Do Thank-You Notes Still Matter? (Published 2022) (2024)

These days, checking your mailbox can be a disheartening experience. You shuffle past catalogs and bills, riffling through political fliers and advertising postcards addressed to “Resident.” But sometimes, if you’re lucky, you come across an envelope with handwriting that you recognize, thanking you for something you did, or gave.

The thank-you note may seem to be an archaic holdover from a time of Rolodexes and rotary phones. But etiquette experts and social observers argue that a handwritten expression of gratitude has never been more important. It can even be a gift itself.

“Thousands of listeners tell us that they’re disappointed in how no one writes notes anymore saying thanks,” said Nick Leighton, the co-host of the etiquette podcast “Were You Raised by Wolves?” A handwritten thank-you note isn’t just a time-honored art, he argues: It’s an act of thoughtfulness that makes our society a better place by encouraging a spirit of generosity and appreciation.

And while an emailed thanks is a nice gesture, many experts say that, in this virtual age, a traditional, physical note is more powerful than ever.

“In my opinion, old fashioned thank-you notes matter more now than they have in the past because so few people write them,” Maggie Oldham, an etiquette coach based in Indianapolis, said. “Handwritten notes are a differentiator. They show the person you’re thanking that you made a sincere effort to acknowledge their act of kindness or generosity.”

A thank-you note is warranted, said Marcie Pantzer, the founder of the stationery brand Dear Annabelle, not just when people give you a gift but also when they go out of their way to do something nice for you, such as inviting you to their home for a special dinner, stepping in during a child care emergency or attending an event for a charity you support. They’re also fitting for a person who interviewed you for a job.