Tips like thesehelped us pay off $127K in debt. You can read our story inSlaying the Debt Dragon: How One Family Conquered Their Money Monster and Found an Inspired Happily Ever After.
Paying off debt isn’t for wimps. It’s especially not for wimps who are married. Communication is key when it comes to paying off debt AND remaining married at the end of the journey. Here are 7 Things to Say to Your Spouse When Paying Off Debt.
Being in and getting out of debt is scary! Some of us flip out and fear the worst – that we would lose our homes, our health, our marriages, and more. You need to reassure your spouse that it will be OK. No matter what obstacles you face, or how bruised and bumped your heart might feel, there is always hope. Help your spouse avoid freak out mode by whispering these five simple words.
Travel back in time (use the Scooby Doo sound effects if you need to). Remember walking down the aisle? How your heart was aflutter with such strong emotions? Remember saying “I do”? Paying off debt requires you return to that place of overwhelming love and adoration. It’s easiest to blame the people we are closest to for all of our problems. It’s difficult to say “I love you” when they may have actually contributed to those problems. We all own part of our financial predicaments. Don’t shut down your heart. Remember that you chose your spouse and he or she chose you. Return to your vows. Say “I love you” frequently and sincerely. After all, you want to remain married after your debt slaying journey is over.
It’s easy to get caught up in the pursuit of paying off debt and lose sight of what you’re doing what you’re doing. This temptation is the greatest within a marital relationship. Pause and take time to acknowledge to your spouse that they matter more than paying off debt. While becoming financially sound is a noble pursuit, you still want to be married at the end of the journey. People are always more important than things. People – especially husbands and wives – take priority.
It will be important to check in on the emotional status of your significant other during the process of paying off debt. Great endeavors are grueling emotionally. While we were paying off $127K, I swung wide pendulums of emotions (I had ALL the feelings!). Check in on your spouse and ask this simple question. You may have no idea what their current status is.
Appreciating what your spouse is contributing to the debt slaying journey is important. Maybe he is working long hours. Maybe she is spending more time with the kids all by herself because of those long hours. Maybe she is cutting costs in every area of the budget. Maybe he is sacrificing his recreational time for the pursuit of paying off debt. Both spouses make sacrifices while paying off debt by working more and spending less. Be sure you pause and thank your spouse for their dedication to the goal and their efforts of hard work and sacrifice.
I’ve often heard Andy Stanley quip that this is the most powerful question in the universe. I would argueit is the one question that could save your marriage. Asking “What can I do to help?” gives your spouse room to breathe and demonstrates that you are willing to leverage your gifts and abilities to further their personal pursuits.
Many times I’ve mentioned that my husband captivated my heart by asking the question, “What would we do with our money if we weren’t sinking so much of it into payments, interest, and debt?” This question and the process of dreaming big allowed me to envision a future for our family, community, and world where we could do fun things, be generous, and make a difference. Where would you go? How would your children’s future look different? How could you transform your community or even the world? This vital statement will give you momentum when your hearts are feeling low.
What would you add? What words need spoken between spouses during the process of paying off debt?
My book is now available:Slaying the Debt Dragon: How One Family Conquered Their Money Monster and Found an Inspired Happily Ever After.You can also check outInspiration to Pay Off Debt: 30 Days of Encouragement from the Queen of Free
on Kindle.
This post contains an affiliate link. That means when you get a great deal or maybe even something for free, you also help our family pay off our mortgage early. And for that, we royally thank you!
Related posts:
How to Pay Off All Your Debt: He Put His Hand in the Small of My Back6 Ways to Keep Your Marriage Healthy While Paying Off Debt31 Ways to Kick Debt in the Teeth: Communicate with Your SpouseWhat To Say to Your Spouse When Paying Off Debt
FAQs
Financial infidelity occurs when one partner hides or misrepresents financial information from the other, such as keeping secret bank accounts or hiding purchases. It does not necessarily involve marital infidelity, though it can lead to divorce.
How to have a financial conversation with your spouse? ›
- Set regular times to discuss finances. There's no perfect time in the relationship to start talking about budgets and financial goals. ...
- Consider putting aside the word “money” ...
- Focus on the future, not the past. ...
- Remain adaptable when navigating ups and downs. ...
- Bottom line.
When you talk to your partner about debts
- Let them know you are dealing with it.
- Tell them that you are getting help from professionals.
- If you are working with StepChange, explain that it is a free and confidential debt advice charity.
The 50/30/20 budget rule states that you should spend up to 50% of your after-tax income on needs and obligations that you must have or must do. The remaining half should be split between savings and debt repayment (20%) and everything else that you might want (30%).
When to leave a lying spouse? ›
If your partner doesn't express remorse for lying, for hurting your feelings, or shows no willingness to change or seek help for their behavior, you might seriously consider ending the relationship.
Is financial infidelity worse than cheating? ›
52% of the respondents say financial cheating is just as bad as physical cheating. 12% say it's actually worse. Zodda says a little lie can cause a big problem down the line.
How should bills be split in a marriage? ›
Splitting shared bills down the middle is one of the easiest approaches to a joint financial life. Each person pays half. This straightforward approach makes budgeting as a couple consistent. Each person pays half the rent, subscriptions or insurance from individual accounts.
Is debt a red flag in a relationship? ›
5 Financial Red Flags in Relationships (And How to Address Them) Financial red flags, like hidden debt or excessive spending, are concerning but they aren't always dealbreakers. Candid conversation and prompt action are promising paths forward.
What is financial intimacy? ›
“In the context of relationships, achieving financial intimacy means being able to discuss money matters without judgment, fear, or hidden agendas. It's about aligning financial goals, being transparent about debts and assets, and jointly navigating the financial challenges and milestones that life throws your way.”
How do I protect myself from my husband's debt? ›
You can protect yourself from your spouse's debt by signing a prenuptial agreement before you get married and avoid taking out joint credit. It's especially important to protect equity in your home during a divorce to ensure you get your fair share, since this is likely the largest asset you have.
It doesn't matter if your rich or poor, debt can break your marriage into little pieces. Credit card debt is “an equal-opportunity marriage destroyer,” says Jeffrey Dew, a Utah State University professor in the Department of Family, Consumer, and Human Development whose research examines the impact of debt on marriage.
How does debt affect marriage? ›
Meanwhile, paying off debt was linked to increased satisfaction. And when new couples took on debt, they tended to fight more, spend less time with each other, and perceive unfairness in how money was handled in their marriage. In fact, in general, fighting over money is a major cause of divorce.
How much savings should I have at 50? ›
By age 50, you'll want to have around six times your salary saved. If you're behind on saving in your 40s and 50s, aim to pay down your debt to free up funds each month. Also, be sure to take advantage of retirement plans and high-interest savings accounts.
What are the four walls? ›
In a series of tweets, Ramsey suggested budgeting for food, utilities, shelter and transportation — in that specific order. “I call these budget categories the 'Four Walls. ' Focus on taking care of these FIRST, and in this specific order… especially if you're going through a tough financial season,” the tweet read.
How to budget $5000 a month? ›
Consider an individual who takes home $5,000 a month. Applying the 50/30/20 rule would give them a monthly budget of: 50% for mandatory expenses = $2,500. 20% to savings and debt repayment = $1,000.
What is an example of financial infidelity? ›
Financial infidelity is when couples with combined finances lie to each other about money. Examples of financial infidelity can include hiding existing debts, excessive expenditures without notifying the other partner, and lying about the use of money.
What are the red flags of financial infidelity? ›
It can be small money lies or big lies, there can be secret spending, secret bank accounts, spending amounts or purchasing items you know your partner wouldn't agree or approve of, or ignoring financial boundaries such as discussing purchases that cost more than an agreed upon amount such as $500 or $1,000.
Is financial infidelity a reason to divorce? ›
Financial infidelity is a grounds for divorce in "at fault" states and also in a no-fault divorce. Financial infidelity in a marriage, which can complicate divorce proceedings, includes behaviors such as: Concealing debt from one's spouse. Secretly making large purchases or investments.
on Kindle.