5 Signs My Ex Is Hurting Right Now (2024)

Do you want your ex to hurt after breaking up with you?

Well, what I do know is that you want them back and you are likely looking for signs that they want you back as well.

Don’t worry, I’m not going to lecture you about that. I get it.

I’m on your side.

One sign of that would be if your ex was hurting over the breakup, but how can you know if your ex is hurting or experiencing emotional pain?

Here are some signs that your ex is hurting after the breakup.

I highly recommend that you watch my video on this page all the way through along with reading this content.

Take your time.

It’s important that you fully understand and can remember for the days of doubt.

Surely you don’t have anything better to do if you are wanting the best chance possible of getting your ex back.

A couple of these might seem basic but there is an important reason that I’m mentioning them and I will explain some very important details about certain signs as well.

Sign 1: Your Ex Exaggerates Their Happiness On Social Media

As far as you can tell on social media, your ex is having a wonderful time and no one has ever had such an amazing time in all of existence.

But there is an interesting quote that William Shakespeare gave us in his play, Hamlet, that says: “Methinks you doth protest too much.”

What that basically means is that if there is something unnatural about someone’s claims, they are loudly projecting it, and they talk about it far more than seems normal, the odds are good that it’s not true.

It could very well be that they are putting on and wanting you to see what they are posting.

In fact, that’s pretty typical of an ex who is starting to realize that the breakup was a mistake.

Why would they want you to see?

Because your ex knows that living a happy life is attractive and so they want you to think they are doing that in order to get you to chase them and clean up their mess instead of them having to reach out to you.

Don’t fall for it.

The good news is that it likely means that they are doubting the breakup.

That doesn’t mean that things are going to be happening tonight, but it could mean that the wheels are in motion and that, with some time and patience, your ex could come back to you.

Several of these signs of an ex hurting after a breakup, including this one, are similar to the signs that your ex misses you.

Sign 2: Your Ex Regresses To A Negative Behavior

Let’s say that during your relationship that your ex improved on a negative behavior or an addiction they were struggling with.

Let’s say that it was drinking alcohol.

Your ex improved to where they didn’t abuse alcohol while the two of you were together.

After breaking up with you, however, you have learned that your ex has regressed to abusing alcohol again.

Does that mean that they are trying to mask the pain of being without you?

Possibly.

It could also mean that they are trying to find something or do something that they think is fun.

And society definitely tells us that drinking means that we are having a good time.

Some of this could be for show so that you will hear about it but it could also be that they are trying to do something they think is fun (again, possibly to mask the pain of not having you).

It’s not an absolute, but it likely means that your ex is searching and hurting with the breakup being a prime suspect as to the cause.

Sign 3: Your Ex Is Asking About The Details of Your Life

If your ex reaches out to you to ask about the details of your life or asks your friends about such things (career, health, parents, etc.), then your ex is possibly missing intimacy with you.

They miss being “in the know” about you and being able to see into your life (intimacy) and share in that like a couple would who has strong intimacy together.

When your ex hurts because he or she misses emotional intimacy with you, that is a strong indicator that they are considering reaching out to you and asking you about reuniting.

Again, I don’t suggest that you take action upon recognizing this pain in your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend.

They need to be far enough along in the stages an ex goes through during the no contact rule that they are ready to take action to get back together with you or else they aren’t ready and it won’t last even if they agree to get back together with you at your request.

For your sake, remember that.

Sign 4: They Say They Miss You But Nothing More

This one is frustrating for a lot of people.

Your ex reaches out, usually by text, and tells you that they miss you.

Great! So they are wanting to get back together right now?

Not necessarily, and if they don’t say that they do, you don’t need to suggest, ask, or otherwise bring it up.

This might require some discipline.

Often times, when your ex says that they miss you, they don’t follow it up with an invite to get back together or even meet up.

I know it’s frustrating, but be patient.

I discuss more of how to handle that in the video posted above.

Sign 5: When You Are Around Your Ex, They Act Much Differently – Usually Extreme Changes

This is often the result of frustration on the part of your ex if they hurt after a breakup.

Why is your ex frustrated?

Because during no contact your ex is feeling like they want to get back together with you and it’s hurting them because your ex knows that it took them a while to come to the conclusion to breakup with you.

Your ex doesn’t want to hurt you and is frustrated at themselves for their changing back and forth in feelings.

They don’t want to hurt you again and probably feel like getting back together with you would be irresponsible because they are back and forth with deciding what they want to do.

They might be waiting for them to feel this way about getting back together with you for a solid amount of time before allowing themselves to suggest it to you.

For some, this is expressed by silliness and then sharp turns to demonstrations of anger when your ex is around you.

It’s a bit of an odd way to behave, but after twenty years of observing breakups, I’ve learned a thing or two (or three).

I have a few other theories on why this is and some of it has to do with wanting your attention or for you to try to comfort them when they flip to anger or sadness since comforting feels like affection but without implying to you that they are ready to get back together.

Stay back and don’t try to get them to tell you what’s wrong.

Trying to get you to figure out what is wrong is also a form of them refusing to take responsibility and hoping you will clean up their mess (the breakup).

It’s important that your ex doesn’t start to rely on you to do all the work of getting you two back together or else you will delay the process of your ex doing their part.

Rather than you filling in the gap and that resulting in the two of you getting back together, it usually just gives your ex safe passage back to the relief stage.

Trust me, you don’t want that at all so don’t fall for it.

Bonus Sign That Your Ex Is Hurting

I discuss an additional sign in the video above.

I highly recommend that you watch it from start to finish – all the way through – rather than skipping or only watching it in part.

The better educated that you are and the more reinforced that your knowledge is, the better your chances of getting back together with the one you love.

If you want a POWERFUL guide to get your ex back where I walk you through the process, get my Emergency Breakup Kit.

I truly wish you the best.

–Coach Lee
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