Don't Trust Yourself? Here's Why—and What to Do (2024)

Trust is an important factor in any relationship, including yours with yourself. Not trusting yourself can make it difficult to make decisions, trust your instincts, meet your needs, and make the most of opportunities.

This article lists some signs you don't trust yourself, why you might feel this way, how this can affect you, and what you can do.

Signs You Don’t Trust Yourself

These are some signs that you don’t trust yourself, according to clinical psychologist and Yeshiva University Professor Sabrina Romanoff:

• You seek reassurance and advice from others instead of tuning in to how you feel about a situation.
• You solicit opinions from others around you for important decisions.
• You postpone decisions and procrastinate because uncertainty is easier to sit with than a wrong decision.
• You avoid tuning in to your needs and desires and disconnect instead.
• You overestimate the perspective of others and undervalue your own thoughts and instincts.
• You feel guilty after making a decision and always fear that you made the wrong one.
• You ruminate about what could have been if you had taken another path.
• You compare your choices to those of others.
• You don’t believe you’ve made a good decision without external validation.
• You are quick to believe negative opinions of yourself.
• You underestimate the power of your choices.
• You don’t recognize and believe in your innate value and worth.

Reasons You May Not Trust Yourself

Below, Dr. Romanoff unpacks some reasons you might feel as though you can't trust yourself.

Fear of Making the Wrong Choice

People who are not attuned to their own feelings and needs tend to regulate themselves based on the perspectives of others. Underlying their lack of trust in themselves is the fear of making wrong choices and a lack of confidence in their ability to do what is best for themselves.

They also tend to create a false dichotomy of right and wrong decisions. They simplify choices through this black-and-white lens to create an illusion of control, instead of recognizing their ability to thrive in various situations and to navigate adversity.

Typically, people who don’t trust themselves have difficulty making choices and often struggle with choosing between two equally positive options. The struggle is less about which decision would be best and more about their lack of confidence in their abilities. They seek to maximize their opportunities and set themselves up with the best possible situations to overcome their perceived shortcomings.

Past Events and Present Habits

People who have made poor decisions or experienced emotional abuse frequently second-guess themselves and seek others’ opinions and validation. Although this may help them feel safe and in control, the lack of confidence can worsen over time as they become further disconnected from their needs and instincts.

The Impact of Not Trusting Yourself

Not trusting yourself can take a toll on your physical and mental health. According to Dr. Romanoff, these are some of the negative effects you may experience:

• Mental health conditions: Elevated levels of anxiety, depression, and guilt
• Difficulty sleeping: Rumination over decisions at bedtime, when you're unable to seek reassurance or distraction
• Physical health conditions: Stress-related conditions such as impaired memory, heart problems, and diabetes

Rebuilding Trust in Yourself

If you'd like to improve your level of self-trust, here are some steps you can take.

Tune In to Your Needs and Instincts

Rebuilding trust in yourself usually involves improving self-esteem and your belief in your ability to know what is best for you. Try to focus on addressing your own needs and what you want.

When a big decision or situation arises, resist your inclination to tell someone else and get their advice. Instead, sit with the situation and process how you feel. Consider the pros and cons of each potential decision point.

Use Positive Visualization

Positive visualization can help. Many people who struggle with self-trust tend to use negative visualization, which means they imagine the worst possible outcomes for their decisions. This devalues their opinions and idealizes the opinions of others.

Instead, visualize the best possible outcome of a decision you face.For example, if you're trying to choose between two business schools, imagine moving to each new city, meeting new friends, trying new restaurants, walking around the campus, and learning about interesting topics.

A Word From Verywell

Not trusting yourself can take a major toll on your quality of life. Apart from mental and physical health problems, it can also cause you to miss out. For instance, you might not feel confident enough to pursue the career you want. Or, you might not trust your instincts about people and miss out on great relationships.

Start listening to your inner voice and heed your instincts. This will help you build your confidence and develop trust in yourself.