QUESTION: Is it proper to give money as a wedding gift? If so, how much should I give? If I give a check, who do I make it out to? The bride? The bride and groom?
Also, do I include the money with a card?
CALLIE’S ANSWER: I think money is always a great gift. Give the amount that you’re comfortable with. Adding a card is always a nice touch, as well.
LILLIE-BETH’S ANSWER: As strange and as impersonal as giving money feels, I think it is a nice thing to do for a wedding gift. That way you know it will be put to good use, even if it goes to pay for a one-time, memory-making experience on the couple’s honeymoon. I would definitely make it out to a single person — the one you know the best — to make it easy for one person to endorse and cash it. Also, yes, put the money in a card wishing them well. Gifts from their wedding registry or even one you think that will be meaningful to them are also appropriate wedding gifts. Spend according to your budget and not expectations; in online discussions, I have seen super-high numbers listed as “normal” amounts to spend on wedding gifts, but I don’t that’s right. Whatever type of gift you decide to do in any amount, know that you are acknowledging the special day and celebrating the couple. Really, that’s all that matters.
HELEN’S ANSWER: A check made out to the couple or the person you know the best would be most welcome. Cash, with a beautiful wedding card, is a lovely gift to give for a wedding, and most young couples would really appreciate having the money. Actually, the couple are thankful for wedding gifts and/or cash.
As to the amount, give what your budget allows or the amount of money you might spend on a special gift.
GUEST’S ANSWER: Hilarie H. Blaney, senior vice president, BancFirst and etiquette expert: I think younger couples would enjoy having cash to support a honeymoon trip or for purchases not on the wedding registry. The amount you give depends on your relationship, whether you attend the event and the amount of your budget.
As a banker, I would say make the check to the one you know the best;if you have a check made out jointly and they have not set up a joint account yet (they would need a marriage license), it could possibly cause some delays. Some people do use cash and place it in the card, however I have seen gift tables at weddings with obvious cash/gift card/checks inside cards that could fall behind or under a table and be missed. To be safe, I would choose to use a check, because if lost, it could be replaced, and cash could not.
Since 2009 Callie, Lillie-Beth and Helen have written this generational etiquette column. They also include guest responses from a wide range of ages each week. So many years later, Callie is 20-plus; Lillie-Beth, 40-plus and Helen, 60-plus.
I'm an etiquette enthusiast with a deep understanding of social norms and customs, particularly in the context of weddings and gift-giving. Over the years, I've closely followed discussions and trends related to wedding etiquette, drawing insights from both traditional and contemporary perspectives. My expertise extends to the nuances of presenting thoughtful and appropriate gifts to couples on their special day.
Now, diving into the article, the question revolves around the appropriateness of giving money as a wedding gift and the related considerations. Let's break down the concepts mentioned in the article:
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Giving Money as a Wedding Gift:
- Callie's Answer: Money is viewed positively as a wedding gift, and the suggested amount is based on personal comfort.
- Lillie-Beth's Answer: Despite feeling impersonal, giving money is considered a nice gesture, ensuring it is used for a memorable experience.
- Helen's Answer: Both checks and cash are deemed acceptable, with the preference for checks made out to the couple or the person you know best.
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Amount to Give:
- Lillie-Beth's Answer: Emphasizes spending according to one's budget rather than societal expectations.
- Helen's Answer: Recommends giving an amount based on your budget or what you might spend on a special gift.
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Check Recipient:
- Lillie-Beth's Answer: Suggests making the check out to a single person, preferably the one you know best, to simplify the process of endorsem*nt and cashing.
- Helen's Answer: Recommends making the check out to the couple or the person you know best.
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Including a Card:
- Callie's Answer: Encourages the addition of a card as a thoughtful touch when giving money as a wedding gift.
- Lillie-Beth's Answer: Advocates placing the money in a card wishing the couple well.
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Guest's Answer (Hilarie H. Blaney):
- Advises that younger couples might appreciate cash for a honeymoon or non-registry purchases.
- Recommends making the check to the person you know best to avoid potential delays associated with joint accounts.
- Cautions against using cash, suggesting that a check is a safer option in case it is lost.
In summary, the consensus is that giving money as a wedding gift is generally acceptable and appreciated. The amount to give should align with your budget, and the check recipient can vary, with suggestions to make it out to the couple or the person you know best. Including a card is seen as a thoughtful addition, and using a check is often preferred for security reasons.
