fall on the spectrum.
The concept of love languages comes from Gary Chapman’s 1992 book, The 5 Love Languages, which breaks them all down. According to Chapman, these are the main love languages:
- Words of affirmation
- Quality time
- Physical touch
- Acts of service
- Receiving gifts
The core idea is that you respond the best to a particular type of love language, like getting cuddles or spending QT with your S.O. That all makes sense. And knowing your love language is important, says licensed clinical psychologist Juanita Guerra, PhD.
“One’s primary love language is an important part of who one is and it reflects how one expects to be treated,” she says. “It is therefore important for us to try to be aware of what the love language is of the significant people in our lives, whether it’s our spouses, relatives, children, co-workers, or peers.”
Okay, but…what about if your love language is gift giving?
For starters, this was likely something that you picked up as a kid. “A person may have learned this in childhood, or it could be a reaction to not having received gifts earlier in life,” says licensed clinical psychologist Ramani Durvasula, PhD, author of Should I Stay or Should I Go?
But what does it mean if this is your ~thing~? Are you obsessed with stuff? Experts say that's not necessarily the case. Here’s what you need to know.
What does it mean if gift giving is your love language?
In general, it means that you feel the best and most loved when you’re giving and receiving gifts.
“If your primary love language is gift-giving, it means that you express your love by giving others presents,” Guerra says. “The gift is an overt demonstration of your love and appreciation for the person receiving it.”
The gifts “tend to be personalized” and are designed to “bring joy and pleasure” to the person you’re giving them to.
“Gift-givers are very attentive to remembering birthdays and other events with gifts and put a lot of care in how they are presented,” Durvasula says.
On the flipside, you also like to receive gifts as a show of affection, Durvasula says, noting that this may be your “preferred mode of receiving love.”
These gifts don’t have to be huge, Durvasula says. Instead, “it’s often about the thoughtfulness of the gift and not just the value of the gift.” Think: Your S.O. surprising you with coffee when you have to work late or creating a fun scavenger hunt for you around your place for your anniversary.
Does this mean I’m materialistic?
“It might,” Durvasula says. “But it may also mean that you value the time and thought that someone may put into a gift, or that you want to show love by putting that time and effort into [getting them something].”
And again, Guerra says, this is likely something you learned early on in life (i.e. it’s just part of who you are). “If one’s love language is gift giving, it simply means that one received early in life the clear communication that giving a gift is an important, acceptable, and/or clear way to show others how you feel about them and that you love and appreciate them,” she says.
You might have seen this directly with people you love giving you gifts or observed it with your family members, she says.
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The idea that a person whose love language is gift-giving is materialistic isn’t necessarily accurate, Guerra says. “This is an unfortunate belief held by many and is an over-simplified and judgmental way of understanding this specific style of expressing one’s love,” Guerra says.
What are the signs gift giving is your love language?
Durvasula says there are a few signs gift-giving is your love language. Those can include:
- You always remember small hostess gifts, or gifts to mark even small special occasions.
- You remember to bring back gifts from trips for loved ones.
- You put time and effort into picking the right gift.
- You put effort into wrapping or packaging the gift just right.
- You regularly do thoughtful gestures like bringing back two coffees or bringing someone a cup of tea in the afternoon.
- You get really into gift-oriented holidays like Christmas and Hanukkah.
How do I cater to someone whose love language is gift giving?
There are a few things you can do. “One of the best ways to cater to someone whose love language is gift giving is to be attentive to the things they like and don’t like,” Guerra says. “This will allow you to personalize gifts, whether you are giving an actual gift or refraining from doing something they would not care for. It’s all about the detail and the attention.”
Then, try to engage in their love language. “Give them gifts and accept the gifts they give you graciously,” Durvasula says. “Recognize the time and effort that went into it and pay attention to what it is because it may mean they really were listening to you and your needs.”
FWIW: You don’t need to be buying new things all the time to please your gift-loving S.O. But, when gift-giving occasions come up, you’ll definitely want to bring your A-game.
Korin Miller is a freelance writer specializing in general wellness, sexual health and relationships, and lifestyle trends, with work appearing in Men’s Health, Women’s Health, Self, Glamour, and more. She has a master’s degree from American University, lives by the beach, and hopes to own a teacup pig and taco truck one day.
