How to strategically cut the financial cord with adult children (2024)

Ida Khajadourian: Financial support should not come at the expense of a child’s path to financial independence

Published Jan 27, 2024Last updated 2hours ago3 minute read

How to strategically cut the financial cord with adult children (1)

By Ida Khajadourian

A staggering 91 per cent of Canadian respondents to an informal survey conducted in 2023 said they extended financial support to their adult children, covering expenses such as groceries, mortgage payments and rent amidst rising living costs.

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While parents can provide this type of support out of love for their children, it should not come at the expense of their child’s path to financial independence.

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How to strategically cut the financial cord with adult children (2)

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Canada is undergoing the most substantial wealth transfer in history, underscoring the need to empower children and dependents to proactively manage their finances through education and careful planning. By evaluating financial beliefs, values and practices, families can actively promote financial autonomy in their children, guiding them towards their financial objectives.

Initiating early conversations

Parents are instrumental in shaping their children’s financial behaviours and attitudes. From a young age, children observe family members’ approaches to money, implicitly learning from their saving and spending behaviours, lifestyle choices and financial discussions. Although approaches to discussing money may vary across families, education about financial concepts is vital to preparing children for future financial success.

Parents who engage younger children in financial discussions often find them more eager and receptive to managing finances as adults. This can range from creating a budget for a significant purchase such as a new cellphone or developing a plan for investing their allowance or birthday money.

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Establishing sound financial habits

Developing sound financial habits early can equip young adults for success as they transition into adulthood. For example, parents should emphasize the importance of developing a good credit score and explain how responsible credit-card usage contributes to a healthy credit rating and greater financial freedom.

Teens and young adults should be educated on financial basics such as the power of compounding. Saving and investing early can lead to significant growth over time, with the potential for exponential increases in the value of investments.

For example, if someone consistently invested $400 every month beginning at age 25, they would have grown their portfolio to nearly $800,000 by the time they are 65 using a monthly compounded rate of return of six per cent. Starting 10 years later at age 35 would yield half that result, or $402,000, by age 65.

As such, it’s worth engaging children in these discussions early on, as the full potential of compounding earnings is only realized when one starts saving and investing early and maintains this discipline throughout life.

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Leveraging financial tools

There are more tools than ever to assist in managing personal finances at any age. While online tools are not a replacement for the value and guidance provided by wealth advisers, they may help young adults develop financial literacy and experience by equipping them with key concepts.

Robo-advisers, budget-tracking apps, financial podcasts and videos are just a few of these resources, though it is crucial to differentiate between credible and non-credible sources.

Families supporting their children financially may leverage investment vehicles such as registered education savings plans (RESPs), first home savings accounts (FHSAs) and tax-free savings accounts (TFSAs), ensuring the money is being invested and directed towards a specified target or goal. These vehicles allow parents or grandparents to contribute, making a longer-term and more meaningful impact.

Planning strategically

Considering long- and short-term objectives allows young adults to formulate plans and take the necessary steps towards achieving their goals.

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For many young adults, short-term goals may involve post-secondary education, starting a business, travelling, buying a home, marriage or just gaining control of their money. Regardless of what one’s plan looks like, identifying these goals and communicating them with family members can help ensure they have the necessary resources and support to achieve their objectives and stay on track.

In these discussions, wealth advisers play a pivotal role, guiding parents to facilitate effective and productive conversations with their children. They can offer agendas, resources and guided discussions, and act as trusted advisers to ensure effective communication and strategic planning based on a family’s unique financial circ*mstances and goals.

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Open communication about finances may be uncomfortable for some, but it is crucial when it comes to financial planning. Topics such as prenuptial agreements, wills and estate planning may be challenging to discuss, but addressing these matters upfront can help avoid future problems or unpleasant surprises if things don’t go as planned.

Ida Khajadourian is a portfolio manager and investment adviser at Richardson Wealth.

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How to strategically cut the financial cord with adult children (2024)

FAQs

How to stop enabling your grown child financially? ›

How to Get Your Adult Children to Stop Relying on You Financially
  1. Be Transparent in Your Communication. ...
  2. Give Your Children an Adequate Timeline. ...
  3. Provide the Tools to Succeed. ...
  4. Prepare to Still Feel Responsible.

How do I help my adult child get out of debt? ›

One of the biggest ways that parents can help their adult children with debt is to support their children's own efforts to pay down their debt. For example, a grandparent could help with childcare while the parents work extra hours to pay off debt. This helps your adult children to help themselves.

How can parents find the right time to cut the financial cord with their adult children? ›

In order to decide when to cut the financial cord, ask yourself these questions: Are your adult children capable of supporting themselves? Have your children reached milestones in which they no longer need the same help anymore? Examples include graduating from college or getting a full-time job.

What to do when your adult child keeps asking for money? ›

Saying “no” when your adult kids ask for money
  1. Understand your reasons. Does lending them money make your own finances uncomfortably slim? ...
  2. Explain the impact on you. ...
  3. Focus on savings. ...
  4. Don't lecture about their spending habits. ...
  5. Consider alternate ways to help. ...
  6. Reassure.
Aug 2, 2023

What does the Bible say about financially supporting adult children? ›

The Bible strongly encourages us to care for members of our family especially older people, children, and those who may be in need. I Timothy 5:8 says, "Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever."

How do you stop giving money to your adult child? ›

Create a Plan and Communicate It

Swantner recommends creating a firm plan that gradually reduces the child's financial dependence. You might, for example, stop paying the cell phone bill this month, the grocery bill next month, and then let your child know that in six months, she's responsible for her own rent.

How to stop enabling financial irresponsibility? ›

Tips to Take a Stand Against Financially Irresponsibility
  1. Mutually review how much money you've already lent or gifted. ...
  2. You can assist without enabling. ...
  3. Insist on seeing the borrower's budget for how they'll pay current bills and manage future emergencies. ...
  4. Avoid loans if you can.
Jan 31, 2024

Should parents help adult children financially? ›

" Experts say parents can take these steps to help their young adults achieve financial independence: Set up boundaries and a transition strategy for gradually withdrawing financial support. Be their accountability partner and introduce ways for your adult children to budget their spending.

Am I responsible for my adult child's debt? ›

Once a child turns 18, the child is legally responsible for his or her own medical bills unless the parent signs an agreement with the medical provider to pay those bills. As for other debts incurred by children under 18, parents generally are not legally liable for these debts.

When to stop helping your adult children? ›

If helping your adult child is sacrificing your financial well-being, that's not good. I get it. You want to help your child, who may be struggling with student loans and/or high rent. But coddling them too long at the expense of your financial security eventually may shift a burden to them.

When should your parents stop supporting you financially? ›

A new survey from Bankrate found that Gen Z adults (between the ages of 18 and 26) think parents should slow their roll on when to stop paying for them. Take housing. Gen Z adults said they shouldn't have to start paying rent until age 23 on average.

How often do most adults see their parents? ›

About one-in-five young adults (22%) say they see their parent at least a few times a week. About a third (35%) say they see their parent in person a few times a month or once a month. Another 42% say they see their parent less than once a month, including 6% who say they never see their parent.

When your grown child makes bad financial decisions? ›

So, before you tell yourself, “This is my fault,” remember that your child is an adult now. It's their responsibility to make their own choices. You can be there for emotional support, guidance, and empathy. But you can't live their life for them, so let them do it without punishing yourself.

How to talk to adult children about finances? ›

How to talk to grown-up children about money
  1. Ask them to contribute to household expenses.
  2. Nudge them towards budgeting.
  3. Help them overcome and avoid debt.
  4. Encourage career goals.
  5. If you're worried about financial abuse.
  6. More help with talking about money.

How to deal with family members who are always asking for money? ›

Set clear boundaries. A relative who thinks they can depend on you for money may have more and more requests for help, even if their initial request was necessary. If you fear being taken advantage of or being put in a bad situation, create some boundaries. Be clear on how much money you're willing to gift or lend.

How do I stop being a financial enabler? ›

Here are five tips to stop being an enabler:
  1. Let Them Feel the Weight of Their Actions. Stop taking action to protect the user in your life from seeing and feeling the full weight of their actions. ...
  2. Cut off All Financial Help. ...
  3. Establish Boundaries. ...
  4. Live Your Life. ...
  5. Protect Yourself and Others.

When should I stop supporting my adult child? ›

If helping your adult child is sacrificing your financial well-being, that's not good. I get it. You want to help your child, who may be struggling with student loans and/or high rent. But coddling them too long at the expense of your financial security eventually may shift a burden to them.

Should you help your adult children financially? ›

A rule of thumb when it comes to lending a hand to adult children is to make sure the added expense doesn't impede your ability to meet your own financial goals. Of course, every situation is different. But it really comes down to whether you have the resources available to support your kids' goals as well as your own.

What is an example of enabling an adult child? ›

Enabling your adult child could mean continuing to give them money whenever they ask, even if they're capable of paying for things themselves or can get a job.

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