Is Your Relationship With Money Broken? – The Finance Twins (2024)

When did Americans’ relationship with money break?Why did saving become the enemy?

When the topic of saving money comes up, it seems tohave a negative connotation. You’ve probably noticed that it goes something like this: “I’d love to save, but I just can’t afford to.” Instead of something positive like, “I know how important it is to save for my future, so I’m willing to make some sacrifices.”

We’ve all had that negative voice inside of our head say, “Wow, they drive such an old beat-up car.” In reality though, what’s wrong with driving an old car? We would argue that living within your means is admirable. Many of us not even realizing there’s a difference between being rich and wealthy.

Most of us would agree that being financially independent is an incredibly powerful achievement and a dream for most Americans! One huge benefit of saving and living within your means is eventually being able to afford to retire! Yet most people don’t make the decision to invest in their future. According to financial services firm Edward Jones,only 37% of Americans save in an IRA!

(If you don’t know what an IRA is, click that link – we’ve got your back.)

Why Aren’t Americans Saving? Their Relationship With Money Is Broken.

It’s almost as ifsaving and living within your means is seen as a weakness or a negative thing. Like making a budget is death sentence, instead of the key to freedom.

Let’s face it, saving money isn’t sexy. Going to the $35 exercise class, now that’s sexy. Buying the latest and greatest iPhone is sexy.

But do these things actually make you happy? We’d venture to say that in the long-run they don’t.

It’s no surprise that “40% of Americans can’t pay a $400 emergency expense.” After all, the average personal savings rate was only 2.8% in April 2018, according to the Federal Reserve Bank of St. Louis. This helps to explain how U.S.household debt reached a new peak of $13.21 trillionin the first quarter of 2018.

But things weren’t always this way.

For many years, Americans actually were able to save their money. In fact, the savings rate following a recession in the 1970’s got as high as 17% in May of 1975.

However, in the past few decades, a shift has taken place – on average, Americans owe more money than they actually have. Easy access to credit and a boom in home values has made borrowing easier than ever, butperhaps this isn’t the full story.

Is Your Relationship With Money Broken? – The Finance Twins (1)

What Else Might Be Ruining Your Relationship With Money?

One theory is that conspicuous consumption is spreading with the advent of social media, which only helps to highlight what we don’t have. With Facebook, Instagram and Snapchat, the first images many people see when they wake up are of luxuries they’d only dream of having in real life.

When it seems like everyone else is traveling, buying new things, or always eating at restaurants, it can seem like you’re the only person not doing those things. Are these images starting to influence and impact our spending habits? The numbers seem to point in that direction.

Conspicuous consumption is essentially buying things in order to maintain a certain image or social status, or because of social pressure or expectations. These pressures are precisely the wrong reason to purchase something, especially if your ultimate goal is to have a comfortable retirement.

Which would you rather? Own a fancy car and appear as though you are rich just to fit in? Or save on that car and buy something more affordable so that you can add to your savings account and get closer to a comfortable retirement? We think the answer is clear.There is nothing glamorous about owning a Mercedes, if in reality you are broke and living paycheck to paycheck.Ouch.

While painfully obvious, it’s critical to understand that a small increase in your savings rate (e.g. from 3% to 6%) would allow you to save 2x as much money, while not meaningfully changing your standard of living.

We All Do Certain Things To Fit In, So What’s The Big Deal?

In general, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to fit in. After all, trying to fit into a group is a normal social behavior that we begin to exhibit at an early age. However, the big deal is that trying to keep up with the Joneses is causing undue financial hardship on families. Relying on social security or other social safety nets to fund your retirement will not cut it.

If you truly want to pursue financial independence and an eventual retirement, it’s important to realize what is driving you to make poor financial decisions, so that you can fix it.

You Need To Focus On Being Wealthy Instead Of “Rich”.

In order to begin to repair your relationship with money, it’s important to reframe the purpose and role money plays in your life. Rather than focusing on the amount of things that you have or want, you should focus on the things that maximize your happiness.

Begin by taking a hard look atwhat you have spent money on, and critically assess the sustained happiness that those things have brought you. This will make it easier to cut expenses that are not additive to your life.

Own a huge cable TV package, yet you only watch the same 5 channels? This seems like a great candidate for cutting your expenses! The good news is that learninghow to make a budgetis simple.

How Do I Know Which Things Truly Make Me More Happy?

Research by Harvard Professor Michael Nortonhas shown that all things equal, experiences will bring you more happiness than physical products and goods.

Remember that time you were sitting at a table with your family and you couldn’t stop belly laughing? That memory still makes you smile.

The $1,000 new designer handbag you charged to your credit card when you only had $300 in the bank, not so much.

By becoming more aware of the things you spend money on, you’ll start to gain the awareness required to proactively decide which things are worth it. This, in turn, will make it even easier as you begin to cut back and increase your savings rate. We aren’t here to tell you not to spend money. We’re just here to tell you to spend mindfully.

But, if you can be a little more thoughtful about the way you spend your hard-earned paycheck, you might start to realize that saving and accumulating wealth is actually a lot more fun than you imagined.

After all, having a broken relationship with money hurts more than just your wallet.

Is Your Relationship With Money Broken? – The Finance Twins (2)

Is Your Relationship With Money Broken? – The Finance Twins (2024)

FAQs

What does your relationship with money mean? ›

Money relationships at either end of the spectrum are generally detrimental—you must find a healthy balance. A "normal" or "secure" relationship with money means that your acquisition, spending and management styles will not cause financial difficulties, and that you are reasonably content with the relationship.

Does financial stability matter in a relationship? ›

Overall, our findings reveal that most respondents (86%) believe couples sharing similar financial goals and habits have more successful relationships than those who don't.

Is money an issue in a relationship? ›

You're not alone. Money is the number one issue married couples fight about, and it's the second leading cause of divorce, behind infidelity. When we talk about money in relationships of any kind, we're bound to find some frustration and tension.

Does money play a role in a relationship? ›

Financial compatibility is all about understanding each other's spending habits, debt, savings goals, financial priorities, and attitudes towards money. These are important factors because they directly affect your future together, and they can cause significant stress if they're not aligned.

What is a toxic relationship with money? ›

It feels like your money is working against you. You're constantly worried about how much money you have and whether that money is going to disappear overnight. You feel embarrassed talking about your financial situation in public. Sometimes you're scared to even look at bank statement or open the bills.

Why does money break up relationships? ›

For Millennial couples in particular, money is the biggest source of arguments, more so than spending time together, chores or intimacy. So-called “red flags” around money include when someone expects the other to pay for everything, as well as reckless spending.

Is money a deal breaker in relationships? ›

While love brings two people together, money can easily tear them apart. A survey by the American Institute for Certified Professional Accountants in 2021 found that 73% of married or cohabiting couples felt that finances created tension in their relationship.

How do most couples handle finances? ›

Some couples decide to split expenses down the middle, while others may be more comfortable paying proportionately according to what they earn. A shared spreadsheet may be the easiest way to track expenditures, or using a joint credit card may be preferable.

Should you date someone with financial problems? ›

If the problem is serious

Consider how you'd manage if they couldn't pay their way. Could you cover their share of the bills in a pinch, or would it lead to debt problems of your own? Even if you could cope with them falling short every so often, you also need to decide whether you're prepared to do it.

How to not let finances ruin your relationship? ›

How To Keep Money From Destroying Your Marriage
  1. Talk About Money Early And Often. To have a successful marriage, you need to have good communication — that's a no-brainer, but it's still harder than it sounds. ...
  2. Track Your Spending And Investments. ...
  3. Create A Plan. ...
  4. Set The Same Goals. ...
  5. Reward Yourself For Your Money Wins.
Mar 15, 2023

Does money spoil relationship? ›

Unfortunately, the exact thing that can be attractive to so many can also cause the end of a relationship. According to a survey from the Institute for Divorce Financial Analysts, “money issues” is the third leading cause of divorce — behind “basic incompatibility” and “infidelity”.

Should a man support his wife financially? ›

The financial role of a husband in a marriage varies. It depends on the couple's values, expectations, and circ*mstances. It also comes down to the evolving work world. Women are now breadwinners or earn around the same as their partners in 45% of American households.

Is debt a red flag in a relationship? ›

Uncontrolled credit card debt, fueled by impulsive spending, is another financial red flag in a partner, according to relationship and personal finance experts.

Is it better to date for money or love? ›

A relationship rooted in money may have a higher likelihood of feeling transactional and less emotionally charged than a loved-based relationship. Sometimes relationships based in money are working because of a partner's career choice, which can change if they need to change careers.

Which is more important in a relationship love or money? ›

' It's one of the main reasons why love stands above everything else in the world. It is the only emotion that has the power to be eternal, whereas money is just temporary happiness. You may buy things, travel anywhere, be powerful but you can never buy love. That's all the difference it takes.

How to have a relationship with money? ›

Here are five ways to improve your relationship with your money:
  1. Have a budget and (kind of) stick to it. ...
  2. Save for rainy days. ...
  3. Make your money work for you. ...
  4. Manage debt. ...
  5. Cultivate financial discipline.
Mar 16, 2023

How is our relationship with money formed? ›

It's formed by our observations and the messaging we see and hear related to money. According to a PBS report, children can understand basic concepts about money as early as age 3, and by 7, their values around money are already set.

What is the spiritual relationship with money? ›

A spiritual understanding of money encourages us to detach from materialistic desires and recognize that true wealth lies within our inner selves. Material possessions may bring temporary satisfaction, but lasting fulfillment comes from inner peace, love, and self-awareness.

When in a relationship do you talk about money? ›

Start financial conversations early

It may seem awkward to bring up finances if you're new to a relationship, but early discussions about money don't have to be heavy. If you've only been dating someone for a month then it's probably not the time to ask about their deepest financial secrets, but you can start small.

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