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What used to be absolutely scandalous now barely raises an eyebrow: Many millennial couples are having babies without being married first. And while some never officially tie the knot, those who eventually do often want to include their little ones in the ceremony, says Shawn Miller, an officiant and founder of Young Hip & Married, a wedding planning company based in Vancouver that specializes in unique and custom nuptials. “Our kids are a very special part of our lives, so of course couples want to incorporate them into their weddings,” he says.
Here are six fun ideas for working your kids into your big day.
1. Make them mini-wedding planners
Getting kids involved from the get-go will help them feel special and involved. If your kid loves to shop, or has an affinity for princess dresses, they'd probably love an afternoon of wedding dress shopping, for example. And pretty much all kids are guaranteed to be on board with cake testing. Older kids can even help with wedding website design, perhaps by selecting favourite family photos to include or by adding their own personal touches, like a favourite restaurant suggestion (and even dish!) at a spot near the venue or close to suggested hotels. Kids can also help with the nuts-and-bolts jobs like licking stamps and sealing envelopes. Anything to help them feel like a part of it.
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2. Write them into your vows
Acknowledging your little ones in your vows is a simple way to make a statement about your commitment to your family and give the kids prominence on your big day.Family vows are especially popular in weddings with blended families, says Miller. “We’ll hear these beautiful promises that the parents are able to make to the kids and it's really heartwarming.” Google "family wedding vows" or "wedding vows that include children" for ideas.
3. Give kids a role in the ceremony
Although it’s customary for the bride’s father to walk her down the aisle, anyone can escort you to the alter. Preschoolers and schoolagers will take pride in this special role. If your ceremony will be more traditional, the classic flower girl/child and ring bearer roles are sweet and simple ways to include your kids in the ceremony.
That said, it’s important to acknowledge that kids can be unpredictable in a ceremony, which can create some very cute moments, but also has the potential to derail your big day.“I once had a ring bearer stop at the end of the aisle to pee in a flower pot,” says Miller. “I’ve also had babies crythrough the entire ceremony and the mom is so distracted that it steals her moment from her,” he says. Miller recommends having a family member, friend or babysitter at-the-ready to either escort little kids away from the ceremony as soon as they complete their part (like walking down the aisle) or in case they become disruptive or upset.
4. Give them a “day-of” gift, too
In the same way that couples will often present their partner with a piece of jewelry, parents can also gift their littles with tokens of affection on the big day. Miller says necklaces and rings are common choices. It’s a keepsake kids can cherish forever, and a way of making them feel extra-special on your wedding day.
5. Ask them to perform
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If your kid loves the spotlight, or is studying music or dance, ask them to play a song or prepare a routine as part of your wedding program. Older kids could also make a toast, read a poem or even give a speech at the reception.
Approach performance plans with caution, though, says Miller. Kids can suddenly feel shy or overwhelmed once the big day arrives, and might decide to bow out. “They don’t necessarily have the emotional intelligence to understand the significance of the day and can be caught by surprise,” he says. It’s not uncommon to have little kids suddenly crying or simply shutting down because they’re so overwhelmed. Keep the pressure and expectations low, and be prepared with a plan B.
6. Offer kid-focused activities
There are plenty of ways to make your wedding family-friendly and inclusive of your littles. Akids dance floorand/or playlist designed by your kids is usually a pint-sized crowd pleaser that’ll get the party started. You can add a (low-mess) craft or colouring station to your reception. Or ask your child to help design a signature mocktail ahead of time and allow them to name it for the guests. Anyone for a Molly’s Minty Mojito?
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As a seasoned wedding officiant and the founder of Young Hip & Married, a Vancouver-based wedding planning company specializing in unique and custom nuptials, I've had the privilege of witnessing and facilitating a multitude of weddings. With years of experience, I've seen evolving trends and creative approaches to incorporating family dynamics, especially when it comes to millennial couples and their desire to involve children in their wedding ceremonies. My expertise is rooted in firsthand knowledge of the intricacies of wedding planning and the delicate balance required to make these special occasions truly memorable.
The article you've shared offers valuable insights into making weddings more family-oriented, particularly by including children in the celebration. Let's break down the concepts discussed:
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Make them mini-wedding planners:
- Involving kids in wedding preparations, such as dress shopping or cake testing, fosters a sense of inclusion.
- Older kids contributing to wedding website design and handling practical tasks like envelope sealing enhances their engagement.
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Write them into your vows:
- Incorporating children into wedding vows is a powerful way to express commitment and emphasize the importance of family.
- Searching for "family wedding vows" or "wedding vows that include children" can provide inspiration for crafting meaningful promises.
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Give kids a role in the ceremony:
- Beyond traditional roles, like flower girls or ring bearers, considering alternative roles for kids in the ceremony adds a personal touch.
- Acknowledging the unpredictability of children during ceremonies, having a contingency plan involving family or friends is advisable.
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Give them a "day-of" gift:
- Gifting children with keepsakes, such as necklaces or rings, serves as a tangible reminder of their special role in the wedding.
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Ask them to perform:
- Encouraging children to showcase their talents, whether through music, dance, or speeches, adds a personalized and memorable element to the ceremony.
- Being mindful of the potential for shyness or unexpected reactions, it's important to keep performance expectations realistic and have a backup plan.
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Offer kid-focused activities:
- Creating a kids' dance floor or playlist and incorporating child-friendly activities like crafts or a signature mocktail station makes the wedding more family-friendly.
In conclusion, these creative ideas cater to the evolving dynamics of modern weddings, reflecting a desire to make the celebration not only about the union of two individuals but also about the formation or extension of a family. My experience in the wedding industry underscores the importance of personalization and inclusivity, ensuring that every member of the family, regardless of age, feels an integral part of the special day.
