A guide to avoiding awkward hugs (2024)

Hugging as a standard greeting in social situations is increasingly common. So popular is the casual hug, we can find ourselves hugging people we barely know. And that can be okay. Or it can be a greeting disaster on a monumental scale.

No one wants an awkward hugging situation on their hands yet not everyone is familiar with the unwritten rules around social hugs. Here are some guidelines to help ensure your next hugging event is a positive one.

ONE: Hone your technique

A bear hug is not an appropriate social hug. It's claustrophobic and too heavy. The ideal casual hug involves two people leaning in and applying what is known in the industry as "a one-armed shoulder touch". Air kissing and a light cheek grazing are also acceptable.

TWO: Avoid the prolonged hug

Social hugs are brief, possibly fleeting. If you don't release your target soon enough you run the risk of turning an acceptable hug into an awkward one.

THREE: Try not to ask first

Some guides say you should ask permission before you hug someone. This sounds reasonable until you realise that "May I hug you, please?" is one of the creepiest lines of all time. I fully embrace the notion of consent but in this situation it gets kind of weird. Let's make a new rule: if you feel you have to ask permission then it's clearly not a hugging situation. You're going to have to settle for a handshake.

FOUR: Choose your moment

There is a specific window of time at a social event that a hug is acceptable. A hug blends seamlessly within the hustle and bustle of arriving, shedding jackets and greeting people. So make your move then. If you miss that opportunity, then consider it lost. Artificially trying to create a hug outside of the approved time zone will probably result in embarrassment.

FIVE: Consider your target

There's a school of thought that men should never initiate a hug. This feels old-fashioned and is a bit unfair on men. A more relevant guideline would be to consider if there is a potential power imbalance between the two parties. Never use your advanced age, stature or social standing to foist a hug on another person.

SIX: Hugs should be mutual

The fact that so many social hugs proceed without awkwardness or complaint is testament to our ability to accurately read the body language of other people. It must happen within micro-seconds: someone emits the hug equivalent of a green or a red light and the other party responds respectfully to that signal. Either a hug is born or it is not. It's so seamless that most of the time we're not even aware of these vibes we are picking up.

SEVEN: Not everyone relishes the hug

Some people are keen huggers; others are not at all fond of the social hug. Clearly, if a potential hugging situation arises, one must be guided by the wishes of the least enthusiastic party. In such circ*mstances, it's recommended the hug-averse person proffers their hand for a handshake as a preemptive strike. It's the hugging equivalent of a protective shield.

EIGHT: The unwanted hug

What do you do if you are a recipient of an unwelcome hug? It depends on the circ*mstances. It's difficult to know whether that person deliberately or accidentally misread your cues and body language. If you suspect it was on purpose, then consider screaming and running. Not biting. Nine out of ten hugging experts believe biting is an overreaction.

If screaming and running seems too dramatic, you could always take advantage of the proximity of this person's ear and ask them to stop hugging you. If you think it was just an innocent gaffe then you may be prepared to overlook it. But then they could misinterpret this as an invitation to commit future hugs. In this case, just to be safe, best practice dictates you stay five arms' length from this person at all times.

NINE: The goodbye hug

If you have hugged someone hello, then a corresponding farewell hug is usually appropriate. If you offer a handshake instead, this represents a clear deterioration in relations and the person will wonder what he or she has done to offend you. Think of hugs as you might of bookends. In social situations, they best deployed as a pair.

TEN: The work hug

Although these are the rules of social hugging, it would be remiss of me to not discuss hugs in the workplace. Most commentators believe hugs between people who work together sit somewhere on the spectrum between inappropriate and unwanted sexual contact. Equals in the workplace might (note: might) be able to hug freely and without further recourse but when there's a power imbalance the hug is a minefield. The fact that most articles on work hugs also mention the words "human resources", "complaints", "harassment" and "lawyers" should be sufficient warning. So remember: at work keep your hugs to yourself and nobody gets hurt.