A narcissist’s greatest weapon may be to turn a person against him or herself. Using four techniques, a narcissist may underhandedly dismantle a person’s mental health by attacking from the inside out. A person who is aware of these manipulations may be able to escape before aspects of the self are compromised.
Initially, a person believes a narcissistic partner is anything but narcissistic. Caring, supportive, and attentive, the partner usually grooms a person by establishing trust then blindsides them with a hurtful act. Because the transgression seems out of character, the person is baffled. Wishing to avoid conflict and drama, the person often deems it an isolated incident and sweeps it under the rug.
In doing so, the person falls for the narcissist’s first manipulation; she doubts the validity of her own feelings and perceives the narcissist’s view of the situation as more credible. In the next few months, the person is repeatedly hurt then invalidated and is convinced that she cannot trust her own emotions and perspective.
If a person decides to stand up for herself, it is often problematic. Following a selfish act, the narcissist denies any wrongdoing and shifts the blame onto the person. Distorting the situation in his or her favor, the narcissist acts like the victim in the scenario and frequently points the finger at the person who was actually wronged. As the person attempts to continue defending and explaining her position, the narcissist twists her words in a way that makes her feel like the “bad guy.” Being gaslit is often infuriating and may cause a person to lose her temper. Feeling “out of control” although unfairly provoked and attacked, additionally results in a person feeling pervasive shame and self-doubt. This is the second way a narcissistic partner dismantles a person’s belief in themself.
Frequently, a narcissist may be attracted to a person who is emotionally intelligent. An empathic person is usually emotionally attuned to others, introspective and self-aware. However, as time passes, the narcissist instinctively and subconsciously realizes that his partner has something he or she does not. Due to a narcissist’s lack of self-awareness and inability to extend authentic empathy, he or she feels threatened by someone who possesses something he or she does not understand.
Unfortunately, when a narcissist feels small, he or she acts big. By devaluing a person’s gifts and acting superior, he or she takes the power inappropriately in the relationship. At this point, the narcissist may say: “You think too much.” “You are too emotional.” “You are too sensitive.” “You are soft.” This is the third method the narcissist utilizes to damage a person’s sense of self. He or she belittles a person’s most sophisticated capacities, resulting in the person regarding her most evolved gifts as character flaws.
While this is happening, the narcissist is also offering to help in specific ways. A person may view this as caring that adds to the narcissist’s deceptive persona, but he or she may actually be attempting to obtain control. For example, the narcissist may offer to help repair a person’s car to help save money. Yet, he or she takes months to complete the job and the person is dependent on him or her for transportation. A similar dynamic can occur with the person’s support network. The narcissist may attempt to get close to people in the person’s inner circle. He or she then uses these people to gain more control or to “throw the person under the bus,” and align her people with him or her. As the narcissist infiltrates the person’s life, he or she works to unravel it in significant ways, which is the fourth way he or she tries to destroy a person at his or her core.
Grooming a person, manipulating her into doubting her feelings, generating shame regarding her best qualities, and manipulatively creating dependency are four ways a narcissist destroys a person from the inside out. Knowledge of these sneaky attempts may assist a person to recognize the attack early and escape without incurring massive damage to her self-esteem.
