‘I’m Terrified of Messing Up Now That I’m Out of Debt’ (2024)

my two cents

By Charlotte Cowles, the Cut’s financial-advice columnist. In addition to “My Two Cents,” she writes about work and parenting for the site. Previously, she was the senior features editor at Harper's Bazaar and a senior editor at the Cut. She was also the editorial director for MM.LaFleur. Her work has also been published in Glamour, Art in America, Politico, and other places.

‘I’m Terrified of Messing Up Now That I’m Out of Debt’ (2)

Photo: Debrocke/ClassicStock/Getty Images

Get That Moneyis an exploration of the many ways we think about our finances — what we earn, what we have, and what we want. InMy Two Cents, advice columnist Charlotte Cowles answers readers’ questions about personal finance. Email your money conundrums tomytwocents@nymag.com

Dear Charlotte,

I’ve spent the past couple of years working my way through my credit card debt. It was a little over $10,000 when I started, and by the end of this summer, I should finally be debt-free (aside from my remaining $4,000 in student loans). So … what’s next?

I’ve spent so much time the past few years feeling broke, worrying about maxing out my credit cards, and then operating on a tight budget to pay them off that I’m really not sure what to do with myself when the process is finally done. My credit score is fine — actually, I googled it this morning, and it’s technically “excellent” — and I recently got a raise (between my salary and freelance work, my income is now in the high five figures). How do people in my circ*mstances deal with having money that doesn’t go exclusively toward debt?

Don’t worry — I don’t intend to go on any lavish spending sprees. After all, that’s how I got into this debt in the first place. But I’m nervous about making a wrong move. Should I put a certain amount toward savings each month? Should I finally start putting money into the stagnant 401(k) that I haven’t touched since I started paying off my debt? Should I invest? I messed up so badly with my credit card and I really want to get on the right track.

Congratulations! I could go on and on about how great it will feel when you pay that final credit card bill, but you won’t need me to tell you. (Really, though: It’s like kicking off uncomfortable shoes after a long night. Feeling your ears pop when you yawn. Stretching out in a big bed.) Go ahead and luxuriate in that sense of accomplishment — not only because it’s gratifying, but also because it’ll help you stay on track moving forward.

You said you won’t go on any spending sprees, and I believe that you don’t intend to. But I also believe that you are a human who (presumably) leaves your home, uses the internet, and sees cool things you want to do and buy. Resisting those temptations for the past few years, in the name of paying off your debt, is a serious mental triumph — hold onto that, and keep it up. Instead of seeing this as an achievement that you can be proud of and done with, envision it as a hard-won muscle that you’ve toned and want to maintain.

Psychologists have a name for this muscle: “financial self-efficacy,” defined as “a sense of self-assuredness, or ‘self-belief’, in [one’s] own capabilities.” They’ve also established a wide body of research showing that it’s “critical” for good financial habits, like staying out of debt and saving for the future (I’ve written about this before). Some people have this trait by nature, usually because of how they were raised. But others have to learn it by proving to themselves that they can set goals that are slightly uncomfortable, learn what they need to know to reach them, and then put in the legwork — like you did.

In the long run, cultivating self-efficacy will save you a lot more than a $10,000 credit card bill. So that’s what’s next: Continuing what you’ve started. Think of this phase as emerging from financial triage and into a more stable condition where you’ll keep building up strength. The muscle is already there. You’re just giving it something new to lift. And that thing, for now, is your savings.

You’ve probably heard of the 50/30/20 budget, also known as the golden rule of personal finance: Fifty percent of your income should go to “needs” (consistent expenses like rent, groceries, health care, utilities, etc.), thirty percent should go to “wants” (dumplings, wine, Netflix, Ubers, fancy workout classes), and the remaining 20 percent should to savings and/or debt. (If you want to figure out those amounts based on your own paychecks, try this calculator.) While these proportions almost never shake out perfectly, they provide a nice scaffolding as you construct your post-consumer-debt life.

Now, some advice that you may not want to hear: Since you haven’t saved much over the past few years (for understandable reasons), you have some catching up to do. On the upside, you’re already used to living on less than you make. So, here’s your plan: After you kill off your credit-card bills, keep living as if you were still paying them, only siphon that same amount of money toward your 401(k) and a savings account instead. To go back to the 50/30/20 budget, it may mean that more than 20 percent of your income will keep going into the debt-and-savings category for a while (again, no spending sprees). But it shouldn’t be too painful because you just got that raise (congrats on that too, by the way), and you’ll get the satisfaction of watching this money grow instead of feeding it into a credit-card debt vacuum.

Christine Benz, the director of personal finance at Morningstar, once told me to think about savings as “financial multitasking”: “We’re all juggling multiple financial goals throughout our lives, and the key is to get comfy with that,” she said. “Early on, maybe it’s a combination of stoking your emergency fund and paying off student loan debt and contributing to a 401(k). As you move across an investing life cycle, maybe you’ll shift toward saving more for your kids’ college and your own retirement.”

Math-wise, here’s a rough example of what your multitasking could look like: If about 8 percent of your income is going toward your student loans every month, then put 12 percent towards your 401(k) and a minimum of 5 percent toward a cash savings account that you don’t touch (this will become your emergency fund). Automate these transfers so that you don’t even see the money and aren’t tempted to spend it.

The goal for your emergency fund is to sock away three to six months’ worth of living expenses. Don’t dip into it unless some unforeseen disaster strikes (a health emergency, bedbugs, whatever) and you need something to fall back on. Consider it your insurance policy against going into credit card debt again.

As for your 401(k): As a lifelong rule, most financial experts recommend putting about 10 percent of your income straight into a retirement account until you actually retire. Since you haven’t touched yours in a while, overshoot that number if you can. You mentioned investing — that’s what your 401(k) is for. Once you’ve built yours up, you can look into other types of investments, but for now, focus on the long-term, to give that money time to grow.

Yes, I know your eyes just glazed over — retirement funds do that. But the cruel truth about compound interest is that the best time to invest for retirement is when you’re young and dumb and can’t even fathom the idea of being in your 60s. Here’s where self-efficacy comes back into play: You just have to do it. Put on your most comfortable pants, dig out the 401(k) information that’s lying in the depths of your work email, figure out the password to your account, and set it up. (And yes, there is some nerdy immediate gratification, in that you’ll save money in taxes.)

The cumulative effect of watching your savings swell from month to month will feel almost as fantastic as abolishing your credit-card debt, if not more so. But I’m not insane — it won’t be as fun as spending a weekend with your friends someplace warm or buying soft new sheets or enjoying other wonderful things that money can buy. You have to live your life, too. Which bring us to your “wants,” also known as whatever the hell you feel like doing with the leftover 25-ish percent of your income after everything else is squared away. Here, you get to go nuts! Within reason. Personally, I set a weekly limit of whatever-I-feel-like money and make sure I don’t go over it, even if I do get down to the wire sometimes. I also suggest setting up a separate savings account (or try a savings app like Digit or Qapital) that builds up a cushion for impromptu treats, like a surprisingly large dinner bill or a worth-it impulse buy, now that they’re not completely out of the realm of affordability.

Finally, be patient. This next phase will take a while — years, probably — and be followed by yet more financial goals. But they won’t make you feel broke and stressed like paying off your debt did, because these savings are yours. The toughest part is already behind you.

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‘I’m Terrified of Messing Up Now That I’m Out of Debt’
‘I’m Terrified of Messing Up Now That I’m Out of Debt’ (2024)

FAQs

How do I stop worrying about debt? ›

It can help you:
  1. Spot the signs of debt stress in your life.
  2. Talk to someone you trust about your worries.
  3. Get debt advice if you need it.
  4. Make your creditors aware of any issues you have and how they can support you.
  5. Take small steps towards a better financial future.
  6. Connect with others who know what you're going through.

How to overcome fear of not having enough money? ›

Having an emergency fund can do wonders to ease your fear of money, but it can take time to build. Rather than pressuring yourself to build your entire emergency fund all at once, set the goal of saving just a small amount per week—even $5 is better than nothing.

How do I stop feeling guilty about debt? ›

Set Mini Goals

Mini goals will help you to stay the course. These goals can include: Sticking to your budget for three months, paying off your first credit card, saving a certain amount for emergencies, or even your first month without collection calls.

How to overcome fear of debt? ›

With a clear understanding of your debts, a solid repayment plan, and a commitment to budgeting and saving, you can overcome this fear and take control of your financial future. Remember, the path to becoming debt-free starts with a single step. Take that step today.

What is the fear of debt called? ›

Chrometophobia is an irrational fear that can make it hard for you to spend money or pay your bills, even if you can afford to do so. Being too scared to spend money can affect your health, relationships, overall well-being, and daily life.

How do I get serious about getting out of debt? ›

How to get out of debt
  1. List out your debt details.
  2. Adjust your budget.
  3. Try the debt snowball or avalanche method.
  4. Submit more than the minimum payment.
  5. Cut down interest by making biweekly payments.
  6. Attempt to negotiate and settle for less than you owe.
  7. Consider consolidating and refinancing your debt.
Mar 18, 2024

What is financial trauma? ›

Financial trauma refers to the distress associated with chronic money-related stress, lack of resources, or financial abuse. These difficulties can overwhelm the ability to cope with stress, thus leaving many stuck in a state of heightened anxiety, fear, or anger.

How to stop obsessing over finances? ›

How to stop worrying about money and start living
  1. Get grounded: Practice relaxing breathing exercises and meditation. ...
  2. Create financial goals: Set clear, achievable objectives. ...
  3. Make a budget: Track finances and control spending. ...
  4. Schedule money check-ins: Regularly review your financial situation.
Mar 12, 2024

What is financial anxiety? ›

Financial anxiety is an obsessive fear of things related to money that can often be debilitating. Financial anxiety can be triggered by any number of things, not just a lack of money.

How debt is ruining my mental health? ›

There's a strong link between debt and poor mental health. People with debt are more likely to face common mental health issues, such as prolonged stress, depression, and anxiety. Debt can affect your physical well-being, too. This is especially true if the stigma of debt is keeping you from asking for help.

How can I get out of debt and still enjoy life? ›

How to manage debt (and still have fun)
  1. Set up a budget to track your expenses and spending. ...
  2. Use cash for everyday purchases like groceries and eating out. ...
  3. Carefully monitor your credit card spending each month. ...
  4. Pay more than the minimum amount due. ...
  5. Pay off the credit card with the highest interest rate first.

How do I forgive myself for debt? ›

Accept that mistakes happen and understand that they are opportunities for growth. Embrace the mindset that forgiveness is not about excusing your actions but about releasing yourself from the burdens of guilt and shame. Remember that you are not alone in experiencing financial challenges.

How to stop obsessing about debt? ›

How to stop obsessing over your debt, according to experts
  1. Realize that debt is often a part of life. Don't assume that just because you have debt, you're bad with money. ...
  2. Consider how much debt you actually have. ...
  3. Ask yourself whether you're making progress. ...
  4. Consider the “why” behind your debt.
Dec 19, 2019

What is debt anxiety? ›

Fact is, debt stress syndrome is linked to a number of mental health issues, including a massive increase in denial, anger, depression, and anxiety. Among the negative effects of debt stress are low self-esteem and impaired cognitive functioning.

Is it embarrassing to be in debt? ›

Some for the first time, others seeing their existing debt get worse. Here's the thing I want to say – and this is important: There's no shame in having debt, and it's completely understandable to be stressed and anxious about it. I say that because so many people in debt do feel shame. And guilt.

Why am I so scared of debt? ›

That feeling of helplessness or a lack of control can quickly turn into a gripping fear of debt. Maybe you're afraid to check your online credit card account, or you've stopped trying to make more than just the required monthly payment. Or, may you've pushed it out of your mind completely.

Why does debt give me anxiety? ›

There's a strong link between debt and poor mental health. People with debt are more likely to face common mental health issues, such as prolonged stress, depression, and anxiety. Debt can affect your physical well-being, too. This is especially true if the stigma of debt is keeping you from asking for help.

What is debt stress syndrome? ›

Difficulty concentrating, sleepless nights, and a change in eating habits are just a few physical symptoms in which debt stress can manifest, and this phenomenon has given rise to what is often referred to in medical circles as “debt stress syndrome.” Researchers have documented the health effects of debt, and ...

How can you make sure you aren't overwhelmed with debt? ›

Here are seven tips for dealing with debt stress.
  1. Face Your Debt Head-On. ...
  2. Set Priorities. ...
  3. Create a Budget. ...
  4. Supplement Your Income. ...
  5. Seek Professional Support. ...
  6. Consider Consolidation. ...
  7. Talk to Your Lenders. ...
  8. Make Self-Care a Priority.
Mar 27, 2023

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