Does your husband or significant other have a bad spending habit? You’re in luck because I was able to stop my husband’s bad spending habits and I will tell you what did and didn’t work to get my husband’s spending under control.
My Husband’s Perspective On Money
The more I thought about it, the more I realized I needed to look at spending money from a man’s perspective. As a man, he finds it very difficult to admit his insecurities. Unfortunately, I think many men think and act like this. It’s hard for them to reach out for help because they feel they are the protectors. They believe they are the ones that need to have all the answers for their family.
They acknowledge their deficiencies by reaching out for help or looking up information about their finances. Unfortunately, many husbands feel that looking for help is a sign of weakness. In reality, admitting they don’t know everything is a strength.
How Do You Stop Your Husband / Spouse’s Bad Spending Habits?
First and foremost, your husband needs a reason to recognize his bad habits. If he thinks everything is fine, why would he want to discuss this “budget” you keep bringing up?
Before you approach your husband about his terrible money habits (again), recognize that you will typically get more bees with honey. What I mean is that this is a delicate process. Initially, he is not going to want to admit he needs help. Therefore, before you approach him, I would encourage you to continue your financial research as much as possible. Again, the goal is to counter his protests with facts rather than your emotion.
How I Changed My Husband’s Spending Habits
When my husband and I first married, I was the saver, and he was the spender. However, he can distinctly remember when he had his “aha” moment regarding our finances. I came to him and showed him he had spent over $1,000 at restaurants over the past month.
I approached him in a non-confrontational way and shared what I had discovered in our finances. It was an immediate shock when he saw those numbers because he had never tracked his spending. His entire money plan was to avoid spending more than he made.
The Kid Glove Approach To Talking To Your Spouse About Money
It had a much more significant impact when I could sit him down and show him the numbers instead of telling him how awful he was with money. Had I started to nag him and tell him we needed to do a budget and push him to spend less, he would have resisted.
However, when I showed him the numbers, I was able to create buy-in from him. It was impossible to deny that he wasted a ton of money on things that didn’t add value to our lives.
After I presented him with the information, he decided that it was time to get our finances under control right then and there. It felt like he chose to start a budget rather than me.
The Steps To Stop His Spending
Here are the steps I took to stop my husband’s bad spending habits.
1. Create A Budget – By Yourself
Before you approach him, examine your finances to see where your money is going. This can be done by creating a monthly budget. Once you have this information, it will be easier to convince him to curb his spending and financially get on board with you.
You will be able to answer his questions and approach him in a non-aggressive manner, armed with facts about your finances. Again, If you need information on creating a budget, download my free budget printables here and refer to my budget article.
2. Create Common Ground
When armed with the budget, you are ready to move in. Approach him at a good time and bring up the finances in a non-condescending manner.
Bring up your goals and how you want the two of you to work towards common goals. This is not a blame session, this is a positive conversation geared towards working on a positive outcome.
This strategy aims to find common goals and motivations for both of you to get on the same page. Too often, we let our emotions get in the way and start finger-pointing at the other person’s bad habits. Being armed with facts instead of emotion, you have a much better chance of working towards a positive resolution.
3. Create A Vision With Your Husband
A budget and retirement plan are great, but they seem meaningless without goals and dreams. Shared visions are significant for you and your spouse, and I encourage you to seek those out. However, to create real financial action, we need to find our “why.” Our focus and goals in this life help drive our activities for today.
When you present the current financial situation to him, convince him that with his help, both of you can fix this. Tell him about your goals and dreams and ask him what his are. Then, show him how these goals and dreams require money and the path to get there!
His goals may involve golfing on the weekend and driving a big truck. This is possible if he helps you with the budget and pays cash for these items. Offer to give him some control over the financial situation as you work together.
4. Establish Your Financial Why
When he was finally on board with creating a better financial situation, he needed his “why.” He distinctly remembers writing down his goals on a piece of paper. He wrote his five and ten-year goals on paper and told me to do the same. After I completed my list, we compared them. It was fantastic that we shared several common goals and also had unique plans that the other was unaware of.
For instance, we both would like to retire and have a beach house someday. Who knows if it truly is possible, but it gives us something to aim for. One of our short-term goals involved paying off our house early.
With these common goals, we have a specific purpose of working towards and a plan for our money to accomplish them.
By sharing our goals and working together, we hold each other accountable for our spending. Our financial plan has brought us closer because we dared to dream together. With these dreams, we both realize that we can achieve them if we work together!
5. Sharing Control Of Your Finances
As men, they like to be in control – as do women. So with money, how do both of us take control simultaneously? After I created financial buy-in with him, we took different financial roles. We took on financial positions that matched our personalities.
In our relationship, he is the visionary. He can easily see the long-term goals that I have trouble envisioning. I am articulate and a perfectionist, so the monthly budget is right up my alley. Using his strengths, he is responsible for retirement planning and investing.
We align our goals and dreams and design a plan to get there. I am excellent at paying attention to the small everyday money details, and he compliments me with his vision. Win-win for both of us control freaks!
We routinely share our progress. For example, he shows me how retirement planning is going, and I show how well we have stuck to our budget. We hold each other accountable and encourage each other simultaneously by working together.
A Recap Of The Process To Stop Your Husband’s Bad Spending Habits
- Create a budget on your own to see where your finances really are. If you need help starting, use my free budget printables and refer to my detailed article on budgets.
- Approach your husband in a non-confrontational manner, armed with facts rather than pent-up emotion. Show him your finances and what you have mapped out.
- Discover your goals and dreams – both your shared and unique visions. Find common ground to work together to achieve as many of your goals as possible.
- Establish your “why” with your husband. Solidify the reason you need to work together to achieve these goals.
- If you both are control freaks, work on sharing financial responsibilities, as hard as it may be. Divvy up the responsibilities based on personalities and strengths.
The best advice I can give you? Do not give up! You both work extremely hard, and marriage is not easy. It took time for my husband to get on board with our finances. But, once I finally convinced him to change, we were unstoppable. We work together and celebrate our successes. We have enough stress in our lives, and being able to remove financial stress has been invaluable to our relationship.
