“You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.”
When you fall in love, nobody needs to tell you the signs. But we thought it would be fun to speculate on some of the indicators that might be more common within the different personality types. Let’s not get too dogmatic about it, though. After all, falling in love doesn’t always follow some set of rules. Sometimes love comes from the most unexpected places.
Still, it might be interesting to explore what the different personality types might be looking for. Some personalities may double down and apply their strengths to their new romantic feelings. Others may seek to balance their strengths with other qualities that are not generally held in their arsenal of superpowers. Either way, let’s go on a lighthearted journey to explore some possible signs that may indicate that you’ve found the one.
Analyst Personality Types
Architect (INTJ)
Suddenly, your constantly probing attention shifts. You’re interested in finding out more about this person who infatuates you. You throw significant amounts of your energy into gathering knowledge about your newfound love. “Who is this person?” “Do they want children?” “Can they speak Klingon?”
But the big surprise may come when you realize that none of the questions you ask do justice to your new romantic interest. There may be several surprises as they reveal themselves to you in their own way. Strategies are usually clean, but love and life are messy and unpredictable. If you wait to understand them completely before moving forward, you may find yourself waiting an eternity. You might just have to give up on the idea of finding perfect knowledge here.
Logician (INTP)
You know that passion you show for your latest nonromantic interest? Wait until the hormones come into play with a person you’re seriously attracted to. You’re likely to be somewhat obsessed with your new flame. And for all your love of rationality, you may discover that your heart doesn’t need this person to make sense. Your heart may be more in charge of your life than you imagine.
Don’t panic. Leading with your feelings can be a good thing. You possess an endearing, fun side to your complex personality. When you can let your fun flag fly freely with someone you’re attracted to without excessive self-consciousness, you may have found the one.
Commander (ENTJ)
Careful and in control, Commander personalities may step back and take a long look before leaping when it comes to matters of the heart. But when you do, and if it seems real, the hook is likely to sink deep, and you’re all in. The object of your affection is fortunate, because your loyalty is strong – and not in a stalkerish way either.
Your new love becomes your new project, and you may even start blueprinting the best way to fit this person into your life plan. When a potential partner starts to take up significant real estate on your vision board, you may have found the one.
Debater (ENTP)
There! Right there! You were right on the precipice of a friendly argument, and you backed down. What power does this wonderful person possess to corral your opinion and your need to challenge other’s information and logic?
Perhaps you have found the one when you pull your intellectual punches, but not because you no longer have interest in verbal contests. Instead, another interest overrides that one as you put your energy into developing a relationship. There are better things to do besides verbal sparring when you fall in love. I bet you can list those things, but if you can’t, we should talk.
Diplomat Personality Types
Advocate (INFJ)
Whenever the person on your romantic radar demonstrates that they want to be as genuine as you always try to be, your heart skips a beat. You want to help them find their real selves, because you believe that the wonderful treasure you see before you isn’t as good as the treasure still to be found deeper within your new beloved.
So you take up your velvet pickax and gently begin the search for gold and gems. Something uniquely encouraging and protective begins to emerge from you whenever you think about this person. When both people in a partnership strive to be better, my friend, we have a fine example of the ideal Advocate relationship.
Mediator (INFP)
Your idealism knows almost no bounds. But now, you realize that this perfect partner is not coming (likely because they don’t exist). Instead, you find yourself thrilled with the appealing but flawed person that fate has delivered to your doorstep. When this attraction is stronger than your imagination, you’ve likely found the one.
And after all, you can’t grow from perfection, so what would you do with a picture-perfect demi-deity as the focal point of your affection? You need growth, and you need a partner who grows with you. So flaws are the prize in this particular box of cornflakes.
Protagonist (ENFJ)
It may have been that one conversation or maybe a series of conversations. You realize that this person doesn’t care about bingeworthy TV, which team won, or gotcha politics. With gusto, the two of you chat about real issues and discuss deep truths about life.
These discussions, with each person holding their own, cause enthusiasm to bubble up inside you, and in the blink of an eye, you’re in love. This level of emotional and intellectual connection points to this amazing person being the one. Is it too soon to use the term soul mate?
Campaigner (ENFP)
Campaigners tend to love love. So, how do you recognize that the person sitting across from you is the one when there are potentially so many others out there who might fit the bill? You always desire to please those you’re enamored with, but this person elicits less of a need to please them in the moment and more of a need to provide them with something of lasting value.
You have less of a sense that you are trying this relationship on in a shop and more of an impression that you are ready to step up to the cash register and make the purchase. Cha-ching.That’s when you may be on the path to relationship gold.
Once you’ve fallen head over heels, you want to understand even more about your partner and their personality. Try our game of discovery – “Get to Know Your Partner.”
Sentinel Personality Types
Logistician (ISTJ)
You may not need fireworks or any other material or experiential tokens of love. All you need is stability. Too many gestures of adoration may do exactly the opposite of what the one you’re interested in intends. It’s not that you hate flowers or Post-it notes placed on your car’s dashboard that say, “I love you.” But too many spontaneous gestures may suggest to you a frivolous person who is trying too hard.
Besides, such gestures are embarrassing for you. You’re more comfortable with someone who is simply present when the time is right. When someone lights up your life with their mere quiet presence, things might be serious, and this might be the one. And you like serious. You like it a lot.
Defender (ISFJ)
When a person begins to feel like “home” to you, you know you’re onto something in the romance department. You don’t make decisions about things like long-term relationships or a life partner easily, but it’s not because your mental checklist of qualifying characteristics is lengthy or complicated.
It might seem insulting to your potential amour to say you’re looking for someone who fits like your favorite armchair, but it’s like that. That perspective is perfectly fine. When you start feeling cozy with someone, you may have found the one. Settle in and enjoy the comfort.
Executive (ESTJ)
You need someone who will be there to back you in your actions. They need to keep up, and they need to be effective. But you’re not that utilitarian, are you? This effective person is a romantic partner, not an employee, right?
Having a partner who hovers in the same philosophical airspace as you is helpful. A strong work ethic is an essential value in your relationships. (Oops. It looks like we’re back to “effective” again.) Anyway, when you notice that the two of you are in sync with all of life’s practical matters and ambitions, these things might indicate that you found the one.
Consul (ESFJ)
Can you picture this person in your kitchen making coffee in the morning…for the rest of your life? You tend to be constantly looking for someone who, like you, is on a permanent-fixture trajectory. There’s nothing flighty about your love life. You take it seriously, and that’s likely to your credit.
The sincerity that you bring to thoughts of romance also determines the “who.” You want someone who is a romantic marathoner and not a sprinter. When there’s no doubt that the making of a long-term relationship exists, your laserlike romantic focus switches on. Sure, you’re excited, but don’t forget to propose before filing for the marriage license.
Explorer Personality Types
Virtuoso (ISTP)
The Virtuoso two-step: a step in, a step out. The mutual mastering of this dance can make the difference between a relationship that works and one that doesn’t work for Virtuoso personality types. You tend to occupy each moment fully, which is a powerful quality. But the downside is that anything less than interesting or challenging to you is nearly intolerable. During such times, you want to be somewhere else or to be doing something else.
If someone shows the same need for flexibility and excitement, you’ve likely found the one you’re looking for. Paradoxically, it may even be a positive sign if your beloved occasionally turns you down for a date because they want to do something else on their own. Sweet, sweet, mutual independence.
Adventurer (ISFP)
Sensitive to others, you find that you respond readily to the loving comments and gestures that potential partners make. If you’re not only craving the positive vibes from that certain someone but also seem to get them, then you may have found the one.
Does that sound too obvious? It may, but your needs tend to be simple, and the right amount of positive regard is likely enough for you. Let it happen. You deserve it.
Entrepreneur (ESTP)
That old saying about something needing to be challenging enough to be interesting but not so challenging as to be impossible may apply to Entrepreneurs’ love lives. You may be with the one if a potential love connection plays hard to get, and you find their elusiveness one of their more charming features.
Not one to walk away from a reasonable challenge, you may find that the chase increases your attraction to this person. What fun is it if it’s too easy?
Entertainer (ESFP)
People person extraordinaire that you are, you need someone on the same page. Or, if your potential partner isn’t as socially intense and proactive as you are, they should at least be willing to keep up socially, riding the wake of your eagerness.
When you connect with someone who shares your zest for life on some adequate level, you may have found the one. Let’s get this party started.
For a greater sense of how you and the person you’ve fallen in love with may interact, try our Couple Analysis and fine-tune your understanding of your new (or old) relationship.
When the Pieces Fit
Robert Fulghum wrote: “We’re all a little weird. And life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness – and call it love – true love.”
Perhaps the word Mr. Fulghum was looking for was unique.
Falling in love is not as simple as finding someone who fits our personality type preferences. Then again, it would also be naive to say that the unique expression of our personality traits doesn’t influence who we fall for. Of course it does.
We’d love to hear your take on how you know you’re in love and what personality has to do with it. If you’re so inspired, please leave a comment below.
Further Reading
- How to Ask Out an Advocate (INFJ)
- Introvert-Extravert Relationships: Can They Work?
- So You’re Dating a Logistician (ISTJ), Mediator (INFP), Defender (ISFJ), Commander (ENTJ), or Protagonist (ENFJ)
- How to Date an Analyst Personality Type
