Are you a family going in many different directions and struggling to feel a strong family bond? Mom feels frustrated and unheard? The kids feel like they never get to do anything. Dad wonders why the budget is getting dinged for something new. I say it is time to sit down as a family for some goal setting and I’m going walk you through how to make goals together. I even have a printable for you.
It doesn’t have to be a huge list of goals. In fact, the simpler they are the more likely you are to stick with them and find some success.
Now, this isn’t goal setting in the way of “living your best life now.” Or making 5 or 10 year plans to achieve big dreams. The perspective of goal setting I come to you with is more about unifying your family in the now. With what is really important, and to keep an eternal perspective.
Goal Setting with an Eternal Perspective
Now, this can seem like an oxymoron, but hang with me. Christian families can struggle with the allure of worldly culture. Of keeping up with the Jones’s – so to speak.
You can feel pressure to sign your kids up for all the activities. Go on lavish yearly vacations. Get them the newest iPhone at the age of 10. Or insert whatever other extravagance we encounter in our modern lifestyles.
I’m not here to bash all of those examples. Goodness, our family took TWO vacations last year! Albeit they were our very first vacations and one was a wedding! I am just encouraging you to consider the why behind every motivation you feel.
Is it to give your family their “best life now” no matter the cost? Are you working so hard to give your kids the best of everything at the expense of what really matters? Or are you aiming to point your kids to Christ? To teach them to deny themselves? And live a life worthy of the call to take up their cross and follow Jesus?
This perspective of goal setting I am sharing with you is about slowing down. Listening to the needs of each family member. Communicating what is good. And coming up with ways to grow together, and toward God.
How Do We Come Up With Family Goals?
When you sit down as a family to start goal setting, I want you to think of this as a way to build communication. A way to strengthen your family unit. In addition to a way to create and keep margin in your life.
Start by praying together. Ask God to bless your time as a family and so guide each persons desires in a way that is pleasing and honoring to him. Ask his for wisdom for you and your husband as you lead your family through this process, so that he may be glorified.
Also, we are going to look at this goal setting from a perspective of family atmosphere and family culture.
Atmosphere is “thepervadingtone or mood of a place, situation, or work of art.” What tone or mood does your home and family convey? What do you want it to convey?
Culture is “theattitudesand behavior characteristic of a particular (social) group.” What attitudes and behaviors make up your family culture?
Those are the two main approaches to our family goal setting.
Click the link and download the FREE Family Goal Setting pdf. I will walk you through it. Then you can begin goal setting with your family!
Words That Describe Us As a Family
This is a fun two-part question. First, ask each person in the family to share one or two words that they think describe your family.
Then, ask everyone to share one or two words that other friends or family use to describe your family. Maybe the kids’ friends say your family is always laughing. Or, they say your family is always fighting.
Your husband’s coworkers say that your family is always busy.
You get the idea. Take an honest look at what your family culture is. What attitudes and behaviors are characteristic of your family. Write them down in the first box.
Next, you will write down the words that you want to describe your family. Each person shares something they want said about your family culture. What your family should be known for.
Our Favorite Things As a Family
Secondly, everyone shares their favorite thing, or things, about the family. What makes them happy to be a part of it.
This makes for a very sweet and humbling time. In this way, you get to see the family through your children’s eyes.
We Want More
This can get very ambitious. However, it is important to give each member of the family the opportunity to say what they would like more of. You can caveat the question with a disclaimer. “Not every want is a need. We can’t meet your every want. But we will meet your every need.”
Equally, this is a great time to reiterate the difference between wants and needs, and who is the Supplier of our every real need.
Have fun with this. Our kids asked for more experiences. More trips to the creek, camping, fishing, visiting parks, picnics, hikes, game nights, and baking. We can do that!
Family Goal Setting: Spiritual Goals
At this point you have some idea of how your family views the overall spiritual health of your family. With that in mind, keep this goal simple, but intentional.
In addition, this goal ultimately falls to your husband, and you. He is the spiritual head of the home and responsible for leading his family. You are his helper and encourager. Together, you will decide how best to shepherd your children.
For our family, our only goal is to read through the whole bible together for 2023. We are not adding additional works or expectation. Only presenting the whole counsel of God and relying on the work of the Holy Spirit to bring understanding and application to each individual life in our family.
There are other ways our family encourages one another in spiritual growth. Things that have become part of our family atmosphere. We sing worship songs together, pray for one another, read the New City Catechism, and memorize scripture.
You may not do those things. That is okay! Maybe that is where you start for family spiritual goals. Learn a hymn each month. So many great hymns teach great scriptural truths and doctrine. They can be a fun and enjoyable way to catechize your family.
Just remember, these goals are not a means for salvation for anyone in your family. Salvation comes only by grace through faith, as worked in us through the Holy Spirit.
For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not of your own doing; it is a gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.
Ephesians 2:8-9
Family Goal Setting: Financial Goals
This is another topic that ultimately falls on your husband and you. However, this is a great opportunity to have conversations around Christian stewardship, giving, and saving.
Money and what things cost can be of little interest to kids, especially if you have smaller children. Yet, giving them input in how your family will earn, spend, and save can teach them some valuable perspective.
This can lead to individual save/spend/give jars for each child. Depending on the other goals your family set or will set in the next section, it could spur them into some crazy coin hunting for a family savings jar.
Family Goal Setting: Adventure Goals
Lastly, its time to consider what adventures your family would like to have. These could be as simple as visiting a new ice cream spot each month. Or, it could be signing up for a family mission trip, or your child’s first away summer church camp.
For our family it was getting a family pass to our local discovery center and making more trips to see family that live just an hour away.
Family Action Plan
So, you have written down all of your goals as a family. Now it is time to think of how your goal setting will turn into action.
Be sure that you printed off the second page. If not, download it again here, or save the image below.
Now you are going to work through each goal and write down one or two action steps that will help you meet each goal.
Perhaps your family wants to be more known for being helpful. How can you do that as a family? Begin in your immediate circle of influence.
Look at your neighbors. Do you have an elderly neighbor that could benefit from some companionship, help with errands, or help around the house?
Do your own parents live close and you have been too busy of a family to help with things they really need help with?
Creating Margin for Building Your Family Culture and Atmosphere
Despite all of your family efforts for setting goals, if you are too busy already it will be hard to meet your goals.
You may have to look honestly at what your family does currently and start saying no to things that keep you from saying yes to the things that matter. Especially to what you learn matters to the people in your home.
Remember to look at your family goal setting with the atmosphere and culture perspectives.
As you think through each action, how does it change or build your family culture?
Is each action life-giving to your family atmosphere?
Also, try to make sure that each person in the family sees a genuine effort to have their ideas of what your family culture and atmosphere should be like made into an action. They are what make your family.
Lastly, close in prayer. Give thanks for all that God has given you and your family. Especially the people in your family. Ask him to lead you and guide you through each area of your family’s goals so that everything you do points to him and brings him the glory.
Did this help your family? We would love to hear about it! Please tell us in the comments.
