Breakups
Regret can feel even worse than heartbreak.
by Candice Jalili
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We all know breakups are painful. But sometimes, we don't even realize just how painful they are until after they've happened, and the person you love is long gone. It's that feeling of deep regret that you made a mistake and lost the person you love, and it's totally your fault. And if you're not the one with regret, then I'm sure you're the one hoping your ex is living with the regret of losing you. So... what makes a guy regret losing you exactly? And how long does it take a man to realize what he lost once you’re gone? For insight, I turned to a Reddit thread asking men to explain the kind of girl guys regret losing, and why they regret losing the women they loved.
Now, before we get into this, consider yourselves warned: This is going to be a real heartbreaker. These dudes get super real about how they let the women they truly loved go, and when they realized what a colossal mistake they made. So if you're sitting around thinking about that one ex who dumped you for no reason and wondering, “Will he regret losing me?,” then take it from these guys: The answer is almost definitely yes. Your ex might not be one of these Reddit users, but they could be feeling the exact same thing.
Becoming More Mature Can Make Someone Feel Regret After A Breakup
I was a little sh*t who thought I was too good for her and left. She was my first real girlfriend so I didn’t really understand what I was getting into. Then I have 9 months of HORRIBLE relationships and hookups and realized the mistake I made. I waited until she was single again and got her back, promising that I wouldn’t let her go this time. We celebrate our 9-year anniversary this weekend, bought a house, and are getting married next year.
She was pretty, kind, funny, intelligent, tolerated my bullsh*t and adored me for some reason, but I was too stupid to realize what a good thing I had because I was still hung up on a toxic ex. Once I had thoroughly f*cked up my chances with her, angel that she was gave me a second chance, and I still screwed it up yet again. Sometimes guys are just too much of a special flavor of stupid, and for most of my 20s and early 30s, I definitely fit that bill.
I knew at the time, but I had a whole bunch of issues that she couldn't help me with, especially not long distance. Breaking up was the right decision at the time — I just wish I'd met her in a few years time once I've actually got my sh*t a bit more together.
I was young and immature and decided to break it off because I was battling a lot of insecurities and didn’t think she deserved to be dragged along. Now five years later I got my sh*t together grew up did some cool stuff. Through those five years every time I something significant happened I want her to be there so bad and literally all I could think about. One time I realized it most was when I surfing off the coast of Ireland looking at the shore and just sitting on my surfboard thinking about her, almost cried right there. I’ve dated other women but it always comes back to her. Nothing has come close to what I felt for her.
— /u/dmk5
I was a little younger and felt that I was too young to have a girlfriend. She was great — it was totally me. Now that I am a few years older and can't seem to find the right one, I feel pretty dumb about it. We still live in the same city. Maybe I will look her up.
Dating Someone New Can Make Someone Feel Regret After A Breakup
I didn’t touch another woman for years after I broke up with her. I wasn’t ready for her awesomeness. Sometime later, when I did feel ready for intimacy, other girls just weren't the same. She wasn’t the best or the worse at sex, but she was definitely the champion of after sex cuddles. I've been chasing those moments with other women and have never come close.
I dated the perfect woman, and no one I've talked to after her even compared to how amazing she was, and I've lost hope that anyone will understand me the exact way she did. I have tried going out and dating other women, but I can't stop comparing them to her. And even now I don't want sex unless it's with her. What made me let her go was that we lived in different countries, and after doing long distance for 8 months, I got too paranoid that there was stuff I was missing out on, and I broke up with her, tried to talk to her about how I regretted it, she ended up saying we couldn't get back together. Which led to her eventually blocking me on all forms of contact. I wish I could win her back. She's moving back to my city next summer, which doesn't seem so far from now. Now she's all I think about.
She was caring and loving and I had just been dumped. I couldn't get over the ex and never gave her the love she deserved. I broke her heart and wandered off to continue sh*tting on the positivity in my life and embracing self destruction. Now she's with her childhood best friend who has turned into her lifelong partner, and I'm going on 15 years with a person who I had to explain politeness versus honesty to the other night.
The one I left her for left me. And I spent a while on Tinder and trying to date. Then a year later I hung out with her again and it hit me like a freight train. We had so much in common, she selflessly loved me, has a one of a kind personality, and is beautiful to boot. At the time I just thought she was too extroverted for me and “wasn't my type.” It took a really long time to get over it — we're friends now and she's with a guy who appreciates and deserves her.
Time Can Make Someone Feel Regret After A Breakup
You convince yourself there are more like her out there, that what you did wasn’t actually a mistake. You try to believe that time will heal how you feel, that you’ll eventually forget about how she made you feel and how she rocked your world. 3 years later and she’s on my mind every day.
I still miss her years later. Her laugh and the adoring look she'd give me. Smart, funny, and sexy as hell, but I miss that laugh the most. I thought she was holding me back because she was 7 years younger than me and when I approached 30 I wasn't where I wanted to be in life. Instead of getting my sh*t together, I blamed her for it. Convinced myself we were both better off going our separate ways and when I realized how important and special she was, it was too late. Sayings like, "You don't know what you got until it's gone" hit hard nowadays.
I had recently gotten out of an incredibly toxic and long term relationship that had messed me up pretty badly. Met a remarkable woman not too long after who was all around incredible, but I had to break things off. She was looking for something serious, and I was still in a pretty bad place emotionally and figured it would be terribly unfair to her to continue the relationship when I wasn't able to commit. I still think about her quite a bit, and I constantly think about if that decision was the right one.
After I accepted that it is done (which took about a year), everything I did wrong suddenly dawned on me. It took only an hour to accept that for the most part. I was the worst version of myself through two years of relationship. Financial struggle and a lost career didn’t help, either, but when I look back, now it seems so easy to be the good guy she fell in love with again. Though there’s no chance. I still think about her from time to time ,and no, I don’t smile remembering sweet memories. I mostly think about how we f*cked up and my bigger share of it.
I was in college and about six months out of a four-year relationship. I thought I was ready to move on, but in retrospect it was more about trying to make myself feel better and find someone to replace the earlier girlfriend. I ended up stringing her along, even though she was putting in a lot of effort, knew my history, and was as understanding as she could be. We had a lot of good times together, but a part of me still wanted to get back together with my ex so I never really committed myself to the relationship. It didn't take me long after we broke up to realize what could have been and that I f*cked it up ... Chalk it up to being young, dumb, and in love with an idea rather than what was in front of me.
While no breakup is ever easy, there are always lessons to be learned.
Editor's Note: This story has been updated by Elite Daily Staff.
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