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So, you’ve planned the weddingand evendecided on the location for the honeymoon. But, did youandyour partnerhave multiple in-depth conversations about money before engagement? If not, then allow me to share 5 money conversations every couple should have before tying the knot.
According toa SunTrust survey conducted online by Harris; of the 2,030 adultssurveyed,ages 18 and older, 36% discussed finances with their spouse or partner within three months of beginning their relationship, while 41% took longer than three months. There was 7%who said they had never discussed finances.
With these types of statistics, there is no better time than now to begin having these conversations with your partner. As long as you both are still breathing, it is not too late! To help you get started, here are 5 money conversations every couple should have before tying the knot:
1. Money Mindset
2. Money Personality
3. Financial Goals
4. Family Finances
5. Money Management
Why Couples Should Be Discussing Money
If you and your partner don’t talk about anything else, personal finances is the one topic that should be discussed in great detail, long before marriage even enters the picture. This is especially important since money problems are one of the leading causes of divorce! We are simply not having enough money conversations with our partners. I don’t quite understand this one because money touches EVERY aspect of our lives. If we want to build or maintain a healthy marriage, especially as it relates to money, then it will be best to learn and execute these practices early on.
In order to facilitate the 5 money conversations to have with your partner before tying the knot, I’ve provided a few discussion points below to help you get started. These conversations do not have to all be discussed in one sitting. If other topics come up during the conversation, then that’s okay, be open and listen carefully so that you truly understand your partner. However; after you’ve both expressed your thoughts, get back on track and continue using the topics below as a guide to get through the remainder of the conversation.
5 Money Conversations Every Couple Should Have Before Tying the Knot
1. Money Mindset
This exercisewill help you and your future spouse to understand each other’s money mindset.The conversation should begin by discussing each of your experiences with moneyfrom childhood to adulthood. You both want to get clear on the type of experienceseach of you had with money and how your family upbringing has affected yourrelationship with money.
Think about a time in which you watched your parents or guardians do well with money. Also, think about a time in which they did not do so well with money. Have an open conversation about this. The goal is to understand how those particular experiences helped to shape your individual thoughts and views on money overall.
2. Money Personality
After discussing your money mindset, I believe it is appropriate to determine the role and identity of each partner. You should also take some time to learn each other’s strengths and weaknesses. This is usually when you will discover who is the saver and who is the spender. If one person is better at making sure that the emergency savings is fully funded, then allow them to take the lead in that area. If another person is better at planning activities to ensure that you both have fun, then allow them to take the lead in that area. However; this doesn’t mean that one partner should have to do all of the work. Both partners should be actively involved in all areas of the finances.
3. Financial Goals
I believe that it is very important to have your own individual goals, before and during marriage. However; it is very crucial that you and your spouse also have shared goals. You are a team and very few goals will get accomplished if you are both working as separate individuals. Discuss your dreams and the vision you both want for your marriage and your finances. Then create a plan which details how these goals will be reached. Some of these topics might include home ownership, retirement, steps to financial freedom etc. A good method to follow would be the S.M.A.R.T Goals technique. You can find more information about this in one of my most recent posts Married Couples Should Follow These Simple Steps to Catapult Their Financial Goals.
4. Family Finances
This is another area that is often overlooked and not discussed in great detail. If one partner desires a child or not, then this should be heavily discussed. From a financial standpoint, if both of you agree that you’d love to be parents, then there should be an in-depth discussion about whether or not one parent will stay home full-time to take care of the child. If not, then determine whether a nanny or daycare will be appropriate.
You will also need to discuss what your plans are in regards to financially supporting your child as he/she grows up. For example, will you as parents purchase the first car or will you allow your child to work in high school. How will you teach him/her about money/financial independence? What steps will you take to ensure that college tuition is taken care of with no student loans? These are all very important questions that parents have to be on the same page with. Finding some sort of middle ground is crucial.
5. Money Management
Since money problems are still one of the leading causes of divorce, it is imperative that couples spend additional time to ensure that there is a plan outlining how the finances will be managed. Below are a few questions that each partner should discuss. Please don’t give the answer you think your partner wants to hear. Be open and honest.
Discussion Questions
- Will both of you disclose your salary info? I’ve heard of several instances in which couples have not disclosed any salary information to each other, even after marriage. Maybe that works for some people, but the concept of doing everything else together with the exception of the finances indicates that there might be a deeper issue which needs to be addressed.
- If one spouse earns significantly less than the other, how will this be handled? After marriage, will there be a 50/50 split in misc./fun money? This is important to know up front so that there are no surprises. No partner within the marriage should feel inferior because they earn much less than their partner. You can find more information on this topic in one of my latest blog posts How to Play an Equal Role in Marriage When There is Financial Inequality.
- Will you use combined or separate bank accounts? How will the bills be handled? Decide how each person will contribute to the household bills and any bills individually brought into the marriage. Will income be deposited and divided up via one account or will each person handle their own accounts? Ultimately, this topic is specific to every couple. However; if you and your partner are unsure about what action to take, then my personal recommendations can be found in this post: 4 of the Best Reasons Married Couples Should Share Finances.
- How will you handle the budget? Are there any non-negotiable items? If there is an expense that you just are not willing to part with, then talk about it. It’s better to discuss this up front so that there are no surprises later.
- What types of debt do you have? How much? Run credit reports so that both partners’ debt is disclosed.
- Discuss your thoughts on saving via the emergency fund, sinking funds, etc. What do your ideal savings accounts look like?
- How do feel about giving, tithing, donations, loaning to family/friends? Should this be a monthly or quarterly to-do? Make sure that both of you are on the same page when it comes to this area.
Final Thoughts
I’ve given you a lot of information to digest. These are very important money conversations that every couple should have before marriage. Here they are listed below as a quick recap:
- Money Mindset
- Money Personality
- Financial Goals
- Family Finances
- Money Management
Please remember that all of these conversations do NOT have to be discussed in one sitting. It might take some time to truly understand your partner’s relationship with money. So, you want to start slow and ask questions to build on what you currently know. Remember, this is not a race, it’s a marathon.
